Clap along with the Dutchies Being Happy

I know it's been a long, long time since I've been on the blog..., but I just ran across this video and it is great.  Happy people dancing to Happy in Amsterdam.  I love it.  Btw, you don't have to watch all of it in one sitting.  I mean, even though I'm still out of work and have nothing BUT time I didn't watch it all at one time, but I listened to it while I was on the treadmill.

Have a HAPPY day and clap along.  :)

There is no sense in nonsense

Ok, I'm ready to write about the ...rest of the story of my "retirement."

I thought it may take me a few days to find the humor in this and I was right.  You've heard that no news travels faster than bad news.  This was true for me.  A week ago on Tuesday my phone and email blew up!

Evidently the college had begun to hire for my old position.  And, surprise, surprise, they had upgraded the position and given the position a raise.

I wasn't surprised at all.  I knew they wouldn't be able to hire someone qualified if they had kept the position the same as when I was in it.  This is why I was asking for a raise.

Sure it hurt that I had been lied to.  I had been in the job 11 years.  I thought I deserved to be treated with respect.  I guess I was wrong about that.

I got over this pretty quickly.  I mean, my old boss, Mr. Nonconfrontational, showed his true colors.  If he had been any kind of a man or manager, he would had spoken to me directly and just told me the truth.  I knew what the truth of the situation was.  It wasn't that I was a bad employee.  It wasn't that I wasn't doing my job.  The truth of the situation was that I had pushed them too hard.  I asked for the position to be upgraded and a substantial raise.  If they would have done this for me, then they would have been opening the door for EVERYONE to ask for raises.  And, they would have been able to say, "You gave Happygirl an upgrade and a raise.  Why not me?"  They weren't gonna have THAT.  And the easiest way not to have THAT was to close the door I had opened when I turned in my letter of resignation.  So they did.

Ok, I get that there is not much humor in this portion of the story.  Let's see if this next bit contains anything that'll make me smile.

The new guy that was promoted to be my boss (get that!  he had been promoted.  he had been a co-worker, now he was my boss.  gee, you think he'd want to share  some of the blessings that had gone around his way.  I guess when you "get yours" you don't have to care about anyone else.) is retired Navy (albeit a blackshoe or surface guy).

It was inevitable that I would run into this guy in the commissary.  (a commissary is the grocery store on a navy base, fyi)  This happened last Saturday.  It was everything you might have expected it to be.  We were both surprised to see each other, although he looked much more uncomfortable than I felt.  He asked me how retirement was treating me and I said I was well.  I congratulated him on getting my old position upgraded.  He hemmed and hawed and eventually said that he had told me he would get the position upgraded.  I said, "yeah, but not for me."  He responded with an uncomfortable sheepish look.  And, oh yeah, he told me that EVERYBODY on campus wanted my old job.  I told him that of course they would.  It's the easiest job on campus.  I mean, heck, I was capable of doing it.  Then I let him off the hook and told him he could keep all the crappy things that they were saying about me behind my back, behind my back.  Good luck and yada yada yada.

Are you laughing?  Yeah, I'm not laughing that much either.

The bottom line is this.  They did me a favor by not offering me the upgraded position.  First of all, they didn't raise the pay to as much as I had asked for.  (really?)  Secondly, if they would have raised the pay enough, I would have accepted the upgrade and raise and stayed.  And, this would still have been the character of the people I was working with 40 hours a week.  These would have been the people I was sharing the best part of my day with.  This is who was getting the best of my energy and intellect.

Enough with this nonsense.

Btw, now that I work for myself, I ADORE my new boss.

484.  On line yard sales on facebook (I finally found something useful on fb!!)
485.  Working with people I love
486.  Reading
487.  Finding my footing in my new normal
488.  Chuckling at Samsung's smartwatch (really, who likes this thing?)
489.  Finding my "happy" again
490.  Smiling a lot more 

I've got nothing to do today but smile

I am now retired.

I feel good and bad at the same time about this turn of events.  No one is more surprised by these conflicted feelings than I am.  I'm learning so much about myself.

I remember that in June 2012 I told myself I would work for one more year.  I loved the way I told myself that story.  It made me happy.  It gave me something to look forward to.  Every time I completed a task on the annual calendar I would tell myself, "Hooray, that's the last time I'll ever have to do that."  It felt like I was checking a box.  And being the strong ISTJ that I am, checking a box feels like success.  I continued through the fiscal year completing task after task, just waiting for June 30, 2013 to arrive.
 
June 30, 2013 arrived and I didn't quit.  Nobody was more surprised about this than I was, but there were extenuating circumstances.  I wrote about some of them here and here and here.  So there is no need to rehash this whole mess.  Oh, btw, the college I USED to work at is still accepting applications for fall 2013.  (classes begin on September 3rd.  hurry up all you slackers, there is still a place for you this overpriced public institution.)

I am happy.  I mean, I've finally stopped hitting myself with a hammer.  I'm out of a situation that was pretty toxic for me.  I really was never able to buy into the mission statement and mindset of the institution.  I tried to appease this in myself by just doing my job and not getting involved in the culture of the institution.  I wasn't able to keep my feelings completely to myself and ended up not winning any popularity contests.  There just weren't enough conservative capitalists on campus for me to hang around with.  (there were a couple, and we were friends.  hi girlfriend!)  I worked for a guy that believed that making money and talking about how you do that, was vulgar.  Making money in the stock market, on eBay, and renting real estate were my favorite hobbies.  (btw, it was ok to chat about killing birds, his hobby.  not gross at all.)

I am happy.  Now I can do all the things at home I wished I was doing while I was at work.  My lifestyle isn't going to change because I don't have this job anymore.  (well, sadly, I am going to let my house cleaner go today.  it would just not work for someone to come and clean my house while I'm at home.) 

So, you may ask, why am I not so happy I cannot stand myself?  I guess the first reason is because of my ISTJ personality type.  Yep, I'm my own worst enemy.  I'm a duty fulfiller.  It would have been easier for me to have a couple weeks to tie up all the loose ends of things I was working on.  Instead and because I had already submitted a letter of resignation with a date of August 8th as my last day, they accepted my resignation yesterday and gave me 2 weeks pay in lieu of 2 more weeks of notice.  I need to accept that those things I was working on that I hadn't finished yet, aren't my job anymore.  They don't want me to finish them.  I need to give up the ownership I feel for the work I did.  I don't work there anymore.

My husband tells me he went through this same process when he retired from his job.  He's an ESTJ.  I know it will pass.  Today is just the first day.  The way that my resignation was accepted was done in a strange way.  (I really need to write about that, but I think I need a day or two of distance because it was done in a pretty hurtful way.  a couple days may help me see the humor in it.)

So I'm turning a page.  I'm walking through a new door.  I'm entering a new phase of my life.  I've gone from being a child, to becoming a college student, then a working single adult, to a Navy wife, which turned into a stay at home mother, to a working mother, and then a working empty nester, to what I have now become... retired.  Thank you to all that have held me in prayer during this transition.  I'm ready to do this retired thing the best way I can.  I am accepting any and all suggestions, cyber hugs, real hugs, and hope, strength and experience out there.

To quote Paul Simon, “I've got nothing to do today but smile.”

I'm linking with Emily today at Imperfect Prose because I'm happy, but scared. 

441.  Waking up without an alarm clock
442.  Drinking coffee in my pajamas on a Wednesday and I'm not on vacation
443.  Writing my blog at home
444.  Thinking about my future
445.  Hearing people tell me they will miss me (for a little while)
446.  Thinking about what I want to call this stage of my life (I'm not sure I want to call it retirement just yet)
447.  Allowing myself to feel these feelings (it's not something I typically do)
448.  Being encouraged by my husband
449.  Not having to plan a going away lunch for Sleeping Beauty (his last day is a week from Friday)
450.  Trusting that I am in the center of God's plan for me

How to throw your happiness away with both hands

Focusing on everyone’s story except your own

Waiting for the perfect moment

Working for nothing more than a paycheck

Harboring feelings of hate

Holding tight to worries and fears

Dwelling on difficulties

Seeking fleeting contentment

Trying to make a big difference immediately

Holding on to someone who hurts you

Magnifying the importance of physical beauty


I'm taking a moment to focus on the stumbling blocks to my happiness.  I thought they may be interesting to you, too.  I found them here.
Linking with G-Man for a Friday Flash 55

421.  Yay, yay FRIDAY
422.  A co-worker said I looked happier lately.  She thought it might be because I have a new boss.  Maybe?
423.  One day closer to having my husband home
424.  I blogged for 5 days in a row
425.  One day closer to having an unpleasant co-worker leave (who knows, maybe that's how they will think of me one day.  :P)

Why I'm still working

I had put a countdown clock app on my iPhone.  The title of my countdown clock was "I Quit."  I was totally and completely ready to quit my job and I had decided that June 30, 2013 was going to be the day.

I'm still working.  Even I need to take a minute to sort out why I'm still working.

If I think about it, it all started back in April.  In April the college I work at discovered the new student enrollment for fall '13 semester was going to be 1/3 less than they had budgeted for.  Another way to say this is, they were $3.5 million short.  There was PANDEMONIUM.  What were they going to do?  Where were they going to find the money?  Why did this happen?  Were they going to have layoffs?  Were they going to ask for early retirements?  So many questions...

I stayed through all this HOOPLA because of one thing.  If there were going to be offers of early retirements there were going to be cash bonuses to take the early retirement.  I thought it would be silly to miss the opportunity to get a bonus and just take the early retirement.  So I waited...  The early retirement thing did not pan out.  Bummer.

While I was waiting to see if the bonuses panned out, a better job opened up and I was qualified for it.  So I applied.  This job paid a 1/3 more than I am making now and it had fewer responsibilities.  My fingers were crossed.  If I could make more money, I'd have an easier time getting up for work in the morning.  After all, isn't money the reason we go to work?  I told my boss I was applying for the job and I asked for a reference.  I figured a reference from my boss (who had just been promoted to CFO of the college and was in the capacity of Acting President) would carry a little weight.  So I waited...  I waited quite a while (more than 2 weeks) and then discovered they didn't even offer me an interview.  Evidently, in their eyes, I was not qualified for the job.  I WAS PRETTY DARN ANGRY.  In fact, I was so irritated that I sat down and wrote my letter of resignation.  I wrote it.  I printed it.  I signed it.  And, I carried it upstairs and handed it to my old boss.

Ok, I need to take a couple minutes to update you on a few things that were going on at the same time all this waiting and whatnot was going on.  First, they fired the president of the college.  And then they fired the VP for Admissions at the college.  Who else was going to fall under the axe?  Also, I told you my boss had been promoted, so I don't currently have a boss.  We are in the interviewing process for finding my boss, but they haven't hired anyone yet.  Oh, and btw, one of the candidates for my new boss is a co-worker of mine who is extremely qualified.  But, no, they didn't just want to promote him.  They wanted to spend thousands of dollars to fly in possible candidates from hither and yon.  Then, they hired my co-worker.  I have a new boss.  Finally, while this was all going on, they asked me to move out of my office and move into the basement.  (sounds a lot like Office Space, doesn't it?)  They told me this on a Friday and my move date was the following Wednesday.  Awesome.

That's why I had to say I carried my letter of resignation UPSTAIRS to my old boss.  I now work down in the basement and my new boss had not been hired yet.  Anyway, the date I put on the letter as my last day was August 8, 2013.  I was DONE!  When my old boss took the letter he was not happy.  He asked if this had anything to do with the fact that I had asked for a raise in January, written up a new PD and duty list in March, and he had said he would move forward on this and then had done nothing at all.  (oh, did I tell you he got a $100k raise in his new position? awesome.)  I said yes.  Yes it did.

He asked me if I would wait a couple days and he would go to HR and see what he could do about my raise.  Fine, I said.  So I waited...  A week later I'm told that HR told them they could not reassign my position in a way that would allow me to get a raise.  BUT..., would I continue working for 3 or 4 more weeks until the NEW HR director they just hired is on board and in place.  Looking at my job description and seeing about my raise would be the first thing this person will do.  My NEW boss said he would make this his TOP priority.

Too late to make a long story short.  This is why I'm still at work.  I can tell you this whole evolution has been quite a roller coaster.  I have been left exhausted and wrung completely out with all this rigamarole.  The only good thing I can say about this is that either way it goes, whether I stay and have a raise or a quit and stay at home, I will get exactly what I want.

I think I'm in a very good place... even if it is the basement.

337.  I like my new boss
338.  It's super air conditioned in the basement.  I'm wearing a sweater
339.  Being in the basement helps me focus on the positive
340.  My favorite blogger is blogging again
341.  Tomatoes are EVERYWHERE
342.  BLTs
343.  Surprisingly balmy weather for the end of July and beginning of August
344.  Dreaming of traveling to Prince Edward Island (and seeing where Anne of Green Gables lives)
345.  Smiling just a little more

56 things I've learned in my 56 years

Today is my 56th birthday.  I spent most of the day on the beach.  It was a great day.  I thought I'd share 56 things I've learned in my 56 years on this earth.  I hope you know most of these things.  I'm glad I can share these things with you and I look forward to learning more as I continue to live my life.

1. God is good, all the time.
2. I'm never going to be perfect. 
3. Marriage is tough, but it is worth the effort.
4. Being a mother is a tough job.
5. I made mistakes in my parenting, but I was always doing my best.
6. I am a child of the creator of the universe. 
7. Telling the truth is better than lying.  The truth will always come out.
8. My parents loved me more than I'll ever know.  Everything they did, even the things that hurt, they did because they loved me and were doing the best they could.
9. Saying "please" and "thank you" go a long way.
10. Worrying about things changes nothing.  Worrying just wastes time and keeps you from acting.
11. You cannot pray too much.
12. Church people are going to let you down.  Put your faith in God, not people, even good people.
13. Saving money for a rainy day is better than looking for a loan.
14. Accepting the way you look will allow you to have more vacation pictures with you in them. 
15. Trust your gut.  If it doesn't feel right, don't do it.
16. Every day is a new chance to do better. 
17. Say "no" when you really want to say no. 
18. Say "yes" to yourself.  Don't put yourself last on your to-do list.
19. Exercise gratitude.  Don't take your blessings for granted.
20. Smiles are contagious
21. It's easier to clean up messes right away than it is if you wait until later.
22. You can't hold a baby too much.
23. Be encouraging to a mom having a tough time with her toddler in a store.  Don't give her a hard time.
24. Be on time.  Making people wait for you is arrogant.
25. Remember that school teachers aren't always right and you know your child better than they do.
26. Some people cannot be taught.  They just refuse to learn.  I call them knuckleheads.
27. Don't carry a grudge.  Keeping hatred in your heart for someone is like drinking poison and expecting them to die. 
28. Get along with your neighbors. 
29. When people tell or show you who they are, believe them. 
30. If you can get a job you love, you'll never work a day in your life.
31. If you can't get the job you love, do a good job at the job you have while you are there.
32. Be kind to your parents.  Even when they get older and lose their health and mental faculties.
33. Walk as much has you can.
34. What goes around comes around.  Be kind to people.
35. When you have your health, you have an easier life.  Do what you can through diet and exercise to keep yourself healthy.
36. When things don't go your way, work on solving the problem, don't be a victim.
37. A good night's sleep is a way to solve many of life's problems.
38. Money and things do not bring happiness.
39. Happiness is multiplied when it is shared with others.
40. The only person you can change in this world is yourself.
41. No one can steal your joy.  You have to give it away.
42. Remember that your children don't live in the same world you grew up in.
43. If you buy a new shirt, throw an old shirt away.  This way you won't collect too much stuff.
44. Watching too much t.v. or playing video games too much is just keeping you from participating in life.
45. Nobody sinks into poverty by being generous.
46. Don't use God's name in vain.  
47. Words have power.  Be careful with what you say to others and what you say to yourself.
48. Drink water.
49. Tell the people you love that you love them.  Out loud!
50. Don't gossip or participate in gossip.  No good can come of this.
51. If it sounds too good to be true.  It most likely isn't true or good.
52. If you don't want EVERYBODY to know something, don't put it on facebook.
53. Be friends with your siblings.  It's the longest relationship you will have with anyone you know.
54. Pick your battles in life.  Pick them carefully and then, don't lose.
55. Pick up the check when you go out for a meal with your dad.
56. Troubles don't last.  And time is a great healer.

I'm linking over at Emily's at Imperfect Prose on Thursdays.


300.  Another birthday
301.  Being treated like a queen by my husband
302.  Birthday calls from all my family
303.  My son singing Happy Birthday to me over the phone
304.  The day isn't over yet so there is more fun to come

How I'm changing the world

My first Happiness Challenge update.

Remember that post I wrote about My happiness challenge?  You know, the one I'm doing for 21 days?  Well, here is the first update on the challenge and my happiness.

One of the first things in the challenge is to write an appreciative email to someone in your support group.  Someone like a family member, a co-worker, a teacher, a friend, an employee, you know, someone like that.  On the second morning of the challenge I wrote an email to my son.  Remember, these emails are short and positive.  There is no need to write a novella to brighten someone's day.  My email went something like this:

Good morning (my son's name). This is just a quick note to let you know that I am proud of you and proud of the way you've taken responsibility for your house, your classwork, your job, and your future. Remember when you said that thing a while back about me not thinking much of you and I said you just hadn't done anything to be proud of yet, but you hadn't done anything you couldn't return from either. Well, now you know what accomplishment feels like. I am very proud of you and I hope you are proud of yourself, too. 

Love,
Mom

My husband and son had lunch together today.  (we're home from our vacation and my son needed to use my husband's truck to take his trash to the dump.  we like to help him out, sometimes.)  My son told my husband that the email came to him at just the right time.  He was having trouble with a problem for a class he's taking and he felt like giving up.  This email gave him the confidence he needed to continue to work on the problem and he solved it.  BooYah! 

I've got to tell you, yesterday I didn't work the challenge.  I was traveling home from vacation and I just didn't work the entire challenge.  I did do the smiling and saying "hi" in the airport and I was friendly on the plane, but I didn't do any of the email or journaling.  But you know what?  I'm ok with that.  Today I'm journaling my one positive thing to you, dear readers, in this blog post.  Even though my son may never tell me to my face that my email made his day, I know it did and that makes my day.

Here is my encouragement to any of you out there in the blogosphere wondering how you can change the world.  Write one positive email each day to someone you know.  I think we can change the world and make it a happier place, one email at a time.

 

259.  A day in the mid-Atlantic that could almost be called spring-like

260.  April Fool's day  (it's just a fun day, isn't it)

261.  The airline lost my luggage, but then the airline found my luggage and they will send it to me tomorrow and I didn't get upset about it

262.  Daffodils EVERYWHERE!

263.  Sleeping in my own bed (why is it better, even if you need a new mattress?)

264.  Being home

My happiness challenge

This is a challenge for me, not for you... unless you want to do it.  I listened to Shawn Achor's TED talk, here.  It moved me.  It confirmed all the suspicions I have about happiness being a choice I can make for myself.  First of all, this guy really does seem happy.  And, secondly, he appeals to my box checking nature by giving me a list of things to do to achieve happiness.  I'm challenging myself to give this project 21 days. 

Send an Appreciative Email:
Shawn suggests we search our address book and choose one of the members of our social support system (friends, co-workers, classmates, family members, teachers, neighbors) and take two minutes to write an email praising or thanking that person.  I'm planning to not only search my address book, but look at my fb friends (the ones I know irl) and send these messages.  I can absolutely see the way these emails would improve my happiness.  And, I can see they work for the recipients, as well.  I know it would be a bright spot in my day to receive an email thanking or praising me.  I can also see this is going to be one of the tougher boxes for me to check.  This is going to involve interaction.  This is not always my strong suit.  Wish me luck.   

Smiling Is Contagious:

Evidently luxury hotels know a lot about smiling=happier guests.  Many luxury hotels have a standard for their employees to smile at a person when they are walking around the hotel and come within 10 feet of a guest.  They are encouraged to say "hello" or some equivalent when the come within 5 feet of the guest.  When an employee smiles at a guest, the guest usually smiles back.  That smile is contagious.  Our brains perceive that smile as a feeling of happiness.  (evidently, you can cause this happiness response in your brain just by biting on a pen in your mouth.  the act of biting on a pen causes the corners of your mouth to turn up and your brain perceives this as a smile and feels happiness.  who knew?)

Give Thanks:
Gratitude is critical to happiness.  It shifts us from focusing on what is missing in our lives to focusing on all the blessings we DO have.  Shawn asks me to think of three things I am grateful for each day before I go to sleep.  This is another twofer in the challenge towards happiness.  I get to focus on gratitude while I think of the three things, AND I get to spend part of my day seeking out things I am grateful for while I move through my day.

Never Give Up On the Good Times:
Journal one positive thing that happened each day.  This is another twofer in the quest for happiness.  Each day I will have to notice a positive thing that happens to me.  Then, each evening, I will get to relive the positive thing that happened to me by having the opportunity to journal it.  Who knows?  Maybe I'll share some of the positive things that happen to me on my blog.  It's going to be a challenge for me to notice the positive.  I am super good at finding flaws.  I am not as good at noticing the positive.  This one will, most likely, make huge changes in me if I can do it for 21 days.  Fingers crossed.

Have Fun:
Shawn asks me to add 15 minutes of fun to my day.  This fun has to be active fun.  It has to involve movement.  Let's face it, it's exercise.  For 15 minutes each day I have to get up and move around.  I have to dance, or walk, or jump, or garden, or do yoga, or bike.  I have to train my body that movement=fun.  We all know how much I love exercise.  This is going to be a snap..., not.

Meditate:
Finally, I am asked to meditate each night before I go to sleep for two minutes.  Just focus on my breathing for two minutes.  Just focus on this one thing.  This is thought to help my brain calm down and move from multitasking to sleep.  Focusing on just one thing, for example my breathing, can slow the brain down and allow for better sleep.  Finally, a thing I think I can do without too much trouble.  Thankfully there is this one thing I know I can do.

This is a 21 day project.  I'm going to give it a go and see what results I find in myself.  I'm excited.  I'm going to be gentle with myself and not get too focused on box checking and get more focused on results.  I'm putting my happiness in my own hands.  Wish me luck.  :)

235.  Hot baths
236.  Giving myself permission to relax
237.  Night-time cold medicine
238.  Sunshine
239.  Learning that the absence of disease isn't health
240.  Getting ready to smile for no reason what-so-ever (yeah, I'm a little scared)

My solitude

I've been enjoying time on my own.  I've been enjoying my time and I've been feeling guilty about it at the same time.  I'm trying so hard not to allow those feelings of guilt about being on my own spoil the enjoyment of being quiet.

I'm on vacation.  I'm on vacation with my husband and my husband's good friend and former college roommate.  We are in Lake Tahoe.  The weather is gorgeous.  Spring has found Lake Tahoe, much to the dismay of the skiers.  It's been sunny every day and the temps are hanging around the 50's all day long.  My husband and his pal are still going skiing every day, even though the conditions are marginal.  This leaves me with time on my own, every day.  This is where I become torn.

I love having time on my own.  I love having hours of sitting in complete silence.  I love having time to read.  I love having time to go for a stroll to the lake and enjoying the sounds of the birds and the waves lapping on the beach.  Peace and quiet is so restorative to me.

When my husband returns from the slopes the first thing he asks me is, "whatcha do today?"  I always feel guilty when I answer, "nuthin'."  I guess I could say that I read part of my book or I took a short walk or I took a hot bath or I watched some of the Jodi Arias murder trial, but when I think about those things I don't think of any of them as accomplishments or under the category of "doing something."  I struggle.

I've been contemplating the last blog post I wrote and considering my thought process.  I have come very far in changing the negative thinking about myself.  I realize I am much too critical of myself.  I'm making strong efforts at focusing on the positive and strong aspects of myself.  I'm accepting my flaws.  I'm trying so hard to accept my body, as it is.  I read a post from Emily about writing a love letter to my body.  I debated with myself about writing such a letter.  I'm not ready, yet, but I'm working on it.

I watched a t.v. show called What Not to Wear.  There was a woman with a shape similar to mine on the show.  I noticed that her ankles were thinner than mine.  Of all the things to notice on this show... the woman's ankles.  I have a long way to go, but I'm trying.  I'm sitting here, drinking tea and munching on triple ginger snaps.  I have a long way to go, but I'll get there.

Another thing I noticed while contemplating the way I think, was that I considered being in the middle of a book a non-accomplishment and finishing a book the accomplishment.   For some reason I have this idea that the accomplishment is in the completion of the task and not in the enjoyment of the task.  I struggle to find my joy in the midst of the event.

So today I'll enjoy my solitude.  I'll enjoy my time watching a movie about a Russian love and tragedy, Anna Karenina.  I'll enjoy my book about a Swedish girl struggling with her life and love and solving mysteries in The Girl Who Played With Fire.  I'll drink tea and nibble on ginger snaps and write my blog.  I'll take a hot bath.  I'll enjoy the peace and quiet and beautiful scenery.

Today I'll learn to accept that I'm on vacation and I don't need to "accomplish" anything.  I can rest and relax.  I can be good with this, for today. 

Lake Tahoe (I took this pic)

226.  Movies in Redbox

227.  Hot tea

228.  Snow on mountaintops

229.  Clear blue sky

230.  Readers who think of messaging me when I don't write for a few days

231.  Breathing the thin air at high altitude

232.  The scent of pine in the air

233.  A comfortable condominium to vacation at

234.  Time away from my work and my home and the everyday stresses of life

Choose happiness

The pursuit of happiness is a right given to us Americans, by our Creator, annotated in the Declaration of Independence.  The second paragraph says, "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness."  That being said, you have the right to pursue happiness.  Being happy is optional.

Being happy is what I'm all about.  Maybe you noticed the name of my blog.  It's hard to be happy in all things at all times.  I can't even imagine that kind of bliss.  In fact, I'm going to go so far as to say that it is impossible to be happy all the time.  If you were never sad or mad or bored, how would you know when you were happy?  If the pursuit of happiness is a right, endowed to us by God, then why do we seem hell bent to throw happiness away at almost every opportunity?

Yesterday my pastor talked about giving away our happiness.  Of course, my ears perked up immediately.  After all, I'm all about the Happiness.  He was focusing on happiness within a family.  I agree with him on that point.  I think it is critical to be happy within ones own family.  After all, families are the ones who know us best.  Family is where we go to be rested and restored after being out in the workplace all day.  Family is (or should be) our soft place to fall.  Yet, because we know each other so well, we know how to hurt each other so well, too.  Because we spend so much time together, we develop expectations that are impossible to meet.  Every time you lay the blame for your situation at someone else's feet, you give away your happiness.  When the "someone" you choose to blame for your situation is a family member, you've allowed conflict to come into your home. 

The following is the passage from the bible that was used to illustrate this point.  One thing we can think about when reading these verses in the book of James, is that James was the younger brother of Jesus.  He was a member of Jesus' family.

James 4:1-3 says, "What causes fights and quarrels among you?  Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you?  You desire but do not have, so you kill.  You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight.  You do not have because you do not ask God.  When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures."

Another passage used to refine this point was the passage from Paul in Romans 7 where Paul says he does the things he doesn't want to do and then doesn't do the things he wants to do.  It's sounds a bit like Abbot and Costello's "Who's on first," but it is worth taking the time to read.

Romans 7:14-20, "We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin.  I do not understand what I do.  For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.  And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good.  As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me.  For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature.  For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out.  For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing.  Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it."

It seems as if we cannot win for losing, according to Paul.  But what if we could bat 500?  Seriously, a batting average of 500 is awesome.  What if, in an argument, you paused?  What if, when you start feeling frustrated with your spouse, child, mother, father, sibling..., you took a beat?  What if you said, "You know what part of the problem we're having here is?  Part of this problem is, I'm not getting what I want."

Wouldn't that be a stunner.

I know many of you are probably thinking that it isn't fair for the blame of a conflict to be laid at your own feet.  Well, life isn't fair, my friend.  And, we often, if not mostly, pull the fair card only when we don't get something we want.  We don't usually worry too much if someone else isn't getting what they want.

We are responsible for our own happiness.  When we abdicate that responsibility to someone else, we are throwing our happiness away.  Look back at the verses from James, "You do not have because you do not ask God.  When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives,..." 

Check your motives.  Do you want to be happy?  Don't allow your happiness to be another's responsibility.

174.  The feeling of anticipation (isn't that more than half the fun of any situation/)
175.  Chocolate
176.  Tulips (all the secretaries got a pot of tulips, but me.  I'm still good with it, 'cause I get to look at theirs)
177.  No traffic on the way to work because everyone else has this day off
178.  Finishing the curtains for my son's house
179.  Enjoying making my son's favorite dinner when he visits on Sundays

I've discovered I'm not all that happy on my own

There has been a lot of work going on at the house that used to be our rental property and has now been purchased by our son.  I still haven't got all the pics ready to show, so this post won't be about the work.  This post is about me.  (seriously, isn't blogging the most self-indulgent thing EVER!)

I've been lonely.  My husband has been working for a solid seven weeks.  He works six days a week and he works 12 hour days.  On Sunday he stays home, but he lays on the couch and watches football through his eyelids.  He's exhausted.  I let him lay there and I try not to talk to him too much.

I completely understand his dedication to getting this work done.  Heck, the reward is having our 25 year old son move out of our house.  I mean, if that isn't incentive, what is?  AND..., there was also that thing about electing Obama for a second term and allowing him to raise taxes, as needed.  We wanted to pay our capital gains tax with a known number and not whatever our president decides he needs from us.

So, I've been quiet.  I haven't mentioned to my husband that I've missed spending time with him, but I have.  I was home by myself during my entire break.  I got some serious alone time in.  I'm an introvert, and I get recharged by alone time, but after a week and a half there was still no one to spend my renewed energy on.  I didn't really get any serious work done while I was off.  In the past I've cleaned closets and stuff like that, but this year... nothing.  I would have liked to spend a day going into the city with him and seeing a show or going to a nice restaurant, but I kept quiet.  I had dinner ready, most of the time, when he got home from working at the house.  He usually wasn't very hungry because he had a late lunch.  He would take his helpers out to lunch every day.  You see, he hired a woman to clean the house and promised her an hourly rate.  As a bonus, he got the woman's husband (who is retired, like my husband and very handy in the home repair department, like my husband is) as a toss in.  Bonus!  They've become very good friends through this whole project.  I'm glad.

The drawback to all this is just one thing.  While my husband spent a LARGE part of his day away from me and working, he was also using up all the words he usually speaks in a day.  When he got home, he was pretty much done for the day.  So it was quiet at my house.  Don't get me wrong, I don't need to talk a lot, but I do need to talk more than I was getting to talk.  There is just something about a conversation, even if it is about nothing very important, that feels good.  Talking with my husband connects me to him.  I was missing that connection.  Now that the project is drawing to an end, he's getting read to go on a skiing vacation.  I think I'm really going to miss him while he's gone.  But, it's only for a week.

I need to develop more relationships in my life.  I have friends, but all my friends still work.  When they get home at the end of the day, they are tired.  Just like I'm tired.

I think we are going to need a weekend together to reconnect.  We need to spend some time not talking about our son or the house or my job.  We need to spend some time dreaming about our future together and just enjoying each other's company.  Yeah, we need to do something like that.  

In a way, this has been quite a good learning experience for me.  I learned that I'm not all that happy when left on my own.  Even an introvert needs to spend some time with people.

60.  Leftovers (I don't have to cook after a tough day at the office)
61.  Leftover cookies from a stolen from a VP's meeting
62.  Cold coffee
63.  My bed (I hear it calling my name right now)
64.  The friends I have
65.  My brothers (I even like talking to them)
66.  Free car washes with a fill-up
67.  Post-its (I don't think I could function at work without them)
68.  5:00 p.m. 
69.  Only two stop lights on my entire drive home from work

A bird pooped on me

This morning while walking from my car to my office a bird pooped on my hand.  I've heard getting pooped on by a bird can be considered good luck.  I can't imagine why this is something some people think, but evidently it is.  Maybe there is something about the randomness of it?  Maybe it's because it's a good thing cows can't fly?  Who knows?  Anyway, today ended up being a very good day.

This morning I got to work and my boss gave me 2 lbs. of my favorite coffee.  He told me he was in Trader Joe's and he just thought of me and the fact that he knows I like TJ's coffee, so he bought it for me.  Then I got a call from my girlfriend.  She had the name of a family with real Christmas needs this year.  There are four children and a mom and dad that are really hurting this year.  My small group bible study is giving them Christmas from soup to nuts, and by soup to nuts I mean a decorated tree, gifts, Christmas dinner and groceries and heating oil for a month.  There is just something about sharing the joy of the Christmas season with a family that really needs it.  Both the mom and dad have been laid off work since the summer.  (yeah, I know I'd love to get 99 weeks of unemployment, but I wouldn't want to lose my husband's pension.  I know I'm blessed.)  I found the perfect gift for my son, and I didn't even have to leave my desk.  I was able to give someone exactly what they wanted for Christmas and it didn't even cost me a dime.  Today APPL is up $10 and you know that's been a long time coming.  One of my co-workers put in his resignation today.  I don't know if I'll actually miss him, but he said he'll miss me.  Then he gave me a giant bag of candy for the candy jar on my desk.  My husband took me to my favorite restaurant for lunch and the special for lunch was my favorite, the seafood bisque.  I haven't even reached the end of the work day and so far, it's been a great day.  I can't wait to see what happens when I get home.

So if you're wondering if it's good luck if a bird poops on you, in my experience, it is. 

716.  My favorite coffee
717.  My favorite soup
718.  Giving someone the perfect gift
719.  Decorating Christmas trees
720.  Driving around at night and looking at Christmas lights
721.  Eggnog (but not too much)
722.  My small group bible study (I know I've said this before, but they are the BEST)
723.  Watching a big pine tree get cut down from my office window
724.  Smelling the scent of pine in my office and at just about every house I visit
725.  Christmas cookies

A random act of kindness

I was smacked with a random act of kindness yesterday and I'm still smiling.  Someone, not my husband, sent me flowers.  They are gorgeous and I'm thrilled.  Tulips just happen to be my favorite flower (I wrote this in the 100 things about me post.  see the tab ^).  The card does not have a name on it, so I'm guessing whoever sent the flowers wants me to guess who they are or remain anonymous (ok by me).  The card does say "Have a joyess day!"  (I'm not sure what to make of this.  did the sender mean "have a joyous day!" and the florist misspelled "joyous?"  or, did the sender mean "have a joyless day!" and the florist forgot the "l?")  These two options mean two completely different things and could slant my response to this random act as one of kindness to a random act of not quite as much kindness.  I'm going with kindness ('cause I like to stay positive.  I'm just like that).

My husband wishes it was he that sent the flowers, 'cause he said it was a good idea.  If anyone out there wants to own up to this lovely gesture, feel free to email me.  I'd love to say thank you, in person.  The rest of you can enjoy the image.  I think I may need to pay this random act of kindness forward.  It makes for good feelings and a happy day.

did you notice how I cleaned off my desk so the pic looked nice!

452.  generous people
453.  having flowers on my desk makes the work day so much nicer
454.  checking things off my "to do" list
455.  watching a movie of my choice with my son (he only said he was bored 4 times)
456.  knowing that the work week is half over 

My 2nd chance

Aren't second chances the BOMB!  I know we don't always get a second chance, but when one does... revel in it.

Today I got my second chance.  I got to set up another meeting, similar to the meeting from my bad day.

*Background on this is that my boss has placed a meeting on his calendar and hopes I will notice that he put it there and I will then take care of everything and make all run as smoothly as silk feels.  Oh yeah, and he is out of the office on Monday and Tuesday at off-campus meetings and he doesn't return my texts.*

Yesterday, at 4:00 p.m., my boss asked me to find a venue for this meeting and invite the attendees with the meeting information, location and time.  He did not give me a list of the people he wanted me to invite.  THIS TIME there were going to be no assumptions on my part.  I sent him an email with a list of names and asked it these, indeed, were the people he wanted invited to the meeting.  (fool me once, shame on you.  fool me twice, you know how it goes)  He replied to this email with a "yes" and adds an additional list of names of people he wanted at the meeting.  (seriously, if you are a boss of ANYBODY, communication is KEY)  This was a very good start in my 2nd chance.

I asked him if he wants me to pick up catering for this breakfast meeting and he said, "no."  (yay, I hate schlepping coffee and the like)

This sounds like a piece of cake, right?  Wait for it...

The first monkey wrench get thrown into the works when the meeting room initially reserved for this meeting is still off-line because of slow (read, not showing up) HVAC workers who have left it in a mess in the midst of ac installation.  No worries.  I find a new room and send out the email to the (correct list of) invited meeting attenders.  I love it when I can make a problem into a non-issue.

There is more.

Then my boss strolls into my office at 4:50 p.m. and says, "btw, I told a trustee of the college the wrong meeting room and he never looks at his emails, would you call him and let him know where we are meeting tomorrow morning.  Oh, and this trustee says he hopes there is coffee at the meeting, so will you provide catering for 20."  Yeah, this is the way it goes.  I call the trustee, who is, fortunately, at his desk in his office.  Booyah!  Then I call Dunkin Donuts ('cause Panera Bread, you messed me up and I'm not playing with you anymore.) and order coffee and donuts for 20.  (just sayin', my boss hates donuts.  too bad.)  So far, so good.  Right?  You'd think so.

There is more.

I get home from work and I'm chillin' in front of the tv and sipping on a cocktail.  Life is good.  *marimba*  *marimba* (that's my ringtone)  It's my boss.  (thanks iPhone for telling me who is calling)  It's 6:30 p.m.  I debate whether or not to answer.  Calls at this time are never good news.  (Like, hey happygirl, I was calling to see if I could take you and the hubby out to dinner?  or  hey happygirl, I just heard you're getting a raise and I wanted to tell you right away!)  Calls after working hours are never good..  I answer the phone.  Some of the attendees have responded that they cannot come to the college and have asked to be conferenced into the meeting.  Would I mind setting up a conference phone and setting up my shared meeting materials website?  Gee, yes.

There is nothing I'd like to do more. 

In the end, all went as smooth as silk and I got the chance to shine in my 2nd chance.  As I considered the blessing of having this opportunity, I thought about God and the way God treats me.  I serve a God of 2nd chances.  I've been known to do exactly what I ought not to do and not do it accidentally, but with intention.  This is known, in christianese, as SIN.  I've lied when I ought to tell the truth.  I've gossiped when I ought to have said nothing.  I've stolen when I ought to have paid.  I've cheated, lusted, cussed... (get the picture?)  The God I serve knows I did these things, and still gives me another chance to do better when I ask for another chance.  All I have to do is ask.

God is good.  All the time.

434.  Gotta say it... 2nd chances
435.  Talking with my girlfriend on the phone and just ... talking
436.  Eating a leftover donut
437.  Drinking beet juice for lunch so I don't feel so guilty about eating the donut

Me, chillaxin'

I can't make someone happy

I can't, because, just like Abraham Lincoln (not the vampire hunter) once said, "Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be."

I can't because, just like (probably) Ben Franklin once said, "The Constitution only guarantees the American people the right to pursue happiness.  You have to catch it yourself."

I can't because, just like Doystoevsky once said, "Man is fond of counting his troubles, but he does not count his joys.  If he counted them up as he ought to, he would see that every lot has enough happiness provided for it."

I can't because, just like Euripides once said, "No one is happy all his life long."

I can't because, just like Ben Franklin once said, "Money never made a man happy yet, nor will it. There is nothing in its nature to produce happiness. The more a man has, the more he wants. Instead of filling a vacuum, it makes one."

I can't because, just like someone once said, "Being happy doesn't mean everything is perfect. It means you have decided to look beyond the imperfections."

I'm so far from perfect.  You can see most of my flaws just by looking at me.  If you know me a little better, you will see more of my flaws.  If you are my father, you can see every single one of my flaws.  I'm sorry, I'm so far from perfect.

390.  Every day is a new day with endless possibilities
391.  I am more than my mistakes
392.  I am lovable, just the way I am
393.  Sometimes intentions matter more than actions
394.  I have a perfect father who loves me, completely, in heaven
395.  I know the right words for every conversation.  All I have to do is use them ("You could be right.")  

There is no road to happiness

People take different roads seeking happiness. Just because they're not on your road doesn't mean they're lost. ~H. Jackson Browne

I saw this quote on my twitter feed this morning.  It made me think.  Our forefathers new enough to know the pursuit of happiness was an important endeavor for every person.  They believed it was so important they said it was an unalienable right in the Declaration of Independence.  Maybe it's my ISTJ (you know me, I'm all about what you do, not what you feel) personality, but Mr. Browne's quote is a tough one for me to swallow.

I might have an easier time swallowing it if the definition of happiness was a bit clearer.  I know what happiness is not.  Happiness is not pleasure.  Pleasure comes and goes.  It can slip through your fingers and fade from memory.  I know of women seeking to recreate the pleasure of the initial flutterings of love and attraction.  They don't understand where this feeling goes after 2 or 3 years of marriage and a child or two.  They look for it outside their marriage.  Only to discover they cannot hold on to the feelings.  Those feelings are not happiness.

I've heard it said that happiness itself is not a destination, but a journey.  This has to be true.  How else can we explain the finding of happiness in a job well done and finding happiness in leisure time?  Our forefathers were so wise in calling the inalienable right a pursuit of happiness and not happiness, itself.

The problem I have with Browne's quote is that people often are on the wrong road to (what they believe is) happiness and they are lost.  I've seen so many people spending themselves into unfathomable debt in their pursuit of happiness.  I don't think they found the happiness they were hoping to find.  Instead, they find themselves trapped in debt.  Not a happy situation.  I've seen people sink into addiction thinking happiness was drinking or drugging themselves away from their problems, only to find themselves trapped in their addiction.  I've seen people attempt to find happiness by moving and leaving all they have and all they know, to find happiness - out there, only to find themselves lost and lonely.  There is no happiness in these situations.

The bible tells us in Ecclesiastes 3:12, I know that there is nothing better for men than to be happy and do good while they live and in Ecclesiastes 7:14 When times are good, be happy; but when times are bad, consider: God has made the one as well as the other.  (I think it should say, be happy in the other, as well)

There is no road to happiness.  You cannot travel to happiness.  You have happiness in you all the time.  Happiness is not a mood, ...it's a Decision.

I'm linking with Em at Imperfect Prose on Thursdays.

332.  Knowing I can decide to be happy
333.  MBTI information and knowing I'm ok, just the way I am
334.  MBTI information and knowing there are just some people I will never understand
335.  Being fascinated by those MBTI types I don't understand
336.  The feeling of anticipation as you near the end of a wonderful story
337.  The feeling of satisfaction as I am confirmed in my prediction of how the story ends
338.  Co-workers with generous hearts