For better or worse, but not for lunch

There is a saying (and I think there are even books with the title) I married you for better or worse, but not for lunch.  This is something I've heard said in my association with my friends that are reaching retirement age.

Retirement, they say, can be rough on a marriage.

In my experience... they are right.

I remember back, waaaaay back (in December 2011), I saw a facebook status of a young mother claiming she wished her husband didn't have to go to work, EVER!  I took a few rough comments on this blog post, as well as getting blocked on facebook by the woman that posted the facebook status.  Well, let me tell you, it's not as great as you think it will be. 

First of all, believe it or not, your spouse is living their own life.  They are not hanging on a hook waiting to see what you would like them to do.  I only mention this because I think this would have been news to the woman that posted the facebook status. 

In my experience my husband left his job a year and a half before I lost my job.  He no longer calls himself a retired person.  He now calls himself a full-time student.  Anyway, the point is that he was home, by himself, quite a while before I was home, all day, with him.  He had settled into a nice little routine.  When I started being home, all day, with him he didn't adjust to the disruption of his schedule very well.  Sure, the first few weeks were fine.  I'd even go so far as to call them fun.  I applied for unemployment.  He didn't think I would qualify.  I did qualify.  He was surprised.  That gave us something to talk about for a week or two.  We interacted.  He spent a little time with me.

Then..., he wanted to get back to his routine.  And..., he wanted me to get a routine.

And I didn't have one yet.

On Monday my husband told me my vacation was OVER and I needed to start DOING something.  Hilarious.  He said a bunch of other equally hilarious things that weren't very nice, but meant to motivate me.

I think he forgot that, just like him, I'm living my own life.  Unfortunately for him, my life includes spending time blogging, reading blogs, working on the bible study I'm putting together for my small group, and... sometimes watching Real Housewives.  I think it was the housewives that put him over the edge.  I try to watch more CNBC than Housewives, but sometimes I just gotta have me some Housewives.  The other thing, I think, he has an issue with is my development of a sedentary lifestyle.  He wants me to exercise.  So, as I said on Monday, I broke through that barrier and started walking around the neighborhood.  It's a start.

For better or worse, I love my husband.  We will learn to spend our days together in the same house.  I know we can do it.  I don't need to talk to him all day.  I don't need him to help me do the things I need to do each week, like look for a job.  I don't need him to shame me into exercising.  My friends that have retired have told me that it's important to watch out for weight gain.  Being home all day can allow someone to be a little too close to the refrigerator.  Dangerous.

So, for better or worse, I will learn to be home all day with my husband.  I will look for two jobs each week, and I will go for walks around the neighborhood 4 (or 3) times each week.  I can do this thing.

For better or worse

547.  Working in the garden
548.  Going to lunch with a friend
549.  Hot tea when I feel the sniffles coming on
550.  Having a husband who loves me enough to accept me for who I am
551.  Looking forward to trick or treaters

Stages of retirement (and accepting it)

I'm struggling with this new phase of my life.  After all, I'm really not old enough to be retired.  I checked.  I called my pension fund manager and they told me I cannot collect anything from my pension until I'm 62.  I'm not 62 yet.  I've got a few more years to exist before I become 62 years of age.

So what am I if I'm not retired.  Am I just unemployed?  Am I between jobs?  I feel like I'm trying to figure out what I want to do with my life.  I'm still trying to figure out what I want my day to look like.  Even though I continue searching for work, I can tell you, I'm not all that excited about going back to work.  After all, yesterday was a $5000 day in the market. (go AAPL!!)

Even my husband won't call himself "retired" anymore.  He calls himself a "full-time" student.  He's still writing his dissertation.  (I cannot believe how long this is taking)  There is just something about being labeled as a retiree that doesn't sit right with me.

I've heard there are stages of retirement.  I think the first stage consists of dreaming about retirement.  I know what that is like.  You hear a tease on the news about The Best Place to Retire segment and you stay tuned to hear where that place may be.  Some people have countdown calendars to their retirement date.  They watch the days tick away until the big day comes.  They may even know where they would like to live when they retire and maybe have made the purchase.  (I think they are awesome)  I guess my husband and I got this "dream time" cut short.  After all, my husband quit his job when the stress and management style became detrimental to his health and I got fired at an age where finding a new job isn't an easy task.

When one finally retires.  When that great date arrives.  Or, when you are pushed out of the workplace.  One enters the go-go stage.  This is the stage I find myself experiencing.  I'm young.  I'm healthy.  I still want to do stuff.  I love to travel.  I still want to earn money, but I don't want to be a slave to "the Man."  I want to work for myself, but I don't know exactly how to do that.  Since I want to travel and "do stuff" I need to earn money.  After all, when you are too young to draw off your pension, the money has to come from somewhere.  And if you are anything like me, it just doesn't feel right to spend all your savings.

The next phase is the slow-go stage.  I guess this will come after I'm old enough to begin drawing my pension.  I guess this means that since I'll be older I won't want to "do" as much stuff.  Ok, I get it.  I'm guessing this will work out pretty well since less money may equal less travel.  We will see.

Finally people move into the no-go stage.  At this time I will be at an age when my health may be failing.  Or, if I'm like my mother, my mind will go.  I'm guessing I'll be spending more money on my health than I will spend on travel or "doing stuff."  Hopefully I'll have considered this stage of my life when I choose where I want to live at this stage of my retirement.  Hopefully I'll have planned for access to health care and access to shopping and access to family.

I feel a bit gypped in the "dreaming of retirement" stage of my life.  However, even though I didn't spend a lot of time dreaming about my retirement, I do have an idea about where I'd like to live.  I have saved money and I'm still managing it and I do know of places I would like to visit before travel becomes too difficult for me.

Who knows what plans God has for me at this new stage of my life?  All I know is that I need to be watchful and aware of His presence in my life.

521.  Taking steps to rectify a situation that was wrong
522.  Accepting encouragement from my husband
523.  Making myself available to be there for a friend
524.  Watching the leaves change color and taking the time to enjoy it
525.  Culling clutter from the house
526.  Finding purpose for the day

Unemployment (it's not just for beer and cigarettes)

Let me introduce myself...  I am the newest member of the entitled.  I am the newest member of the unemployed collecting money from the government (and me, 'cause I paid into it while I was working) and you hard working individuals out there.

This experience is teaching me so much.  I can now look at this experience from both sides.  I have written about about people willing to take money from anyone that will give it to them, instead of working, in this blog.  I've written about my lazy tenants and the lifestyle of welfare, unemployment and crime they have cultivated on the backs of hard working people in this country.  And now I find myself collecting money every week because I no longer have a job.

I will tell you... it seems weird.  I'm getting paid for looking for a job.  I am required by law to apply for, no fewer than, two jobs per week.  I am required by law to keep a log of every job I apply for.  According to my state's DLLR this log can be required for submission at any time during my term of receipt of benefits and up to two years after my benefits end.  I'm going to tell you...  I have a difficult time believing that many people collecting benefits actually keep this log.  I mean, it's sort of like taking a class and having homework assigned every week, but the homework is never collected or checked and you are going to get an "A" in the class whether you do it or not.  But, because I'm such an ISTJ, I'm applying for jobs and keeping the log.  It's just the way I roll.

Ok, I know the title of today's blog is a bit snarky.  I know people collecting unemployment don't use their benefits for only beer and cigarettes, but let me tell you, the government makes it easier to use the benefits for beer and cigarettes and more difficult for using the benefits to pay your mortgage or rent.  Seriously.

Here's the story.  When you are approved for unemployment benefits my state sends you a debit card and my benefits are loaded on to this debit card and I can pay my bills with this debit card.  This may work for many people or some people or people that don't want to maintain a stellar credit rating, but it isn't working for me.

First of all, my mortgage company does not take debit cards.  So, I cannot pay my mortgage unless I go to the ATM or the bank and have the money transferred into cash or deposited.  Both of these transactions will incur a charge onto the debit card.  POOF!  Money disappears into a charge I would have never paid had I been getting paid by direct deposit into my checking account the way I was getting paid when I had a job.  I HATE paying service charges when I don't need to pay them.

Secondly, I LOVE paying my bills with my credit card.  I pay my bills with my credit card for two basic reasons.  Because I pay off my credit card completely every month, my credit is stellar.  If I ever need a loan for anything, I have no difficulty obtaining said loan.  AND, I use a credit card that allows me to accrue points for free flights.  The more money I put on the card, the more points I accrue for free airfare.  I look at this as a "win/win" situation.

Maybe I'm not the typical recipient of unemployment benefits.  The few people I've told that I'm collecting benefits have all been quite surprised.  I guess they thought I didn't qualify.  That's funny to me.  After all, when you are fired from a job for no reason at all, one qualifies for unemployment.  This is just the way it works.  And, by the way, it's not going to be easy for this 56 year old woman to find work out there.  After all, most of the work in the area I live has been affected by sequestration, furloughs, and government closures.  It's tough out there.

I am learning so much, through this experience.  I'm learning that this program, and the limited checking into job search activity, may make it easier for people collecting on this program to become lackadaisical in their job search.  AND, more importantly, I learned that I could call my state's DLLR office and have my benefits deposited directly into my own personal checking account.  YAY!  Now I can pay my mortgage with my unemployment benefits.  I'm so happy.

511.  My back is all better.  (I tell you, the secret to living well into old age is to NOT FALL DOWN)
512.  Spending time in the book of Acts and the gift of Christianity to Gentiles
513.  OCR programs
514.  The cool crispness of fall
515.  Netflix documentaries (yeah, I watch too much tv)
516.  Crawling out of the depression that comes from being fired
517.  Clear blue skies
518.  Making lunch for my husband
519.  Learning to be quiet at home (no laughing out loud)
520.  Having the energy to entertain friends on the weekends