First step

What does it mean to be happy? Is it a destination? Is it a goal? Maybe it's a state of mind a person stumbles upon once in a while. I know it's something we all want to be. I can't believe how many things I do each day to try to achieve it. Every morning the alarm goes off and alerts me to the fact that the day has begun. Now, notice, I didn't say the alarm woke me up from sleep. That rarely happens. Usually I been awake for an hour or more. During that dark hour I lie in my bed and think about what I can do in my day to feel satisfied (happy?). I usually have a "to do" list in my mind. If I complete tasks A, B, and C, will the pressure of my life be relieved. Will I be a good person? Will I feel happy? Then the alarm rings and already I haven't done task A. Task A is usually, get up early and exercise before work. Already I've started the day off as a failure, unhappy. Anyway, I get over this fail and get ready and go to work. Good for me.

I don't want this exercise of journaling on the internet to be one of self loathing and pity. I'm looking forward to seeing my thoughts in writing and adjusting my thought patterns and actions in a positive direction. I want to be a happy girl. I have a great life. I am living the dream. I want my inside thought life to reflect the life I show to the world. I want to be authentically happy. I want to quit putting on the happy face and really be that happy person. I think this is achievable. I think I can do it. I just need to work through one or two or three, maybe four or five, things.

I know I will be working on this project on my own. but I've heard that these blogs are things that other people out there stumble upon or read. Sometimes people have been known to comment on them. I know that there is a danger of having cruel or brutal honesty come my way. I guess that's the chance that one takes when one puts it out there. Hopefully, there is also sage advice out there as well. We will see. For now, I will take the chance and opportunity to see my own thoughts in print. I think that will be a good start. Every journey starts with the first step. This is mine.