Whose voice are you listening to?

I've never felt "at home" here in SoMD.  I remember the day my husband brought me here.  He told me the place we were going to live was just south of Washington D.C.  I'm a city girl and that sounded just fine to me.  We drove here from Monterey, CA.  When we got to the beltway I was so happy.  We were almost here.  And then we kept driving.  We kept driving for a long time and there wasn't anything along the way.  We didn't pass through any towns.  We barely saw any houses.  We saw a bunch of empty land.  (it was winter, that empty land was farmland)  I didn't have a good feeling about this.  That was 22 years ago.  My feelings about the area haven't improved.  But this is where God brought me and I was going to bloom where I had been planted.  It has been a struggle, but you know what they say, "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger."  I'm feeling pretty darn strong right about now.

Some Christians I've met believe God has been speaking to them and telling them to leave their home and go out and search for a new home in a different location.  I guess they believe they will receive a "sign" when they find their home.  This is interesting.  You would think if God was sending you out, he'd make a path for you.  After all, when he asked Moses to take his people out of Egypt he sent a pillar of cloud by day and a pillar of fire by night.  Even though he had them wander in the desert for 40 years, he was still the one leading them around.  So when you say God is sending you out and you have to manipulate everything you have and hold in order to make this divine journey happen, maybe you shouldn't say it is God who is sending you.  Maybe you should just say it like it is, this is something you want to do and you want God to bless it.  

Being a Christian is difficult enough, in this day and age, without putting words in God's mouth.  It hurts my heart to watch someone say that they hear the voice of God, then tell others what God has told them, and then to watch it not happen.  This makes God look foolish.  Or, it makes God a liar.  I'm sure God appreciates the help.  (Not)  This makes your witness in the world pretty weak.

My pastor shares the Halverson Benediction with his congregation at the close of every service.  I used to think it was because he thought the way I was thinking and was convincing himself that God had not made a mistake by sending him to SoMD.  As I listened to it over and over, I realized that wasn't the case.  He was happy here.  He believed God had sent him here and God had a purpose for him being here.  This gave me the courage I needed to believe more strongly that God's plan for my life had me living here and it wasn't a mistake.  I could pray for God to change his mind, but I wasn't going to force his hand.  God had something he wanted to do through me here in SoMD.  I just needed to be open to what God wanted me to do.  So I was.

If you ever feel you aren't where you belong or that God has made a mistake by placing you in your job or you home or your family.  Remember the words of Rev. Dr. Richard Halverson.

You go nowhere by accident. 

Wherever you go, God is sending you. 

Wherever you are, God has put you there.
God has a purpose in your being there. 

Christ who indwells you has something He wants to do through you, where you are.

Believe this and go in His Spirit's grace and love and power.

371.  Friday (yay!)

372.  My office feels a little bit warmer

373.  Time to myself this weekend (my husband is at Otakon with my son)

374.  Cantalope

375.  A sense of peace about my job (or resignation, whichever it ends up as)

376.  Netflix

377.  Kelly Clarkson AND Dwight Shrute

378.  Truth

379.  People here at my job that know what's going on and call me to see if I'm ok

380.  Confidence that I am exactly where I'm meant to be

I'm baaaaack!

Hi.  Long time, no see.  I've missed everyone.

Where to begin?...

I guess I can start with why I haven't been writing.  The short answer is, I couldn't think of anything I wanted to share with everyone.  At first I wanted to say, I couldn't think of anything to write about, but that isn't true.  The fact of the matter is that there was so much stuff going on at work and in my head that I couldn't figure out what I wanted to share and what I didn't want to share.  So, I just stayed quiet.

If you've read any of my blog you know I'm a secretary.  And, if you've read any of my blog you know I tell everyone I get paid for blogging because I write my blog while I'm at work.  Well, work has been CRAZY lately.  The college I work at had a much smaller incoming freshman class than anticipated.  In fact, the number was only 2/3s of the expected accepted students.  The parents were not sending in the checks.  The kids decided to go somewhere else.  Our budget was screwed.  We lost 5% of our expected revenue or $3.5 million.  What does this mean, you may ask.  Well, the first thing it means is that jobs are on the line.  The easiest way to find money in a budget is to lay people off.

At the time this came to a crisis, I was having my own identity crisis.  I had been seriously contemplating quitting my job.  Seriously.  I'd even picked a date, June 28th, to be my last day.  But with this whole budget cutting, possible layoffs, where the heck are we gonna find $3.5 million looming overhead, I decided to wait and see what happened.  After all, one possibility being batted around was the offer of early retirements.  Wouldn't I feel like a total fool if I quit my job 3 weeks before the college offered early retirements and I stipend of $1000 for every year worked.  Yeah, I'd feel pretty stupid.  So I waited.

While I was waiting things went crazier and crazier around here.  First, my boss was promoted to a vice president position and the guy in the position he was promoted to, left the college (no scandal here).  Then, the president of the college quit.  He said this crisis was all his fault (he was correct) and asked that his contract not be renewed.  Next, they fired the vice president for admissions (no kidding).  She absolutely needed to go, too.  What a fiasco.  One of my favorite quotes the president and vice president of admissions used was that the college was located in a fairly rural area... did we move the college?  Didn't they notice all that farmland around them.  Lame.

Also, the state capital budget submission is due the end of the fiscal year (June).  This is a large endeavor and does take a good bit of time and organization.  On top of the submission, my boss left to go on a vacation on June 19th.  So, the submission had to be completed early.  Needless to say, June has been one busy month.

I know most of you won't care about the fate of one small college on the mid-Atlantic coast, but there you have it.  My job is a big part of my life and it takes up a lot of what I think about every day.  Sad to say, I could see this coming.  I had talked with my boss about this NEW vision for the college a year ago.  I'm not saying I'm psychic or anything, but we are not Harvard or Princeton down here.  Who are we kidding?

At this same time a position on campus became available.  Evidently this is a position the college decided to fill instead of cut.  (instead of layoffs and early retirement they have decided to leave vacant positions that are vacated at this time)  It pays better and is a better job.  I applied.

I feel like I have made a decision for my future employment and I'm feeling much more settled.  Whether or not I get the job I applied for doesn't matter.  I know what I want to do now and it feels great to leave the confusion and turmoil behind.  Once I make a decision I can make a plan.  When I have a plan, I can move ahead with confidence.  And here I am writing and sharing this with you.

Another reason I'm glad to be back on the blog is that I discovered that my blog has an impact on the lives of some of my readers.  Believe me, nobody was more surprised than me.  I visited one of my blog friends, Smooth Stones, in May.  She was visiting Annapolis and I drove up to the Ellicott City, MD area and met her and her family.  It was great.  I need to write about this.  She has a beautiful family and I was so proud that she was good with having me meet them.  I cannot express how special it made me feel.  Also, friends and family that read my blog have wondered what is going on with me and have asked me about it.  Seriously, mostly NO ONE I KNOW says anything to me about what I write while I'm writing, but when I stop, they come out of the woodwork.  And finally, I got an email from a reader and new follower.  She shared with me the impact that my blog I wrote about my 20-year prayer for my son had on her.  She told me that God touched her heart through my blog.  I know that God can use ANYTHING for his will and for good.  I mean, he used a stick in Moses' hand to part the Red Sea.  If God is using my blog for his good, I want to be available to be used by him.

Blogging isn't easy, but it's worth it.  It feels good to be here again.

305.  Air conditioning
306.  Readers that write encouraging and uplifting emails
307.  Blog friends
308.  Choices for employment
309.  Celebrating 59 years of marriage with my parents
310.  Growing in my faith in God
311.  Enjoying a feeling of peace in my soul
312.  Wondering if any of my readers are still out there and if they will notice I'm writing again, but if they don't, I'm ok with that  :)

It was worth waiting 20 years for an answer to my prayer

1 Thessalonians 5:17 says, "pray without ceasing"

This is easier said than done.

I have a story of a 20-year old prayer that I have seen answered by God in the most amazing way.  I'm going to start by telling you that I've always believed that God answers prayer.  I've been taught that God answers all prayers.  I've been taught his answers can be "yes," "no," or "wait."  I'm going to tell you that when God answers a prayer with "wait" it can be a long wait.

I've shared the joy I've experienced watching my son take the huge step of living independently.  This, my friends, is the answer to a 20-year old prayer that I had no idea would be answered in the way it was.

I'm on vacation this week.  I'm in Daytona Beach, FL.  My husband and I drove down here to enjoy the sun, surf, and sand.  One of the pleasures of that 14 hour drive is the opportunity to talk with each other.  Sure, I do most of the talking.  Yet, I'm smart enough to know that if I allow my husband to take a turn at leading the conversation, I can learn a lot about him.  So, I let him talk.

And I listened.

My husband and I were chatting about the work that needs to be done on my son's house, the cost involved, and whether or not I'll be able to quit working in June.  This is important stuff in our lives.  It's also busy work.  It's the kind of work that can keep us so busy that we don't check into the deeper feelings we have about life.  And then he said this..., "you know honey, this whole thing with our son's house and my retirement and where we are in our lives right now is all divine intervention.  You know I couldn't have planned this all out.  Things just fell into place.  It has to be God directing this, because it turned out so perfectly."

Me, (silence with mouth agape).  When I was finally able to speak all I could say was, "yeah."

For 20 years I've been praying for my son.  When he was 3 years old I was told he had learning disabilities.  At this time they couldn't give his disability a name.  They called it everything from ADD to ADHD to aspergers to pervasive delay disorder to executive function disorder to depression to dyslexia.  I medicated him.  I gave him therapy.  I hired tutors.  I brought him to psychiatrists, to psychologists, to doctors, to therapists and specialists.  I wanted to fix my son.  And all the while I prayed to God to heal my son.

Elementary school was a nightmare.  My beautiful son couldn't read.  The school couldn't teach him.  We held him back in first grade.  At the end of second grade he still couldn't read.  I took him out of school and taught him to read at home.  And I prayed, "God heal my son."

We sent him back to school in sixth grade.  The school told me they would have to hold him back.  I fought back.  I made them put him in seventh grade.  I told them if he didn't move forward he would be 16 before he entered high school and the chances of getting him to go to high school at all would be slim.  They would be creating a high school drop out and I wasn't having it.  The school agreed and allowed him into the seventh grade.

Middle school was a challenge, but we lived.

High school was the nightmare that made elementary school look like a walk in the park.  And I continued praying, "God heal my son."

My son was not being healed.  In fact, all of the experts told me my son could not be healed from his disability.  It just was who he is.  We were told he would most likely live with us for his whole life.  We needed to accept this.  I continued to pray, "God heal my son."  I was losing hope.

He was in a youth group at a church, and they just didn't know what to do with him.  It broke my heart.  I didn't expect the people in a public high school to accept my son.  I knew life would be tough for him there, but I thought he would be safe in a church youth group.  I was wrong.  They just aren't equipped for special needs kids in churches.  But it broke my heart.  And I continued to pray, "God heal my son."

I'm going to have to tell you, I was getting angry with God.  Seriously, it was going on 15 years of praying this prayer.  My son was not getting better.  I was pretty sure my son was going to be living with us for the rest of his life.  We tried to have him take college classes at the community college.  This was a dismal failure.  He didn't go to class.  He didn't even take the books out of the shrink-wrap.  He just lived in the basement and lied to us about attending classes.  Not only did I think God was ignoring my prayer, but I thought he may have been making things in my son's life worse.

And I continued to pray, "God heal my son."

At this same time my husband was becoming increasingly unhappy at his job.  His company was not appreciating the work he was doing.  It was odd, because his work was bringing money into the company at a time when finding clients was becoming a tougher and tougher thing to do, but there you have it.  They didn't think the work he was bringing in was of the caliber they believed the company wanted to have done.  After a year of defending himself and his work, everything came to a climax with an Obama Chia Pet.  (God works in mysterious ways)  One day my husband went to a luncheon with a bunch of people from his office and a woman who had left the company.  It was a fine day in January.  They woman had received an Obama Chia Pet as a "white elephant" gift at a Christmas party.  She thought my husband would enjoy it.  After the lunch he carried it into his office and the janitor, a black man, saw him carrying it into his office.  The janitor was offended.  He wasn't a little offended.  He was SUPER offended.  In fact, he was unable to continue working that day because he was so offended.

Now, not only is my husband not doing the type of work his bosses believe the company should be doing, but he has offended the janitor by carrying an Obama Chia Pet into his office.  So what happens?  My husband's boss calls him into his office and asks him what he thinks they should do in response to the janitor in the office being SUPER offended.  One suggestion from the assistant office manager was for Sensitivity Training in the office.  My husband was incensed.  My husband is not a racist.  This Obama Chia Pet was an item sold in any Walmart in any city in this nation.  My husband did not create this object.  All he did was carry it into his office.  My husband didn't mince words.  He told his boss, in no uncertain words and with some pretty course language, that Sensitivity Training was not needed in the office.  In fact, if they needed to blame someone to save their butts, they could say they fired him because he was retiring.  They could have 2, 3 or 4 weeks notice, whatever they needed, but he was done.

I continued to pray, "God heal my son."  But, I quit going to church.  I continued to have hard feelings against God.  I was losing hope.  This, in no way, looked like I was being blessed or even looked after by God.  I was feeling abandoned by God.

In the year that followed we had to evict the crappy tenants we had living in our rental house.  I've written about that mess, here.  It wasn't easy to get them out, but we did.  Then we had to clean up the mess.  These tenants trashed the house.  They broke everything.  They lived in our house the way pigs live in a sty.  (there was no way anyone could see this as a way that God was answering my prayer)

It was a this time my husband believed the best thing we could do was to fix the house and offer to sell it to our son.  (who would think the answer to my prayer would come through my husband)

Together my husband and my son worked to fix the house.  Of course, my husband worked harder on the house than my son did, but he still did quite a bit of work.  They washed walls and ceilings.  They ripped out carpeting.  They painted and scraped and cleaned and replaced appliances and repaired plumbing and worked and worked and worked.  As my son worked on the house he began to get more and more on board with the idea of purchasing the house and living in it.  When we first approached him with the idea of living in the house and having roommates to assist him in paying the mortgage and utility bills,... He... Was... Terrified.  After putting sweat equity into the house, he was feeling much better about the whole thing.  In fact, he was seriously getting on board with the idea and even getting excited about it.

My son bought the house from us last December.  He moved into the house in February.  His first roommate moved in the house in March.  He now has three roommates and he is loving life.  He is feeling confident.  He is taking a college class at the community college.

My son is still dyslexic.  My son is still on the autism spectrum.  My son is living independently.  God heard my prayer.  God answered my prayer.  God may not have answered my prayer the way I thought it should be answered, but he answered it the way it needed to be answered.  If I can say anything about what I learned while waiting on God it is this... don't give up on God.  God is faithful.  God answers prayer.  And, God's time is not my time.

But, God is good.  All the time.

290.  The beach
291.  The ocean
292.  Feeling very small and insignificant when looking over the vastness of the ocean and yet knowing how special I am to the creator of that same ocean
293.  Seeing old friends
294.  Time alone and away from the typical stresses of life and reconnecting with my husband
295.  Resting
296.  Reading
297.  Taking the time to relive this story of answered prayer in my own mind
298.  Sleeping late
299.  Going on a sea cruise

The importance of a name

What's in a name?  I just started a study of the names of God.  I was asked to consider how a name defines a person.  I have an old name.  My name is a very uncommon name these days.  If you ever hear someone with my name, chances are they are over 50.  Yep, names come in and out of fashion.  The first of the many names of God that I'm going to look at is the name Jehovah.

YHWH / YAHWEH / JEHOVAH: “LORD” (Deuteronomy 6:4; Daniel 9:14) – strictly speaking, the only proper name for God. Translated in English Bibles “LORD” (all capitals) to distinguish it from Adonai, “Lord.” The revelation of the name is first given to Moses “I Am who I Am” (Exodus 3:14). This name specifies an immediacy, a presence. Yahweh is present, accessible, near to those who call on Him for deliverance (Psalm 107:13), forgiveness (Psalm 25:11) and guidance (Psalm 31:3).

(I found the above definition here.) 

I learned a lot of, what may be considered, trivial stuff about this name for God.  First, the name YHWH was so holy it was not spoken aloud.  Secondly, when scribes were copying the bible and they got to this name, YHWH, they stopped writing.  They took a bath.  They got a new pen.  They wrote the name.  Then they threw the pen away.  This is how holy the name of God was to them.  Btw, this name of God, YHWH, is in the bible just under 7,000 times.  (that is a lot of baths and pens)

Hearing about the reverence there used to be (and maybe in some circles, still is) is inspiring to me.  I have to admit, I use the Lord's name in vain more than I like to say.  Can you believe that many of us use this holy name as an expression?  We say it when we are surprised.  Shame on us.  There was a time (way back in the olden days, when I was in my 20s) that the name of God could not be used as an expletive or a word of surprise or swearing on t.v.  Seriously.  I'm not kidding.  It used to be considered improper television content.  With more than half of the shows on t.v. being "reality" shows, we hear the lord's name used in vain constantly.  AND, the writers on scripted television have no qualms about writing the lord's name, to be used in vain, into the script.

I am going to stop it.  I may not learn a whole lot from this study (although I hope I do), but I am going to let this study stop the way I speak.  After all, you don't hear anyone on t.v. or in the movies say, "Oh my Allah!" or "Buddah, damn it!"  AND, I'll bet you would get kind of sick of hearing your boss use your name as an expletive all day long.  ("What?  You weren't calling me?")  Why is the name of the God I serve any less precious?

I'd like to share this meditation about this name of God, I Am who I Am.  I know it's gotten me through some difficult times.  These difficult times were often when I was regretting the past and fearing the future. 

My name is "I AM" He paused, I waited, He continued:
'When you live in the past with its mistakes and regrets, It is hard.
I am not there. My name is not I was.
When you live in the future with its problems and fears, It is hard.
I am not there. My name is not I will be.
When you live in this moment, It is not hard,
I am here. My name is "I AM."

271.  My husband and his birthday
272.  The color yellow (it just screams SPRING)
273.  Bumblebees (they just shouldn't be able to fly)
274.  Coming into work an hour late (wink, wink)
275.  Getting caught up on my work
276.  Learning more about myself and starting to like myself more because of it
277.  My name, Judy  (I knew you wanted to know it)

I'm not equal to you

This week the talk has been all about equality.  No matter who we are, men, women, asian, black, white, hispanic, muslim, christian, jew, gay, straight, rich, poor, smart, stupid, ambitious, lazy, all I hear is that we are all equal. 

I don't buy it.

What does equal mean?  I certainly don't contribute as much to society as a Bill Gates or a Pierre & Pam Omidyar or a Billy Graham and on and on.  I certainly do contribute more than a Casey Anthony or a Jodi Arias.  I'm not as smart as Stephen Hawking or Paul Allen, but I am smart enough to stay out of debt, raise a family, and save for my retirement.  What does it mean to be equal?  I'm not as popular as Lady Gaga or Justin Bieber.  I'm not as pretty as Julia Roberts or Angelina Jolie.  Do I think I'm equal to any of those people?  I'm going to tell you, I don't.  And, I don't think you are either.

We look to the Declaration of  Independence to find the sentence we hang the hat of all this "equality" business.  "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness."  Does this mean that what everyone does with the potential of that Life, Liberty, etc. is equal?  I don't think so.

Here's what I do think.  God created every person with an equal purpose.  That purpose is to give God the glory in all we do!

We don't all produce the same results with our God-given lives.  We have each been given different talents, opportunities, and influences in our lives.  But here is where we have taken a wrong turn in our God-given lives.  We live as if we are each living an individual life.  We live as if what we do every day in every aspect of our lives does not effect anyone else.  We forget that we were created to live in community.  We put our individual desires above the desire to glorify God.  We put our individual desires above the command to love our neighbor as ourselves.

I am a christian.  I am  sinner.  Every day I choose to resist or give in to temptation.  When I give in to my sinful nature, I plead God's forgiveness.  My desire is not to be equal to my neighbor, but to love my neighbor as God loves me.  My desire is not to be equal, but to be a servant.  My desire is to be salt and light in a fallen world.

I won't be changing my fb photo to an equal sign.  During this holiest of weeks, I will be focusing on being forgiven and reconciled to my creator God through the life, suffering, bloodshed, and death of my savior, Jesus.  I pray, as I pray daily, for this nation and the desires of the hearts of the people of this nation.  I pray as Jesus prayed on the cross, "Father, forgive them.  For they know not what they are doing."

241.  Watching storm-clouds part and see the sun come shining through
242.  Bacon
243.  Time spent with old friends
244.  Hearing my husband say he is very happy in his marriage
245.  Practicing smiling at people
246.  Vacation

Everyone needs to have skin in the game

So much of how you view life depends on whether or not you have skin in the game.

The quote, "having skin in the game" is attributed to Warren Buffet.  It refers to the situation of owners purchasing stock in their own company.  The "skin" refers to equity and the "game", the investment vehicle.

I listened to two speeches last night.  I listened to the president give his State of the Union address and I listened to Dr. Benjamin Carson's speech at the National Prayer Breakfast from five days ago.  Both speeches included commentary on the state of our economy, taxes, education, and health care.  Both speeches were given by black men.  Both speeches were given by professional men.  One is a doctor and one was a lawyer.  Both speeches were given during the same week. 

There were certainly differences in each of these speeches.  I won't go into the huge portion of the State of the Union address that had to do with gun control.  Maybe you feel that is the most important portion of the president's speech.  It wasn't.  Or, at least, it shouldn't have been.  The most important issue the president should be talking about is the economy.  Because, even Bill Clinton will tell you, it's always about the economy.  Our president talked about slowing the fiscal deficit by taxing the richer American's at a higher rate.  I don't know how many rich people you know, but the few wealthy people I know won't keep their money in the US if taxes keep increasing on them.  Taxing people with resources to leave the country or take their businesses out of the country or do their banking out of the country, won't solve our problems.

Dr. Carson's speech talked about the economy, too.  He talked about a flat tax.  He didn't give a percentage, but he did indicate that all people should pay the tax.  I know Dr. Carson isn't an economist.  I do know there are a lot of people who would agree a flat tax is the way to go.  (Remember Steve Forbes?)  But the percentage isn't what caught my attention.  The thing that caught my attention was who would be paying the tax.  The "who" would be EVERYONE.  No matter if you were on welfare and food stamps or making millions, you would be paying taxes on your income.  Some may think taxing those on welfare on their welfare income is weird.  I, for one, don't think it is.  The poor use welfare as their income.  I use the money I earn at my job as my income.  I'm taxed on my income.  When all are taxed on their income, whatever manor of income they bring in, then all will have skin in the game of the economy of our nation.  When you have your money in the process of our national economy, you will care much much more about how that government spends your money.

There is just something about having no investment in the working of our government that keeps people from fully understanding how government works.  I spoke to a 23 year old woman the other day.  She was receiving food stamps and financial support from the government.  This is also known as welfare.  When asked if she knew where the money she was receiving came from, she said, "the government."  When asked where she thought the government got the money they were giving her, she said, "they print it."  She is not a lone voice in the wilderness of the entitled.

I hope you can find 27 minutes in your day to listen to Dr. Carson's speech.  I hope it gives you the hope it gives me.  I see Mr. Obama sitting and listening.  I hope and pray he heard something that gave him something to think about, as well.

Continuing gratitude
150.  I was taught not to steal
151.  I was taught not to look for handouts from people
152.  I was taught to ask for help when I need it, but not to let it become a habit
153.  I was taught to save for a rainy day
154.  I was taught to pay God first, pay myself second, and then pay those I owe
155.  I was taught that paying my own way, when I can afford it, gives you a great feeling
156.  I was taught when I can't afford it, I have to do without
157.  I was taught not to throw money at problems.  I need to do the work
158.  I was taught to take care of the things I have
159.  I was taught to believe people when they tell you who they are.  When they tell you they steal, they are a thief.  When they tell you they lie, they are a liar. 

Praying properly

I don't think I pray the right way.

In fact, I'm pretty sure I don't pray properly.

Prayer is a tough thing for me.  If I think about it long enough, I'd have to say I've never been very good at prayer.

If I pray at all, it usually happens when I close my eyes to fall asleep.  This is when all my biggest fears rise to the forefront of my consciousness.  Then I go into begging mode.  God, please do this...  God, please do that...  God, please don't let this happen.  God, help me not to be afraid.  I'm not sure this is the way we are supposed to pray.

I know Jesus gave us a model for prayer when he taught the disciples the Lord's Prayer in Matthew 6:9-13.  I try to pray the model.  I try to pray by recognizing who God is and all the power he has and that he is my creator.  I try to pray by remembering that God is listening to me and just by the very act of prayer, I am honoring him.  I try to remember to confess my sins.  I know having unconfessed sin in my life can block my access to the almighty, but I don't always remember to do this.  In fact, I almost never remember to do this.  As far as asking for my daily bread, well... I usually ask for a whole lot more.  I know asking for and receiving my daily bread, should be enough for me.  I shouldn't be greedy and ask for more than I need each day, but I do.  I'm worried about my future, sometimes.  I'm worried about my son's future, almost all the time.  So I pray for more than my daily bread.  I pray for security.  I think this is probably not what I should be praying for.  I want security on this Earth.  I know this is not what we are supposed to desire, but my flesh wants a house and food and clothing (btw, I'd like wifi, health care, and an occasional vacay, too).  And I want it for the rest of my life.  I pray to be a good person.  I don't want to sin against God, but I do.  And, when I pray not to sin, I'm already thinking, "you know, I'm gonna sin.  I just know it."  I pray for God to heal people.  And then I sometimes couch it with, "guide the surgeon's hands." 

This is the struggle.  I want to pray the way Jesus wants me to pray, but I want to pray for the things I want, too.  I want people I love to get better, not suffer, and all that good stuff.  I want people I don't like to, well...  I want them not to suffer either, but I'm not as emphatic.

As I consider my prayer efforts and whether or not I'm "doing it" right or not, I consider this; I'm praying.  I believe God is hearing my prayer.  I may not always believe he is answering my prayer, but I believe he hears it.  I believe he forgives me of my sins when I remember to confess them.  I believe he wants me to confess all my sins, but he knows how forgetful (and full of rationalizations) I am.  As I consider what prayer is, I consider this; prayer is my opportunity to honor God.  When I do it, I'm acting in faith.  When I don't, I'm acting on my own.

I've got to tell you, it's tough being a Calvinist.  There are so many "right ways" and "wrong ways."  One Sunday I listened to a sermon that essentially said, if you don't end a prayer "In Jesus name, Amen," God will not hear your prayer.  There must be something in the bible about praying in Jesus' name.  Should I kneel?  Should I raise my hands or fold them?  Should my eyes be closed or can I keep them open?  Between the actions of my body and the desires of my heart and the thoughts in my head, I find myself wondering how to pray. 

I know prayer isn't like making an incantation or a recipe for success.  I know if I don't do it right, God's will will still be done, on Earth as it is in Heaven.  Maybe the adage, practice makes perfect, fits with prayer.  Maybe the more often I pray, the better I'll get at it.

Linking with Emily at Imperfect Prose on Thursday.  Our cue was Believe.

130.  Accepting God's forgiveness and allowing myself to be forgiven
131.  Getting a good night of sleep
132.  Believing God is watching over my son, now that he lives on his own
133.  Feeling the Holy Spirit drawing me back to attendance in a church on Sunday mornings
134.  My health (I really need to stop taking this for granted and get a little exercise) 

Fruits of the Spirit given to me

Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness, and Self-Control

There they are.  All nine fruits of the Spirit listed in Galatians 5:22-23.  There are a couple things I have learned about these nine attributes that I didn't understand and I'd like to share them with you.  I'm sure many of you already know most of what I don't know, (because there are libraries filled with stuff I don't know) but I beg your indulgence.

The first thing I have learned about these fruits is that they come directly from the Holy Spirit, himself.  These are not attributes we develop on our own.  Also, this Love and Joy and Peace and Kindness and Patience and Goodness and Faithfulness and Gentleness and Self-Control are God's divine attributes.  Not the same as those named by mere men.  We may use the same names for them, but the manifestation of these attributes from God are not the same as those exhibited by men.  In order for us to exhibit the fruits of the Spirit we must stay connected to Jesus.  Just as Jesus told us in John 15:5, he is the vine and we are the branch.  Apart from him, we can do nothing.  Connected to him, we bear fruit.

Love:  We are to love God, first, then love ourselves and others, and ultimately, to love our enemies.  This is not the love we see in men, but the love that God has for us.  After all, we were his enemy before we accepted the Holy Spirit into our hearts and became his child.

Joy:  The happiness we have because we serve God.  This is also the source of our strength in God.  Without Joy in the Lord, we can become weak and dry.

Peace:  The sense of tranquility and poise from having the Holy Spirit (God) living in our hearts.  The sense of well-being and confidence from fully relying on God and his promises.

Patience:  Understanding and trusting God's timing.  Understanding that as the creator of time, God exists outside of time.  Trusting God's timing and having confidence in his promises.  This is steadfastness and endurance, even when times get tough. 

Kindness:  This is a quality of love that will flow through us when we stay connected to Jesus Christ.  It is a love for mankind, a readiness to help, hospitality, and a sweetness in disposition.

Goodness:  The quality of God's goodness manifested in his people has the effect of drawing people to God.  This goodness is kindness in action.  It is the core of what a believer is.  God is good, all the time.  We, his children, have been given the attribute of God's goodness.

Faithfulness:  Staying true and loyal to God is something that God wants from us.  He has told us he is a jealous God and will not tolerate unfaithfulness.  Our commitment to God should be reflected in our commitment to family and friends that have been brought into our lives.

Gentleness:  This attribute can be described as power and strength under control.  Gentleness should not be confused with weakness.  It is said that, at times, a soft answer will turn away wrath.

Self-Control:  Having victory over one's flesh.  Having victory over vices.  This attribute is huge.  Our hearts may be filled with the Spirit, but it is housed in a body of flesh.  This flesh needs to be disciplined and kept in check.

Thanks for allowing me to work through this verse of scripture and re-teach myself the truth of the gifts that God has given to me.

40.  Quiet
41.  Prayer
42.  Meditation
43.  Contemplation
44.  Rest
45.  Peace
46.  Trust
47.  A shoulder massage
48.  Yoga stretches at my desk
49.  Tylenol

(I've got a crummy migraine today that has held over from yesterday, but I still came to work)

What has happened to personal responsibility?

"We must reject the idea that every time a law's broken, society is guilty rather than the lawbreaker. It is time to restore the American precept that each individual is accountable for his actions."  Ronald Reagan

Personal responsibility.  There's a concept from the past.

The tragedies of this month have again brought out the question, who is to blame?

Who is to blame for the bad things happening in this country?  Is it the parent's fault?  Is it the school's fault?  Is it the fault of the NRA and the legality of assault rifles?  Is it the fault of the makers of violent video games?  Is it the fault of the doctors and professionals in the field of mental illness?  Is it the fault of vaccines and the possibility of their relationship to autism?  Is it the fault of neighbors and friends not seeing the signs of trouble?  Is it the fault of the high divorce rate and the crumbling of marriage in the US?  Is it God's fault?  Is it the church's fault?

Taking personal responsibility has, for the most part, disappeared.

We want to blame the NRA for lobbying to keep guns available for legal purchase. 

We want to blame McDonalds for the rise in obesity in the US.  I don't know about you, but in order for me to eat McDonalds fries I have to go there and get them and then put them in my mouth and eat them.  Nobody has a gun to my head.

We want the government to take care of our birth control for us, so we don't have to worry about our sexual promiscuity.

We want government to take responsibility for the raising, education and feeding of our children.  

We want our health care paid by the government while we continue to overeat, under-exercise, smoke, drink and use recreational drugs.

We want to retire comfortably without saving money during our working years and preparing for the future.

We want to give the responsibility for all these things, and more, to an institution that has proven itself to be very bad at managing anything and especially bad at managing money.  Why oh why to we continue to look to the government to take care of us.  They have showed us who they are.  We need to stop begging for them to do a better job.  It can't be done.

Personal responsibility.  If you need to depend on someone to help you with a problem area in your life, look for a mentor.  You can find mentors in your life through older family members or friends, neighbors, spiritual leaders, community leaders, the networks of your friends and colleagues.  People like to be asked for help, but they don't want to do it for you.  Don't depend on these mentors to do your work for you.  Take personal responsibility for yourself.

We need to grow up in this country.  Life is hard, but we aren't in it alone.  God knew life would be hard, so he sent his son to reconcile us to him.  He gave us prayer, an opportunity to speak with him.  He gave us church, an opportunity to join with fellow believers for support and fellowship in this tough, tough life on Earth.  I pray for churches to be filled during this holiday season and for people to return to the roots of faith this country was built upon.  We don't need to look any further than the bathroom mirror to discover where change needs to begin.  Let's decide we want to do better for ourselves, not have more done for us. 

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.

  
768.  Last day of work before my Christmas break
769.  Red velvet donuts from Dunkin Donuts
770.  New carpet day in the rental house renovation
771.  Enjoying the final couple weeks of my son living with me
772.  Reading books for pleasure
773.  Reading blogs for pleasure
774.  Watching movies in the morning
775.  Going to a 9:00 p.m. showing of Lincoln and knowing I don't have to get up for work in the morning
776.  Listening of off-key Christmas carol covers  :)
777.  Thinking about the peace of Christmastime and getting all my work done so I can enjoy it
778.  Organic lettuce and baby greens salads
779.  Vodka made from potatoes
780.  Advent services at church
781.  Thinking about hanging ornaments on the tree, but ok with knowing it may not happen
782.  Three hours of administrative leave on the last day of work in 2012

Waiting for God

Isaiah 30:18, So the LORD must wait for you to come to him so he can show you his love and compassion. For the LORD is a faithful God. Blessed are those who wait for his help.

As Christmas day draws closer and closer, some of us may find some of our company finding it more and more difficult to wait for that special day to arrive.

I know I have a difficult time waiting.  In fact, there have actually been times I've considered becoming a thief, just to avoid waiting in endless checkout lines in stores.  There have been times I have muttered curses while waiting in traffic, just to be behind the person who needs the green light to become an even GREENER light before they will venture out into the intersection.  And, I must admit, I have very little patience in waiting for my son to do almost anything I ask of him.  (for some reason his timing and my timing are very, very different)

In Luke 2:21-40 there is a story about waiting.  Simeon and Anna are the two people in this story who waited on God.  All we know of Simeon is in verse 25, Now there was a man in Jerusalem, whose name was Simeon, and this man was righteous and devout, waiting for the consolation of Israel, and the Holy Spirit was upon him.  What we know of Anna is from verses 36, 37, and 38, And there was a prophetess, Anna, the daughter of Phanuel, of the tribe of Asher. She was advanced in years, having lived with her husband seven years from when she was a virgin, and then as a widow until she was eighty-four.  She did not depart from the temple, worshiping with fasting and prayer night and day. And coming up at that very hour she began to give thanks to God and to speak of him to all who were waiting for the redemption of Jerusalem. 

These two waited for the coming of the Messiah their whole lives.  They believed in the promise that Israel would be reconciled to God through the coming of Jesus.  Suddenly, one day, just like any other day each of them spent at the temple, a small family came to the temple to offer sacrifices in obedience of the Levitical Law regarding the birth of the first son.  Because Jesus' family was poor, the sacrifice was a pair of turtledoves and not a lamb.  The Holy Spirit alerted both Simeon and Anna to the identity of this child and their waiting was ended.

Waiting on God is difficult to be seen as a privilege, but I believe it must be.  Waiting with patience and confidence would certainly be a trait of maturity.  When I see someone actively pouting while waiting in a long line at the grocery store or the Wal-mart, I don't think to myself, "wow, that is one mature individual."  No, I don't.  Ditto with the horn-blarer at the green light.  I've even seen fellow christians spend money they cannot afford, as well as borrowed money, by forcing their own timing instead of waiting for God's answer.  I wonder what the end of the story would have looked like had they actually waited on God's answer?  So when I see this impatience in myself, especially when it comes to waiting on my son's timing, I see opportunity for growth and maturing in my walk with Christ in myself.

As we move through this time of Advent, this time of waiting on the coming of the Messiah, let us strive to show confidence in what we are waiting for.  As we struggle with the brokenness of this world and the tragedies and wars and disappointments, let us remind each other of the confidence we can have in our God.  He has overcome the world.

I found this little image on facebook.  When I looked at it I thought that this little slice of the pie, Wait for His Answer, was the toughest one of these for me to do.  Now, I'm not so sure that each and every slice of this pie isn't a challenge for me, but I will keep leaning on the tenants of my faith and continue to mature as a believer.  I'll not find perfection in my faith, but I will progress and grow.  God is good.

746.  Advent time and the focus it puts on our hope
747.  Knowing that God is in the deepest, darkest places there can ever be, and he is there before any of his children end up there
748.  Fog on the river
749.  A sore back (evidence of hard work, or possibly just weak abs. :))
750.  Husband finding Teacher Barbie in the Navy Exchange (I couldn't find one in Target or Wal-mart)
751.  Someone selling a stove to my son for $1
752.  Looking forward to seeing my small group and rejoicing with them in answered prayer
753.  Finding joy in waiting on God's answer

Decision 2012, God is still sovereign

I woke up this morning to more of the same.  I wasn't very surprised.  The difference, at least for me, was that this was my first Facebook election.  It is amazing the things people will say behind their computer screen.  I have to say, some of the statuses and comments have made me question the character of people I thought were "friends."  I'm fairly sure these same strong opinionated folk wouldn't have the same courage of their convictions face to face.  Btw, you don't even want to get me started on the minister and church lady comments.  Do these people know we can SEE them?

Romans 13:1  Let every person be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those that exist have been instituted by God.

Paul is reminding us that all governing authorities have been put in place by God.  God can raise nations up or tear them down.  In Isaiah 46:9-10 God tells us,  ".. for I am God, and there is none else; I am God, and there is none like me .. My counsel shall stand, and I will do all my pleasure."  This is the sovereignty of God in a nutshell.  God has the authority to do as he chooses and God has the power to do as he chooses.

Sure, I'm disappointed my guy didn't win.  Sure, I'm disappointed that there will be amendments to my state constitution I don't approve of.  Sure, I'm thinking about moving to Belize.  (just kidding, sorta, kinda)  I see these next four years as another opportunity for me to show my true colors and to trust my sovereign God.  Am I a true follower of Christ?  Do I believe that no matter what happens to me on this earthly walk of life I still am a daughter of the king?  Do I truly believe that heaven is my home?  Will my actions show this to those I meet in this life as well as to my facebook friends?

This campaign was painful to me.  Maybe it was the addition of social media.  This campaign and all its ugliness seemed inescapable.  The additional fact of the expense of both campaigns also sickens me.  If there is one thing I hope we learn from this is that too much is just TOO DARN MUCH.  I believe this campaign was very divisive.  I hope the damage it inflicted on this nation is not irreparable.  I cannot help but reflect on history and think of the pain our nation suffered during the Civil War.  I can't imagine the fear and anger and outrage and pain in the nation at that time.  When I think of that time in history I know I am turning to the same scriptures those christians turned to for comfort.  I pray the same prayers prayed by christians facing war with their fellow Americans.  Yet I have the blessing of seeing how God healed our nation and did not turn his face from us.  This experience should give me comfort.

In Psalm 75:7 the psalmist says, "But it is God who executes judgment, putting down one and lifting up another."

I encourage my christian friends, both in real life and on facebook, trust God.  Read what the Bible says regarding God's sovereignty.  Have faith.  Be brave and show that faith to everyone you meet and on every social media tweet, status or blog-post you write.  

670.  Living in a nation that settles its elections peacefully 
671.  Facebook.  As much grief as I give those that misuse social media, I do think it has its good side
672.  Digital books.  I really like my kindle, too.  I can read my bible anytime I choose
673.  Having mature christian friends.  Those folks who walk the talk
674.  Having choices.  I am so blessed to have the choices available to me in this life
675.  Vodka.  I think I've said this one before 

 Linking with Emily at Imperfect Prose on Thursday.

Color me happy

We are fine.  Sandy came and went and didn't pack as big a wind as her sister did last year.  Relief and happiness are our middle names.

To add more happiness to the relief we felt, the schools in the county were closed on Monday and Tuesday so I didn't have to go to work.  Bonus!

It was strange to be watching the storm on tv and then to look out the window and see something completely different.  There was some wind, but I think the strongest gusts were only 65 mph as opposed to the 95 mph winds we had with Irene.  It looks as if New Jersey and NYC bore the brunt of this storm.  She was certainly huge.  Thank you all for your prayers and concern.  I felt completely covered in prayer.  In fact, my husband was amazed to watch me sleep peacefully in my bed (on our top floor) Sunday night, while he paced and watched the effect of the wind on the trees on our property.  I just felt safe.  And that was a peaceful feeling.

Today is business as usual.  I saw a few trees down on my drive into work this morning, but not many.  Almost everyone in the county has power.  Our power only flickered twice.  Amazing.  There were electric company bucket trucks everywhere you turned on Sunday night.  Those guys were awesome.

As I mentioned, I'm back at work and because of the two days off, the work is piled high and wide.  I wanted to thank you all for your prayers and let you know we are well.  God is good.

643.  Electricity.  I really, really like electricity
644.  People who evacuate the area when the authorities ask you to evacuate the area
645.  Friends checking on each other
646.  Knowing we would be ok, no matter what happened.  Everything was in God's hands
647.  Seeing the sun shining today

weren't the photoshopped Statue of Liberty pics hilarious?

What is man that you are mindful of him?

Psalm 8:1-9  O LORD, our Lord, how majestic is your name in all the earth! You have set your glory above the heavens. From the lips of children and infants you have ordained praise because of your enemies, to silence the foe and the avenger. When I consider your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is man that you are mindful of him, the son of man that you care for him? You made him a little lower than the heavenly beings and crowned him with glory and honor. You made him ruler over the works of your hands; you put everything under his feet: all flocks and herds, and the beasts of the field, the birds of the air, and the fish of the sea, all that swim the paths of the seas. O LORD, our Lord, how majestic is your name in all the earth!

I have always struggled with my worthiness.  Why have I been so blessed in this life?  Why do I have a husband that loves me so?  Why did I grow up in an intact family?  Why did God choose to bring me into this life that I am living?  Why?  why?  why?

Last night at my small group bible study we read this verse.  In fact, the verse was almost skipped because we were pressed for time.  I'm glad we didn't miss it. 

I have been made a little lower than an angel.  I have been made ruler over creation.  This is pretty big stuff.  This makes me pretty special.  If mankind has been created for a position such as this, it makes us pretty important in this world.  No wonder we have harnessed all it's resources and used it to our advantage.  But, you know what they say, "with great power comes great responsibility."  Yes, we have been given the position of authority over this earth, but we have also been given the responsibility to care for this earth.  This is the balance we need to exert. 

A question in the study asked if I had had any particular event in my life bring me to an understanding of who God is and what my relationship is to him.  I listened to the answers around the room.  Some spoke of the time in their lives (typically the college years) when they strayed from their faith and walked on the wild side.  It was interesting.  Kind of.  Sort of.  It would have been a lot more interesting if someone in the room had ACTUALLY had a racy past, but that wasn't the case.  Two members of the group are Naval Academy grads.  Nope, no racy past there.  One new graduate of William and Mary College who is also the preacher's kid.  Nope, no racy past there.  Others are government contractors or DOD employees.  And still, no sordid past.  I'm good with this.  I'm glad I study with so many upstanding citizens.  I'm glad to delve into the truth of God's word with these people.  I like them.

It was nice to know I didn't have the past of being a crack whore to fit in.  The event that changed my understanding of who God is and the nature of my relationship with him came to me when I accepted his forgiveness for a sin, I thought, was unforgivable.  I had always heard that God was in the business of forgiving.  I confess, God forgives.  That's how it works.  Yet here I was, living with an event from my past that I thought was too horrible to be forgiven.  I lived with it for years.  Then, one day while driving home from one of my son's therapy sessions in Washington, DC, something someone said on a radio program made me remember that God forgives all sins.  Jesus died on the cross for each and every one of my sins.  None were left out.  Because of the blood of Christ, God forgives and it is all arrogance, on my part, to not accept his forgiveness.  Arrogance.  I was so surprised.  I hadn't thought of it as arrogance.  I'd always thought of it as unworthiness.

But here I am.  A being created a little lower than the angels.  This is why I can be proud of who I am.  This is why the creator of the universe is mindful of me.  This is why he knows the number of hairs on my head.  The arrogance is not in how I live as a daughter of the King.  The arrogance is in thinking I know better than the King.

630.  The freedom of living with forgivness
631.  The joy of studying the word of God with like-minded people
632.  Christian radio stations
633.  Little moments of time to myself to ponder who I am in this world

National Geographic

Linking with Emily at Imperfect Prose on Thursday.

True beauty tips

This is a poem attributed to Audrey Hepburn, when asked to share her beauty tips.  

For attractive lips, speak words of kindness.

For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.

For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry.

For beautiful hair, let a child run his/her fingers through it once a day.

For poise, walk with the knowledge that you never walk alone.

People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; never throw out anyone.

Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you will find one at the end of each of your arms.

As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands; one for helping yourself, and the other for helping others.

The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman must be seen from in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides.

The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mode, but the true beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul. It is the caring that she lovingly gives, the passion that she shows.

The beauty of a woman grows with the passing years.

Doesn't this move you?  It touches my soul.  One thing I will say is that Audrey Hepburn certainly held on to her beauty until the end of her life.   Certainly much of her beauty was due to her genes.  There is nothing we can do about our genes.  We're born with them.  Yet, our attitude can certainly contribute or detract from our beauty. 

I don't know why I want to pick out my favorite stanza of this poem, because they all speak to me so strongly.  My favorite stanza is the one that speaks of the beauty of a woman not being in the clothes she wears, or her figure or her hairstyle.  No, the beauty of a woman can only be seen from her eyes.  This is how to see into her heart, the place where love resides.

We've all been there, haven't we?  We've seen the white haired, wrinkled old woman with the smiling eyes.  The eyes that still see the wonder in the world.  The eyes that show the warmth of their soul.  And, we've all seen the botoxed, facelifted woman with the eyes that look bored and show a dearth of feeling in her soul.  It's in our power to choose.  This beauty does not depend on our genes.  We can decide how happy we want to be.  We can decide how often we want to show the world our kindness.  We can decide if we will let our light shine or if we will withhold that light and hide it under a bushel basket.

I started yet another diet (or eating plan if the word diet is a four letter word) this week.  I look in the mirror and I see the years changing my face and my body.  I walk up a hill and it's more painful than it should be.  Audrey reminds me of my beauty and the way my creator sees me.  He sees through the shell and into my heart.  This is the beauty He cares about.  My choice is to develop the beauty in my heart and then to choose to let it shine through my eyes.  Let it be known through my lips.  And share it with my hands.

Thank you, Ms. Hepburn, for theses wonderful beauty tips.  :)


Linking with Emily at Imperfect Prose on Thursday 


566.  Kind words making my mouth look beautiful
567.  Seeking the good in others making my eyes lovely
568.  Sharing my food is slimming
569.  Having a confident walk, because I walk with God
570.  Beautiful hands to help myself and others
571.  Growing more beautiful as I age with grace, kindness, and generousity

Be certain it is God speaking

A while back I wrote a post about discerning the voice of God.  I've struggled with "hearing" God speak to me.  I guess I have a problem with it because, for some reason, God's voice sounds an awful lot like my voice.  I mean, he has a Chicago accent and everything.  Sometimes, I swear, I believe God says to me, "Go ahead, you can eat that donut."  I wonder if the others who say they hear God telling them to do something hear God speaking with a Chicago accent?  I mean, God has been accused of telling people to do some crazy stuff.  I've heard of people who do horrible things under the guise of saying God was telling them to do something.  They've killed their children or raped somebody or shed someone's blood or tried to sell their house as a short sale so they could live in a bus.  I'm pretty skeptical that God was telling them to do these things.

I've watched people who are absolutely certain it is God telling them to do some crazy things (not crazy like hurting or killing someone, but pretty darn irresponsible) and watched door after door slamming in their face, but they are still certain it is God's will (not their will) to quit their jobs or move or go into debt or whatever.  I guess they really believe God wants them to put themselves into bankruptcy or jail or whatever.  Really?

I found this Story Of The Remote Employee by Sandy Gregory on the blogs while looking around for information on hearing the voice of God.  (I just finished studying Mark 1:11 And a voice came from heaven: “You are my Son, whom I love; with you I am well pleased.”and Matthew 17:5 While he was still speaking, a bright cloud enveloped them, and a voice from the cloud said, "This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased. Listen to him!" So I know sometimes God does speak so EVERYONE around can hear him.  I wish that happened around me.  A little confirmation would be great.)  This story is so good as an analogy for discerning whether or not it is God speaking or somebody else.

Imagine you are hired to open up an office in Anchorage, Alaska. Your new boss gives you a high-tech looking two-way radio, a policy and procedure manual, and tells you that you will receive instructions once you arrive, and off you go. Upon arrival you hear your boss's voice over the radio, saying, "I will communicate to you through this radio unit. But take note: our competitors, our enemies, also have access to this channel. They will try to impersonate my voice with false messages to thwart our purposes." "Oh no!" you panic, "Then how will I know if it is you or the enemy giving me instructions?"

Your boss's voice comes back over the radio: "Three ways. First, considering the situation, check every message supposedly from me against the policy and procedure manual. Since I wrote it, I'm not likely to ask you to violate it, right? Also, if I am not talking, don't focus in on the noise, pretending that I am. If I am not speaking, let the manual be your guide. Don't let any impersonating voice mislead you, or your own overactive imagination."

"Second, since the Manual does not cover every situation, you will have to get to know my voice. I know, this will take time, and so I am not likely to ask you to do anything radical until we both have some low-risk successes under our belts. Remember, I understand the situation perfectly well, so I'll go slow at first. A time will come when I will be able to tell you to do the wildest things, and you will know it is me. In the short-term, you must be trained through low-risk experience."

"Third, over time, my overall purpose for your work will begin to come into focus. You will begin to see the grand strategy in the policy and procedure manual, and the overall pattern of my true instructions. When this happens, you'll know instantly if what you hear through your unit is 'of me', just your imagination, or enemy misinformation. False instructions will begin to appear silly to you then. So take heart, and get to work."

After reflecting on this a few moments, you hear your boss's voice again on the radio unit. "Take all of the money from petty cash and give it the next person that walks in, no questions asked." Hmmm... You look in the policy and procedure manual, and this is specifically forbidden. Besides, you know your boss wouldn't tell you to do something that risky right off. And also there was an certain "twang" to the voice, an appeal to something different within you, and a plan that was not in the long-term interests of the company. So, even though you are on a hostile channel, you are beginning to have hope that you can indeed do this job.

There is the rub.  This world is a hostile channel.  You don't even have to believe there is spiritual warfare all around us.  You don't have to believe there are fallen angels seeking to tempt us and turn us from the narrow path.  You can have confidence that this weak body we inhabit wants what it wants when it wants it.  I think that may be why God sounds so much like me.  Do you think it's my will I'm listening to?  Ya think?

To get a handle on whether or not it is the voice of God you need to check the manual, often, and learn the policies.  (It's THY will be done, not MY will be done.)  Learn the sound of God's voice.  (I'm thinking this is going to take time.  Maybe this is why he waited until Abram was 75 before he told him to leave Ur.)  Finally, we need to fully grasp God's overall purpose for our lives.  Wherever you are, God has put you there. God has a purpose in your being there.

Be careful when you tell yourself you are following the will of God because God is talking to you.  There is a good chance you may be following someone else, or as Flip Wilson used to say on Laugh-In, "The devil made me do it."  (ask your parents)

499.  I can quit my job any time I want to (and today I'm coming awfully close)
500.  My computer still works (I spilled my soup on my keyboard)
501.  My mom is still fun to talk to (she didn't remember my wedding day, but that's ok, she still remembers her own wedding day)
502.  Capturing summer goodness in freezer bags and canning jars

Flip Wilson

A survivor's story

I haven't written about the CO theater shooting, until now, because I didn't know what I could say.  It was horrible.  Worse than horrible.  Young people, killed by a young person.  It makes no sense.  I prayed for the survivors.  I prayed for the families of the victims.  I prayed for the injured.  I prayed for the family of the shooter.  It's senseless tragedies like this that cause people to question the presence of God in this world.  I thought back to 9/11 and the questions about God and where was he and how could he let this happen and more.  I believe God was in the World Trade Center on 9/11.  I believe he was in the planes on 9/11.  I believe God was in that movie theater in Aurora, CO in the early moments of Friday morning.  I came across a blog by a woman who was in that theater the night of the shootings.  I realize there is always a chance that something on the internet is not true, but something about this post rang true to me and I hope I could react as bravely and hang on to my faith as securely as Marie at A Miniature Clay Pot.

Marie posts about what it was like to be in the theater at that midnight showing of "The Dark Knight Rises" in her post on July 20th and survive.

"I was there in theater 9 at midnight, straining to make out the words and trying to figure out the story line as The Dark Night Rises began. I’m not a big movie-goer. The HH and I prefer to watch movies in the comfort of our own home…where I can use subtitles and get a foot rub. I don’t like action movies. And I don’t like midnight showings.  But, as I wrote in my last post, parents sometimes make sacrifices for their kiddos and I decided I would take my fourteen year old and sixteen year old daughters who were chomping at the bit to see this eagerly anticipated third movie in the Batman Trilogy. Twice I had the opportunity to back out and twice I was quite tempted. But something in me said just go with your girls. I did.

So I was there with them, fidgeting in my seat, some forty or fifty feet away from the man with the gun. It’s still a bit surreal, but I do know that when the seemingly endless shooting started, as my girls were struggling from whatever gas or chemical had been released, and we figured out what was happening, we hit the floor. I threw myself on top of my fourteen year old who was on the end of the row, straight up the aisle from the shooter.  In that moment, as the rapid-fire shots continued, I truly thought I was going to die. And I realized that I was ready. I have put my faith and trust in Jesus Christ as the redeemer of my soul, and there wasn’t the slightest doubt that I would be received into heaven, not because of any good thing that I have done but because of His merciful nature and the death, burial and resurrection of Jesus Christ. Still, as I lay over my daughter, I began praying out loud. I don’t even remember what I prayed, but I don’t imagine it really matters. I’m sure it was for protection and peace. It drew me closer into the presence of God. When there was a pause in the shooting, people began to clamor for the exits. The girls and I jumped up and joined the masses. We had to step over a lifeless body, people were screaming and pushing, not knowing where the shooter was. We raced to our car and I dumped my purse, frantically searching for keys, looking all around, prepared to hit the ground. I yelled at Michelle to call Matthew and find out if he had made it out of the theater next door. She did. He did. We booked on out of there."

Marie goes on to share how she and her daughters began to process this event.  I, personally, cannot imagine how the conversations would sound.  Marie took the time to share some of the processing she and her family experienced.  From what I can tell, this blog blew up after Marie's first posting.  It appears she added some answers to comments afterward.  I can only hope (and still do not want this hope tested) that I would be able to respond with the same grace and faith that Marie has shown.

"(Maybe, just maybe God spared my life because He loves YOU and wants you to hear this..He wants you to believe that He loved you so much He gave His only begotten Son that if you would believe in Him you would have eternal life.)

“So, you still believe in a merciful God?”  Some of the comments online are genuinely inquisitive, others are contemptuous in nature. Regardless of the motive behind the question, I will respond the same way.

Yes.

Yes, I do indeed.

Absolutely, positively, unequivocally.

Let’s get something straight: the theater shooting was an evil, horrendous act done by a man controlled by evil.  God did not take a gun and pull the trigger in a crowded theater. He didn’t even suggest it. A man did.
In His sovereignty, God made man in His image with the ability to choose good and evil.
Unfortunately, sometimes man chooses evil."

Evidently Marie's post blew up with comments that she felt compelled to address in her posts on July 21st and July 22nd.  I was surprised by the negativity she encountered, but then again, this is the internet and there is that shield of anonymity.

As hard it is to imagine being in the position Marie claims to have experienced and survived, is to understand how quickly life can change.  It is so strange to read the blog post Marie wrote on July 19th.  She wrote about bacon.  Bacon.  The most pressing thing on her mind on Thursday July 19th was her daughter's food preferences.  The paradigm from which Marie viewed her life shifted drastically a few hours later.  Yet, the faith she has in God stayed firm.

I emailed Marie and asked permission to share her story and link to her post.  In all that has been written and spoken of this tragedy, it is writing like this that gives me hope for our world.  I know there will be more to come.  A trial and sentencing.  There will, most likely, be victimization of shooter.  It's hard for the world to believe or understand that God was in that theater, but he was.  God is everywhere.  And he is there before you get there.

448.  Reading about people with unshakable faith in God
449.  A good God in a world full of evil
450.  Bloggers using their blogs to teach the good news of Jesus Christ and his salvation of the world
451.  Surprise gift of flowers

My 2nd chance

Aren't second chances the BOMB!  I know we don't always get a second chance, but when one does... revel in it.

Today I got my second chance.  I got to set up another meeting, similar to the meeting from my bad day.

*Background on this is that my boss has placed a meeting on his calendar and hopes I will notice that he put it there and I will then take care of everything and make all run as smoothly as silk feels.  Oh yeah, and he is out of the office on Monday and Tuesday at off-campus meetings and he doesn't return my texts.*

Yesterday, at 4:00 p.m., my boss asked me to find a venue for this meeting and invite the attendees with the meeting information, location and time.  He did not give me a list of the people he wanted me to invite.  THIS TIME there were going to be no assumptions on my part.  I sent him an email with a list of names and asked it these, indeed, were the people he wanted invited to the meeting.  (fool me once, shame on you.  fool me twice, you know how it goes)  He replied to this email with a "yes" and adds an additional list of names of people he wanted at the meeting.  (seriously, if you are a boss of ANYBODY, communication is KEY)  This was a very good start in my 2nd chance.

I asked him if he wants me to pick up catering for this breakfast meeting and he said, "no."  (yay, I hate schlepping coffee and the like)

This sounds like a piece of cake, right?  Wait for it...

The first monkey wrench get thrown into the works when the meeting room initially reserved for this meeting is still off-line because of slow (read, not showing up) HVAC workers who have left it in a mess in the midst of ac installation.  No worries.  I find a new room and send out the email to the (correct list of) invited meeting attenders.  I love it when I can make a problem into a non-issue.

There is more.

Then my boss strolls into my office at 4:50 p.m. and says, "btw, I told a trustee of the college the wrong meeting room and he never looks at his emails, would you call him and let him know where we are meeting tomorrow morning.  Oh, and this trustee says he hopes there is coffee at the meeting, so will you provide catering for 20."  Yeah, this is the way it goes.  I call the trustee, who is, fortunately, at his desk in his office.  Booyah!  Then I call Dunkin Donuts ('cause Panera Bread, you messed me up and I'm not playing with you anymore.) and order coffee and donuts for 20.  (just sayin', my boss hates donuts.  too bad.)  So far, so good.  Right?  You'd think so.

There is more.

I get home from work and I'm chillin' in front of the tv and sipping on a cocktail.  Life is good.  *marimba*  *marimba* (that's my ringtone)  It's my boss.  (thanks iPhone for telling me who is calling)  It's 6:30 p.m.  I debate whether or not to answer.  Calls at this time are never good news.  (Like, hey happygirl, I was calling to see if I could take you and the hubby out to dinner?  or  hey happygirl, I just heard you're getting a raise and I wanted to tell you right away!)  Calls after working hours are never good..  I answer the phone.  Some of the attendees have responded that they cannot come to the college and have asked to be conferenced into the meeting.  Would I mind setting up a conference phone and setting up my shared meeting materials website?  Gee, yes.

There is nothing I'd like to do more. 

In the end, all went as smooth as silk and I got the chance to shine in my 2nd chance.  As I considered the blessing of having this opportunity, I thought about God and the way God treats me.  I serve a God of 2nd chances.  I've been known to do exactly what I ought not to do and not do it accidentally, but with intention.  This is known, in christianese, as SIN.  I've lied when I ought to tell the truth.  I've gossiped when I ought to have said nothing.  I've stolen when I ought to have paid.  I've cheated, lusted, cussed... (get the picture?)  The God I serve knows I did these things, and still gives me another chance to do better when I ask for another chance.  All I have to do is ask.

God is good.  All the time.

434.  Gotta say it... 2nd chances
435.  Talking with my girlfriend on the phone and just ... talking
436.  Eating a leftover donut
437.  Drinking beet juice for lunch so I don't feel so guilty about eating the donut

Me, chillaxin'