I'm baaaaack!

Hi.  Long time, no see.  I've missed everyone.

Where to begin?...

I guess I can start with why I haven't been writing.  The short answer is, I couldn't think of anything I wanted to share with everyone.  At first I wanted to say, I couldn't think of anything to write about, but that isn't true.  The fact of the matter is that there was so much stuff going on at work and in my head that I couldn't figure out what I wanted to share and what I didn't want to share.  So, I just stayed quiet.

If you've read any of my blog you know I'm a secretary.  And, if you've read any of my blog you know I tell everyone I get paid for blogging because I write my blog while I'm at work.  Well, work has been CRAZY lately.  The college I work at had a much smaller incoming freshman class than anticipated.  In fact, the number was only 2/3s of the expected accepted students.  The parents were not sending in the checks.  The kids decided to go somewhere else.  Our budget was screwed.  We lost 5% of our expected revenue or $3.5 million.  What does this mean, you may ask.  Well, the first thing it means is that jobs are on the line.  The easiest way to find money in a budget is to lay people off.

At the time this came to a crisis, I was having my own identity crisis.  I had been seriously contemplating quitting my job.  Seriously.  I'd even picked a date, June 28th, to be my last day.  But with this whole budget cutting, possible layoffs, where the heck are we gonna find $3.5 million looming overhead, I decided to wait and see what happened.  After all, one possibility being batted around was the offer of early retirements.  Wouldn't I feel like a total fool if I quit my job 3 weeks before the college offered early retirements and I stipend of $1000 for every year worked.  Yeah, I'd feel pretty stupid.  So I waited.

While I was waiting things went crazier and crazier around here.  First, my boss was promoted to a vice president position and the guy in the position he was promoted to, left the college (no scandal here).  Then, the president of the college quit.  He said this crisis was all his fault (he was correct) and asked that his contract not be renewed.  Next, they fired the vice president for admissions (no kidding).  She absolutely needed to go, too.  What a fiasco.  One of my favorite quotes the president and vice president of admissions used was that the college was located in a fairly rural area... did we move the college?  Didn't they notice all that farmland around them.  Lame.

Also, the state capital budget submission is due the end of the fiscal year (June).  This is a large endeavor and does take a good bit of time and organization.  On top of the submission, my boss left to go on a vacation on June 19th.  So, the submission had to be completed early.  Needless to say, June has been one busy month.

I know most of you won't care about the fate of one small college on the mid-Atlantic coast, but there you have it.  My job is a big part of my life and it takes up a lot of what I think about every day.  Sad to say, I could see this coming.  I had talked with my boss about this NEW vision for the college a year ago.  I'm not saying I'm psychic or anything, but we are not Harvard or Princeton down here.  Who are we kidding?

At this same time a position on campus became available.  Evidently this is a position the college decided to fill instead of cut.  (instead of layoffs and early retirement they have decided to leave vacant positions that are vacated at this time)  It pays better and is a better job.  I applied.

I feel like I have made a decision for my future employment and I'm feeling much more settled.  Whether or not I get the job I applied for doesn't matter.  I know what I want to do now and it feels great to leave the confusion and turmoil behind.  Once I make a decision I can make a plan.  When I have a plan, I can move ahead with confidence.  And here I am writing and sharing this with you.

Another reason I'm glad to be back on the blog is that I discovered that my blog has an impact on the lives of some of my readers.  Believe me, nobody was more surprised than me.  I visited one of my blog friends, Smooth Stones, in May.  She was visiting Annapolis and I drove up to the Ellicott City, MD area and met her and her family.  It was great.  I need to write about this.  She has a beautiful family and I was so proud that she was good with having me meet them.  I cannot express how special it made me feel.  Also, friends and family that read my blog have wondered what is going on with me and have asked me about it.  Seriously, mostly NO ONE I KNOW says anything to me about what I write while I'm writing, but when I stop, they come out of the woodwork.  And finally, I got an email from a reader and new follower.  She shared with me the impact that my blog I wrote about my 20-year prayer for my son had on her.  She told me that God touched her heart through my blog.  I know that God can use ANYTHING for his will and for good.  I mean, he used a stick in Moses' hand to part the Red Sea.  If God is using my blog for his good, I want to be available to be used by him.

Blogging isn't easy, but it's worth it.  It feels good to be here again.

305.  Air conditioning
306.  Readers that write encouraging and uplifting emails
307.  Blog friends
308.  Choices for employment
309.  Celebrating 59 years of marriage with my parents
310.  Growing in my faith in God
311.  Enjoying a feeling of peace in my soul
312.  Wondering if any of my readers are still out there and if they will notice I'm writing again, but if they don't, I'm ok with that  :)

Snow day!

I read this blog from Barbie about taking care of herself.  She said she didn't have time to take care of herself because she was so busy with all all her responsibilities, like her full-time job and taking care of her husband and teaching her children.  She was putting herself last on her to-do list.  She was finding that most days (oh, let's not kid ourselves), every day, she wasn't making it to the bottom of her to-do list.

Even before I read her post I have been thinking about all the things I wish I would do for myself, but I don't because I'm too tired.  My list isn't even all that decadent or self indulgent.  In fact, most of the things on my list of things I wish I would do for myself are good things.

I want to:

• floss my teeth every night
• use retin A two or three nights a week
• use my masque two or three nights a week
• use lotion on my skin every night (the tamoxifen is so drying)
• exercise my body, just a little 
• read my bible every day, just a little
• write on my blog four or five times a week

Today I had a snow day.  (it isn't snowing, but the school is closed anyway, BooYah!)  I woke up at 4 a.m. and saw that it had not snowed, so I wasn't expecting this gift of time.  This time is a godsend, in the true definition of the word.  So far this morning I have use my masque, slathered lotion all over myself and I'm writing my blog.  You can't even imagine how good this makes me feel.

Lately it's been very busy at work.  And, I've been sick (again).  I got whatever was going around the school a second time.  Crummy.  It's just not the same being home sick and being home not sick.  I feel like I can get something accomplished.  I'm one of those weird people that think I can get things done at home, even when I'm sick.  I can't, of course, but I think I can and then I'm disappointed in myself. 

Since I didn't really plan for this snow day I didn't run to the store for all the staples.  (you know, vodka, olives and brie)  Since I'm home with no junk food, I'm going to have to eat healthy today.  I've got more than two dozen eggs, so I see a quiche in my future.  My son wants me to hem the sheers he bought for his sliding glass door, so I see sewing in my future.  My husband reminded me we are going to Old Town Alexandria for the weekend and we only have plans for Saturday night.  Since we are going up on Friday I suggested we call some friends we haven't seen in a couple years and see if they can have dinner on Friday.  (yay! they can)  You cannot believe how good this makes me feel.  I am an introvert and making the effort to see friends can be a real effort for me.  I'm proud of myself for thinking of it and then actually making the call.  She's a teacher, so I guessed she was having a snow day, too.

I'm going to read a chapter in Job after I publish this post.  I love reading Job and being reminded of keeping faith, even when things aren't going my way.  I love reading about who God is.  Speaking of reading the bible, there is a special 5-part series on the History channel called The Bible.  It's very good.  I've only seen the first part of the series.  I'm looking forward to watching the whole thing.

I am inspired by Barbie's post to take time for self care.  I think Steven Covey called it "sharpening the saw."  I need to make my tiny list a priority for each week and not just on a snow day, but I'll take any time for myself I can get.

Look for me to comment later today to see what I accomplished on my snow day.  If you're having a snow day, enjoy yourself and let's be careful out there.  (so Hill Street Blues.  look it up.)

203.  The gift of time
204.  My restored energy and being healthy
205.  Leftover Italian wedding soup for lunch
206.  Super deal on The Walking Dead Compendium 2 on Ebay
207.  Praying for people I've only met on the blogs
208.  Old friends
209.  Blog friends

I'm back and what the heck is going on in the world?

I'm back.  I didn't know what in the world to blog about today.  I was going to share some amazing pics of Lake Tahoe and my vacation, but then I started getting news alerts on my computer.

• The University of Texas in Austin is evacuated because of a bomb threat at 8:35 a.m.  A man claiming to be al-Qaida says he has placed bombs all over the 50,000 student campus.  He says the bombs will explode in 90 minutes.
• North Dakota State University in Fargo receives information that there is a bomb on campus.  The dean orders evacuation of the 20,000 students from the main campus and downtown campus.
• Neither university has located any bombs or had any explosions, yet this day of classes was lost to terrorist's threats.
• Mobs attack the U.S. embassy in Tunisia.  Windows are broken.  Fires are started.  Anti-American violence swarms through the city.
• Protesters attack the German embassy in Sudan.  Fires.  Violence.
• Tripoli, Lebanon experiences mob violence when a KFC and Arby's are burned down in protest to the visit from Pope Benedict.
• The U.S. embassy in Yemen is stormed in reaction to a film considered blasphemous to Islam.
• This attack in Yemen follows similar outbreaks of violence that have occurred in Cairo, Egypt and Libya.
• All this while we watch and wait to see how Israel is going to respond to Iran's nuclear threat.

And I wanted to show you my vacation pictures.  I celebrated 100 years of Marine aviation with The Few, The Proud, The Marines.  I love Marines.  I mean, who doesn't?

I relaxed in South Lake Tahoe and breathed thin air and tried to catch my breath while walking two blocks at a 15% incline.  I am so out of shape.

I've missed reading all my blogger friends and discovering what is new in the blogosphere.  I'm going to try to catch up with everyone this weekend. 

For now, I'll pray for the students and faculty and staff in Texas and North Dakota.  I'll pray for a stopping of the violence in the Middle East and North Africa.  I'll pray for Israel and Iran to find a way to co-exist.  I'm happy to be back from vacation, but the world is going to heck in a handbasket, and right now, all I can do is pray.

Continuing my gratitude list:
551.  Sleeping in my own bed
552.  Drinking water from my own tap
553.  Driving my own car
554.  Sitting on my own couch
555.  Cooking my own food
556.  Blogging and reading blogs 

A random act of kindness

I was smacked with a random act of kindness yesterday and I'm still smiling.  Someone, not my husband, sent me flowers.  They are gorgeous and I'm thrilled.  Tulips just happen to be my favorite flower (I wrote this in the 100 things about me post.  see the tab ^).  The card does not have a name on it, so I'm guessing whoever sent the flowers wants me to guess who they are or remain anonymous (ok by me).  The card does say "Have a joyess day!"  (I'm not sure what to make of this.  did the sender mean "have a joyous day!" and the florist misspelled "joyous?"  or, did the sender mean "have a joyless day!" and the florist forgot the "l?")  These two options mean two completely different things and could slant my response to this random act as one of kindness to a random act of not quite as much kindness.  I'm going with kindness ('cause I like to stay positive.  I'm just like that).

My husband wishes it was he that sent the flowers, 'cause he said it was a good idea.  If anyone out there wants to own up to this lovely gesture, feel free to email me.  I'd love to say thank you, in person.  The rest of you can enjoy the image.  I think I may need to pay this random act of kindness forward.  It makes for good feelings and a happy day.

did you notice how I cleaned off my desk so the pic looked nice!

452.  generous people
453.  having flowers on my desk makes the work day so much nicer
454.  checking things off my "to do" list
455.  watching a movie of my choice with my son (he only said he was bored 4 times)
456.  knowing that the work week is half over 

A survivor's story

I haven't written about the CO theater shooting, until now, because I didn't know what I could say.  It was horrible.  Worse than horrible.  Young people, killed by a young person.  It makes no sense.  I prayed for the survivors.  I prayed for the families of the victims.  I prayed for the injured.  I prayed for the family of the shooter.  It's senseless tragedies like this that cause people to question the presence of God in this world.  I thought back to 9/11 and the questions about God and where was he and how could he let this happen and more.  I believe God was in the World Trade Center on 9/11.  I believe he was in the planes on 9/11.  I believe God was in that movie theater in Aurora, CO in the early moments of Friday morning.  I came across a blog by a woman who was in that theater the night of the shootings.  I realize there is always a chance that something on the internet is not true, but something about this post rang true to me and I hope I could react as bravely and hang on to my faith as securely as Marie at A Miniature Clay Pot.

Marie posts about what it was like to be in the theater at that midnight showing of "The Dark Knight Rises" in her post on July 20th and survive.

"I was there in theater 9 at midnight, straining to make out the words and trying to figure out the story line as The Dark Night Rises began. I’m not a big movie-goer. The HH and I prefer to watch movies in the comfort of our own home…where I can use subtitles and get a foot rub. I don’t like action movies. And I don’t like midnight showings.  But, as I wrote in my last post, parents sometimes make sacrifices for their kiddos and I decided I would take my fourteen year old and sixteen year old daughters who were chomping at the bit to see this eagerly anticipated third movie in the Batman Trilogy. Twice I had the opportunity to back out and twice I was quite tempted. But something in me said just go with your girls. I did.

So I was there with them, fidgeting in my seat, some forty or fifty feet away from the man with the gun. It’s still a bit surreal, but I do know that when the seemingly endless shooting started, as my girls were struggling from whatever gas or chemical had been released, and we figured out what was happening, we hit the floor. I threw myself on top of my fourteen year old who was on the end of the row, straight up the aisle from the shooter.  In that moment, as the rapid-fire shots continued, I truly thought I was going to die. And I realized that I was ready. I have put my faith and trust in Jesus Christ as the redeemer of my soul, and there wasn’t the slightest doubt that I would be received into heaven, not because of any good thing that I have done but because of His merciful nature and the death, burial and resurrection of Jesus Christ. Still, as I lay over my daughter, I began praying out loud. I don’t even remember what I prayed, but I don’t imagine it really matters. I’m sure it was for protection and peace. It drew me closer into the presence of God. When there was a pause in the shooting, people began to clamor for the exits. The girls and I jumped up and joined the masses. We had to step over a lifeless body, people were screaming and pushing, not knowing where the shooter was. We raced to our car and I dumped my purse, frantically searching for keys, looking all around, prepared to hit the ground. I yelled at Michelle to call Matthew and find out if he had made it out of the theater next door. She did. He did. We booked on out of there."

Marie goes on to share how she and her daughters began to process this event.  I, personally, cannot imagine how the conversations would sound.  Marie took the time to share some of the processing she and her family experienced.  From what I can tell, this blog blew up after Marie's first posting.  It appears she added some answers to comments afterward.  I can only hope (and still do not want this hope tested) that I would be able to respond with the same grace and faith that Marie has shown.

"(Maybe, just maybe God spared my life because He loves YOU and wants you to hear this..He wants you to believe that He loved you so much He gave His only begotten Son that if you would believe in Him you would have eternal life.)

“So, you still believe in a merciful God?”  Some of the comments online are genuinely inquisitive, others are contemptuous in nature. Regardless of the motive behind the question, I will respond the same way.

Yes.

Yes, I do indeed.

Absolutely, positively, unequivocally.

Let’s get something straight: the theater shooting was an evil, horrendous act done by a man controlled by evil.  God did not take a gun and pull the trigger in a crowded theater. He didn’t even suggest it. A man did.
In His sovereignty, God made man in His image with the ability to choose good and evil.
Unfortunately, sometimes man chooses evil."

Evidently Marie's post blew up with comments that she felt compelled to address in her posts on July 21st and July 22nd.  I was surprised by the negativity she encountered, but then again, this is the internet and there is that shield of anonymity.

As hard it is to imagine being in the position Marie claims to have experienced and survived, is to understand how quickly life can change.  It is so strange to read the blog post Marie wrote on July 19th.  She wrote about bacon.  Bacon.  The most pressing thing on her mind on Thursday July 19th was her daughter's food preferences.  The paradigm from which Marie viewed her life shifted drastically a few hours later.  Yet, the faith she has in God stayed firm.

I emailed Marie and asked permission to share her story and link to her post.  In all that has been written and spoken of this tragedy, it is writing like this that gives me hope for our world.  I know there will be more to come.  A trial and sentencing.  There will, most likely, be victimization of shooter.  It's hard for the world to believe or understand that God was in that theater, but he was.  God is everywhere.  And he is there before you get there.

448.  Reading about people with unshakable faith in God
449.  A good God in a world full of evil
450.  Bloggers using their blogs to teach the good news of Jesus Christ and his salvation of the world
451.  Surprise gift of flowers

Hi India!

A long, long time ago I wrote this post about being addicted to checking my blog stats on Blogger and seeing how many followers I have and how many page views, etc., etc.  I was addicted to the stats.  I've come pretty far since then.  I don't check my stats as often (seriously, not nearly as often) and I don't dwell on them or let them effect me the way they used to effect me.  My emotional temperature does not rise and fall at the addition or loss of a beloved follower.  I think I've come to a place in my blogging were I'm comfortable knowing that even though there are people reading my blog that know me (hi you guys!), I'm going to write what I need to write.  I'm never ashamed of anything I share and I don't bash people here or write anything here that I would not say to that same person.

So when I read a blogger (that I know in real life) write about a fellow christian (seriously, they go to the same church and share an abundance of fb friends.  of course, the blogger has blocked me from her fb because I have called her out on some of the things she has written, but the fellow christian is a fb friend of mine.) and just BASH her and her vocation and make judgments regarding her faith because of some images she posts on fb.  And then, she is surprised and crushed and crying (and, hopefully ashamed) when this blog gets back to the person she wrote about.  Then she tweets, "I want to trash my computer and pretend the internet doesn't exist."  No, just stop being mean on your blog.  We can SEE YOU.

I digress.  What does this have to do with India.  Today I took a peek at my blog stats and saw that dozens and dozens of people (or it could be just one person clicking over and over again) have been viewing this post.  This is a little haiku I wrote while visiting my parent and listening to them argue.  Just 17 little syllables reminding me of this visit.  I know I will not hear my parents argue again.  My mom is starting to show symptoms of dementia and pretty much goes along with whatever my father says.  This is good and bad.  I kind of miss my mom's spunk.  Anyway, this is one of the perks of blogging.  These posts hold my memories.  But I don't have any idea what the couple hundred people in India are getting out of it.

I'm glad to have them stop by.  मेरे ब्लॉग में आपका स्वागत है। I खुशी है तुम यहाँ हो रहा हूँ।

438.  Busy day and it's flying by
439.  Looking forward to visiting a friend tonight
440.  Cantaloupe for dinner

300th post

Wow!  300 posts.  I feel like 300 is a pretty big milestone.  After all, if you bowl a 300 you've bowled a perfect game.  That's pretty incredible.  I think I bowled a 220-something once, but I've never bowled a 300.  (I even have my own bowling shoes, although I haven't bowled in years)  The movie 300 was a pretty popular movie and Gerard Butler is pretty darn easy on the eyes in that flick.  If my batting average was 300, I would be considered a pretty good hitter.  I'm going to say that blogging 300 posts in a year and a half is a pretty big accomplishment.  :)

It appears my 300th post isn't going to be all that profound.  It's Friday and Friday's are notoriously difficult blogging days for me.  It's difficult for me to come up with a topic on Friday.

I'm looking forward to this weekend.  Tomorrow is my son's birthday.  He will be 25.  I don't know why, but for some reason 25 seems so much younger looking at it from 55 than it did when I was 25.  When I was 25 I thought I knew everything.  I had been living on my own for four years.  I had a good paying job and I was paying all my own bills.  I even got married when I was 25.  I got married and moved away from my family and friends in Chicago and moved to Jacksonville, FL where the only person I knew was my husband.  Yep, just my husband and he left immediately on a nine month cruise on the USS America (CV-66).  I can't even imagine my son doing this.  Anyway, he asked to have a black forest cake for his birthday.  I, therefore, ordered a black forest cake.  I have no idea how to bake a black forest cake.  Fortunately, the bakery does ($22 for a 6-inch cake, yikes).  I wanted to try to bake a picaken, but he thought that sounded too weird and wasn't interested in it at all.  (Seriously, if you don't know what a picaken is, click the link)

We are going to see the Hunger Games on Saturday.  Remember, I told you (here) I bought Lionsgate Entertainment Corporation (LGF) stock back in February.  Well folks, so far, it wasn't the investment I hoped for.  Nevertheless, I'm not locking in my losses yet.  This thing is a trilogy, remember.  I'm holding it for the long haul and we'll see what happens.  :)

Another reason I'm looking forward to the weekend is because we are going to have a gigantic fire at our house.  My husband and son are going to burn another huge pile of debris left over from Hurricane Irene.  It is so satisfying to see those branches and logs go away.  It really does help to erase some of the bad feelings still lingering from having a tree crash into my house.  While we're having the Big Burn, we invited some friends over to enjoy the event and share dinner with us.  We haven't seen this couple in a long time.  They went to the church we left and, for reasons unknown to me, stopped having contact with us.  We kept trying and, voila', they are coming over for dinner.  (It's only taken four years)  This makes me very happy.

You can see, I have a fun-filled weekend planned.  All I have to do is provide the follow-through.  I know I can do it.  Happy Friday and have a wonderful weekend.

321.  My son and celebrating another milestone year
322.  Reconnecting with old friends
323.  Cleaning up the yard
324.  Enjoying an entertaining movie with my family and friends (yeah, we're bringing along some guests)
325.  Finding an outlet for the tiny bit of creativity I have, in blogging

Eye candy :)

Blogging perk

One of my readers sent me a bunch samples of her skin care line after reading this post about Tamoxifen and my skin.  I was so surprised to receive an email from a reader offering help for my sad, sad skin.  Maryclaire Mayes is the founder of Alabu skin care.  Maryclaire has no idea I'm sharing her skin care line with my readers and hasn't given me anything more than an envelope full of samples of her product.

My favorite product was her Almond Body Lotion.  The lotion was absorbed into my skin so quickly and the scent of almonds was lovely.  I love the fact that the product is truly natural and nothing artificial is used.  Another product Maryclaire shared with me was a bar of her Goat Milk Soap.  It doesn't dry out my skin as much as the commercial soap I was using prior to using the samples of her product.  My skin is much less dry and the crepe paper-like texture has much improved.  The Shea Body Butter is another luscious product.  I used it on my feet every night of my vacation.  It kept my feet looking "sandal ready" throughout the trip.  Lastly, and most surprisingly, I loved the Replenish Facial Moisturizer.  I was surprised I liked it so much because when I opened the packet I discovered the product was an oil.  I didn't think I would like it.  I thought it would make my face look oily.  I was so wrong.  My skin drank in the product and there was no oiliness on my face.  When I was thinking about how this worked, it made perfect sense to me.  Other moisturizers add water to their product and Alabu does not.  When you think about it, why do I want to pay for water?

This post is my thank you note to Maryclaire Mayers for reading my blog and for sending me the samples of her wonderful product.  Click here and check out the Alabu skin care line.  I think this girl is on to something good.  :)

317.  Wonderful readers
318.  Felling better in my skin
319.  Supporting small businesses
320.  Sharing things I love

Why I can't take my eyes off the train wreck

I have to admit it.  I am mesmerized by a social train wreck.  Remember Britney Spears and the head shaving, umbrella wielding episodes?  Remember the Alec Baldwin and the American Airlines outburst or the rant he had on his daughter's voicemail?  How about good old Mel Gibson and his drunken tirade?  How about the ongoing saga of Lindsay Lohan?  I can't wait to see how the Elizabeth Taylor movie turns out.  Let's guess... fiasco?  I could go on and on with celebrity train wrecks.  Between Perez Hilton, TMZ, E!, and more and more than I can count or even look up on the internet, there is nothing more entertaining or profitable than a celebrity train wreck.  It's sad, but true.  If you think you're above all of this because you don't buy the tabloids or watch tv, don't kid yourself.  Did you watch the computer-shooting-dad on facebook?  Yeah, I thought you did.  Why are we fascinated by these people?

So why do we do it?  First of all, we do it because everybody is talking about it.  We want to feel connected to the people.  Whatever bad feelings we may feel from gawking at the celebrity antics are outweighed by the fear of being left out of the loop.  It's one thing to catch a glimpse of a tabloid headline or magazine cover while waiting in the check-out line at the grocery store.  It's the same with channel surfing and catching a newsflash or tease on an entertainment network.  However, in these days of YouTube and social media these events are available world wide in a matter of seconds.  Not only are these events available to view, but these events are interactive.  The viewer can add their comments to the YouTube posting.  The reader can share the event on their facebook page and comment or pontificate away.  And if a blogger decides to sink their teeth into one of these train wrecks... well, then I guess we get to read their opinion of whatever incident is titillating the nation (or world, for that matter) at the time.  We find ourselves with a front row seat of the latest train wreck, or we can hang back in the shadows of cyberspace.  Either way, we not only have the pleasure of viewing, but can affect the course of events with our commenting, viewing and blogging.  Awesome.

Of course, as with anything, too much of even a good thing isn't good for you.  It isn't good to have too much fascination with train wrecks, celebrity or otherwise.  You have to "check yourself before you wreck yourself."  Are you spending too much time looking at profiles and pictures?  Have you found yourself trying to connect with these people?  Are you lying to yourself or others about the time you spend seeking information about them?  Are you neglecting your real life responsibilities?  The answers to these questions will reveal if you have slid too far down the slippery slope of gawking.  You may be causing a giant tie-up on the freeway of your life.  You will begin to annoy those traveling the road of life alongside and behind you.

This morbid curiosity we find in observing a Charley Sheen rant or a facebook drama has been around since the beginning of time.  We can always look at the situation and be glad this isn't us.  We can step quite close to the edge of craziness and get a good close-up view of it.  We can watch people make decisions that may put their lives or the lives and well being of their families in jeopardy and avoid any involvement or responsibility whatsoever.  It offers an escape from the hum-drum of our day-to-day lives and gives us the excitement of being close to the danger without actually stepping out on that ledge.

We've all been the star of a curiosity show in our lives.  We may have lost our temper in the grocery store with our kids.  (There's some good entertainment.)  Or fought with our sister-in-law at Christmas dinner in front of the entire family.  (Here's something that can be rehashed every Christmas from now on.)  Maybe we've had too much to drink at an office party.  (Boy, don't say you didn't make an impression with your boss.)  Or what about the dreaded "walk of shame" from a college frat party.  (Fingers crossed, yearbook photo!)  But, we don't have to suffer being the spectacle that celebrities going off the deep end into insanity suffer.  No paparazzi are hiding in our bushes.  We don't have to write about our family troubles or money troubles in our blogs.  We can keep our facebook status pleasant and not air our dirty laundry on the newsfeed.  We don't have to be the advice giving well intentioned facebook friend.  Most people aren't interested in helping or even being sympathetic.  Most are looking for a show, and when you provide a show, people are going to watch.

198.  IT people who know what they are doing (I hope one comes to my office tomorrow)
199.  A reader with a skin care line and the kindness to send bunches of samples
200.  The cleansing effects of fire
201.  Good neighbors
202.  Bloggers without a filter

Organized blogging

I've come to realize, after a year and a half of purposeful blogging, I need to get organized.  It's getting tougher and tougher to sit down in front of the computer screen and fire off a blog post.  First of all, it's super hard to think up a topic off the top of my head.  Sometimes I'll get an idea for a post while I'm cooking or driving or showering, but I don't write it down and the *poof* I forget what I was thinking about.  I've seen a flowery fancy blog organizer advertised on the internet.  These must be for Mommy Bloggers.  I don't mind a flower or two, but this one was certainly flowery to the nth degree.

Another organizing tool I would like to begin to use is a calendar of some sort to remind me of special bloggers I'd like to link-up with on certain days.  Often I'll finish my post and hit Publish, and then *facepalm* I've forgotten to add the link to their blog and have to edit my post.  Or worse, forget to link altogether.

One blogger told me she has a "dummy blog page" where she writes drafts of potential blogs and then copies and pastes them to her real blog page when she is read to publish.  The header for her dummy page is DO NOT PUBLISH in giant red letters.  I don't know if this would work for me.  I think it may have been helpful when I was working on redesigning my page.  I know I went back and forth and back and forth on what I liked and what I didn't like.  I even scared myself when I thought I'd deleted the whole thing.

I'd love to hear any suggestions my blogger friends or readers use to organize their blog and blogging time.  Some of you have such gorgeous blogs. 

191.  Organic local strawberries (these cannot be compared to grocery store berries)
192.  Knowing I will be ON VACATION at this time next week
193.  An "attaboy" from my boss (rare and far between)
195.  It's Friday (just sayin')
196.  Knowing I'm making lamb stew this weekend (we love lamb stew)
197.  I've started walking again and it's a good thing

SuperBlogger

God uses this stuff

I heard this song on the radio today.  It not only has a catchy tune, but the lyrics really spoke to me. It probably caught my attention because of the word STUFF.  I've got stuff on the brain.  I can't believe how many times little things like losing my keys or my cell phone can throw me into a full-on, cussing, anger-spewing melt-down.  Seriously, keys.  I am so blessed in my life.  When I read the posts from bloggers who are missionaries in other countries and they tell about the joy the people in those churches have for Jesus.  When they tell how far the people walk to gather together to worship.  When they tell about the dangers people face just by saying they are christians.  I am humbled.  More times than I care to admit, I get to the end of my blog post and struggle with my list of gratitudes.  How can that be?  I have so much to be grateful for.  Am I struggling because of the embarrassment of riches I have.  I can pray, "give me this day my daily bread," but what I should be saying is "Thank you for all the ways you've blessed me, and, btw, I could stand to loose a few pounds, so hold the bread."  I am so glad I heard this song on the radio today.  I'm looking forward to uploading it from iTunes and being able to listen to it often.

My list of 1000 gratitudes
184.  My car and the radio in it
185.  Christian radio stations playing Christ-honoring music
186.  YouTube videos of music I want to hear again and share with others
187.  A heart soft enough to be humbled by stories from missionaries
188.  A spirit generous enough to give to the work of God in the world
189.  A comment from a Christian blogger I admire so much (I cannot believe he read my blog)
190.  Walking hand in hand with my husband after work

This Is The Stuff, by Francesca Battistelli

I lost my keys in the great unknown

And call me please 'Cuz I can't find my phone

This is the stuff that drives me crazy

This is the stuff that's getting to me lately

In the middle of my little mess

I forget how big I'm blessed

This is the stuff that gets under my skin

But I gotta trust You know exactly what You're doing

It might not be what I would choose

But this is the stuff You use

45 in a 35, Sirens and fines while I'm running behind, Whoa

(chorus)

So break me of impatience

Conquer my frustrations

I've got a new appreciation

It's not the end of the world

Oh Oh Oh

(chorus)

Oh Oh Oh Oh, This is the stuff You use

Tamoxifen is taking its toll on my skin

I've been on Tamoxifen for 15 months.  I only have 45 months to go.  Oh my goodness that looks daunting.  How am I going to survive 45 more months?  I know I have to take Tamoxifen and I know I will survive it, but it's tough.

Today I'm complaining about my skin.  Tamoxifen is changing my skin into "old lady" skin.  My skin is becoming so dry.  It's becoming like tissue paper.  My skin is becoming thin and crinkly on my arms and legs.  It's horrible.  I never used to have to put lotion on my skin.  I've always had the loveliest, most supple skin.  It's always been soft and smooth.  It's been taut and youthful.  Now it is just the opposite of all this.

The skin on my arms is becoming so thin and dry that it can be scratched open with a very minor bump or scratch.  I need to take better care of my skin.  Skin is the largest organ of the body.  It's job is to protect the body, regulate the temperature of the body, store lipids and water, allow the body to feel sensations, and act as a water resistant barrier.  My skin is beginning to fail at many of these functions.

I'm guessing my skin is no longer great at storing the lipids and the water.  I'm guessing lipids and water make skin plump and smooth.  My skin has become crepe-like and, well, not as smooth as it used to be.  I don't have alligator scales yet, but I may be on my way.  My skin has become quite thin.  I remember being a little girl and sitting next to my grandma and holding her hand.  I was fascinated by them.  I could see the veins right through her skin.  And the coolest thing yet, I could move them around under her skin.  I thought this was WONDERFUL.  My hands are turning into my grandma's hands.  Hell, they are turning into my mother's hands.  The view of my veins through the skin on the back of my hands it getting clearer and clearer every day.  AWESOME, not.

My skin is still doing a wonderful job of keeping water out of my body.  I'm pretty sure I'm not absorbing water like a sponge.  After all, as I mentioned before, I'm dry.  Sometimes I wish I could soak some of the wet stuff into my skin.  I'm trying to find the bright side.  So on the plus side, my skin is still acting as a water barrier.  :)

On the subject of regulating my body temp.  Let's just say this, this is probably the reason my skin has become so thin and warn out.  I have so many temperature fluctuations during the day my skin is most likely exhausted.  Hot, cold, hot, cold, hot, cold... it's never ending.  I wake up soaked in sweat.  (on the positive side, sweat glands are working GREAT) Then I immediately begin to freeze as the sweat starts to evaporate from my body.  (another positive, goosebumps still work)  Get in the car and drive to work, hot flash.  (begin sweating)  Turn on AC to ice cold.  (commence shivering)  Repeat throughout the day, as needed.  Fun.

I can still feel sensations with my skin.  Let's put this in the positive column, as well.  (seriously, this is the beauty of blogging.  if you would have asked me if there was anything positive to say about my skin, the answer would have been, NO!) 

I'm guessing the answer to my dry skin problem is lotion, lotion, lotion.  I'm not used to using a lot of body lotion, but I think this is going to change.  Another thing that's going to change is the love of the hot shower.  I believe I'm going to be leaving this behind, as well.  I've heard of people who quit showering and do a thing called "dry brushing."  I don't know if I can give up showering, altogether, but this may be a solution.  The one thing I know is certain is that I need to stop taking my skin for granted and start taking better care of it.  I'm not sure, but I think drinking more water may help with dry skin.  I'm open to any and all suggestions.  What's blogging for if not free advice.  Thanks guys.  :)

96.  Peppermint scented body lotion
97.  Surprise lunch outing with my husband and son
98.  Trader Joe's portabello stuffed ravioli
99.  A chilled drinking fountain just outside my office door
100.  Being reminded of a weekend getaway I forgot all about
101.  The opportunity to vote for the candidate of my choice
102.  Tamoxifen

I love blog stalkers

I love blog stalkers.  I love twitter stalkers.  I love facebook stalkers.  What is social media for, if not to peer into the lives of people we don't really know and find out how much we need to improve or, better yet, how  we are superior to most other people.  I welcome the blogstalker.  I invite you to comment with praise or criticism.  My goal, in blogging, is to get a good look at the way I am moving through this world.  I want to get a good look at the way I think about things.  Sometimes I need an adjustment.  Sometimes I'm happy to get the confirmation of not being alone in my way of thinking.  There is just something about seeing the words written on the screen that speak truth to me.  There are times when I get home from a party or my small group bible study or lunch with a friend and I dissect the conversation I just had.  I take some time and try to remember exactly what I said or what she said or what he said and decide if I made a fool of myself or not.  I'm sure I don't remember everything in the conversations just right.  I KNOW I give myself either a lot more criticism or much more accolade than I deserve for ANYTHING I say.  It's just what I do.  Seeing my thoughts written on the screen takes the memory factor out of the equation.  I need this.

I'll admit it.  I'm a blog stalker.  I read blogs I don't follow.  I love checking out what is going on out there in the blogosphere.  I read blogs on topics I have no interest in at all.  I love to see what other people are doing on their blogs.  One thing I've learned about blogstalking is to NOT publicly follow blogs you are stalking.  I don't follow publicly because, I've found, when someone is stalking my blog and follows publicly, I get a notice of a follower.  (besides this takes all the stalkery part out of stalking)  Then, when they decide my blog is not for them and they unfollow, I lose a follower.  I know it shouldn't, but it hurts my feelings a little bit.  I don't want to do this to others, so I don't follow publicly.  This is just me.  I don't comment on a blog I'm stalking.  I lurk.  Now, I don't mind if blogstalkers comment on my blog while their stalking me.  I'm good with this.  Again, this is just me.

Today I'm encouraging all my readers to get out there and blogstalk, facebookstalk, twitterstalk, ...whatever.  There are a lot of good blogs out there.  If you don't poke around the blogosphere and check them out, you could be missing some great stuff.  If you don't twitterstalk other people's twitter feeds, you won't know where the next party is.  If you don't facebookstalk your friends (or unfriends) you won't know what they are saying about you.  JUST KIDDING.  Everybody will only be talking about themselves.  It's what we do.

65.  Trader Joes Greek Style salad dressing (yummy)
66.  Bloggers
67.  Free high resolution images on the internet from wonderful photographers
68.  Coworkers who care about the job
69.  Notary publics in the building you work at
70.  Son's placating their mom, because they know it will make mom happy for a whole day

Failing at blogging

I feel like I'm failing at blogging.  I'm still not well, but I'm back at work.  There must be something seriously wrong with me and I'm not talking about my crummy cold that I hope does not turn into pneumonia.  Why am I at work when I'm not all the way better?  I took last Thursday and Friday off (because the doctor told me to) and came in today to an ENORMOUS pile 'o work.  This, ladies and gentlemen, is why I can't stay away from work too long.  The stuff just keeps piling higher and higher and deeper and deeper.  Today I'm feeling quite overwhelmed.  I didn't get a lunch break, so I'm taking a terminal lunch today.  And when I get home I'll dive into the bag 'o meds I received from the doc and go to sleep.  It's only 2 p.m. and I'm toast.  I need to work on my contest submission, too.  So much to do and no energy to get it done.  Now, if anyone has a little cheese to go with my whine... thank you.

37.  Sunny days
38.  Frequent flier points that add up to free airline tickets
39.  Fresh water
40.  Hall's cough drops
41.  Spring breaks

Blogging is more strenuous than it looks

I haven't blogged in a week.  I've been sick.  It's been a crummy, horrible, terrible cold.  The kind that sits in your chest and makes breathing a conscious act and not the involuntary respiration you've enjoyed in the past.  You all know what that kind of cold is like.  It sucks all the energy right out of you.  However, I went to work as much as I could last week.  I wanted to make sure I passed this crummy cold around to as many people as I could.  After all, they were nice enough to give it to me.  I just wanted to pay it forward.  Unfortunately I did miss my small group bible study last night and last week.  I didn't want to give this cold to them.  And, I missed church on Sunday.  So, I failed in my effort to attend church every Sunday in Lent.  I haven't been walking either.  There you have it.  I'm not all the way better, but I'm well on the way to being there.

I discovered, during this ailment, blogging is a lot more work than I thought it was.  Last Tuesday I was home.  I thought I was going to have some dental work done in the morning, so I took the day off of work.  I hate going to work with a numb mouth.  It just doesn't work for me.  I have to answer the phone all day, so I'm bound to bite my lip or do something like that and injure myself.  It's just not worth it.  The dentist (who thankfully underwent dental hygienist training), looked at my tooth and decided I could wait until May to get this work done. My insurance wouldn't pay until May, so it's worth waiting until then to have a crown replaced.  Crowns are BIG money.  So, I went home and thought I'd rest and get rid of this cold.  I tried to write something on my blog, but nothing would come to my mind.  All I could think about was myself and how crummy I was feeling.  I discovered even though blogging is a very self involved activity, it's harder than it looks.  Even though this blog is about me, (and REALLY, this blog is all about me, even when you think it's about you) it takes effort to look within myself and discover what I am thinking about things outside of myself.  It is work to put my words in an order that makes sense, not only to me, but to anyone out there that may take the time to read what I write.  Tuesday, I couldn't summon up the energy.

On Wednesday and Thursday I went to work.  I've told you guys I get paid to blog, because I usually write my blog at work.  This works for me.  But not this week.  It took all the strength I could muster to get the basics of my job accomplished.  However, I was FABULOUS at passing germs to anyone with the nerve to walk up to my desk and ask me to do something for them.  I was great at this.  I couldn't summon the attentiveness to read the blogs of my blogger friends.  This was so surprising to me.  I guess I'm getting really old.  Seriously, we are talking about sitting in a chair and clicking on a link to open a blog and reading, for pete's sake.  I couldn't do it.  I know when I was a sahm I took care of a kid when I had a crappy cold.  It's heck to get old.  Everything seems to take so much more energy.

By Friday, I was hanging on by my fingernails.  My boss was going to be out of the office most of the day.  My plan was to get a few things accomplished, like the super-important TEP request for $$ and the letters to and from the important elected officials, and then get the heck out of there.  Sometimes I can't believe how dedicated I am to doing a good job, even when I don't believe in what I'm doing.  I wonder why this is?  I think it has something to do with being a "type X" employee.  (I wrote about this here)  Or maybe it's just another way of me being focused only on me.  This is a scary thought.  I mean, do you think the people who allowed Hitler to rise to power and commit atrocities and worked in the government were only focused on doing a "good job?"  See where my thoughts can go when I can focus on more than just breathing in and out.  :)  Anyway, after I got my necessary work accomplished I went home and went to bed.  After all, what was the use of being at work if there was no one to infect with this crummy cold?

I hoped to have some energy to blog over the weekend, but it was not to be.  It was all I could do to get a few chores done.  Even though my husband is retired, he still doesn't know how to use a washing machine or dryer and cannot fold a t-shirt to save his life.  (I do not understand this in any way)  Btw, I didn't mention this, but one reason I went to work as much as I did, besides wanting to infect more people with this cold, was because it was my husband's first week of retirement.  It just seemed like I would be stealing his thunder if I stayed home from work, sick, while he was home, retired.  Does this make sense to anyone but me?  Anyway, this was all part of my thought process, but since I was under the influence of many doses of cold medicine, it could be a bit twisted.

Yesterday I thought I'd get back on track at work and on the blog.  Yet, when I arrived at the office on Monday I discovered I really hadn't accomplished all that much in my decongestant fog.  And, as icing on the cake of a Monday, my boss gave me a project.  He gave me a mystery puzzler project and said I could accomplish it any way I wanted.  I LOVE a project like this.  So, I spent a lot of time on it and GOT IT DONE.  I guess I'm a weirdo like that.  But, no blogging happened yesterday.  And, I was totally spent when I got home.  On the positive side, I discovered when your husband is retired, but doesn't cook, you can call him and have him order Thai carry-out and pick it up and have it ready for dinner when you get home.  This is the best thing, EVER!  I may do this again some time.  :)

I made it to Tuesday and I'm back.  I'm feeling like I'm going to live and my head is clearer than it's been in a week.  (no comments from the peanut gallery)  There are so many things I need to think about and write about and comment about.  AND, I need to work on my entry for the humorous writing contest.  It true, you know, when you've got your health, you've got everything.  :) 

21.  My health
22.  Eucalyptus essential oils
23.  Projects that allow me to use my brain
24.  Friends playing Words with Friends with me
25.  Old movies on Netflix
26.  Documentaries on Netflix
27.  Ok, I'll just say it, Netflix streaming
29.  Coffee
30.  Hot fires in the fireplace

Musenix was my friend

What the ...?

Can you call yourself a Christian if you cuss?

I have been known to use some pretty colorful language to communicate my feelings.  I cuss.  Btw, I married a sailor, doncha know.  It's funny, I didn't cuss nearly as much while my husband was active duty navy as I do now.  I think this may be because our son was young and I didn't enjoy hearing my four year old using the "f" word.  Now he is 24 and he uses the WHOLE alphabet.  Thankfully, he has enough respect for his dad and me to keep from using it in front of us, ...mostly.  I, on the other hand, am not so good at keeping from using the foul language in front of him.

I just read a status update on the page of a favorite blogger of mine, Jamie the Very Worst Missionary.  She is a christian missionary and she cusses.  I think JTVWM is the real deal.  I see the love of Jesus shining through her blog posts.  But, yeah, she cusses.  The status on her fb page went something like this.

JTVWM is very clever.  She has a clever mind and a quick wit.  I like this about her.  I have a tendency to have a quick retort, as well.  And, I cuss.

Of course cussing isn't the worst of the sins one can commit.  (as if God rated the sins on a graduated scale)  But how we speak does give an indication of what kind of person we are.  I know my mom and dad hate to hear cussing.  So, when I visit my mom and dad, I don't cuss.  See, I can clean up the language when I want to do it.  I have wondered if people exclaiming "Oh My Goodness" as opposed to "Oh My God" were doing a better job of being a Christian than I am.  Believe me, these phrases are just the tip of the iceberg of my inappropriate language.  And, come to think of it, is cussing really a sin?  The bible tells us not to use God's name in vain, but it doesn't say anything about the "f" word or any of the other lettered words.

For the most part, I think the use of the bad language is me just being lazy.  I know if I put a bit of effort into my day to day convos I could avoid the cussing.  I know, because I can do it when I want to do it.  Another thing I've found to be true, for me, is I cuss more when I'm around people who are cussing.  It's contagious.  Another thing about cussing, I think, is it makes me look kind of dumb.  I'm sure I can think of better words to use to emphasize my feelings than the cuss words.  I mean, I'm trying to think of myself as a writer and writers are users of words.  They use lots of words.  On the positive side, does my cussing allow me to "fit in" situations that I may not fit into if I didn't cuss?  I wonder.

One part of the bible always comes to my mind when I ponder my language and the use of appropriate words.  The verses are Isaiah 6:6 & 7; Then one of the seraphs flew to me with a live coal in his hand, which he had taken with tongs from the altar.  With it he touched my mouth and said, "See, this has touched your lips; your guilt is taken away and your sin atoned for."

I know this doesn't say anything specifically about bad language, but if sin begins with what we think, then grows with what we say, and then blooms in our actions, it seems like cleaning up the language would be a good place to "nip this in the bud."  (to continue the metaphor)  I think the imagery of angels picking up hot coals with tongs and touching these coals to the lips of the prophet represent purification of the prophet's words as well as his sin.  The prophet MUST speak the truth to the people.  His words must be pure.

Back to my cussing issue.  I think, in my case, I'm going to need to begin with just saying nothing at all, instead of cussing.  People may begin to think I've developed a stutter while working on this "stop cussing" project.  Maybe the look on their faces as they watch me try to speak will help me with my smiling project, too.

These pants make my butt look good

Let me tell you why I blog.  I have learned so much about myself this week.  I know, 20 years ago, Oprah told everyone to journal.  I know she said it changed her life.  I'm sure it did.  But, I'll bet it doesn't hold a candle to how blogging her journal would have changed her life.  This week I opened up my coat to the blogosphere and, metaphorically, checked out my butt in the mirror to decided if my "big girl" pants made my butt look bad.

This week I examined myself and some of my motivations in life.  The most challenging thing I revealed was my negative self-talk.  I have to tell you, I appreciated the commiseration from my readers.  Sometimes it's good to know you aren't the only one doing something a little nutty, in private.  It also made me want to start a support group for us.  We can get together once or twice a week and remind each other how GREAT we are.  We can tell each other our successes for the week and compliment each other.  There are plenty of naysayers out there in the world and they are more than happy to knock us down a peg or two.  I think a support group would be so much FUN.  We could tell each other how great our butts look in our pants.  :)

This week I examined my competitive attitude.  I'm going to tell you, I thought everyone likes to win.  It was a little surprising to me that this may not be accurate.  This was eye opening.  I don't believe in winning at any cost.  I would never advocate cheating to win.  I was just commenting on my attitude of having the desire to win when I am in any competitive situation.  For example, I ran for a position on the board of directors of the HOA in my neighborhood this month.  I'd held a position on this board for the last four years.  During the last year of my term I had had a couple issues come up and I had to make some decisions that were going to please one neighbor and not please the other.  Sure, I had covenants and by-laws on my side, but there you have it.  I made a few neighbors unhappy.  Unhappy people don't keep their opinions to themselves.  I had a feeling I wasn't going to be re-elected, but I ran anyway.  I still had a few things I wanted to accomplish on the board.  In the end, I lost re-election by one vote.  Of course I was disappointed.  I wanted to win.  I'm not disappointed I don't have to serve on the board.  It's a lot of work and there is no way to make everyone happy.  My friend ran for a position on the board, too.  She didn't win either.  She said she didn't even think about the election.  She had put her name in the hat just because she was asked.  She didn't care whether or not she won.  I certainly won't be a sore loser in this situation, but I'm not going to say it didn't sting to lose.

This week I confessed I can be confrontational.  I never said I sought out confrontation.  I said, when I find myself in a situation that develops into one that requires a decision, I do not back away from making the tough decision.  I am willing to put in the work to investigate what is needed.  I'm willing to listen to both sides of an argument.  I'm willing to be the decider and have some people be unhappy with my decision.  One thing I learned from blogging about this was that this is a gift.  I may not make every decision correctly.  Some of the decisions I make may be overturned, at a later time.  But, when a decision needs to be made, I can make it.  Even if I am going to make some people unhappy.  I know you can't make all the people happy all the time, and I'm willing to do the hard work.  This is one character trait that absolutely makes my butt look good in these pants.

While digging through my feelings and thoughts about these character traits I discovered a couple things that had made me question myself.  One thing was the tendency women have to back bite and criticize in order to make themselves feel better about themselves.  It is very unfortunate this is a relatively common trait in women.  It doesn't seem to be so common for men.  A second thing I discovered was the complete acceptance of crying in the 30 something generation.  When things don't go the way they want, crying is an accepted response.  It doesn't matter if it's a man or a woman, it's ok to cry when things are not going your way.  Crying is a very powerful tool.  When someone cries as a response to not getting their way, emotion can sway a decision.  When I saw the SNL sketch parodying this response, I was assured this was a trend in this generation.

I thank my readers for sharing this tedious examination of my character this week.  I get it was pretty darn self-indulgent, but, seriously, blogging is a pretty self-indulgent activity.  I don't use my blog to try to teach anyone anything.  I'm just working through the struggles in my life and seeking to be happy, living my life authentically, and being the blessing I believe God created me to be.

by jalfaro2

I selected this post to be featured on my blog’s page at Blogs for Women.

 

I will pray for you

I've been saying this a lot lately.  I've been typing it to blog friends.  I've been saying it to real life friends.  I've been writing it in cards.  I've been saying it a lot.  Then I saw this blog, and I felt I needed to think about it some more.  Do I mean what I say, when I say I will pray?

I believe prayer is a powerful thing.  I believe intercessory prayer is a super duper powerful thing.  When  I tell someone I will pray for them, I try to do it immediately.  I wish I had the nerve to pray with a person, out loud, when I tell them I will pray for them, in person.  I think I've only done that once or twice.  I'm just not comfortable doing that.  However, I don't think this makes my prayers any less powerful.   And, what if the only time I pray for the person I've agreed to pray for is this one time?  Is this not good enough?  When I said I would pray, did I mean I would pray every day?  Does my prayer need to be in a certain form to be a legitimate prayer?  I don't think so.  Lastly, what if I don't pray for the person I said I would pray for?  What if I forget?  Does this make me a liar?  Or, does the agreement to pray count for something?

I used to pray more often and on a regular schedule.  I don't do that now.  Sorry, but true.  I think this is why I'm eager to pray for people, when they ask for prayer.  It gives me a reason to pray.  I used to pray for one thing, for myself, over and over and over.  God didn't answer this prayer.  So, I more or less stopped praying, for myself.  It wasn't that I thought God didn't hear my prayer.  It was more like, I thought, God didn't want to answer my prayer, for whatever reason.  The biggest reason, I thought, was because I had been too sinful and I had not confessed all my sins.  I know this most likely is not the reason, but this is what I thought.

Now, intercessory prayer, I think, is a different animal.  I'm not praying for myself.  There is no hint of selfishness in these prayers.  Even though I may have never met those I'm praying for in person, I have faith that the God I serve knows them intimately.  I have faith that the God I believe in and trust is the same God those I pray for believe in and trust.  It connects us.  It links us together.  Even if we never meet on this Earth, we are connected through God.  Praying for other people strengthens my faith in God.  I am grateful for the opportunity to pray for others.  It makes me glad when I'm asked.  It feels authentic when I offer.

I hear others say they will keep people in their thoughts.  I don't know if this means they don't want to say they don't pray or it means they don't want anyone to think they believe in God or a higher power.  I don't think it is more authentic than saying they will pray.  I do understand the fear of being thought of as a Christian.  If you admit to being a Christian, in certain company, you may be looked at with a raised eyebrow.  I'm not sure what keeping a person in one's thoughts can do for anyone, but there you have it.

I have been praying for others a lot, lately.  I'm praying for you, Brandee.  I'm praying for you, Lynn.  I am praying for you Em.  I'm praying for you, Elizabeth.  I am praying for you, Jan.  I'm praying for you Lynne and Ellye.  I'm praying for you Linda.  I am praying for you, Kati.  I'm praying for you, Dan.  Thank you all for allowing me to pray for you.  Thank you for reminding me the God we love cares about us and answers the prayers of our fellow believers.

If you find yourself with a desire to pray, feel free to pray for me or any of the names listed above.  I'd love to have other believers holding me up to God in prayer.  I've got some real fears about the new turn my life is taking.  I'd love to be able to give these fears away.  I'd love to let them go.  :) 

Can I call myself a writer?

Look to the right.  In the margin.  See my profile?  It says "I've been blogging for a year. I'm not a writer, but I think I have something to say."  Well, I guess I consider myself a writer now.  What am I thinking?  I'm entering a writing contest being hosted by the college.  I read the requirements for the contest.  The requirements opened the contest to current students and alumni.  I was disappointed.  I wanted to enter, but I am neither a current student, nor an alum.  I crafted an email requesting permission to enter the contest as a staff member of the college.  The faculty member and judge wrote back and said, "please submit an entry.  and please talk this contest up to other staff members."  The "Assault of Laughter" contest is being hosted by the Mark Twain Lecture series.  My entry needs to be a humorous piece and it needs to be 1000 to 2000 words.  I'm thinking of fleshing out my post, In Facebook, veritas.  I'm sure I won't win, but... I certainly won't win if I don't try.  I'm stretching myself some more.  It's a little scary.  I'll keep you posted. 

Contrived

When one wants to become good at something, one is encouraged to practice.  Right?  I've mentioned that to become proficient at something you have to spend 10,000 hours doing it.

So, is it contrived to blog often?  If you are a blogger and you want to become good at blogging or even if you don't want to become good at blogging, you just want to improve your writing, you write.  If you want to write poetry, is it contrived to write a poem every day?  If you want to be a wonderful chef, is it contrived to cook every day?  If you want to be a wonderful actor or lawyer, is it contrived to tell lies every day?  (just kidding, not really, yes I am, no I'm not.)

There seems to be a trend of thinking out there amongst the younger folks, that one is BORN being talented in some area or another.  I'm guessing, and I could be wrong, but I don't think so, this trend of thinking comes from observing teen pop stars like Justin Bieber and Taylor Swift and (from the olden days) Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera.  There is a trend of thinking that believes these folks were born talented and luckily, became RICH and FAMOUS.  And, the thinking continues, if it happened to these folks, it could happen to me, as well.  I mean, aren't I talented?  My high-school art teacher said I showed some talent.  And, I saved all the pictures I drew in high school and they must be worth hundreds of dollars now.  And, I play the guitar some and, even if I don't play every day, I'm still as good as any rock star and I deserve to be rich and famous, too.  I think there may be a disconnect with the fact that these LUCKY pop stars didn't graduate from high school and spent ALL their time singing or dancing or both and there was a lot of hard work involved and there were parents giving up their time and energy, as well.  But, ... who's thinking about that.

Practicing is thought of as contrived.  I guess the words or the music or the art or the cooking or the arguing is supposed to flow through a person organically.  Anything of any worth or value comes out of the person without rehearsal.  If the music or the art or the cooking or the arguing has been practiced or rehearsed, it is contrived.  In my point of view, this is just being lazy.

Practicing, especially when you don't want to do it, is what makes you proficient at whatever it is you want to do well.  It not only gives you the opportunity to do your thing 10,000 times, it teaches you to have the discipline to keep working at whatever it is you want to do, even when it becomes tough to do.

If I want to be a better writer, I need to write every day.  Even when I have a tough time thinking of a topic to write about.  Even when the topic is something that isn't so much fun to write about.  If I want to become a better writer, I need to write.