Controling my thoughts

Last week I wrote about one of my difficult truths about myself.  I wrote about a struggle I have to love myself, here.  It was tough to write it out.  Thank you to those who commented in commiseration, and I feel for you because I know how much it hurts, and to those who commented in encouragement by reminding me and reinforcing my knowledge of God and my relationship with him.

I learned a lot about myself and where I fall on the "normal" scale by publishing that post.  I was happy to receive feedback and I can accept it and learn from it.  I wonder, however, if there were readers that didn't comment, but understood my feelings.  Of course, I'll never know for sure.

I've been giving a lot of thought to my thought process lately.  First of all, it's a shame that I don't think about myself more highly than I do.  Yet, nobody out there is going to be able to accuse me of being conceited or big-headed about myself.  Secondly, I don't believe we can sin in our thought life.  I believe we have to act on our thoughts in order to actually sin.  I have never acted out against my body or myself in regard to my loathsome thoughts about myself.  And, even though I may think that I hate myself at least once a day, I am still fully functioning in my life.  I'm going to work.  I'm taking care of my family.  I'm interaction with society.  I am a person that needs to check myself now and again to be sure I'm not sinking into a depressed state of mind.  After all, I'm on Tamoxifen and Tamoxifen has been known to cause depression in some people.  Finally, I know that our thoughts can lead to actions and those actions could be sinful actions.

Proverbs 4:23, "Above all, be careful what you think because your thoughts control your life."

Philippians 4:8, "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things."

Even the eastern philosophers knew that our life is controlled by our thoughts.  If you correct your mind the rest of your life will fall into place.  Lao Tzu

It's hard to do this.  Yet, because I've been reborn and have the Holy Spirit in me, I know it is possible.  There are tangible things I can do to change my thought process.  I searched the internet and found some ideas, both by secular psychologists and by theological teachers.  I wrote a few suggestions down and I plan to use this list to work through my mind altering process.

• Don't dwell on the past.  Everyday is a new opportunity to make great things happen.  Dwelling on past actions, after asking for forgiveness and making amends, keeps a person from living in the present.


• Don't think negatively anymore. This seems almost impossible to me.  Yet, it's what I want to do.  I want to think positively.  If I begin to think a negative or loathsome thought of myself or someone else, I can remind myself to think of a positive.


• Put my focus on the future.  Put my focus on what I want to do.  Believe that I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me (Philippians 4:13).  I need to keep reminding myself of what can be accomplished and stop focusing on failures.


• Meditate on the positive.  Pray prayers of thanksgiving for all the blessings I have.  Meditate on the promises of God.  Do as Paul said in Philippians 4:8 and think about the pure, the lovely, and the commendable things of this world.


• Give up the word failure from my vocabulary.  There is success and learning opportunities.  There is no failure.


• Keep trying.  Don't give up on this process of changing my thought pattern.  I can correct my mind.


• Think big.  Give myself over to God's use.  Don't minimize what I think God can do with me just because I'm not thinking big enough. 


• Pay attention to my thought process.  Notice the frequency of adjusting my negative thoughts to positive thoughts.  Note the frequency of thinking or meditating on positive future events versus remembering negative past events.  Take time after meditation and prayer to notice the effort it took to pray prayers of thanksgiving over prayers of confession and humiliation.  Pay attention to my thoughts.  They are what control my life.

*An added note to this post shows what a slow learner I am.  I found this post I wrote back in January '12.  It's basically this same post all over again.  When, oh when will I get it?

220.  Knowing when my will and God's will are in line, there is nothing I cannot accomplish
221.  A beautiful weekend in Old Town Alexandria and wonderful conversations with old friends
222.  Watching my son continue to grow into a competent and confident man
223.  Having a plan to change my life
224.  Serving a God of second chances (and third and forth...)
225.  Looking forward to my small group bible study and friends that love me for who I am

Fishing and waiting

I've been thinking about fishing lately.  I don't have much opportunity to fish.  I should correct this.  I live next to a storm water management pond that has fish in it, but I don't really think of going in my back yard as going fishing.  Maybe I should.  Anyway, I usually only go fishing when I visit my mom and dad in the summers in MN.  They live on a lake and my dad likes to fish.  I thought about fishing today because I called my mom and she said dad was out fishing.  She said he's been fishing every day, but he must be throwing them back, because he isn't bringing any fish in the house.

What does it take to be a good fisherman? 

I was thinking about this.  Every time my dad takes me fishing I catch fish.  When I go out on my own, I don't catch fish.  Why is this?  It's because my dad knows where the fish are.  It's not because he thinks like a fish.  It's because he knows where, on the lake, the fish like to swim.  He also knows what time of the day the fish like to go wherever they go.  He knows the lake.  It's fun to go fishing and catch fish.  One thing that makes a good fisherman is knowing where the fish like to hang out.

A good fisherman knows what kind of bait to use.  He knows what kind of fish he is fishing for, so he chooses his bait accordingly.  When we fish for crappy, my dad uses minnows.  Or a big umbrella-like lure thing that has a lot of hooks on it.  (I don't know much about fishing and he usually doesn't use that thing when I'm with him because he uses it when he's trying to catch a LOT of fish and fill his freezer and he doesn't need me getting in the way while he's doing this)  When he's fishing for bass he uses a popping lure to lure the fish to the surface.  When he's fishing for perch he uses worms.  So, the right bait is important.

Another thing that makes a good fisherman is patience.  My dad is a patient man, when it comes to fishing.  But really, who wouldn't be?  A nice day.  A pretty lake.  Quiet.  No phone. (unless he brings me with him and I bring my iPhone.  This makes him a little nuts so I try not to do it, but I love my phone)  Time away.  I could learn a lot about patience if I spent more time fishing with my dad.  Patience is important in fishing.  I saw a shirt that said "A bad day fishing is better than a good day at the office."  I think this was written by a person who enjoyed the time it takes to catch fish.  It's important to look at the waiting for the biting of the fish as a pleasant diversion.  Have patience.

I said I didn't know a lot about fishing.  Writing this post has reminded me of the joy of fishing.  I should do it more.  Maybe I should try that little pond behind my house.  I could take a little time and just be.  (but if I catch a fish my husband will have to take that slimy fish off the hook for me :))

Meditation

Quiet my mind
Close my eyes
Slow my thoughts
Experience the stillness
Connect to my body
Stop doing for a moment and be

Quiet

Sit comfortably
Touch fingertips to fingertips
Feel the feelings
Thoughts drift
Feel my fingertips

Quiet

See my body through my forehead
Feel my edges
My skin touches my clothes
Thoughts drift
Feel my fingertips

Quiet

Experience the stillness
Thoughts drift
See my feet through my forehead
Connect to my body
Feel my fingertips

And I've been quiet and my thoughts have been focused