I tried to write a haiku today and there was nothing. I'm not going to search for some sad way to say how rain and the crappy way I've been feeling lately are related. I'm not going to pour my self-pity into 17 syllables and think my anger will drop from my shoulders like a too-warm sweater. It just won't work for me that way. I'm struggling in a situation of needing to get something from someone. I need to be validated. I need to be told it wasn't my fault. I'm not going to get this from the person I need to get it from. I've gotten the validation from coworkers, husband, friends and even a therapist. It's just not as satisfying as getting it from the person that "wronged" me. And I keep going back to the thing that makes me mad. "You've got to push them to do better, happygirl." This is something I don't have the authority to do. "Use my authority, happygirl." You never back me up. You ask me to make meetings to discuss the issues with the appropriate people, I schedule the meetings, then, JUST when the meeting date draws near you tell me to cancel. Subject dropped. No resolution. No confrontation.
NO CONFRONTATION, on your part.
But, you're happy to ask me to do your confronting for you. I'm saying NO in my head. I've even said NO out loud to you. But, you know my nature is to be confrontational. You know it is not difficult for me as it is for you. This is a part of my personality I'm trying to change. You don't know that. You don't care about changes I'm looking to make in my life. You just want me to be the tool you don't have in your personal toolbox. You know the economy is tough. You know jobs are hard to find. You will use me until I break. Then you will replace me. In the nine years we've worked together, haven't I earned some respect? I know "work is work" and "all in eight", but I would like to enjoy the eight hours each day I am away from the home I love.
NO CONFRONTATION, on your part.
But, you're happy to ask me to do your confronting for you. I'm saying NO in my head. I've even said NO out loud to you. But, you know my nature is to be confrontational. You know it is not difficult for me as it is for you. This is a part of my personality I'm trying to change. You don't know that. You don't care about changes I'm looking to make in my life. You just want me to be the tool you don't have in your personal toolbox. You know the economy is tough. You know jobs are hard to find. You will use me until I break. Then you will replace me. In the nine years we've worked together, haven't I earned some respect? I know "work is work" and "all in eight", but I would like to enjoy the eight hours each day I am away from the home I love.
