Friday, December 24, 2010


Jesus is the reason for the Season.  Merry Christmas and yeah, He's what it's all about.  God couldn't do what He needed to do from heaven, so he came to earth to save us.  The Creator came to be created in the womb of a girl.  Trusted the girl to give him life in order to die to give us life.  Hallelujah.  What a Saviour!

Merry Christmas Everyone.

Sunday, September 12, 2010

All MBTI types to make a world

I have spent a lot of time and energy on MBTI this weekend.  This is a personality type indicator, if you are not familiar.  There are 16 different personality types (this is a huge generalization, but it works).  I won't go into the details because you can click the link and investigate for yourselves.  Anyway, long story short, I am an ISTJ.  To put it succinctly, I am faithful, dependable, and punctual.  I'm boring.  Evidently, the more feeling personality types think I'm kinda mean, too.  I'm pretty direct.  This is probably why I don't have a lot of pictures and flowers and buttons and "stuff" on my blog.  I want to be pretty and have all that stuff, but that doesn't get the job done.  The job is to work out who I am and how I can be authentically happy and put it out there in the world.  So, does being an ISTJ mean I can't be happy?  I know feelings aren't my strong suite.  I know I am comfortable in an organized, neat and focused world.  Is there anything wrong with that?  Can that be the extent of my happiness?  I love the fact that I am planning my vacation on a day by day basis.  I don't have every hour planned, but I have a pretty good idea of how the days should be used.  If I just let the day come as it does, I may not do anything worthwhile.  I want to hike, I want to visit the Grand Canyon, I want to do something special with my husband.

I'm struggling with the notion that my "type" is wrong.  That because my feelings and other people's feelings don't hit the top of my list in interaction, there is something "wrong" with me.  I'm working on this, but with reservation.  Is it my fault that the Fe's and Te's out there don't listen to what I say and read their own thoughts into what I say?  I don't think so.  I'll try to think about feelings while I interact with these types.  I know it will make my life a bit easier, albeit, use up a lot of my time and energy.  Oh yeah, it takes all kinds to make a world.  And, I guess, they make the world a nicer place. (maybe)

Happiness.  Boy, it's a winding and tricky road to get to it.

Saturday, September 11, 2010

Lessons on social networking

Learning new things is a good thing.  This week I'm learning about the etiquette for facebook and blogging.  Wow, Emily Post never wrote anything about this.  I guess when a new form of communication comes into the world, a whole new book of rules needs to come along.  I learned that one should ask permission to have a contrary opinion when commenting on a blog or fb post.  This is proper etiquette.  Even though this written material is out there for all the world to see.  Even though there are writers that put out inflammatory opinions and present them as fact.  The proper way to communicate a contrary comment or opinion is by asking permission and waiting for permission to be granted.  This lesson is applicable for fb statuses or blog topics alike.  Now, if you agree or think the writer is wonderful or want to heap praise on their pearls of wisdom, no permission asking is required.  Life is good.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Happy to be seen

I think I mentioned that journaling was not my strong suite.  So, here I am quite a few months later and a bit wiser.  Still working on forgiveness... that works much better for me with people I love and like.  Not so good with folks I'm forced to be with (authority figures, etc.), but I know it's the right thing to do, so I'm forcing myself.  Taking a sick day from work now and that really helps.

Now, for something that has really made me happy.  I've been reading other blogs out there.  There are some really beautiful blogs with some very uplifting content.  I had been in a rut of reading dismal blogs from folks very unhappy with the places life was taking them.  Evidently cyberspcace can be a place to dump a lot of your personal garbage.  And, ironically enough, most of these blogs were about being eco-conscious, leaving a tiny carbon footprint and on and on.  Oh my goodness, being green can be so depressing.  Now, I'm not saying the blogs I've read that make me feel so happy are "slash and burn" advocating folks, no way.  They are women enjoying their lives.  Enjoying their children.  Hopeful.  I'm sure they care about the environment and the future for their children, but they don't write in a way that insinuates there is no hope unless you go off the grid and live in a cave.  And, their blogs are beautiful.  Covered with beautiful images.  I've got to get a camera and learn how to upload images.  I may have to learn how to take pictures.  I've never been very good at that, but, like I've said before, you don't stop living life to the fullest until you are ... you know.

I'll work on blogging more consistently and learn how to "beautify" my blog.  I am a bit inspired, but I'm also a bit lazy.  Let's see what comes through.

Friday, March 19, 2010

Being happy and forgiving

Last night I met with the group of women I meet with on Thursday evenings to study the Bible and learn to live a life pleasing to Jesus.  This particular evening gave me a lot to think about for my goal to be happy.

Forgiving as I have been forgiven.

I don't consider myself a grudge holder.  I've found this wastes an enormous amount of my energy.  Since I'm over 50 I don't have that much energy to waste anymore.  It was interesting to listen to the difficulties we have in forgiving others and how witholding forgiveness felt like power to each of us.  I thought about the idea of having this "power" and found it just didn't work for me.  I thought about the idea of forgiving all offenses committed against me all this time.  I'm wondering how that will work for me.  Will it make me look weak?  Will it cause me to be the stereotypical doormat?  Ok, I can try this.  What do I care what the other people out there think of me.  Really, I think can do this.  I'm going to start with bad drivers and people in line (anywhere) in front of me.  I'll move to more difficult areas of forgiving with coworkers and my boss.  Then, of course, I need to move on to my family.  I'll start with the ones I don't live with and then move on to the ones I do live with.

This sounds like a plan to me.  In fact, even as write this down I'm beginning to feel a tiny bit happy.

I know there is another area of forgiveness that is going to be a challenge for me.  Forgiving myself.  I set the bar pretty high for myself.  I wonder what it would feel like to let myself off the hook.  I certainly don't meet my standards and the usual punishment for that is to do exactly what I know will hurt me further.  I'm not sure I will be able to forgive myself as easily as I forgive others (which I know will not be easy either), but I'm going to try.  This is a bit scary for me.  If I forgive myself for not meeting the obligations I set for myself will the result move in a positive direction or will I sink further into self-destructive behaviors.

Interesting.  I will take another step forward, with hope.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

First step

What does it mean to be happy? Is it a destination? Is it a goal? Maybe it's a state of mind a person stumbles upon once in a while. I know it's something we all want to be. I can't believe how many things I do each day to try to achieve it. Every morning the alarm goes off and alerts me to the fact that the day has begun. Now, notice, I didn't say the alarm woke me up from sleep. That rarely happens. Usually I been awake for an hour or more. During that dark hour I lie in my bed and think about what I can do in my day to feel satisfied (happy?). I usually have a "to do" list in my mind. If I complete tasks A, B, and C, will the pressure of my life be relieved. Will I be a good person? Will I feel happy? Then the alarm rings and already I haven't done task A. Task A is usually, get up early and exercise before work. Already I've started the day off as a failure, unhappy. Anyway, I get over this fail and get ready and go to work. Good for me.

I don't want this exercise of journaling on the internet to be one of self loathing and pity. I'm looking forward to seeing my thoughts in writing and adjusting my thought patterns and actions in a positive direction. I want to be a happy girl. I have a great life. I am living the dream. I want my inside thought life to reflect the life I show to the world. I want to be authentically happy. I want to quit putting on the happy face and really be that happy person. I think this is achievable. I think I can do it. I just need to work through one or two or three, maybe four or five, things.

I know I will be working on this project on my own. but I've heard that these blogs are things that other people out there stumble upon or read. Sometimes people have been known to comment on them. I know that there is a danger of having cruel or brutal honesty come my way. I guess that's the chance that one takes when one puts it out there. Hopefully, there is also sage advice out there as well. We will see. For now, I will take the chance and opportunity to see my own thoughts in print. I think that will be a good start. Every journey starts with the first step. This is mine.