To Twitter or not to Twitter?

I'm on Twitter.

Something I've discovered about most of my peers is that they are not on Twitter.

Huh?

I don't completely understand the thinking of not being on Twitter.  Ok, of course I understand that many of my peers don't like to spend a lot of time on the computer.  I understand most of my friends aren't bloggers.  I understand that most of my friends don't understand the value of using Twitter.  I understand that some people think Twitter is about being popular instead of being informed.  Sure, I understand that most Twitter users are kids and Real Housewives.  I understand that Twitter is used as a weapon of snark and stalking by the young and incredibly immature.  Some weak minded individuals have even shut down their Twitter accounts because they believe everyone is tweeting about them.  I don't think that is what Twitter should be about.

I think of Twitter as a tool.  I use it to make my life easier and to be more informed.

I check my Twitter feed first thing in the morning to take the temperature of world events.  I follow financial advisers, news people, my favorite sports teams, political leaders, and local news and institutions.  I know, at a glance, what is happening in my community and the world.  If I want to discover more information on a given subject I use the #.

I do not speak # (hashtag) speak.  I think it sounds dumb.  I do, however, use #'s.  This is how I narrow down information on a specific subject.  Another way to use Twitter to narrow down the wealth of information it has is to check out what an individual tweeter is saying.  When I want to this I use the @ (at) symbol and check out what a tweeter is tweeting.

I check out my Twitter feed much more often than I check my Facebook newsfeed.  I find it is much easier to check in with friends and arrange meetings with Twitter than with Facebook, but maybe this is because I check it more often.

If you are one of those people who need the information you put on social networks to be "super secret" then Twitter may not be for you.  Although, if you want the stuff you put on social networks to be "super secret" then maybe you shouldn't be putting stuff out there on the social networks (#knuckleheads).  There is no way to make your Twitter feed private.  Sure, you can lock it up, but that limits the people who can follow you.  I guess if you choose to do that, you probably don't have anything interesting to say.

One of the fun ways to play on Twitter is to join a group of people tweeting about a movie you are all watching together.  Or, during the presidential campaign debates, it was fun to watch my favorite tweeters become "twitterpated" or "un-twitterpated" about them.

In my humble opinion, I find it much more interesting to follow interesting people than to be concerned with how many Twitter followers I have.

Twitter is perched for the launch of its IPO on November 15th.  I am excited.  I would have been more excited if Apple had bought Twitter while it was still a private company, but you never know what will happen. 

527.  Twitter
528.  Leftover spaghetti
529.  A fire in the fireplace
530.  Black and white movies
531.  Smart people
532.  Fuzzy slippers on cold days

What the TWEET?

Somebody hacked The @AP Twitter account (The Associated Press) and posted a bogus tweet saying the White House had been attacked and Obama had been injured.

Pic of AP tweet from the Wall Street Journal

The stock-market's knee-jerk reaction to the tweet was spectacular.

Screen shot of my iPhone stock market app.

The Dow, which had been at 14698 points (up about a 130 points for the day), fell 127 points into the red within two minutes, and then bounced back just as quickly as it became obvious that the news was false, and a prank. The @AP account has been shut down until they find out who hacked the account and sent the tweet. 

The Wall Street Journal may be calling this a prank, but some of us could call this terrorism.  People lost money.  If you had had a stop-loss in place on a call during this "so called" prank, you would have sold your calls for no financial reason whatsoever.

Unfortunately we place too much importance on social media and we allow social media to have too much influence on our lives.  Network news programs use tweets as news items.
What is this world coming to?  I wonder if this event will even make the network news shows?  Maybe it will... if the Kardashians are having a slow day.

278.  Feeling like writing again
279.  Struggling with finding my voice and being ok with that
280.  Struggling with my job and whether or not to stay and being ok with that
281.  Watching my son succeed in his independence
282.  Ten days until my vacation
283.  Doing some soul searching and being ok with what I'm finding.  Even if it's something I have to change

The unteachables

There are just some people out there in the world that are downright unteachable.  Lately I've run into a few people that are absolutely unteachable.  It's not like these folks are mentally deficient or damaged or have any physical ailments.  They just can't seem to learn anything new.

This is very hard for me to understand.  In fact, I've found myself frustrated and baffled by the situations.  I'm a person that loves to learn new things.  Sure, I have my favorite areas of interest, and I enjoy learning new things in those particular areas the best.  However, if I have to learn a new way of doing things or a new way of thinking about things, I'll give it my best shot.  I know I've told you in past blog posts that I'm an ISTJ in the Myers Briggs psychological typing.  Traditionally the ISTJ type likes tried and true methods of doing things.  Yeah, that's mostly how I roll.  Yet, I like to hear how other people do things.  And, if I'm forced into learning a new way to do things, for example the big switch at work from Microsoft Outlook to Google Gmail, I'll do it.  And, I will do it the best I can.

Lately I've run into those folks that won't learn.  I'm sure they CAN learn, but they don't want to learn.  In fact, they spend more time and energy trying to change everyone they meet to do things their way instead of learning the way things are done in their new situation.  It's amazing to watch this happen. 

I've encountered a couple individuals spending thousands of dollars trying to change the way social networking works instead of just keeping off the twitter account, facebook account and blabbing on the web altogether.  I've run into people at work trying to change the way we do business at my office to the way they were used to doing things at their old office instead of adjusting to the way we do things here.

How do you know if you are one of the unteachable?  I have a few indicators I'll share with you.

• Do you talk non-stop?  Will you, seriously, not stop talking long enough to hear what someone is trying to say to you?  If you are doing all the talking, you are doing none of the listening.
• Do you nod your head up and down and say "yeah" or "uh huh" or "I see" or something equally patronizing?  Do you say "yeah, but...?"  If you are butting all the time, you aren't listening.  A bunch of buts usually means you are trying to teach them, not learn.
• Do you ask questions?  This is critical to being teachable.  Teachable people ask pertinent questions.  Were you trying to understand or were you trying to be understood?  A person can't ask questions if they are not really listening.
• Do you ever apply something someone has told you or something you have read to a situation in your life?  If you don't ever use anything you may have inadvertently picked up by reading or accidentally overhearing something, you may be unteachable.
• Do you have an opinion on everything?  Opinions are like noses, everyone has one.  If you have an opinion on absolutely EVERYTHING and you feel the need to share your opinion with absolutely EVERYONE, you aren't trying to learn.  You are trying to teach.

Even the bible tells us to have a teachable spirit.

1 Peter 5:5:  Likewise, you who are younger, be subject to the elders. Clothe yourselves, all of you, with humility toward one another, for “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.”

Proverbs 13:18:  Poverty and disgrace come to him who ignores instruction, but whoever heeds reproof is honored.

2 Timothy 3:16:  All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness,

Proverbs 12:1:  Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but he who hates reproof is stupid.

Be a teachable person.  It's worth the effort.

 

135.  Friends with mad building and repairing skills
136.  Enough patience to get the insurance company to pay for our flu shots
137.  Living near a town named Loveville (isn't this a great place to send Valentines from?)
138.  Going to the movies with a good friend
139.  Learning new things from the bloggers I read
140.  Listening to christian music on the radio on the drive into work
141.  Learning how to sharpen a knife with a honing stick (I love the way chefs do that thing with the knife and the stick, but I'm a lot slower at it)

Facebook privacy

Isn't this the ultimate oxymoron.

If you've got a facebook account, I'm sure you've seen the status update from your "friends."

In response to the new Facebook guidelines I hereby declare that my copyright is attached to all of my personal details, illustrations, comics, paintings, photos and videos, etc. (as a result of the Berner Convention).  For commercial use of the above my written consent is needed at all times!  (Anyone reading this can copy this text and paste it on their Facebook Wall.  This will place them under protection of copyright laws, By the present communiqué, I notify Facebook that it is strictly forbidden to disclose, copy, distribute, disseminate, or take any other action against me on the basis of this profile and/or its contents. The aforementioned prohibited actions also apply to employees, students, agents and/or any staff under Facebook's direction or control. The content of this profile is private and confidential information. The violation of my privacy is punished by law (UCC 1 1-308-308 1-103 and the Rome Statute).  Facebook is now an open capital entity. All members are recommended to
publish a notice like this, or if you prefer, you may copy and paste this version. If you do not publish a statement at least once, you will be tacitly allowing the use of elements such as your photos as well as the information contained in your profile status updates

If you don't want to take my word for it, go to snopes.com and check it out.  But seriously, and I'm talking to the grown-ups that read my blog, we all know there is no privacy on facebook.  AND, if you don't understand there is not privacy on facebook, you must at least understand that copying and pasting a status update on you facebook page is not going to protect your privacy.  AND, if you don't believe me, at least believe facebook.

Finally, and this may be the best meme I've seen on this subject or anything regarding privacy on the internet.  (hey all you fb blockers and "to all my FB friends: I want to stay PRIVATELY connected with you..." folks.)

 

 Just remember, if you are on facebook with a page or a personal account or a business page or a blog or a website or whatever site you join on the internet.  It's not private.  And for my special friend, Mikey, go ahead, make my day.

709.  Facebook privacy and keeping tabs on people (did I say that?)

710.  Being unfriended on facebook

711.  Being blocked by your Christian friends on facebook

712.  Watching a minister argue about a bible verse with his parishioner on facebook

713.  Liking the facebook page of the Christian friend that blocked you on facebook

714.  Hearing from "friends" with a surprise email at work

715.  Facebook and all it's opportunities 

Decision 2012, God is still sovereign

I woke up this morning to more of the same.  I wasn't very surprised.  The difference, at least for me, was that this was my first Facebook election.  It is amazing the things people will say behind their computer screen.  I have to say, some of the statuses and comments have made me question the character of people I thought were "friends."  I'm fairly sure these same strong opinionated folk wouldn't have the same courage of their convictions face to face.  Btw, you don't even want to get me started on the minister and church lady comments.  Do these people know we can SEE them?

Romans 13:1  Let every person be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those that exist have been instituted by God.

Paul is reminding us that all governing authorities have been put in place by God.  God can raise nations up or tear them down.  In Isaiah 46:9-10 God tells us,  ".. for I am God, and there is none else; I am God, and there is none like me .. My counsel shall stand, and I will do all my pleasure."  This is the sovereignty of God in a nutshell.  God has the authority to do as he chooses and God has the power to do as he chooses.

Sure, I'm disappointed my guy didn't win.  Sure, I'm disappointed that there will be amendments to my state constitution I don't approve of.  Sure, I'm thinking about moving to Belize.  (just kidding, sorta, kinda)  I see these next four years as another opportunity for me to show my true colors and to trust my sovereign God.  Am I a true follower of Christ?  Do I believe that no matter what happens to me on this earthly walk of life I still am a daughter of the king?  Do I truly believe that heaven is my home?  Will my actions show this to those I meet in this life as well as to my facebook friends?

This campaign was painful to me.  Maybe it was the addition of social media.  This campaign and all its ugliness seemed inescapable.  The additional fact of the expense of both campaigns also sickens me.  If there is one thing I hope we learn from this is that too much is just TOO DARN MUCH.  I believe this campaign was very divisive.  I hope the damage it inflicted on this nation is not irreparable.  I cannot help but reflect on history and think of the pain our nation suffered during the Civil War.  I can't imagine the fear and anger and outrage and pain in the nation at that time.  When I think of that time in history I know I am turning to the same scriptures those christians turned to for comfort.  I pray the same prayers prayed by christians facing war with their fellow Americans.  Yet I have the blessing of seeing how God healed our nation and did not turn his face from us.  This experience should give me comfort.

In Psalm 75:7 the psalmist says, "But it is God who executes judgment, putting down one and lifting up another."

I encourage my christian friends, both in real life and on facebook, trust God.  Read what the Bible says regarding God's sovereignty.  Have faith.  Be brave and show that faith to everyone you meet and on every social media tweet, status or blog-post you write.  

670.  Living in a nation that settles its elections peacefully 
671.  Facebook.  As much grief as I give those that misuse social media, I do think it has its good side
672.  Digital books.  I really like my kindle, too.  I can read my bible anytime I choose
673.  Having mature christian friends.  Those folks who walk the talk
674.  Having choices.  I am so blessed to have the choices available to me in this life
675.  Vodka.  I think I've said this one before 

 Linking with Emily at Imperfect Prose on Thursday.

Five more ways to facebook like a grownup

I told you I'd post five more tips later this week.  Here it is, later this week and here are five more tips on facebooking like a grownup.

Number 6.  Hide from friends in Facebook Chat
There's bound to be a few people you'd rather not chat with on Facebook.  Appearing to be offline to certain friends is simple.  Just click on that person's name in the chat window, as if you were about to start a chat, click the gear icon for options and select go off-line.  Viola, you are invisible.

What Number 6 should really say.  Stay offline for Facebook Chat – all the time!
Never, and I mean NEVER allow yourself to be seen on Facebook Chat.  There is a huge difference between the voyeurism you desired when accepting friends and actually interacting with them on Facebook Chat.  Those old high schoolmates you haven't seen in 20 or 30 years... yeah, you're going to vividly remember why you haven't kept in touch.

Number 7.  Pre-approve all tags
First of all, you know what tagging is, right?  Tagging is when you are linked to friends pictures and other things.  You can set your Facebook account to require pre-approval before any tagged content appears on your timeline.  Select "Privacy Settings" from the drop-down menu on the top-right of your Facebook page. Next to "Timeline and Tagging," click on "Edit Settings."  Look down for "Review posts friends tag you in before they appear on your Timeline" and "Review tags friends add to your own posts on Facebook" and set these both to "on."

What Number 7 should say (because most of you don't even know what tagging is).  Don't 'like' your own status update
This doesn't happen often, but it happens more often than it should.  This happens when the poster is extremely pleased with the status or comment they have posted.  When you 'like' yourself, it's a bit like..., well..., showing everybody how MUCH you like yourself.  This isn't something anyone wants to see.

Number 8.  Hide annoying content from your newsfeed
You can control what appears on your news feed.  From the homepage, click on the pencil icon that appears when you hover over "News Feed," and select "Edit settings."  You can hide posts coming into your news feed from certain people, certain apps and certain pages.
  
This is what Number 8 should really say.  Don't link Facebook to your Twitter account

First of all, it will make all your "friends" hate you.  If they wanted to see the blow by blow of your day through your Twitter musings, they'd follow your tweets.  Secondly, they won't follow your tweets.  Your real friends are adults and they have no idea how to use Twitter or set up an account.

Number 9.  Create a secret group
You can create a secret Facebook group that only you, and the friends you choose, can view. It's a way to share content with a select few.  To start your secret group, click "More" next to the "Groups" area on your homepage.  Select "Create Group" on the next page that loads.  Once you've named your group, choose an icon from the drop-down menu, add friends and then check the "secret" option.

I was just kidding with ^, here is the real Number 9.  Get it into your head that your child is not special
Please don't post daily pics of the darling.  We know what a baby looks like.  Please don't post every drawing or chicken scratch they have produce in school or unschool or art class.  We don't need to hear about how miraculously intelligent you believe your spawn to be.  These comments are just making the rest of us hate you.  There will be much rejoicing when we see their names printed in the police ledger of the local paper.

Number 10.  Upload images in high quality
Facebook's default photo upload functionality is not high resolution.  If you want to ensure your images are the best quality possible, always check the "High Quality" box as you upload.  It will take a little longer, but the better images should be worth the wait.

Seriously?  Again with the pictures?  The real Number 10.  Don't friend your Facebook friends' kids
I'm not giving you this tip because it will inhibit your behavior on Facebook.  I'm not giving you this tip because you will have to edit your status updates and mind your manners with the comments.  I'm giving you this tip because all eaters under 25 are, most likely, idiots.  You are a grown-up (remember?).  You are NOT friends with your friends' kids.  No way, no how.

Good luck playing on the Facebook and having your day sucked away.  Enjoy everyone of your friends' vaca pictures and all their political rantings (after all, it is an election year).  I hope some of these tips will afford you an even more enjoyable Facebook experience.  (btw, remember to click on those ads.  my son just bought 100 shares of FB)

280.  Taking a nap after work
281.  Hearing about an answered prayer
282.  A little lime in my green juice
283.  Getting caught up with my work

Five ways to Facebook better

Did you see how I made Facebook into a verb.  Isn't it funny the things we can do with language now?  No, I know it's not.  First of all, I was wrong.  (my husband is going to love seeing this in print)  Facebook did not soar to $74.50 on the NASDAQ.  In fact, it was kept, artificially, at the initial pricing of $38 to keep from looking like a flop.  Today is a new day and FB is trading down $4.50.  Hey, maybe this is the buying opportunity you were hoping for.  I'll let you know when I take the plunge.

Secondly, what I really want to talk about is how to do Facebook better.  Maybe I should have titled this post, "How to Facebook like a grownup."  Whatever.  Here are five ways to do fb better.  I have 10, but we'll start with five and see how it goes.

Number 1.  If you want to look at photos on fb, view them full screen.
Click on the image to make it big, then click the x in the top right-hand corner to close it.  Easy peasy.

Alternate Number 1.  Don't post so many pictures.
Seriously.  Be a little more choosy with the pics.  We don't need to see every second of your vacation or your night out with the girls.  (but if you get very drunk, by all means, keep 'em coming)

Number 2.  Hide what you are reading (or playing around with) on fb.
If you like the new social reading apps, but don't want to broadcast to the world what you read on your coffee break, adjust the settings accordingly.

A better Number 2.  Stop sending game requests.
If you don't want everyone to know how you are wasting your day at work or home, when you're supposed to be taking care of the kiddies, STOP, for the love of Mike, sending the Words w/ Friends, and Treasure of Whatever, and Chocolate Hearts.  Just stop it.

Number 3.  Create lists based on your interests.
You can organize your friends and groups on the left hand side of your fb page into lists of specific interests.  This way you can check a list instead of perusing your entire newsfeed.

WAY better than Number 3.  Stop adding people to your Facebook that are not your real friends.
You don't have 1,856 friends.  Seriously, you don't.  A friend is someone who will loan you five bucks from time to time.  If you have this many friends, in real life, no wonder you are on fb all day and not working.  I'm guessing you are bumming money from them and depositing the loot in that off-shore account.  What, in the heck, is with all the friends.

Number 4.  Populate your new fb map with pics.
This will make your map much more interesting.  When you add your cover photo just click on the option "add photos to map."

Alternate and better Number 4.  Stop with the vague and needy status updates.
Grow up. You're not a 14 year old girl.  If you're going to update your status with cryptic or "woe is me" messages to try to garner a BUNCH of comments and responses, don't.  When you post, "does anyone really care? I think not." most people would rather unfriend you, than respond.  Grow up, already.

Number 5.  Reposition the photos on your timeline.
If you want your timeline to look as lovely as possible, you can fine tune how your images appear.  If an image is off-center or you can't see the main focus of the photo, reposition it to look better.  Click the "Edit or Remove" pencil icon on the top-right and select "Reposition Photo." Click and drag it until it's in a better position.

OMGoodness, there has to be a better Number 5.  (if you've got this kind of time on your hands and you're pissing it away repositioning photos on fb, I don't know if there is any hope for you AT ALL)  However, here is a better option.  Learn to spell.
You are an adult, for Pete's sake.  Don't to this, "Yipeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! LOVE YOU TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Everything is unfolding SOOOOOOO magically ANYthing and EVERYthing IS possible :))))))))) weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee."  And, if you mean "you are" it's spelled "you're."  Take some time out of your day to practice spelling and writing like a grown-up.

If you find anything of use in this post, please let me know.  I'll post five more tips later this week.  :)

263.  After missing two weeks of my small group bible study, they called to see if I was ok
264.  I still have a job after a two week vaca
265.  Ton's of work to make the day FLY by
266.  Back to blogging
267.  I still fit in my pants after two weeks of doing nothing, but resting and eating
268.  Being missed by my son
269.  Missing my son

The power of Facebook

Happy Facebook Friday everyone.  Who's buying into the IPO today?  I know I'm not, but I'll bet a TON of people will.  Facebook will open at $38 per share today.  Hundreds of Facebook employees will become millionaires today.  Hundreds of Facebook employees are gathered in Hacker Square in Menlo Park, CA for the opening of the Facebook IPO.  The opening bell rings and the joy is palpable.  This is creativity and ingenuity and the manifestation of the American spirit in the greatest sense of the words.  The rest of the world watches in awe as they see the young Zuckerberg ring the bell that opens the days trading and he becomes a multi-billionaire.  Are you proud or jealous?

Most of us bloggery types love Facebook (I know some of you don't, but most of us do) and understand the power of Facebook.  Facebook gives us the false sense of popularity most of us crave.  We can have hundreds and hundreds of friends.  We can have hundreds and hundreds of fans on our fan pages.  We can post YouTube videos of ourselves saying odd things about pimples on our nose or complaining that our children are being brats.  We can post pictures from our family vacations that, in the past, we couldn't have paid people to come over and view.  Yet, in the privacy of our bedroom or office we will spend HOURS perusing our 2nd grade boyfriend's family pictures from Disney World.

Facebook users can allow themselves to feel like the sages they wish they were by commenting on fb statuses of people they are often too timid to speak to face-to-face.  Most often the contrary comments are posted on the walls of individuals they will have no chance of seeing in person at any time soon.  There is a feeling of hightened confidence that whatever they post as a comment is wise and needs to be communicated to, not only the person on whose wall they are posting, but all the friends of this person.  I will name this new-found bravado as "facebook muscles."  Seriously, if all Facebook users spent as much time exercising as they do on Facebook the obesity epidemic in this country would be eradicated.

Another power the Facebook affords an individual is the false sense of control they believe they have in their lives.  They may not be able to pay their mortgage.  They may not be able to excel in their jobs.  They may not be able to educate their children.  Their lives may, literally be crumbling around them, but they will have those precious "friends" that "like" everything they post on Facebook.  This sense of false appreciation is internalized and becomes TRUTH to them.  They don't understand that it takes no more thought than it does to burp to click the Like icon.  On the other hand, if one of their "friends" points out the flaws in the ideas pontificated on the Facebook page or makes a suggestion other than "like" let the UNfriending begin.  This is an AMAZING arrogance of power that Facebook provides.  Most women will lie to their hairdresser about a haircut from another salon, rather than tell her they aren't happy with their last haircut.  I think this is a power Facebook allows women to have, moreso than men (men are so much better at severing mutually unbeneficial relationships).  We now have the power to let people know we don't like them without having to utter a word.  We now have the power to break a relationship without having to act like a grownup.  We can UNfriend.  If the "friend" was not an individual we had a real relationship with, the person will, most likely, never even notice.  However, if this "friend" is a real friend or thought they were a real friend, the UNfriending will be taken as the passive aggressive "slap in the face" it was meant to be.

The ultimate sense of power Facebook can give its user is a sense of controlling their lives lies by blocking individuals from their Facebook world.  Blocking, in Facebook, allows an individual to live their lives as if the blocked individual does not exist.  A worse delusion the blocking of an individual on Facebook can provide is the false sense of invisibility this provides.  Most intelligent people know they are not invisible.  Most intelligent people know there is no such thing as invisibility.  However, some people (people who think they only really exist if they are on the internet) believe if you can't see me on Facebook you can't see me at all.  Blocking a person on Facebook is, by far, the most childish of all the Facebook controls.

Welcome, Facebook, to the NASDAQ.  Welcome, social media, to the world of corporations and big business.  You don't build anything.  You don't sell anything.  Your genre didn't even exist 10 years ago.  Today, we cannot imagine living without you.  You've changed the world.  You've changed the way we relate to each other.  What did we ever do without you.  (oh yeah... we talked to each other)  Good luck and I can't wait to see what you do in the market today.  I'm guessing you'll close at $74.50.  :)

252.  New York style bagel shop across the street
253.  A double shot latte
254.  A cloudless sky on my last day of beach vacation
255.  Enough vacation to make me long for home
256.  Did I say sunscreen before?  I'm still thankful
257.  Vacation friends

Why I can't take my eyes off the train wreck

I have to admit it.  I am mesmerized by a social train wreck.  Remember Britney Spears and the head shaving, umbrella wielding episodes?  Remember the Alec Baldwin and the American Airlines outburst or the rant he had on his daughter's voicemail?  How about good old Mel Gibson and his drunken tirade?  How about the ongoing saga of Lindsay Lohan?  I can't wait to see how the Elizabeth Taylor movie turns out.  Let's guess... fiasco?  I could go on and on with celebrity train wrecks.  Between Perez Hilton, TMZ, E!, and more and more than I can count or even look up on the internet, there is nothing more entertaining or profitable than a celebrity train wreck.  It's sad, but true.  If you think you're above all of this because you don't buy the tabloids or watch tv, don't kid yourself.  Did you watch the computer-shooting-dad on facebook?  Yeah, I thought you did.  Why are we fascinated by these people?

So why do we do it?  First of all, we do it because everybody is talking about it.  We want to feel connected to the people.  Whatever bad feelings we may feel from gawking at the celebrity antics are outweighed by the fear of being left out of the loop.  It's one thing to catch a glimpse of a tabloid headline or magazine cover while waiting in the check-out line at the grocery store.  It's the same with channel surfing and catching a newsflash or tease on an entertainment network.  However, in these days of YouTube and social media these events are available world wide in a matter of seconds.  Not only are these events available to view, but these events are interactive.  The viewer can add their comments to the YouTube posting.  The reader can share the event on their facebook page and comment or pontificate away.  And if a blogger decides to sink their teeth into one of these train wrecks... well, then I guess we get to read their opinion of whatever incident is titillating the nation (or world, for that matter) at the time.  We find ourselves with a front row seat of the latest train wreck, or we can hang back in the shadows of cyberspace.  Either way, we not only have the pleasure of viewing, but can affect the course of events with our commenting, viewing and blogging.  Awesome.

Of course, as with anything, too much of even a good thing isn't good for you.  It isn't good to have too much fascination with train wrecks, celebrity or otherwise.  You have to "check yourself before you wreck yourself."  Are you spending too much time looking at profiles and pictures?  Have you found yourself trying to connect with these people?  Are you lying to yourself or others about the time you spend seeking information about them?  Are you neglecting your real life responsibilities?  The answers to these questions will reveal if you have slid too far down the slippery slope of gawking.  You may be causing a giant tie-up on the freeway of your life.  You will begin to annoy those traveling the road of life alongside and behind you.

This morbid curiosity we find in observing a Charley Sheen rant or a facebook drama has been around since the beginning of time.  We can always look at the situation and be glad this isn't us.  We can step quite close to the edge of craziness and get a good close-up view of it.  We can watch people make decisions that may put their lives or the lives and well being of their families in jeopardy and avoid any involvement or responsibility whatsoever.  It offers an escape from the hum-drum of our day-to-day lives and gives us the excitement of being close to the danger without actually stepping out on that ledge.

We've all been the star of a curiosity show in our lives.  We may have lost our temper in the grocery store with our kids.  (There's some good entertainment.)  Or fought with our sister-in-law at Christmas dinner in front of the entire family.  (Here's something that can be rehashed every Christmas from now on.)  Maybe we've had too much to drink at an office party.  (Boy, don't say you didn't make an impression with your boss.)  Or what about the dreaded "walk of shame" from a college frat party.  (Fingers crossed, yearbook photo!)  But, we don't have to suffer being the spectacle that celebrities going off the deep end into insanity suffer.  No paparazzi are hiding in our bushes.  We don't have to write about our family troubles or money troubles in our blogs.  We can keep our facebook status pleasant and not air our dirty laundry on the newsfeed.  We don't have to be the advice giving well intentioned facebook friend.  Most people aren't interested in helping or even being sympathetic.  Most are looking for a show, and when you provide a show, people are going to watch.

198.  IT people who know what they are doing (I hope one comes to my office tomorrow)
199.  A reader with a skin care line and the kindness to send bunches of samples
200.  The cleansing effects of fire
201.  Good neighbors
202.  Bloggers without a filter

I love blog stalkers

I love blog stalkers.  I love twitter stalkers.  I love facebook stalkers.  What is social media for, if not to peer into the lives of people we don't really know and find out how much we need to improve or, better yet, how  we are superior to most other people.  I welcome the blogstalker.  I invite you to comment with praise or criticism.  My goal, in blogging, is to get a good look at the way I am moving through this world.  I want to get a good look at the way I think about things.  Sometimes I need an adjustment.  Sometimes I'm happy to get the confirmation of not being alone in my way of thinking.  There is just something about seeing the words written on the screen that speak truth to me.  There are times when I get home from a party or my small group bible study or lunch with a friend and I dissect the conversation I just had.  I take some time and try to remember exactly what I said or what she said or what he said and decide if I made a fool of myself or not.  I'm sure I don't remember everything in the conversations just right.  I KNOW I give myself either a lot more criticism or much more accolade than I deserve for ANYTHING I say.  It's just what I do.  Seeing my thoughts written on the screen takes the memory factor out of the equation.  I need this.

I'll admit it.  I'm a blog stalker.  I read blogs I don't follow.  I love checking out what is going on out there in the blogosphere.  I read blogs on topics I have no interest in at all.  I love to see what other people are doing on their blogs.  One thing I've learned about blogstalking is to NOT publicly follow blogs you are stalking.  I don't follow publicly because, I've found, when someone is stalking my blog and follows publicly, I get a notice of a follower.  (besides this takes all the stalkery part out of stalking)  Then, when they decide my blog is not for them and they unfollow, I lose a follower.  I know it shouldn't, but it hurts my feelings a little bit.  I don't want to do this to others, so I don't follow publicly.  This is just me.  I don't comment on a blog I'm stalking.  I lurk.  Now, I don't mind if blogstalkers comment on my blog while their stalking me.  I'm good with this.  Again, this is just me.

Today I'm encouraging all my readers to get out there and blogstalk, facebookstalk, twitterstalk, ...whatever.  There are a lot of good blogs out there.  If you don't poke around the blogosphere and check them out, you could be missing some great stuff.  If you don't twitterstalk other people's twitter feeds, you won't know where the next party is.  If you don't facebookstalk your friends (or unfriends) you won't know what they are saying about you.  JUST KIDDING.  Everybody will only be talking about themselves.  It's what we do.

65.  Trader Joes Greek Style salad dressing (yummy)
66.  Bloggers
67.  Free high resolution images on the internet from wonderful photographers
68.  Coworkers who care about the job
69.  Notary publics in the building you work at
70.  Son's placating their mom, because they know it will make mom happy for a whole day

The Hunger Games

I've written before, I believe blogging to be a very self-indulging activity.  I've written before, I think blogging to be a great way to learn about yourself.  Today I'm writing with the goal of learning about something new to me from my readers and, hopefully, sharing some information with my readers that may be new to them.

I'm interested in an opportunity to make some money and I think the opportunity may be in the franchise of The Hunger Games by Lionsgate Entertainment Corporate (LGF).  I know this isn't my typical blog post, but this IS stuff that interests me.  I just haven't shared much of this with you.  Here's my problem.  I never heard of The Hunger Games trilogy.  This is something that makes me skeptical.  However, I realize I am a woman in my 50's and I may not be the target audience for this franchise.  So, I'm bringing this to you wonderful (and much younger) readers.  I'd like you to comment on this post regarding your opinion on The Hunger Games book trilogy and your interest in seeing the upcoming movie (release date March 23, 2012).

I will tell you that Lionsgate Entertainment Corporate (LGF) is currently trading on the Nasdaq at $12.12.  Analysts believe that this fairly small independent film studio could make significant profits off this franchise.  This studio is responsible for 2005's oscar best picture winning film, Crash, oscar nominated, Juno, and the tv show Mad Men, among others.  Feel free to google them.

I would appreciate your participation in my research and I encourage you to get involved in learning how to make your money work for you.  Enjoy the trailer.

In Facebook, veritas

Veritas.  Truth.  And then there is facebook.

We all know the Latin phrase, in vino veritas or in wine, there is truth.  There is nothing like a couple glasses of wine to loosen the tongue and reveal real feelings.  This holiday season, I discovered, in facebook, veritas.

It amazes me to read the fb posts of the people who have declared themselves to be my friend on facebook.  I wonder if they think about the people reading their status updates when they post them.  One of my favorite things about reading facebook statuses, especially from young people (and by young people, I mean people younger than me, so that is most of the people on fb) is the obvious disregard for their privacy and then the fury resulting from other people knowing what they posted on fb.

Please enjoy this example.  I noticed an invitation being passed around on fb for a holiday party.  I'm guessing the people hosting the party were too lazy to send individual invitations.  Instead they tagged a few of their friends in the status update mentioning the party.  Here is a news flash.  EVERYONE (of your friends, or even friends of friends, even EVERYONE, depending on your privacy setting) can see your fb status.  Even the people (friends) you don't want to invite to your party.  Oh yeah, AND, when you respond to a fb invitation to a party, EVERYONE can see where you are going to be at a certain date and time.  And, Oh Yeah, if the party invitee THEN tells someone else they will attend their party instead of the party first accepted and then blow off the first accepted party EVERYONE knows this, as well.  Let the fb fury begin.  It's high school all over again.

Please understand this is not the end of the trouble truth in fb can cause.  When the party goers are at the party, NOTHING is more fun than taking pictures.  Oh yes, the pictures.  And what good are pictures if you can't post them on fb for EVERYONE to see.  The pictures are taken, posted and tagged quicker than you can say "Bob's your uncle."  Please remember, I'm a woman of a certain age, and yet, I know what happens on the internet.  These pictures are there forever.  And, btw, that facebook status you posted calling someone a "sociopath" and then get nervous about the posting and delete it.  Have you never heard of SCREEN SHOT?  There are no secrets on the internet.  Once it's on fb or your blog or Google+, whatever, it is there forever.  Whether you like it or not.

Truth, whether you want to tell it or hear it or read it, is on facebook.  Oh Emily Post, where are you?  There is a desperate need for an etiquette app for our iPhones.  Or, maybe, Mr. Zuckerberg, we can add a privacy alert for stupid postings.  Just a thought.

"I wish my husband didn't have to go to work. EVER"

I recently saw a fb status saying "I wish my husband didn't have to go to work.  EVER."  The posting of this status was quickly followed by dozens of likes and dozens of comments stating how much these commenting wives wanted their husbands home with them all day.  How they LOVE to be together.  How they NEED to talk to them and be with them.  <3

After a few minutes of laughing out loud, I took a breath and thought about the feelings and thoughts behind these "likes" and comments. 

Did these women really want their husband home with them so they could spend all day together, doing things together?  Or, was it the desire for their husband to be home and to do their work FOR them?  These posting, liking, commenting women were all stay at home moms with small children.  These are women who had made a conscience choice to quit their jobs and stay home with their children.  Don't get me wrong, I think being a SAHM is a wonderful thing to do.  If your family can afford to do it or if you can adjust to living within the means of a one income family, I think it is the best thing you can do for your family.  I also think, having made this decision, being a SAHM is a job.  Part of the job is being the support the working spouse needs to continue to go back into the working world day after day.  It doesn't mean your spouse works for you.  What happened to the Proverbs 31 woman?

I know my mom thought I had it easy while I was home with my child.  And, I did.  I had a washer and dryer in my house.  I had a dishwasher and a microwave oven.  I had a VHS with as many Disney tapes as any child could view.  I could afford to call long distance to my mom whenever I needed her.  Compared to the 1950's and 1960's when my mother was home with my brothers and me, you bet I had it easier.

Now I'm looking at these women posting their status on facebook and having their status liked and commented on within a split second of posting.  Are they on facebook ALL THE TIME?  It makes me wonder.  Where is the time spent playing with children?  Where is the time spent reading to children?  Cooking for them?  Oh, and pouring a can of soup over rice isn't really cooking.  Washing their clothes?  Cleaning up after them?  How do they have time to be on facebook so much?  Btw, the status poster also commented that she and her husband emailed and called each other many times during the work day.  So,it seems, neither of them are putting in a full day of work.     

I saw a magnet on my mom's refrigerator.  It said "Retirement, twice the husband, half the money."

This ^ is my future.  I'm not saying I'm not looking forward to being retired.  'cause I am.  I'm not saying I'm not looking forward to being with my husband ALL DAY.  'cause I am.  I guess I'm saying, I may end up being on facebook a lot more.  ;)
 

   

25 things everyone should know

1.  If you don't have any money, you can't spend any money.
2.  To lose weight you have to expend more calories than you take in.
3.  It doesn't cost anything to be nice.  Compassion is a wonderful quality.
4.  If you borrow something, you should return it before you are asked to return it.  
5.  Please and thank you go a long way in relationships.
6.  When you make a promise to someone, keep it.  
7.  If something is too good to be true, it's not true and it's not good.
8.  There is always a winner and a loser and everyone in between.  Not everyone can be a winner.
9.  Being habitually late or keeping people waiting is a sign of arrogance, nothing less.
10.  A good night's sleep does wonders for your well being.  
11.  Drinking water is one of the best things you can do for your body. 
12.  Pay yourself first.  Make saving money a priority.
13.  Get some exercise.  It'll make you feel better and have a better attitude.
14.  Treat other people the way you would like to be treated.
15.  Pick up after yourself.  Don't leave your mess for someone to clean up behind you.
16.  It's a good idea to keep most of your opinions to yourself.  Opinions are like noses.  Everybody has one.
17.  Don't comment on facebook when you are drunk  
18.  Chew your food with your mouth closed and don't talk while you have food in your mouth.
19.  Telling the truth leaves less to memory.
20.  It's rude to text while you are talking to someone face-to-face.
21.  Be generous.  Give to charity or at least, pick up the check once in a while.
22.  Saying "I'm sorry" is a gift to yourself, as well as the person you say it to.   
23.  It's not a conversation if you are doing all the talking.  God gave us two ears and one mouth.  Use accordingly.   
24.  It's good to have a sense of humor about yourself.  It makes you more fun to be around. 
25.  You really are as happy as you decide to be.

There are more than 25 things people should know, but 25 is a good place to start.  I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend.

R-E-$-P-E-C-T

How do you 'respect' money???

This was a question put to me on fb in response to a comment I made on this particular status:   "The answer to true wealth and abundance isn't hard work, as if it was we would all be rich already"

I commented that it would helpful to respect money.  Now, I know true wealth and abundance isn't all about money.  This was just one comment made in a discussion about making money, acquiring wealth, and just generally, getting more money in your life. There are christian colleges online which offer degrees for that! The poster then responded with the question at the beginning of this post.  How do you respect money?
  
I guess I shouldn't be surprised at the question.  I see dollar bills crumpled on the floor in my son's bedroom.  I keep a piggy bank in my laundry room to collect the coins accumulating on the bottom of my washer.  I LOVE vacuuming the couch and finding all the coins in the cushions.  If I see a penny on the ground, I pick it up.  BONUS!!!

How do I respect money?
  
First of all, I take care of my money.  I keep my bills in my wallet neatly and arranged in denominations.  I keep my coins in a change-purse.  I empty the change-purse into a box on my dresser at night.  (my husband empties his pocket-change into this same box)  You may think this sounds compulsive, but I know how much money I have in my wallet.  I know how much money I'm carrying.  If you don't care for the ACTUAL bills and coins, do you know how much money you have on you at any given time? 

Additionally, I think about money in a positive way.  Please don't confuse this with the worship of money.  I don't worship money, I respect it.  Money is a tool.  A very useful tool.  And, it's a tool EVERYONE uses.  (Ok, I've heard about the moneyless blogger who lives in a cave and doesn't have any use for money.  I don't want to live like him.)  So, what do I mean by respecting money by thinking of it in a positive way?  
Here are some common disrespectful thoughts about money:

• Money - root of all evil
• Money - easy come, easy go
• Rich people - greedy, selfish and unscrupulous
• Poverty is virtuous
• Having money will make me (see above *Rich people)

I believe the opposite of these disrespectful thoughts about money.  The first thought, money, the root of all evil, is a misquote from The Bible.  It is the LOVE of money at the root of all evil, not the money itself.  Money is not easy to get.  Most of us have to work for it.  Is money easy to spend?  Sure, but who is in control of this?  I am.  I decide how easily my money goes.  I do not think people are greedy, selfish and unscrupulous because they have money.  I think people have those traits because this is who they are, with or without money.  Just as there are generous, philanthropic, law-abiding poor (or middle-class) people, there are generous, philanthropic, law-abiding rich people.  Poverty is not a virtue.  I'm not sure where this thought comes from, but I'm guessing it may be from The Bible as well.  I remember a parable about the Widow's Mite.  I don't believe Jesus was lauding her poverty, I believe he was lauding her generous spirit.  Having money will not change my personality.  It will not change my personality any more than losing or gaining weight changes a person's personality.  You are who you are.  Money will change your opportunities, not you.

Respecting money goes hand in hand with the respect you have for yourself and your loved ones.  Taking care of your physical money can be equated to caring for your physical body.  Don't overspend or overeat.  Don't exercise to body failure or spend money until it is all gone.  Don't leave it crumpled on the floor or falling out of your pants pocket.  Keep it safe, as you would keep your physical body safe.  Knowing how much money you have can be equated with knowing where your children are going when they leave the house.  (or at least knowing how many children you have. :))

Respecting money also requires saving money for the future.  You plan to care for your children until they are grown and ready to care for themselves, right?  You don't just birth them and say, "that's it, you're on their own now."  No, you plan for their future care and maybe even their education.  If you respect yourself, you will pay yourself first.  This is called saving.

Finally, respecting money also involves being generous with money.  Money likes to work for people.  Be generous with your money, just as you are generous with your time, energy, smiles, and advise.  Don't be afraid of giving to the less fortunate.  Money circulates.  When you give to those in need, money will find it's way back to you. 

I'm not going to elaborate on investing and making your money work for you in this post.  I think if the question is, "How do you respect money?" you may not be ready for investment advise.  Take care of your money, let it go out once in a while, know how much you have, don't waste or lose it.  This is my definition of having respect for money.

News flash!!!  My husband called me just as I was about to submit this post to tell me a story about my son and his character.  My son went to a neighborhood pizza restaurant for lunch, today, with some of his buddies.  They went into the backroom arcade area to play games and my son found a great deal of money stacked on the air hockey table.  It was several thousand dollars.  He gathered the money and carried ALL OF IT to the manager's office.  The manager, surprised and sheepishly, said this money was all the receipts from yesterday's business.  Even though my son is not yet what the world considers "successful" when it comes to money, my son has integrity and honesty regarding money.  I believe these character traits will serve him well in life. 

Evidently, money knows when you're talking about her.   :)

Do you have a chip on your shoulder?

This is such a funny saying.  I had to look it up to find out where it came from.  According to the Phrase Finder it started out that shipwrights were allowed to carry out planks of wood (chips) on their shoulders after work.  However many planks a man could carry on his shoulder were his to keep.  But, the owners soon deemed too much wood was being removed and the shipwrights could only carry out what they were able to carry UNDER ONE arm.  This was substantially fewer planks (chips) and the shipwrights PUSHED BACK with their chips on their shoulders.

How does this story link to today's usage pertaining to a belligerent attitude?  "The first such record by an English author doesn't seem to be until the 1930s in fact, in Somerset Maugham's Gentleman in the Parlour:

"He was a man with a chip on his shoulder. Everyone seemed in a conspiracy to slight or injure him.""  (from Phrase Finder)

Yep, here we are.  "Everyone seemed in a conspiracy to slight or injure him."  This is how we use this phrase today.  Evidently, there was a time when men actually placed chips of wood ON their shoulders and dared someone to knock them off.  Thus instigating a fight.  Oh, wouldn't it be wonderful if we could see the chips carried on shoulders today.  It's tough enough to see the chip when we meet the individual carrying the chip face to face.  Sometimes you can see the look in their eye when a specific subject comes into conversation.  We all know to leave politics and religion alone in pleasant conversation.  Right?  But, there are MANY more minefields out in pleasant conversation.  I don't have to list them.  I'm sure you've stumbled on to most of them yourselves.  Often when one accidentally bumped into one of these subjects, one would be asked to leave this subject alone and the conversation moved on from there.  The "bumper" then made a mental note never to breech this area of discussion with this person again.  Wonderful.

Now, however, these chips can be bumped off in a virtual way.  Social media interaction can cause a chip to be knocked off at a moment's notice.  And, you don't even have to be communicating with the chip carrier to do the "knocking off."  You can post a status for all your "friends."  You can "like" a comment or status.  (And, sometimes "like" doesn't mean like, sometimes it means, I agree with you, but if you have a chip balanced on your shoulder it can get knocked off fairly easily.)

Oh, the difficulties of social media.

I have a solution to this delicate situation.  I know you are dying to know what it is.  Well, I'll tell you, but I'm not sure you're going to like it.  It's going to be hard to do.  It's going to take a lot of effort.  Some of you are REALLY going to struggle with this solution.  But, I'm going to tell you anyway...

Grow up.  Quit being a baby or a high school drama queen.  Get some thicker skin.  Get over yourself.  The world is a tough place and if you go around with a chip on your shoulder, daring anyone you meet to knock it off, guess what?  Someone is going to knock it off your shoulder.  Whether it be on purpose or accidentally.  The best thing you can do for yourself is to take that chip off your shoulder.

I hope I haven't hurt anyone's feelings by saying this.  :)

Seriously, I DON'T want to ruffle feathers and hurt feelings.  I'm so disappointed there is not an "Emily Post" for this new frontier of social interaction.  And, I realize many of the users of this medium are teenagers and they just don't know any better, but that isn't who I'm speaking about here.  You know who you are.  I hear you talking in the locker rooms and the hair dresser.  I hear you complaining about "so and so" and what she said on fb or what she tweeted.  I see the whiny mommy blogs and the ranting political blogs.  Grown-ups don't hide behind a computer and type things they wouldn't say to a person's face.  Grown-ups don't hide up in the spare room and hide behind the smiling face of a profile picture.  Grown-ups know there are many different sides of an issue.  And they don't carry the chip on their shoulder.  They know EVERYONE is thinking about themselves, not them.  You are not the center of the universe anymore.  We all are our own center.  Right or wrong, most people are just thinking about themselves.  Take the chip off your shoulder.

It's very unattractive.

It's not me, it's YOU

I've read a lot of blogs, books, articles and face book comments reminding me that "it's not you, it's ME."  I'm to take responsibility for the way I feel or react to words or actions of those people who interact with me, whether it is face to face or in writing.  Or, they say, my reaction to a person's actions or words are all about how I'm feeling or the state of emotion I happen to find myself in at the time.  Sure, I need to take responsibility for myself.  I'm a grown-up.  I know people can't make me FEEL anything I don't want to feel.  I know others can't make me DO anything I don't want to do.  But, come on, we all know there are hurtful, mean spirited people out there.  Hopefully they are few and far in between.  However, social networking, including face book, blogging, etc. has given some folks UNBELIEVABLE GALL.  I'll bet the same folks that slam you on fb or write scathing comments on your blog, wouldn't have the nerve to say any of it to your face.  I'm wondering if these same people would have then nerve to pick up the phone and say any of the same things over the phone?  I doubt it.  And, of course, there is always the possibility of drunk commenting.  It could happen.  (drinking and blogging is not a good combo)  It's funny, to me, that some bloggers out there think they should be protected from the pointed or disagreeing comments.  As a blogger, I know I'm putting myself out there.  I allow anonymous commenting.  I can take it.

I'm of the mind, it's not me, it's YOU.  I'm not responsible for your feelings about my blog or my face book status or my comment or, even, your displeasure with the way I live my life.  I'm responsible for being respectful of my readers, co-workers, friends, family and the human race, in general.  I don't have to agree with you.  I don't have to like you.  I don't have to tolerate you.  I do, however, need to treat you with respect and civility.  I'm glad to have the freedom and opportunity to share my feelings on different subjects on a blog and I feel fortunate to receive comments from encouraging and caring readers.  I think I would appreciate a dissenting comment.  I think a comment disagreeing with a point of view I hold would give me the opportunity to ponder another side of an issue.  My blogging intentions are not to teach anyone anything.  My intentions are to learn more about myself and focus on the positive.  I haven't had any issues, so don't worry about me.  I was thinking about how easily some folks get their noses pushed out of joint about comments on blogs or fb.  I guess I feel a little sorry for them.  Maybe they are young and immature?  Maybe they haven't had much life experience and have been sheltered in the life they live?  Maybe they just have very thin skin?

So, there you have it.  It's not me, it's you.

I'm in love with Doc Martin

I know...  This is nuts, isn't it...  I mean, really...  Who falls in love with a tv show.  Yeah, it's a tv show.
 
There must be something seriously wrong with me.  I am magnetically drawn to British television.  I don't know if it's the scenery or the accents or what, but I am drawn like a moth to a flame.  I can't help myself.  At first it was the presentation of Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice.  I wasn't too worried about this.  I mean, after all, what woman can't get next to Elizabeth Bennett.  And, Colin Firth was the quintessential Mr. Darcy.  I just thought I was addicted to period pieces.  I thought it was the way they presented the ENTIRE book in all it's glory.  No combined characters or abbreviated conversations.  I love this book and have read it more times than I like to admit.  Therefore, I chalked my being drawn to public television to this one event. 
 
And then there are the Masterpiece Mystery's of Agatha Christie.  I LOVE Miss Marple.  I ADORE Hercule Poirot.  Of course, I've read all Agatha's books as well.  And, I've read them more than once.  I know, I have a sickness.  I love the art deco theme of Poirot.  I love the village of St. Mary Mead.  I love the language.  There, I've said it.  I just love the way those English men and women speak.  Or, at least how they speak on the pbs series. 

Then, darn it, they came out with the entire Jane Austen series.  Really, were they just trying to suck me into the television opiate of the masses?  That darn pbs with their horrible telethons.  I have always loathed the way they schedule their best programming when they interrupt with the begging for money and the cheap tote bags.  But, the entire Jane Austen series.  I was drawn in.  Hook, Line, and Sinker.  Yeah, I was had.  Sure it was the condensed versions of the books, but it was beautiful.  The scenery was beautiful.  The costuming was gorgeous.  I was enthralled.

And now I've discovered Doc Martin.  Friday I was home recovering from my little test and I thought I'd watch something on Netfilx.  Do you know 20% of internet viewing these days is Netflix.  Yeah, unbelievable.  During a typical day on the internet 20% of the hits are on Netflix and 72% are porn hits.  I'm guessing the rest of the percentage leans more toward facebook than research for term papers.  Just sayin'.  Now I've digressed.  Back to Doc Martin.  Anyway, pbs has hooked me again.  I can't get enough of the haemophobic doctor.  I so wish I could tell people to "shut up" as often as he does.  I feel like I'm living vicariously through him.  So, this past weekend was a Doc Martin marathon.  Too much, really, but it was HOT here in the mid-Atlantic.  I mean, Monday was crazy hot.  I went to a picnic but I was sweating like a pig.  It was too hot to eat.  And there wasn't enough water to cool me off.  I asked my husband to take me home after two hours and he was MORE than ready.  Anyway, back to Doc Martin.  I'm living in picturesque Port Wenn in my mind.  I find myself horrified to look out my window and see where I actually am.  I'm dreaming of going home from work and watching more Doc Martin.  It's a sickness. 
 
Thanks pbs.  I'm hooked.  Who knows, I may be carrying a tote bag before too long.

 

Relationships - work, church, clubs and the neighborhood

I'm still contemplating relationships in my life.  Today I'm thinking about relationships on a much more transient level.  These relationships include co-workers, neighbors, church friends, relationships formed by being in clubs together, and social networking.

This is such a surprising revelation for me, but, from experience, I know it's true.  These relationships are completely transient.  Now, I know that there is the occasional real friendship that can be formed in these relationships, but usually not.

I've had the experience of having a job for many years.  I've been close with co-workers.  I've shared personal situations.  I've spent a sizable portion of my life with these people.  However, when the time comes that I'm no longer working there or even when I go home in the evening, I'm done with them.  I've had the experience of being the only person at the hospital when one of my co-workers was having emergency surgery and bringing him or her meals and running errands for her, but I know when I am no longer working with him, we are done.  We most likely will not keep in touch.  Now this doesn't mean that I don't like these people.  It just means that our relationship is not a close, long lasting relationship.

I think the most surprising area that I have found this to be true is church.  I have had the experience of leaving a church and going to a different church without moving out of the area.  Even though I still lived in the same neighborhood with church "friends", they were done with me.  No calls, no lunches, nothing.  These were women and men that had shared VERY INTIMATE information.  These were women and men that were instrumental in supporting me during difficult times in my marriage .  These were men and women I have shared personal shortcomings I have only otherwise shared with God.  These are men and women, I thought, were brothers and sisters in Christ.  Brothers and sisters.  Family.

The folks I've met as neighbors, in clubs, and "friends" on facebook are certainly transient.  It's fun to have friendships with these people while we are living near each other or in the club, but, again, these are not necessarily long lasting relationships.

As I look back over what I've written about this level of relationship I see how I have contributed to the demise of these friendships.  I'm a more introverted person.  It is difficult for me to be outgoing or to initiate friendships.  I need to examine how this is working for me.  I don't see how I can bemoan my lack of close girlfriends and not be a person willing to put myself out there.

Church

I'm going to open up with an area of my life that has really been keeping me from Being Happy.  Church. 

I was raised in the Church.  I was baptized when I was an infant in a Dutch Reformed church that became a Reformed Church of America church.  Long story short, this is a church that follows the theological system of John Calvin.  Now, I had no choice in this portion of my life and education.  I followed what my parents believed and believed it myself.  Of course, I grew up and made my own choices and learned about different belief systems and other Christian denominations.  This wasn't an easy time for me.  This is often a time when kids stop believing what their parents tried to teach them.  College and my desire to rebel against EVERYTHING my parents believed was my GOAL.  Then I decided to grow up a little bit and make a well thought-out decision.  There are portions of Christianity that are harsh.  The road to God in the Christian belief system is very narrow.  It's Jesus or nothing.  Other religions are equally harsh in denying paradise until enough boxes are checked.  I made a decision for Jesus.

Again, long story short, I'm a follower of Jesus.  As far-fetched as portions of the story of redemption through Jesus is, it is the most plausible to me.  I believe that is because the Holy Spirit has revealed this truth to me.  I have loved studying the bible and learning about God's love for me through the stories in the bible.  I have loved church and the fellowship with other believers and support I got there.  Now, church has become a hard place for me to go.

Why, you may ask, has it become hard for me to go to church?

There are a couple reasons.  You have the super-duper condensed history of why I go to church.  Here's my struggle.  We moved to our home here in Maryland and found a church we liked alot.  We joined it and attended regularly and were very active in the events the church had.  We, my husband and son, were happy with the vision and direction of this particular church.  I was active in Sunday school and bible study and vacation bible school.  I was an active mom.  When my son came of an age for a high school youth group, this church let the youth group leader go and had no desire to hire anyone new.  Our family felt we had to leave this church and find another church WITH an active youth group for our son.  We just thought this was important.  In hindsight this was a very good decision.  This particular church had a difficult time making the decision for a full-time youth program and more than four years would have past before they had a youth program going strong.  You know, sometimes you just can't be part of the solution.  Sometimes you have to do what you need to do for your family.  Anyway, in the small town we live in, leaving a church caused some hard feelings.  I really never understood this, but I was hurt by some of the "church ladies". 

We started going to a church with an active youth group at this time.  This church was a church that followed the theological system of John Wesley.  This was a challenge for me, but my husband and son were happy.  My son liked the youth group and Sunday school and my husband was good with the service and most of the people there.  I made a strong attempt to become involved.  I helped with the youth group.  I sang in the praise band.  I tried.  I never really felt "at home", but I made an effort.  There was a strong push for social justice that I was never all that comfortable with.  When our son graduated from high school and became his own person, my husband and I felt we could look for a church that lined up with what we believed.  We started looking for a new church.  This time when we left the church I continued my involvement in a bible study with some of the "church ladies" from this church.  I thought it would be ok.

I was wrong.  As I continued in the bible study it was obvious my belief in the protestant work ethic and the idea of helping the "truly needy" and not social justice for all made me different from these women.  Also, I learned a lot about social networking and commenting on blogs.  One of the women in the bible study has a blog.  She would post things I thought were contrary to what we were studying and what, I thought, were contrary to what Jesus would want us to do.  I commented.  I thought we would be able to talk about these disagreements.  I was wrong.  She wouldn't talk to me.  She avoided talking TO me, but talked ABOUT me to anyone who would listen.  ouch.  One woman in the study decided to take the horns of this disagreement into her own hands by forcing the blogger to talk with me.  There was to be a meeting.  I agreed to join this meeting.  I'm happy to clear the air.  I wanted to have a conversation and remind her that we are both daughters of the King.  We can disagree and still be believers. 

This was not to be.  The blogger cried and cried and cried and cried.  She was never able to articulate her feelings or beliefs or issues.  Just tears and sobs.  This made me feel very uncomfortable.  I've mentioned that I am not much of a "feeler".  Anyway, crying gains sympathy and stoicism does not.  I didn't feel I could be part of this group anymore.

Why is it hard for me to go to church?  I'm afraid to get involved with anymore of these kind of people.  I don't want to be judged.  I'm afraid.

Good news!  I went to a church today.  I'm going to take it slowly.  I'll sit in the back.  I'll keep to myself.  I'm going to take this very slowly.  I'm scared.  If you are the praying type, please pray for me.  I want to be part of the body of Christ again.