Finding my way in this new land

I have to admit, I'm lost.

I haven't found a routine or schedule or goal or whatever motivates one when they don't have a job outside the home and they don't have children to care for.

I used to think I was a "self starter," but now I'm not so sure.  It's funny (read, kinda sad) that I let little things stop me in my tracks.  The first thing I allowed to keep me from jumping into my new way of life was the hurt I felt from the way I was "let go" from my job.  It took me almost three weeks to pick myself up and dust myself off.  Now that I've got a bit of distance and I've let go of any ownership I felt about my work I can look at things objectively.  The first thing I've come to accept is that they fired me.

There, I said it.  Out loud.  On the internet (so it's out there forever).  Those people (jerks) that I worked for for 11 years, fired me.  Yeah, they did me dirty.

Ok, now I can move on.  But then..., my computer broke.  Seriously, I can't do anything without my laptop.  Here I am finally blogging again.  AND, I'm blogging on my brand new MacBook Air.  Yeah, I thought I was going to get a Pro, but I decided to go with the Air.  It cost less and it has everything I need.  I LOVE IT.  It is light as a feather.  Seriously.  I can take this thing EVERYWHERE.  I'm going to have to get some kind of sleeve or protector for it.  Since I CAN take it everywhere, I DO take it everywhere.  I've banged it against the car door more than once.  I don't want to break it.

I still haven't taken all my files off my old MacBook yet.  That bad boy is still sitting in the front hall.  Maybe I'll finally get to that little chore today.

Then, sadly, two of my former co-workers (ones that I truly liked, but cannot call friends because, well, are we ever REALLY friends with co-workers?  after all, we only know each other because we work together and when we don't work together anymore we don't really have time or opportunity to see each other.) have had tragedies occur in their lives.  One of them had a mini stroke (she's only 35 years old!) and the other lost her 22 year old son (she discovered he had passed away when she got home from work).  These two events stopped me dead in my tracks.  All I could do, that felt productive, was to pray (and, unfortunately, worry).  These things give me opportunity to reevaluate the way I look at the difficulties I have in my life. 

I have the opportunity to get a little perspective.

I'm out of work..., but I can look for a job and maybe even find one.
My son is out of work..., but he is still capable of working and he's looking for a job.  (at least that is what he tells me.)
My husband doesn't have job..., but he is on the last chapter of his dissertation and, fingers crossed, will finish in November.
My mother is losing her mind..., but she is 80 years old, still has her physical health, and her condition is not as difficult at this time as it will become.
My father is has become very bitter..., and become the best example of what I NEVER want to become.
My favorite millennial blogger has become a mommy blogger instead of being the voice of her generation (of the entitled)..., but I can find a more uplifting blog to read. 

I'm still searching for a routine.  I long for a schedule in my life.  I need to find some discipline and get myself together.  I know I can do it.

And I will.  But not until after my back feels better.  (I fell down the stairs the other day.)

501.  New laptop
502.  Heating pad
503.  My health
504.  My son's health
505.  My husband's health
506.  My father's health
507.  My mother's health
508.  Time in prayer
509.  Time in God's word
510.  Hope

Whose voice are you listening to?

I've never felt "at home" here in SoMD.  I remember the day my husband brought me here.  He told me the place we were going to live was just south of Washington D.C.  I'm a city girl and that sounded just fine to me.  We drove here from Monterey, CA.  When we got to the beltway I was so happy.  We were almost here.  And then we kept driving.  We kept driving for a long time and there wasn't anything along the way.  We didn't pass through any towns.  We barely saw any houses.  We saw a bunch of empty land.  (it was winter, that empty land was farmland)  I didn't have a good feeling about this.  That was 22 years ago.  My feelings about the area haven't improved.  But this is where God brought me and I was going to bloom where I had been planted.  It has been a struggle, but you know what they say, "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger."  I'm feeling pretty darn strong right about now.

Some Christians I've met believe God has been speaking to them and telling them to leave their home and go out and search for a new home in a different location.  I guess they believe they will receive a "sign" when they find their home.  This is interesting.  You would think if God was sending you out, he'd make a path for you.  After all, when he asked Moses to take his people out of Egypt he sent a pillar of cloud by day and a pillar of fire by night.  Even though he had them wander in the desert for 40 years, he was still the one leading them around.  So when you say God is sending you out and you have to manipulate everything you have and hold in order to make this divine journey happen, maybe you shouldn't say it is God who is sending you.  Maybe you should just say it like it is, this is something you want to do and you want God to bless it.  

Being a Christian is difficult enough, in this day and age, without putting words in God's mouth.  It hurts my heart to watch someone say that they hear the voice of God, then tell others what God has told them, and then to watch it not happen.  This makes God look foolish.  Or, it makes God a liar.  I'm sure God appreciates the help.  (Not)  This makes your witness in the world pretty weak.

My pastor shares the Halverson Benediction with his congregation at the close of every service.  I used to think it was because he thought the way I was thinking and was convincing himself that God had not made a mistake by sending him to SoMD.  As I listened to it over and over, I realized that wasn't the case.  He was happy here.  He believed God had sent him here and God had a purpose for him being here.  This gave me the courage I needed to believe more strongly that God's plan for my life had me living here and it wasn't a mistake.  I could pray for God to change his mind, but I wasn't going to force his hand.  God had something he wanted to do through me here in SoMD.  I just needed to be open to what God wanted me to do.  So I was.

If you ever feel you aren't where you belong or that God has made a mistake by placing you in your job or you home or your family.  Remember the words of Rev. Dr. Richard Halverson.

You go nowhere by accident. 

Wherever you go, God is sending you. 

Wherever you are, God has put you there.
God has a purpose in your being there. 

Christ who indwells you has something He wants to do through you, where you are.

Believe this and go in His Spirit's grace and love and power.

371.  Friday (yay!)

372.  My office feels a little bit warmer

373.  Time to myself this weekend (my husband is at Otakon with my son)

374.  Cantalope

375.  A sense of peace about my job (or resignation, whichever it ends up as)

376.  Netflix

377.  Kelly Clarkson AND Dwight Shrute

378.  Truth

379.  People here at my job that know what's going on and call me to see if I'm ok

380.  Confidence that I am exactly where I'm meant to be

My solitude

I've been enjoying time on my own.  I've been enjoying my time and I've been feeling guilty about it at the same time.  I'm trying so hard not to allow those feelings of guilt about being on my own spoil the enjoyment of being quiet.

I'm on vacation.  I'm on vacation with my husband and my husband's good friend and former college roommate.  We are in Lake Tahoe.  The weather is gorgeous.  Spring has found Lake Tahoe, much to the dismay of the skiers.  It's been sunny every day and the temps are hanging around the 50's all day long.  My husband and his pal are still going skiing every day, even though the conditions are marginal.  This leaves me with time on my own, every day.  This is where I become torn.

I love having time on my own.  I love having hours of sitting in complete silence.  I love having time to read.  I love having time to go for a stroll to the lake and enjoying the sounds of the birds and the waves lapping on the beach.  Peace and quiet is so restorative to me.

When my husband returns from the slopes the first thing he asks me is, "whatcha do today?"  I always feel guilty when I answer, "nuthin'."  I guess I could say that I read part of my book or I took a short walk or I took a hot bath or I watched some of the Jodi Arias murder trial, but when I think about those things I don't think of any of them as accomplishments or under the category of "doing something."  I struggle.

I've been contemplating the last blog post I wrote and considering my thought process.  I have come very far in changing the negative thinking about myself.  I realize I am much too critical of myself.  I'm making strong efforts at focusing on the positive and strong aspects of myself.  I'm accepting my flaws.  I'm trying so hard to accept my body, as it is.  I read a post from Emily about writing a love letter to my body.  I debated with myself about writing such a letter.  I'm not ready, yet, but I'm working on it.

I watched a t.v. show called What Not to Wear.  There was a woman with a shape similar to mine on the show.  I noticed that her ankles were thinner than mine.  Of all the things to notice on this show... the woman's ankles.  I have a long way to go, but I'm trying.  I'm sitting here, drinking tea and munching on triple ginger snaps.  I have a long way to go, but I'll get there.

Another thing I noticed while contemplating the way I think, was that I considered being in the middle of a book a non-accomplishment and finishing a book the accomplishment.   For some reason I have this idea that the accomplishment is in the completion of the task and not in the enjoyment of the task.  I struggle to find my joy in the midst of the event.

So today I'll enjoy my solitude.  I'll enjoy my time watching a movie about a Russian love and tragedy, Anna Karenina.  I'll enjoy my book about a Swedish girl struggling with her life and love and solving mysteries in The Girl Who Played With Fire.  I'll drink tea and nibble on ginger snaps and write my blog.  I'll take a hot bath.  I'll enjoy the peace and quiet and beautiful scenery.

Today I'll learn to accept that I'm on vacation and I don't need to "accomplish" anything.  I can rest and relax.  I can be good with this, for today. 

Lake Tahoe (I took this pic)

226.  Movies in Redbox

227.  Hot tea

228.  Snow on mountaintops

229.  Clear blue sky

230.  Readers who think of messaging me when I don't write for a few days

231.  Breathing the thin air at high altitude

232.  The scent of pine in the air

233.  A comfortable condominium to vacation at

234.  Time away from my work and my home and the everyday stresses of life

I would love to have a friend like my younger self

I wrote this letter to my 32 year old self about six months ago.  It gave me perspective on what a truly quality person I was then and that I am now, and YES, I would certainly be friends with my younger self.  Granted, my younger self is 32 years old and not 16 years old.  After all, I'm a 55-year old woman and I can barely remember what my 16-year old self was even like back then.  I'd have to have more time to go that deep into the memory banks to retrieve those gems.  I linked to my letter, but I copied it below, as well.  It was fun to read this again and remember how I was back then.  I didn't sweat the small stuff and I was always willing to try anything new and adventurous.  I loved being a navy wife and the times when my husband and I lived in the same state were magic.  We made the MOST of those times.  And we still do.  :)

Hi Sweetie,

Welcome to Monterey, CA.  You are going to have a blast here.  Thank you, Navy, for putting us up in this rockin' duplex at the top of the hill in La Mesa.  (fyi, boy this website makes it look so much different than it did when I lived there.  if you look at the map, my house was on revere rd.)  This is such a cute little (read, tiny) house.  I think it's great that you fit all our furniture in this house and I really don't care that you're using our kitchen table as an end table in the front room.  I think it looks just great like this.  We will eat in the kitchen on a tiny plastic table with our son, sitting in his high chair.  This is going to work out just great.  The kitchen is so little, you'll be able to wash the floor in five minutes with a cup of water.  You will LOVE it.

It's great to be here at Post Graduate school.  I'm happy the husband decided to get a masters degree and not go to war with all his friends.  I know this is the kiss of death for his naval career, but you'll be glad to have him here with you and our 2 year old son.  It's cool to see old friends from Italy here, too.  It's too bad we will only be here a year and a half, but this is better than never have gotten to live here at all.

I know it was a bummer to get Bell's Palsy right after you got here.  I know it was a shame you had to miss your brother's wedding in Chicago.  Being sick and in pain isn't fun.  Good thing the pain only lasted for a month.  The five more months of paralysis sucked, but you'll get better and you'll hardly remember how crummy it was.  Good for you to get out and still make an effort to meet new people and start an Avon business with your face half frozen.  Wasn't it amazing to see how much of that stuff you sold.  You really put forth a lot of effort.  Good for you for not being so self-conscious and vain that you thought all that people cared about was how your face looked or how short your hair was.  Good for you for acting like an adult.  After all, you are 32 years old and the mom of a two year old.  It's good that you are able to get out and meet people and make friends.  You are doing the right thing by not waiting for your husband to get home and entertain you or take your child off your hands.  He's busy and he has homework.  Getting a master's degree in a year and a half is hard work.  This hard work is something he will be able to take with him when he leaves the navy.  You will be able to look back at this time of your life and remember how good it feels to be a strong woman.

You are going to love that you were supportive of your husband and his schoolwork.  It's great that he bought an Apple 2E computer.  It was worth all the money.  I know you had to eat popcorn and hot dogs for a month to make the payments for that computer and the Volvo.  (I'll bet you didn't know you were going to drive that Volvo for 17 years.)  But it was worth it to make sacrifices for your future.  It's good that you were able to put off your immediate gratification to save for your son's future and the future of your family.  (and, you learned to appreciate Apple and it's founder Steve Jobs.  that is really going to pay off in the future.)  You know, your husband is going to appreciate you typing all his papers for class.  Isn't it amazing that back then we wrote our papers in longhand and had to have someone read that chicken scratch and type it up!  I'm glad you put forth the effort to do this for your husband.  He's going to remember things like this when you need to take time for yourself.

Finally, I know that the earthquake you experienced was a terrible thing.  I know you were scared out of your mind because husband and son were away from the house.  I know those 15 seconds were the longest 15 seconds of your life, but you endured.  I know that seeing your husband come home on his bike and wondering what all the fuss was about was the happiest moment of your life.  And, I know that giving away any extra blankets or food or kitchen equipment or money or whatever you could give to help those who had more damage than your family never caused you to bat an eye or feel a pang of resentment.  I want you to know, that when that phone rang, and it was your mother, and you got the opportunity to tell her you were all ok and then the phone died and didn't start working again for a week, yeah, that was God.  (amazing how we managed before cell phones and email and the internet)  You are never going to forget that moment.  You know what you're going to remember the most?  You're going to remember getting all the families on the street together to bar-b-que, because none of us had electric or gas for a week.  You're going to remember, because you gave up most of your summer to do the HUGE vacation bible school music and program, so many of the families in the neighborhood knew you and were happy to help your family just the way you were happy to help their families.  You're going to remember how much this time in your life felt like community and the best way navy families support each other.

You will remember your time in Monterey, CA so fondly.  You are always going to wish you could go back.  But you know, you can never go home.  If you do get a chance to go back, just know, things have changed.  You will have changed, too.  Have fun at Cannery Row.  Enjoy the Monterey Bay Aquarium and watch the otters play.  Go down to Carmel by the Sea and Big Sur.  Check out the Dennis the Menace park and remember how much fun your little one had there.  Go down to Fisherman's Wharf and feed the sea lions.  Yeah, do all those things and remember that you didn't miss a beat while you were there.  You had the time of your young life.  I'm proud of you for being the strong, adult, navy wife you were back then.  You did yourself and your family proud.

Love,
Your 55 year old self


115.  Limping on a sprained ankle, but oh so grateful it isn't broken
116.  Two hour delay start for work after a 4-day weekend
117.  Broccoli juice (I know, but it's better than it sounds)
118.  I remembered to bring leftover Italian Wedding soup for lunch today
119.  A prompt for a blog post that allows me to reminisce about my younger days
120.  Smiling, while remembering my time in Monterey, CA
121.  Smiling, while remembering when my son was small
122.  Smiling, yeah, just smiling  (it's good for the soul)

young woman or old woman

Linking to Emily for a one-time link-up

Fruits of the Spirit given to me

Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness, and Self-Control

There they are.  All nine fruits of the Spirit listed in Galatians 5:22-23.  There are a couple things I have learned about these nine attributes that I didn't understand and I'd like to share them with you.  I'm sure many of you already know most of what I don't know, (because there are libraries filled with stuff I don't know) but I beg your indulgence.

The first thing I have learned about these fruits is that they come directly from the Holy Spirit, himself.  These are not attributes we develop on our own.  Also, this Love and Joy and Peace and Kindness and Patience and Goodness and Faithfulness and Gentleness and Self-Control are God's divine attributes.  Not the same as those named by mere men.  We may use the same names for them, but the manifestation of these attributes from God are not the same as those exhibited by men.  In order for us to exhibit the fruits of the Spirit we must stay connected to Jesus.  Just as Jesus told us in John 15:5, he is the vine and we are the branch.  Apart from him, we can do nothing.  Connected to him, we bear fruit.

Love:  We are to love God, first, then love ourselves and others, and ultimately, to love our enemies.  This is not the love we see in men, but the love that God has for us.  After all, we were his enemy before we accepted the Holy Spirit into our hearts and became his child.

Joy:  The happiness we have because we serve God.  This is also the source of our strength in God.  Without Joy in the Lord, we can become weak and dry.

Peace:  The sense of tranquility and poise from having the Holy Spirit (God) living in our hearts.  The sense of well-being and confidence from fully relying on God and his promises.

Patience:  Understanding and trusting God's timing.  Understanding that as the creator of time, God exists outside of time.  Trusting God's timing and having confidence in his promises.  This is steadfastness and endurance, even when times get tough. 

Kindness:  This is a quality of love that will flow through us when we stay connected to Jesus Christ.  It is a love for mankind, a readiness to help, hospitality, and a sweetness in disposition.

Goodness:  The quality of God's goodness manifested in his people has the effect of drawing people to God.  This goodness is kindness in action.  It is the core of what a believer is.  God is good, all the time.  We, his children, have been given the attribute of God's goodness.

Faithfulness:  Staying true and loyal to God is something that God wants from us.  He has told us he is a jealous God and will not tolerate unfaithfulness.  Our commitment to God should be reflected in our commitment to family and friends that have been brought into our lives.

Gentleness:  This attribute can be described as power and strength under control.  Gentleness should not be confused with weakness.  It is said that, at times, a soft answer will turn away wrath.

Self-Control:  Having victory over one's flesh.  Having victory over vices.  This attribute is huge.  Our hearts may be filled with the Spirit, but it is housed in a body of flesh.  This flesh needs to be disciplined and kept in check.

Thanks for allowing me to work through this verse of scripture and re-teach myself the truth of the gifts that God has given to me.

40.  Quiet
41.  Prayer
42.  Meditation
43.  Contemplation
44.  Rest
45.  Peace
46.  Trust
47.  A shoulder massage
48.  Yoga stretches at my desk
49.  Tylenol

(I've got a crummy migraine today that has held over from yesterday, but I still came to work)

2013... Here I come, ready or not

2013 is going to be a great year.

I'm going to do what I love ('cause life is too short to do anything else)

I'm going to believe in my ideas ('cause if I don't, who will?)

I'm going to take calculated risks ('cause anything worth while is worth taking a chance on)

I'm going to juggle well and do it with a smile ('cause when you smile you keep them guessing)

I'm going to trust others ('cause it means I'm taking a risk)

I'm going to say NEXT to the naysayers ('cause I don't need that negativity in my life)

I'm going to be proud of my failures ('cause it means I'm trying)

I'm praying 2013 brings you everything your heart desires. Keep pushing yourself and keep believing in YOUR ideas. You owe it to yourself.....you deserve it!

Happy New Year!

1.  A week of intense rest and relaxation
2.  Making new friends
3.  Staying home on New Year's Eve with my favorite people
4.  Time to read BOOKS
5.  Reading Christmas cards from old friends
6.  Hope for a very good 2013
7.  Peace in the knowledge that God is in control
8.  Love for my God and my neighbor
9.  Being happy with myself

A bird pooped on me

This morning while walking from my car to my office a bird pooped on my hand.  I've heard getting pooped on by a bird can be considered good luck.  I can't imagine why this is something some people think, but evidently it is.  Maybe there is something about the randomness of it?  Maybe it's because it's a good thing cows can't fly?  Who knows?  Anyway, today ended up being a very good day.

This morning I got to work and my boss gave me 2 lbs. of my favorite coffee.  He told me he was in Trader Joe's and he just thought of me and the fact that he knows I like TJ's coffee, so he bought it for me.  Then I got a call from my girlfriend.  She had the name of a family with real Christmas needs this year.  There are four children and a mom and dad that are really hurting this year.  My small group bible study is giving them Christmas from soup to nuts, and by soup to nuts I mean a decorated tree, gifts, Christmas dinner and groceries and heating oil for a month.  There is just something about sharing the joy of the Christmas season with a family that really needs it.  Both the mom and dad have been laid off work since the summer.  (yeah, I know I'd love to get 99 weeks of unemployment, but I wouldn't want to lose my husband's pension.  I know I'm blessed.)  I found the perfect gift for my son, and I didn't even have to leave my desk.  I was able to give someone exactly what they wanted for Christmas and it didn't even cost me a dime.  Today APPL is up $10 and you know that's been a long time coming.  One of my co-workers put in his resignation today.  I don't know if I'll actually miss him, but he said he'll miss me.  Then he gave me a giant bag of candy for the candy jar on my desk.  My husband took me to my favorite restaurant for lunch and the special for lunch was my favorite, the seafood bisque.  I haven't even reached the end of the work day and so far, it's been a great day.  I can't wait to see what happens when I get home.

So if you're wondering if it's good luck if a bird poops on you, in my experience, it is. 

716.  My favorite coffee
717.  My favorite soup
718.  Giving someone the perfect gift
719.  Decorating Christmas trees
720.  Driving around at night and looking at Christmas lights
721.  Eggnog (but not too much)
722.  My small group bible study (I know I've said this before, but they are the BEST)
723.  Watching a big pine tree get cut down from my office window
724.  Smelling the scent of pine in my office and at just about every house I visit
725.  Christmas cookies

Soup kitchen Thanksgiving

This year I enjoyed my Thanksgiving dinner at a soup kitchen.

I've spent holidays at soup kitchens before.  Being at a soup kitchen and serving those less fortunate than myself is a great way to stay grateful and to serve others.  I've had the blessing of serving, regularly, for the lunch serving at a soup kitchen in my neck of the woods.  Eventually, I came to know most of the folks that came there by their first names.  Some, I got to know better.  But there is nothing like serving a Thanksgiving meal at a soup kitchen.  People seem to come out of the woodwork to eat Thanksgiving dinner.  In fact, when I've worked a Thanksgiving soup kitchen, the time FLIES by.  Before you know it, it's done.  Then you can go home and eat your own Thanksgiving dinner.

This year, however, I did not serve at a soup kitchen.  This year I ate my Thanksgiving dinner at a soup kitchen.

This soup kitchen.  These folks put out this spread one time a year.  It's a school in Kankakee, IL.  This year three of their guests drove 810 miles to partake in the feast.

Servers rushed around and served us Family Style.  We sat with strangers around tables covered with white table clothes.  The family we sat with counted this Thanksgiving as their seventh at this soup kitchen.  They proudly told me how everything, except their underwear, had been purchased at thrift shops.  They couldn't understand why we had come so far to eat here.  I shared that this was something my mother and father wanted to do.  They had heard it was good and they didn't want the day to be too tiring for my mom.

I admit, I didn't go into this experience with the best attitude.  I was willing to cook and serve and clean-up at mom and dad's house.  I really didn't want to be served at a soup kitchen.  I tried very hard to be positive about this whole thing.  And then I ate the food.  It was not good.  Nothing was freshly prepared.  There were GFS boxes stacked around the room.  This was not what I considered a Thanksgiving dinner.

I have to admit, I'm a little ashamed of myself.  My father insisted that the meal was good.  He was happy there was no clean-up to do.  And, to assuage our reluctance to attend this Thanksgiving event, he planned to prepare a turkey breast just so we could have leftover turkey sandwiches.  And I complained about the pre-cooked; pre-sliced; and reheated in some kind of brownish salty liquid; turkey.  I tried to look around me at all the other guests and consider the situations they found themselves living in day after day.  Nope, couldn't do it.  I was too busy thinking about how bad the boxed mashed potatoes tasted and how bland the gravy was.  I tried to remind myself that Thanksgiving isn't about the meal, but about giving thanks for all our blessings.  It's about getting together with family.  It's a day to set aside a minute or two to be thankful.  But, I was too preoccupied with trying to figure out what that taste was in the stuffing, because it certainly wasn't sage.

So there I was, fully prepared to be thankful and enjoy some time with my parents and I failed.  I was completely in my flesh.  Thanksgiving dinner only comes around once a year.  I love the taste of my stuffing and my gravy is to DIE for.  I think it was Paul the Apostle who said, "I don't understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate."  Yep, that's me.  (I guess I should be a little happy.  I found something the Apostle Paul and I have in common.)

I planned to laugh at this situation and even laugh at my parents and their cheapness.  I mean, we could have gone to a restaurant and enjoyed a meal and had no clean-up, but my dad doesn't trust the servers in restaurants.  (Don't even let me go there)  My husband tried to hard to keep me on the straight and narrow.  He kept telling me to "stop talking" and "don't say anything else."  He was able to tell the lie with a poker face.  He just kept saying over and over, "everything is very good."  He's a great son-in-law.

By the way, I'm cooking a turkey this Saturday.  Why couldn't I just sit and chew and smile and think about that?

Thanks so much all you cooks and servers.  I know you gave up a good portion of your day to feed me.  God bless you all.

701.  I serve a God of second chances and Lord knows I need one today
702.  You can cook a turkey any day of the year
703.  A safe trip to and from my parents home
704.  The opportunity for my son to spend some time with his grandparents
705.  Time together for my family (even if it was being trapped in a car together for 14 hours)
706.  Mom's delicious home-made pumpkin pie
707.  I didn't gain any weight from that dinner
708.  The housekeeper from my building is well enough to go home from the hospital today.  AND, she is retiring from working here and moving to Florida to live with her sister.  God is certainly good.

Happy ThanksLiving

"Gratitude as a discipline involves a conscious choice. I can choose to be grateful even when my emotions and feelings are still steeped in hurt and resentment. It is amazing how many occasions present themselves in which I can choose gratitude instead of a complaint. I can choose to be grateful when I am criticized, even when my heart still responds in bitterness. I can choose to speak about goodness and beauty, even when my inner eye still looks for someone to accuse or something to call ugly." ~ Henri Nouwen - Dutch priest and author

It's hard to imagine this kind of gratitude, isn't it.  This quote from Henri Nouwen certainly reinforces the truth, gratitude is an attitude involving a conscious choice, it is not just a reaction.  Choose gratitude even when your feelings are less than joyful.  Choose to be grateful instead of complaining.  Choose to speak about goodness, even when you are longing to accuse.  This is the discipline of gratitude.  These are the exercises in the regime of a happy and joyful life.  Sure, life is tough and bad things happen, but you can decide how it is you respond.

"The careless soul receives the Father's gifts as if it were a way things had of dropping into his hand... yet he is ever complaining, as if someone were accountable for the problems which meet him at every turn. For the good that comes to him, he gives no thanks - who is there to thank? At the disappointments that befall him he grumbles - there must be someone to blame!" ~ George Macdonald

George Macdonald was considered by C.S. Lewis to be his master and was an inspiration to J.R.R. Tolkien.  Can you imagine being a fly on the wall during brandy and cigars in that parlor?  George calls it carelessness to accept God's gifts as if they are expected.  It is careless to complain and grumble, as if the problems we come to meet in this walk of life should be considered unexpected.  Choose your attitude in this time on Earth.  Will you have an attitude of gratitude for the generous gifts you have received?  Or will you be a complainer, grumbling at the disappointments that are common in life?  

(On the night he was robbed:) "I thank Thee first because I was never robbed before; second, because although they took my purse they did not take my life; third, although they took my all, it was not much; and fourth, because it was I who was robbed and not I who robbed." ~ Matthew Henry

Wow, you may think Matthew was a "Pollyanna" in his attitude of gratitude, but when you think about it carefully, you can see the benefit.  Finding the blessings in a terrible situation doesn't change the situation.  Finding the blessings and taking an attitude of being grateful for those blessings changes you.  Being robbed is a terrible thing.  It's unfair.  It's wrong.  It's a violation.  Yet, grumbling or anger or fear or bitterness after the fact is not something inflicted on you by the robber.  It's something you inflict upon yourself.  Finding the blessings in a terrible experience can be very healing.  I learned this after my house was broken in Hurricane Irene.

A thankful person tastes joy twice.  Once when something joyful happens and again when gratitude is expressed to God for the joy.

God wants us to be grateful and respond with thanks every day of our lives.  In I Thessalonians 5:18 Paul reminds us, "No matter what happens, always be thankful, for this is God's will for you who belong to Christ Jesus."

My wish is for everyone of my readers and those I love to experience ThanksLiving every day of their lives.  Can you imagine the changes we would see in this world?  Lord, let this change begin with me.

Happy ThanksLiving everyone!

  
Please continue to keep the housekeeper from my building in your prayers.  Evidently she is not improving, as hoped.  She is in critical condition and on a respirator.  This is very dangerous for anyone, but especially an elderly person.

I'm traveling for the holiday.  I hope to be able to share good news when I return.  I trust, no matter what the future holds, God is good.

691.  My warm comfortable bed
692.  The hot water in my shower
693.  A blow-dryer and big round brush
694.  The option to eat breakfast, if I want to 
695.  My parents (even though they are a little bit crazy)
696.  My brothers and their wives and children (we are a very blessed family)
697.  A reliable car to take us on a 900 mile trip to have Thanksgiving with my parents
698.  Having my son join us on this trip
699.  Readers covering a person they don't even know in prayer (I can feel your prayers, thank you)
700.  Finding out that the purpose of gratitude and thankfulness is to increase the joy in my life

Decision 2012, God is still sovereign

I woke up this morning to more of the same.  I wasn't very surprised.  The difference, at least for me, was that this was my first Facebook election.  It is amazing the things people will say behind their computer screen.  I have to say, some of the statuses and comments have made me question the character of people I thought were "friends."  I'm fairly sure these same strong opinionated folk wouldn't have the same courage of their convictions face to face.  Btw, you don't even want to get me started on the minister and church lady comments.  Do these people know we can SEE them?

Romans 13:1  Let every person be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those that exist have been instituted by God.

Paul is reminding us that all governing authorities have been put in place by God.  God can raise nations up or tear them down.  In Isaiah 46:9-10 God tells us,  ".. for I am God, and there is none else; I am God, and there is none like me .. My counsel shall stand, and I will do all my pleasure."  This is the sovereignty of God in a nutshell.  God has the authority to do as he chooses and God has the power to do as he chooses.

Sure, I'm disappointed my guy didn't win.  Sure, I'm disappointed that there will be amendments to my state constitution I don't approve of.  Sure, I'm thinking about moving to Belize.  (just kidding, sorta, kinda)  I see these next four years as another opportunity for me to show my true colors and to trust my sovereign God.  Am I a true follower of Christ?  Do I believe that no matter what happens to me on this earthly walk of life I still am a daughter of the king?  Do I truly believe that heaven is my home?  Will my actions show this to those I meet in this life as well as to my facebook friends?

This campaign was painful to me.  Maybe it was the addition of social media.  This campaign and all its ugliness seemed inescapable.  The additional fact of the expense of both campaigns also sickens me.  If there is one thing I hope we learn from this is that too much is just TOO DARN MUCH.  I believe this campaign was very divisive.  I hope the damage it inflicted on this nation is not irreparable.  I cannot help but reflect on history and think of the pain our nation suffered during the Civil War.  I can't imagine the fear and anger and outrage and pain in the nation at that time.  When I think of that time in history I know I am turning to the same scriptures those christians turned to for comfort.  I pray the same prayers prayed by christians facing war with their fellow Americans.  Yet I have the blessing of seeing how God healed our nation and did not turn his face from us.  This experience should give me comfort.

In Psalm 75:7 the psalmist says, "But it is God who executes judgment, putting down one and lifting up another."

I encourage my christian friends, both in real life and on facebook, trust God.  Read what the Bible says regarding God's sovereignty.  Have faith.  Be brave and show that faith to everyone you meet and on every social media tweet, status or blog-post you write.  

670.  Living in a nation that settles its elections peacefully 
671.  Facebook.  As much grief as I give those that misuse social media, I do think it has its good side
672.  Digital books.  I really like my kindle, too.  I can read my bible anytime I choose
673.  Having mature christian friends.  Those folks who walk the talk
674.  Having choices.  I am so blessed to have the choices available to me in this life
675.  Vodka.  I think I've said this one before 

 Linking with Emily at Imperfect Prose on Thursday.

Some days it is easy to be thankful, and then there is today

I'm struggling today.  I'm crabby today.  I'm crabby with a capital C.

I wonder if it has anything to do with the election?  I voted this morning.  So, I can't say I didn't accomplish anything today.  (or maybe I can.  after all, I don't live in a swing state.)  It was the first time in all the years I've lived in this county that I had to stand in line (a line the went all the way outside) to vote.  I wonder what that means?

Maybe it's because I had to get up earlier this morning to vote before I got to work.  Maybe it's because I stood in line for 40 minutes to vote.  Maybe it's because I had to stand in line next to a faculty member of the college I work at that has dedicated his life to making my boss (and by association, me) miserable.  Maybe it's because I almost rear-ended the president of the college I work at this morning, as I was hurrying into the office, because he stopped along the side of the road to read the critical areas legal signage we posted in preparation for some planned construction.  Maybe it's because the first email I read when I sat down at my computer was from a faculty member advertising to All Staff, All Faculty, and All Students that they have a state van to drive people to the polling place nearest the college.  (can you say, fraudulent use of a state vehicle?)  Before I've even had my morning coffee I discover my blood is boiling.

I almost decided to quit this morning.

Instead, I'm venting.  I don't know which would have been the better choice.

Philippians 4:8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things.

I'm still focusing on being thankful in this month of November.  I need to remind myself that even though there are things in this world that annoy me I can decide what my attitude will be.

Last night, at my small group bible study, we focused on the biblical meaning of preparedness.  This was in reference to preparing for Superstorm Sandy and relating it to being prepared for the return of Jesus Christ.  When I look at my current demeanor and attitude in the frame of being a christian and having the hope that Jesus will come back for me (sooner than later, I pray) I know I need to refocus.  I know there is nothing better than focusing on gratitude to change the look on my face.

661.  Seeing neighbors and friends while waiting in line to vote
662.  Spending an evening with my small group of christian friends
663.  Having such a busy day at work, yesterday, that the day just flew by
664.  Having enough time today at work to write on my blog
665.  Looking forward to watching tv without political ads and relief from the robo-calls all evening long
666.  Hearing my husband say positive things about the way my son is stepping up and working hard to clean up the rental house
667.  Seeing my son's face brighten when asked how he did on an exam, then hearing him say, "I think I did pretty well."
668.  Peppermint scented body lotion 
669.  Noticing a smile creeping into the corners of my mouth even though nothing about my day has changed

A month of Thanksgiving

Welcome to November!

Let the hustle and bustle begin.  How many days until Christmas?  Now that Halloween is over it is now "officially" the Christmas season.  It is so easy to get caught up in the whirlwind of the holiday season.  There is so much to do.  There are cards to send and gifts to buy and cookies to bake and a dinner to prepare and a tree to buy and gifts to wrap and a house to decorate and shopping for food and decorating a tree and... and... and so on.

I am going to begin this Christmas season continuing the tradition of gratitudes I began at the New Year.  My goal was to reach 1000 gratitudes.  You can see by the numbers corresponding to the gratitudes at the bottom of my post that I am off tempo.  I'm going to have to kick up the gratitude attitude into high gear to reach 1000 gratitudes by December 31st.  I'm a little ashamed of myself.

I am an extremely blessed person.  And yet, every time I post I struggle with my little list at the bottom of my post.  Lately I've been proud of myself if I come up with five items.  Pathetic.  I was hoping this exercise would help me develop an attitude of gratitude.  I'm sure it has helped, but I'm a long way from having it come naturally.  *head hanging and eyes downcast.  Even though I am so blessed and have a very comfortable life, I still take too much of it for granted.  It is still much easier for me to focus on the flaws than the beauty.  I still see the glass half empty.

Last night I saw a show called 19 Kids and Counting.  I had heard of this show, but I'd never seen it.  Wow, that mom is the sweetest woman I have ever seen.  Even when she was obviously unhappy with her haircut and new style, she smiled and pointed out all the best things about it.  It was her birthday and her friend from high school gave her a make-over as a birthday gift (and to be on the show, I'm sure) anyway, it was quite obvious the mom was not thrilled with her new look.  Yet, she cared much more about the feelings of her friend than she did about her hair.  She was grateful for the gift of time with her friend and realized her hair would grow back.  She was also given a gift of a trip to Japan and China.  Just before the family was to leave on the trip six of the kids got sick.  It looked as if they are going to have to cancel the trip.  She still smiled and shared how grateful she was to have this snuggle time with sick kids because before you know it they are grown up and they don't snuggle with you when they don't feel well.  She finds a silver lining in every single cloud.  What a wonderful example of an attitude of gratitude.

And here's the thought bubble I have hovering over my head, "Is she for REAL?"  I'm such a cynic.

But the only person that can change me is me.  So here we are at the beginning of November.  This is the month of Thanksgiving.  I can do gratitude.  I have blessings to spare.

647.  Time in my day to sit and focus on gratitude
648.  Watching my son get excited about school and good grades
649.  The opportunity to participate in Operation Christmas Child and be excited to do so
650.  An office chair that is pretty darn comfortable
651.  Fall weather when the temperature is this mild and it isn't raining
652.  My health (I really need to stop taking it for granted and take better care of this body)
653.  Clean water to drink (sometimes I think about how precious clean water is and how I take it for granted)
656.  Living in a free country (even though the campaigning is grating on everyone's nerves, no one is afraid for their lives if there is a change in administration or not)
657.  Having a job (I know I complain, but I am glad I have a job)
658.  Having a pretty fair minded boss (I know I complain about Mr. Non-confrontational, but he's mostly a good guy)
659.  The view of the river from my desk 
660.  My faith (I absolutely know I take my faith for granted and I don't have it because of me)

Linking with Emily at Imperfect Prose on Thursday.

What is man that you are mindful of him?

Psalm 8:1-9  O LORD, our Lord, how majestic is your name in all the earth! You have set your glory above the heavens. From the lips of children and infants you have ordained praise because of your enemies, to silence the foe and the avenger. When I consider your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is man that you are mindful of him, the son of man that you care for him? You made him a little lower than the heavenly beings and crowned him with glory and honor. You made him ruler over the works of your hands; you put everything under his feet: all flocks and herds, and the beasts of the field, the birds of the air, and the fish of the sea, all that swim the paths of the seas. O LORD, our Lord, how majestic is your name in all the earth!

I have always struggled with my worthiness.  Why have I been so blessed in this life?  Why do I have a husband that loves me so?  Why did I grow up in an intact family?  Why did God choose to bring me into this life that I am living?  Why?  why?  why?

Last night at my small group bible study we read this verse.  In fact, the verse was almost skipped because we were pressed for time.  I'm glad we didn't miss it. 

I have been made a little lower than an angel.  I have been made ruler over creation.  This is pretty big stuff.  This makes me pretty special.  If mankind has been created for a position such as this, it makes us pretty important in this world.  No wonder we have harnessed all it's resources and used it to our advantage.  But, you know what they say, "with great power comes great responsibility."  Yes, we have been given the position of authority over this earth, but we have also been given the responsibility to care for this earth.  This is the balance we need to exert. 

A question in the study asked if I had had any particular event in my life bring me to an understanding of who God is and what my relationship is to him.  I listened to the answers around the room.  Some spoke of the time in their lives (typically the college years) when they strayed from their faith and walked on the wild side.  It was interesting.  Kind of.  Sort of.  It would have been a lot more interesting if someone in the room had ACTUALLY had a racy past, but that wasn't the case.  Two members of the group are Naval Academy grads.  Nope, no racy past there.  One new graduate of William and Mary College who is also the preacher's kid.  Nope, no racy past there.  Others are government contractors or DOD employees.  And still, no sordid past.  I'm good with this.  I'm glad I study with so many upstanding citizens.  I'm glad to delve into the truth of God's word with these people.  I like them.

It was nice to know I didn't have the past of being a crack whore to fit in.  The event that changed my understanding of who God is and the nature of my relationship with him came to me when I accepted his forgiveness for a sin, I thought, was unforgivable.  I had always heard that God was in the business of forgiving.  I confess, God forgives.  That's how it works.  Yet here I was, living with an event from my past that I thought was too horrible to be forgiven.  I lived with it for years.  Then, one day while driving home from one of my son's therapy sessions in Washington, DC, something someone said on a radio program made me remember that God forgives all sins.  Jesus died on the cross for each and every one of my sins.  None were left out.  Because of the blood of Christ, God forgives and it is all arrogance, on my part, to not accept his forgiveness.  Arrogance.  I was so surprised.  I hadn't thought of it as arrogance.  I'd always thought of it as unworthiness.

But here I am.  A being created a little lower than the angels.  This is why I can be proud of who I am.  This is why the creator of the universe is mindful of me.  This is why he knows the number of hairs on my head.  The arrogance is not in how I live as a daughter of the King.  The arrogance is in thinking I know better than the King.

630.  The freedom of living with forgivness
631.  The joy of studying the word of God with like-minded people
632.  Christian radio stations
633.  Little moments of time to myself to ponder who I am in this world

National Geographic

Linking with Emily at Imperfect Prose on Thursday.

I'm losing my compassion

I'm afraid I'm losing my compassion for people.  People in general, not people individually.  I've still maintained a fair amount of compassion for my friends and family, although in some cases even this is becoming difficult.

I'm afraid my heart is becoming hardened to people out there because of the attitude presented by the "so called" poor.  The date for my tenants to move out came and went.  My husband's blood pressure is dropping a bit, and that's a good thing.  The eviction is in the court system and it will happen at the snail's pace our court system functions at.  I just have to share this one thing.  They told us it is not their fault they haven't moved out.  It's not their fault.  They don't have a truck.  Nope, they don't have a truck so they can't move out.  Yep, not their fault. 

Evidently the only people able to move in this country are people that have trucks.  (my tenants, evidently, have never heard of UHAUL)  These people kill me.  (we are still talking about a family consisting of a grandmother, her two sons, ages 25 and 27, and a granddaughter.  what is up with these people?)

My compassion began waning while I was in the scary bible study with the church ladies.  There was the one "poor me" church lady that constantly had her hand out.  Her hand was out for money, for gas, for ANYTHING you could give her, but mostly, for money.  I tried to have compassion, but her attitude exuded, you should give me whatever I ask for because you have more than I have and I want what you have and I don't think I have to work or save or anything, you should just give it to me.  It was so frustrating to try to walk alongside her in her lean years.  She still wanted to go out to restaurants instead of cooking at home.  She wanted to stay home with her children and not work.  She wanted everything she wanted right now and didn't want to wait to earn or save for it.  When I loaned her items she asked for, she didn't return them.  She had to be asked over and over to give them back.  Her childish attitude did not match her adult body and adult responsibilities.

So, my level of compassion for "the poor" is waning.  I need help.

I'm seeking help and the best place I know to look is God's word.  I know God has a lot of compassion for people.  He had a super amount of compassion for the Israelites.  They moaned and groaned and even made a golden calf while they were in the desert and God was leading them (albeit in a 40 year trek) to the promised land.  I'm seeking help.

After searching God's word, I am, mostly, convicted.

Romans 12:15  Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep.
I can do this.  I struggle with how to weep for those who want what I have because they think it's not fair that I have more than they have.

Proverbs 19:17  He who is gracious to a poor man lends to the LORD, And He will repay him for his good deed.
Wow, this is a good one.  This one makes me remember I need to wait on the Lord and not take matters into my own hands.  This one is also one that makes me want to find another word for poor in this country.  I am happy to give to the poor.  I'm not quite as gracious to the entitled. 

1 Corinthians 12:25-26  that there should be no division in the body, but that the members should have the same care for one another. And if one member suffers, all the members suffer with it; if one member is honored, all the members rejoice with it.
This one makes me think of the church lady.  I think this was the one she used to rationalize asking every member of the church for money.  I think this was the one used to rationalize asking the church to give them a low interest loan.  I want to care for members of the body.  It just makes it hard to give when you watch some take advantage.

1 Peter 3:8  To sum up, let all be harmonious, sympathetic, brotherly, kindhearted, and humble in spirit;
This on is very convicting.  I'm taping it to my computer monitor right now.

Psalms 35:13-14  But as for me, when they were sick, my clothing was sackcloth; I humbled my soul with fasting; And my prayer kept returning to my bosom. I went about as though it were my friend or brother; I bowed down mourning, as one who sorrows for a mother. But whoever has the world's goods, and beholds his brother in need and closes his heart against him, how does the love of God abide in him? 
This is love.  How can anyone behold a brother in need and close his heart and say they have the love of God in him.  These verses are beginning to break my heart.

Luke 10:33  But a certain Samaritan, who was on a journey, came upon him; and when he saw him, he felt compassion,
And this is how I am to respond.

Job 30:25  Have I not wept for the one whose life is hard? Was not my soul grieved for the needy?
The needy will grieve my soul.  When I think of the hunger of my fellow man, the food in my mouth will taste bitter.

Psalm 51:1  Be gracious to me, O God, according to Thy loving kindness; According to the greatness of Thy compassion blot out my transgressions.
I will treat others as I wish to be treated, with kindness and compassion.

Psalm 111:4  He has made His wonders to be remembered; The LORD is gracious and compassionate.
God is gracious and compassionate.  I want to be a reflection of him.

Thanks for taking this walk through God's word and seeking his thoughts on compassion with me.  I know he is faithful and will continue to break my heart for his people.  I know those people that have taken advantage of the system and have a lazy disposition and a hand out and don't want to work will be punished.  My attitude can still be compassionate and that compassion doesn't mean I have to give to the entitled.  I need to keep an open heart to the needy and give obediently and pray that God sends my money and my efforts to the ones that truly needs help.

I'm linking with Emily at Imperfect Prose on Thursday

610.  God's word available to me at any time
611.  Another opportunity to learn to trust God more deeply
612.  Learning more about prayer by praying for my tenants
613.  Learning more about prayer by praying for the church lady

True beauty tips

This is a poem attributed to Audrey Hepburn, when asked to share her beauty tips.  

For attractive lips, speak words of kindness.

For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.

For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry.

For beautiful hair, let a child run his/her fingers through it once a day.

For poise, walk with the knowledge that you never walk alone.

People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; never throw out anyone.

Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you will find one at the end of each of your arms.

As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands; one for helping yourself, and the other for helping others.

The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman must be seen from in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides.

The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mode, but the true beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul. It is the caring that she lovingly gives, the passion that she shows.

The beauty of a woman grows with the passing years.

Doesn't this move you?  It touches my soul.  One thing I will say is that Audrey Hepburn certainly held on to her beauty until the end of her life.   Certainly much of her beauty was due to her genes.  There is nothing we can do about our genes.  We're born with them.  Yet, our attitude can certainly contribute or detract from our beauty. 

I don't know why I want to pick out my favorite stanza of this poem, because they all speak to me so strongly.  My favorite stanza is the one that speaks of the beauty of a woman not being in the clothes she wears, or her figure or her hairstyle.  No, the beauty of a woman can only be seen from her eyes.  This is how to see into her heart, the place where love resides.

We've all been there, haven't we?  We've seen the white haired, wrinkled old woman with the smiling eyes.  The eyes that still see the wonder in the world.  The eyes that show the warmth of their soul.  And, we've all seen the botoxed, facelifted woman with the eyes that look bored and show a dearth of feeling in her soul.  It's in our power to choose.  This beauty does not depend on our genes.  We can decide how happy we want to be.  We can decide how often we want to show the world our kindness.  We can decide if we will let our light shine or if we will withhold that light and hide it under a bushel basket.

I started yet another diet (or eating plan if the word diet is a four letter word) this week.  I look in the mirror and I see the years changing my face and my body.  I walk up a hill and it's more painful than it should be.  Audrey reminds me of my beauty and the way my creator sees me.  He sees through the shell and into my heart.  This is the beauty He cares about.  My choice is to develop the beauty in my heart and then to choose to let it shine through my eyes.  Let it be known through my lips.  And share it with my hands.

Thank you, Ms. Hepburn, for theses wonderful beauty tips.  :)


Linking with Emily at Imperfect Prose on Thursday 


566.  Kind words making my mouth look beautiful
567.  Seeking the good in others making my eyes lovely
568.  Sharing my food is slimming
569.  Having a confident walk, because I walk with God
570.  Beautiful hands to help myself and others
571.  Growing more beautiful as I age with grace, kindness, and generousity

Neglect (or, maybe we just don't care)

So many people just don't take care of their stuff anymore.  An acquaintance of mine had their house on the market.  It was a five-year-old house.  They had purchased it brand new.  I couldn't believe they had the courage to put the pictures on the MLS that were there, but they did.  Beside the fact that they didn't bother to clean before taking the pictures, from the looks of things, yard work hadn't made it into the "to-do" list in the five years they lived in the house.  Neglect.

From the MLS.  Doesn't this just say "buy me?"

I read a post written by someone one rejoicing in the glory of dandelions in their yard.  They had no grass, just dandelions, and they were extolling the beauty that had sprung up all on it's own due to their lack of interest in doing yard work.  I'm sure their neighbors were thrilled, as well.  (not)  Neglect.

A couple weekends ago the husband and I went to Atlantic City for a relaxing weekend.  One thing I asked to do while we were on this trip was to stop in south Atlantic City, in an area called Margate, and see Lucy the Elephant.  (click to read Lucy's story) 

I took this picture and, of course, did not step back far enough

Lucy is more than 6 stories high and is listed on the National Parks registry of Historic Landmarks.  She is over 130 years old and was constructed as a real estate gimmick.  Lucy has survived bootlegging, ocean floods, hurricanes, and even an accidental fire started by some drunken party-goers during Lucy's tenure as a tavern.  The one thing that almost brought Lucy's existence to an end was Neglect.

added by Floflo79

Of course, the antidote to Neglect is work, money, time and effort.  Many of the things we neglect oughtn't take enormous amounts of those items if, (Big IF), one keeps up timely maintenance.  I noticed this area of south Atlantic City called Margate was a lovely area.  The homes were well kept.  The shops were clean, neat and inviting.  This is such a contrast to the neighborhoods off the boardwalk area around the casinos in north Atlantic City.

My belief is that the key to fighting neglect is self-respect and care.  The blogger rejoicing in the neglect of their yard admitted they didn't care because they were leaving soon.  I'm guessing this is the same for the acquaintance selling their home.  The area around the big casinos and the way that area has fallen into disrepair shows the lack of care.  (btw, the casinos are beginning to look pretty shabby, as well.  maybe it's time time to change the focus of entertainment?  just sayin') 

I know when I get home from my day job, I have my second job to do.  If I don't care for my house and property, who will?  I don't know how to fix this growing attitude of not caring and not taking care of person and property, but we need to return to an attitude of having pride in ourselves and not just sitting around and wishing for something better to come along, but taking care of what we have and being happy with ourselves.

The End

543.  Listening to Condoleezza Rice's speech last night and being inspired by her calm, direct manner of speaking and her story
544.  Listening to Susana Martinez speak and being inspired by her story and the hope she has for the future of this nation
545.  Listening to Paul Ryan share his enthusiasm and energy and ideas for the economic recovery this country needs
546.  Having confidence in a nation that will vote and elect leaders to guide our nation into recovery

A letter to my 32 year old self

Hi Sweetie,

Welcome to Monterey, CA.  You are going to have a blast here.  Thank you, Navy, for putting us up in this rockin' duplex at the top of the hill in La Mesa.  (fyi, boy this website makes it look so much different than it did when I lived there.  if you look at the map, my house was on revere rd.)  This is such a cute little (read, tiny) house.  I think it's great that you fit all our furniture in this house and I really don't care that you're using our kitchen table as an end table in the front room.  I think it looks just great like this.  We will eat in the kitchen on a tiny plastic table with our son, sitting in his high chair.  This is going to work out just great.  The kitchen is so little, you'll be able to wash the floor in five minutes with a cup of water.  You will LOVE it.

It's great to be here at Post Graduate school.  I'm happy the husband decided to get a master degree and not go to war with all his friends.  I know this is the kiss of death for his naval career, but you'll be glad to have him here with you and our 2 year old son.  It's cool to see old friends from Italy here, too.  It's too bad we will only be here a year and a half, but this is better than never have gotten to live here at all.

I know it was a bummer to get Bell's Palsy right after you got here.  I know it was a shame you had to miss your brother's wedding in Chicago.  Being sick and in pain isn't fun.  Good thing the pain only lasted for a month.  The five more months of paralysis sucked, but you'll get better and you'll hardly remember how crummy it was.  Good for you to get out and still make an effort to meet new people and start an Avon business with your face half frozen.  Wasn't it amazing to see how much of that stuff you sold.  You really put forth a lot of effort.  Good for you for not being so self-conscious and vain that you thought all that people cared about was how your face looked or how short your hair was.  Good for you for acting like an adult.  After all, you are 32 years old and the mom of a two year old.  It's good that you are able to get out and meet people and make friends.  You are doing the right thing by not waiting for your husband to get home and entertain you or take your child off your hands.  He's busy and he has homework.  Getting a master's degree in a year and a half is hard work.  This hard work is something he will be able to take with him when he leaves the navy.  You will be able to look back at this time of your life and remember how good it feels to be a strong woman.

You are going to love that you were supportive of your husband and his schoolwork.  It's great that he bought an Apple 2E computer.  It was worth all the money.  I know you had to eat popcorn and hot dogs for a month to make the payments for that computer and the Volvo.  (I'll bet you didn't know you were going to drive that Volvo for 17 years.)  But it was worth it to make sacrifices for your future.  It's good that you were able to put off your immediate gratification to save for your son's future and the future of your family.  (and, you learned to appreciate Apple and it's founder Steve Jobs.  that is really going to pay off in the future.)  You know, your husband is going to appreciate you typing all his papers for class.  Isn't it amazing that back then we wrote our papers in longhand and had to have someone read that chicken scratch and type it up!  I'm glad you put forth the effort to do this for your husband.  He's going to remember things like this when you need to take time for yourself.

Finally, I know that the earthquake you experienced was a terrible thing.  I know you were scared out of your mind because husband and son were away from the house.  I know those 15 seconds were the longest 15 seconds of your life, but you endured.  I know that seeing your husband come home on his bike and wondering what all the fuss was about was the happiest moment of your life.  And, I know that giving away any extra blankets or food or kitchen equipment or money or whatever you could give to help those who had more damage than your family never caused you to bat an eye or feel a pang of resentment.  I want you to know, that when that phone rang, and it was your mother, and you got the opportunity to tell her you were all ok and then the phone died and didn't start working again for a week, yeah, that was God.  (amazing how we managed before cell phones and email and the internet)  You are never going to forget that moment.  You know what you're going to remember the most?  You're going to remember getting all the families on the street together to bar-b-que, because none of us had electric or gas for a week.  You're going to remember, because you gave up most of your summer to do the HUGE vacation bible school music and program, so many of the families in the neighborhood knew you and were happy to help your family just the way you were happy to help their families.  You're going to remember how much this time in your life felt like community and the best way navy families support each other.

You will remember your time in Monterey, CA so fondly.  You are always going to wish you could go back.  But you know, you can never go home.  If you do get a chance to go back, just know, things have changed.  You will have changed, too.  Have fun at Cannery Row.  Enjoy the Monterey Bay Aquarium and watch the otters play.  Go down to Carmel by the Sea and Big Sur.  Check out the Dennis the Menace park and remember how much fun your little one had there.  Go down to Fisherman's Wharf and feed the sea lions.  Yeah, do all those things and remember that you didn't miss a beat while you were there.  You had the time of your young life.  I'm proud of you for being the strong, adult, navy wife you were back then.  You did yourself and your family proud.

Love,
Your 55 year old self

471.  Having the time to remember a fun time in my past
472.  Learning from different people with different points of view in my small group bible study
473.  Listening and being able to accept their positions without feeling like I have to change their opinions
474.  Realizing that this is emotional growth for me
475.  Seeing emotional growth in my son, too (or maybe I'm seeing him through more grown-up eyes)