Ten habits I will develop

I tried to title this post Ten habits I need to will develop, but Blogger won't allow me to do the cross out thing in the post title.  haha  Even Blogger is keeping me in a positive frame of mind.  Gotta love it.

I've gotten in some pretty bad habits, of late.  I wonder why it is so much easy to slip out of the good habits of exercise and eating right and into the bad habits of sitting on the couch and eating and drinking too much.  Hmmm?

I want to:

1. Go for a walk every day with my husband
2. Do the stretching exercises for my plantar fasciitis
3. Floss daily
4. Resume selling on eBay (anybody want to buy a Lladro nativity set?)
5. Do some core work daily (sit-ups or planks or crunches, something)
6. Cut back on my alcohol and snack consumption (inversely, drink more water)
7. Do 100 squats every day at work
8. Start clearing the crap off that table in the office room of my house
9. Moisturize my skin every night
10. Eat my dinner at the table and not on the couch

There.  These are 10 things I want to develop as habits.  Is this too much?  I lie to myself so much.  I tell myself I want to do these things and then I slack off and sit on the couch and play Scramble With Friends with my husband.  I sit on the couch and watch three episodes of The Killing and laugh at how many scenes show it raining in Seattle, WA and remembering that my friends moving back to Seattle tell me Seattle has great weather and it really doesn't rain that much.  I avoid going for the walk with my husband because I know my foot is gonna hurt like a m***a when I get home and I'll barely be able to walk to the bathroom in the morning.  I avoid doing the exercises because... they're boring and they hurt.  I haven't done any selling on eBay because I'm tired on the weekends and I have just enough energy to do my chores and then I'm done (stick a fork in me).  I don't floss and moisturize because I've sat on the couch until it is so late and I'm so tired I barely have the energy (and sobriety) to brush my teeth and put my jammies on, let alone floss and moisturize.

I've heard that no one changes their lifestyle until the pain of remaining where they are becomes greater than the pain caused by changing.  These changes will be painful.  There is no doubt.  I know you've heard me whine about this before.  I'm a yo-yo dieter and exerciser.  I do it for a while, then I quit.  Well, it appears I'm back to doing it for a while.  Wish me luck... and perseverance.  :)

368.  Second chances in life
369.  New study starting in my small group... the gospel of Mark
370.  A husband willing to walk with me, if I'd only agree to it
371.  Time to see if doing the plantar faciitis exercises work before I make a doctor appt and see if I need surgery
372.  The goal of having pain-free feet for a trip to NYC in Feb. 2013
373.  The experience of knowing that if I do the ab work and walking, my energy level will increase 

There is no road to happiness

People take different roads seeking happiness. Just because they're not on your road doesn't mean they're lost. ~H. Jackson Browne

I saw this quote on my twitter feed this morning.  It made me think.  Our forefathers new enough to know the pursuit of happiness was an important endeavor for every person.  They believed it was so important they said it was an unalienable right in the Declaration of Independence.  Maybe it's my ISTJ (you know me, I'm all about what you do, not what you feel) personality, but Mr. Browne's quote is a tough one for me to swallow.

I might have an easier time swallowing it if the definition of happiness was a bit clearer.  I know what happiness is not.  Happiness is not pleasure.  Pleasure comes and goes.  It can slip through your fingers and fade from memory.  I know of women seeking to recreate the pleasure of the initial flutterings of love and attraction.  They don't understand where this feeling goes after 2 or 3 years of marriage and a child or two.  They look for it outside their marriage.  Only to discover they cannot hold on to the feelings.  Those feelings are not happiness.

I've heard it said that happiness itself is not a destination, but a journey.  This has to be true.  How else can we explain the finding of happiness in a job well done and finding happiness in leisure time?  Our forefathers were so wise in calling the inalienable right a pursuit of happiness and not happiness, itself.

The problem I have with Browne's quote is that people often are on the wrong road to (what they believe is) happiness and they are lost.  I've seen so many people spending themselves into unfathomable debt in their pursuit of happiness.  I don't think they found the happiness they were hoping to find.  Instead, they find themselves trapped in debt.  Not a happy situation.  I've seen people sink into addiction thinking happiness was drinking or drugging themselves away from their problems, only to find themselves trapped in their addiction.  I've seen people attempt to find happiness by moving and leaving all they have and all they know, to find happiness - out there, only to find themselves lost and lonely.  There is no happiness in these situations.

The bible tells us in Ecclesiastes 3:12, I know that there is nothing better for men than to be happy and do good while they live and in Ecclesiastes 7:14 When times are good, be happy; but when times are bad, consider: God has made the one as well as the other.  (I think it should say, be happy in the other, as well)

There is no road to happiness.  You cannot travel to happiness.  You have happiness in you all the time.  Happiness is not a mood, ...it's a Decision.

I'm linking with Em at Imperfect Prose on Thursdays.

332.  Knowing I can decide to be happy
333.  MBTI information and knowing I'm ok, just the way I am
334.  MBTI information and knowing there are just some people I will never understand
335.  Being fascinated by those MBTI types I don't understand
336.  The feeling of anticipation as you near the end of a wonderful story
337.  The feeling of satisfaction as I am confirmed in my prediction of how the story ends
338.  Co-workers with generous hearts

Lamb stew

I going to start this post with this HUGE disclaimer.  I am not a food blogger.  Oh, I wish I were.  Food bloggers get to cook all day and take beautiful pictures.  I understand it's super hard to photograph food.  I have absolutely no talent for photography, so this would not work well for me.  On the other hand, I'm a pretty good cook.  The other day I made lamb stew for the family.  It's definitely one of our favorites.  Every year we purchase a local lamb and this makes up about half of the meat our family will consume for the year.  So, the day I make the lamb stew is a pretty special day because there is only so much stew meat available.  I'm blogging this recipe (sadly with no pictures) for my faithful reader Elizabeth at Just Following Jesus.  Elizabeth is an amazing photographer.  Her blog is beautiful as well as inspiring.  She is overflowing with gratitude for all the blessings in her life.  She makes everything she touches beautiful.  And her love of our lord is evident in every word she writes.  Elizabeth, I hope you enjoy this recipe.

1 lb to 2 lbs lamb stew meat.  I ask the processor to give me all my odds and ends into stew meat instead of having it ground.  I'm not sure where it comes from, but I certainly wouldn't waste a leg cutting it up for stew meat.  I have two shoulder roasts left in the freezer and the processor has NEVER given me a shoulder roast before.  I think he usually cut them up for shoulder chops.  I may cut the shoulder chops into stew meat and make this again.  I almost forgot, trim the stew meat as best you can.  I don't think lamb fat is very tasty at all.  The less the better, in my humble opinion.

Brown the lamb in a couple or three Tbs of olive oil.  Salt and pepper the lamb before browning.  Add 6 or 7 large spring onions (chopped up. please use as much of the green as you can, but chop the green part a bit smaller) and 3 or 4 ribs of celery (chopped) after the lamb is beginning to brown.  Btw, I try to chop the celery and spring onion about the same size as the veggies I'm going to roast.  I'm guessing about an inch.

The vegetables are crucial.  Actually, roasting the vegetables is much more crucial than which veggies you actually use.  Although, the delicate flavor of the lamb goes best with more delicately flavored veggies.  I like to use carrots (about 5 or 6), turnips (about 10, depending on the size) and fennel bulb (one or two, depending on the size and whether or not you like fennel a lot or just a little).  I chop the carrots into coins.  Depending on the size of the turnips, I chop them to match the size of the carrots.  I do as well as I can to match the size of the fennel bulb chop.  Toss with a couple or three Tbs of olive oil, a little salt and pepper, then spread on a baking sheet.  Roast at 400 until the veggies are caramelized or pretty brownish (about half an hour).

Back to the lamb.  Add the following to the pot.
1 box of low sodium chicken stock (or 3 cups of home made chicken stock)
1/3 bottle of white wine (I like the fruitiness of a Pinot Grigio)
1 1/2 cups of orange juice (I like to use real oranges, so if you use less don't worry, the flavor is better)
A palm (1 Tbs) full of coriander and a palm of fennel seeds and a palm of orange zest (when you use real oranges this works out great)
If you have any fresh herbs in your refrigerator, mince them and add to this pot.

Let this pot simmer for an hour and a half, uncovered.

When the lamb is tender and the pot has cooked down a bit, add the veg and heat through.

Because I don't flour the lamb before browning the broth is a bit thinner than beef stew.  Therefore, I like to serve this stew over a scoop of mashed sweet potatoes.  I just peel and chop and boil the sweet potatoes and mash them.  No butter.

This stew has a lighter and sweeter flavor than beef stew.  I think it works perfectly with the veggies that are available in my area at this time of the year.  One special thing I'm proud to share is that everything (except the carrots and oranges and olive oil) come from within 20 miles of my home.  I love eating local.  I hope you enjoy this stew as much as our family enjoys it.

214.  I'm going on vacation tomorrow
215.  I'm going to be with my husband and away from all responsibilities for two weeks
216.  I have enough vacation time earned to do this
217.  I don't think my boss will fire me even though I'll be gone this long
218.  I know even if he does fire me, I'll be ok
219.  Seeing acquaintances I haven't seen for a whole year
220.  Seeing friends I haven't seen for a whole year
221.  Relaxing in the sun
222.  Reading for pleasure
223.  Going to restaurants
224.  The ocean
225.  Time to myself 

I'm linking with Becky at Feed my Family Friday (this is most likely a rare occurrence)  

I didn't take this picture, and I'm sure the lamb I get is a bit bigger than this one

Men, God's gift to me

Last night was the second time attending the new Bible study or small group, whichever is the best name for it.  As I mentioned before, it is mostly men.  Last night there were nine of us and seven were men.  We studied the first two chapters of Job.  Job is a man that took a licking and kept on ticking, for God.  He never lost his faith.  I need to read the book of Job more often.  I think it would do me a world of good.  I certainly believe my gratitude level would increase exponentially. 

Why do I think men are great study or small group companions?  I'll start with this.  I shared, maybe a bit too much, about struggles in my life.  I shared about my difficulties in church and a bit about the difficulties in the previous study group (there, that's the moniker I'm going to give it).  I shared about being told my ideas and thoughts about what church is supposed to be and what the Bible says to me were said to be "jaw dropping."  I believe church is to be a place to be restored and to practice our Christian brotherly love.  I want to go to church and practice speaking my testimony, OUT LOUD.  I want church to be a place where I can make a mistake.  I can be way off base about a passage in the Bible, or confess my sins and not be made to feel small and unworthy.  Even better, not to be talked about behind my back or "unfriended" or blocked on fb.  (btw, I didn't talk about the fb thing.  I'm not friending any church people anymore.  I learned my lesson.  People are one way at church and another way on fb.  just sayin')  I even used the trite phrase, "Only churches shoot their wounded."

I also shared about my drinking.  I've shared here before that I have some concerns about my drinking.  I don't believe I'm an alcoholic, but I think I had started drinking too much.  I'm working on this and I shared this.

Back to my point, why do I think men make GREAT study group companions?  After sharing, what I felt, were fairly personal and unflattering feelings and activities, I received a response so precious, it almost took my breath away.  They asked me what I needed from the group.  They said, "What do you need this group to be for you?"  *sigh*  No advice.  No chastisement.  No argument.  Just, "what do you need us to be for you."  My answer was this.  Please continue to be here.  Please continue to allow me to come here.  This is what I need. 

Now I'm not going to tell them this was the most precious thing I had ever heard spoken at a Bible study, 'cause they're men and men don't want to be told they are precious, but they are.  I'm not going to say a woman's group would have given me advice and told me what to do and given me examples of their own life experience and how things worked out for them, but they would have.  I'm going to tread softly in this group.  I'm not going to overwhelm them with my neediness, even though I have it.  It's kind of like being SUPER thirsty and drinking so much water so fast you throw it all up.  I don't want to throw up on these guys.  They deserve better than that from me.

Oh, and another thing I love is this.  They shared some deep hurts with the group.  Hurts like, losing a spouse to cancer or divorce or being out of work for a year and they don't cry about it.  They tell you it hurts and I believe it.  I don't need to see tears to believe something is painful.  I'm not a crying kind of girl.  I'm glad they were able to share these things while I was in the room.  I believe they trust me.  I will not betray that trust.  I know, I'm going to trust them. 

I mean, with God, isn't it all about trust and obedience? 

I LOVE going to Tailhook

I know most of you don't know what the Tailhook convention is.  Here, again, at the Being Happy blog is another educational opportunity.  The Tailhook convention, in a nutshell, is a annual gathering of members of the Tailhook Association.  These members are naval aviators committed to the interests of sea based naval aviation.  They provide scholarships and honor their members.  The name "tailhook" references the apparatus of the carrier based aircraft that catches the arresting wire to facilitate a carrier landing of the aircraft.  My husband is a tailhooker.

I've been attending Tailhook for the last six years.  I LOVE it.  I have so much fun at Tailhook.  I'm fortunate to be able to work at Tailhook with the artist Hank Caruso.  He is VERY popular with the aviators.  He "just gets" the different navy and marine aircraft and the men and women that fly them.  He has also been honored by being named Honorary Naval Aviator #27.  Quite an honor.

Ok, that is one reason I love Tailhook.  Another reason is that it is held in Reno, NV.  The convention used to be held in Las Vegas, NV, but that won't be happening again.  'nuff said.  I think Reno is a wonderful little city.

I took this picture.  :)

Here are a few of the other reasons I like Tailhook.

LTjg Erik Sink, USN         1/LT Jeffery Monroe, USMC
LTjg Greg Mayers, USN         1/LT Reid Savid, USMC

Aren't they the cutest men EVER.  These men had their winging ceremony at Tailhook.  It was my first winging.  It was SO INSPIRING.  I met my husband after he got his wings.

Here is one of the guys later that evening.  We were at the "Bug" Roach cocktail party.

Our country's best, bravest and brightest

All aviators wear flightsuits to the "Bug" Roach cocktail party.  I LOVE flightsuits.   I think ANYONE in a flightsuit looks good.  I know I like it much better than the dress whites.  (Just my opinion)

  Hiding the jean clad bottom.  Hot in a flightsuit.

Yep, give me a flightsuit any day.  Leave the khakis at home.

You're starting to see it my way, aren't you.

 
You may have heard of the Tailhook convention.  It made a few headlines back in 1991.  Anyway, thanks to political correctness the convention is now "family friendly."  Yes, we have a cocktail or two, but everything is out in the open now.  I hope the Tailhook doesn't become too politically correct.  I like the "SWAGGER" a naval aviator has.  I agree with what former Navy Secretary John Lehman said in his Washington Times article yesterday.  And, yeah, women can have swagger.  I believe in the big ego that a naval aviator has been accused of having.  I think confidence in one's abilities is key to landing on a carrier.  I believe in work hard / play hard.  When you decide to put your life and millions of dollars of aircraft in these hands, I believe you should allow a bit of "down time." 

Thanks for sharing my happy time in the biggest little city in the world every second weekend in September.  I can't wait until next year.  :)

When will it be normal?

Mess and disorganization are very upsetting to me.

I'm trying to figure out how to cope with the mess I am forced to live in, just now, and be happy.  I'm struggling.  I'm learning things about myself I don't like very much.  One thing I've learned is that right now and I mean RIGHT NOW, all I want to do is eat.  I want to get a sandwich and chips and eat.  It's not a meal time and I'm really not hungry, but the desire to stuff these helpless feelings down deep inside me with food is very strong.  I don't like it.  And, I don't want to eat.

Another unhealthy coping mechanism I'm using is anger.  I'm crabby and angry.  I know my house was not the most broken by Irene, by far.  I know there are many others in far worse shape than I am, but my feelings are real.  I find myself lashing out or using an unpleasant tone when I respond to others.  Especially people who are complaining about throwing out 5 lbs. of hamburger because their power was off for 2 or 3 days.  I want to tell them to Shut UP!  This is not a good thing.  I think about people I admire.  People with the ability to show grace under pressure.  People with the ability to smile in the face of personal problems.  How Do They Do IT?  I want to be like that.  I want to smile.  I just can't make my face do it right now.

And, of course, there is my good friend alcohol.  Oh friend, I don't want to spend so much time with you.  It certainly numbs me to these crummy feelings, but it doesn't make them go away.  When the soothing effects of alcohol wear off, my feelings are Right There.  Big as life.  No better than they were before I drank.  And, alcohol is fattening.  And, my self control and "noshing" go unchecked under its influence.  This is not good.

What I know, intellectually, is that my house is fixable.  It's going to take a long time to get the insurance adjuster out to my house, but in the end, my house is fixable.  I'm going to need to get my roof fixed.  Maybe I'll feel better when I have a better patch on the roof than a piece of plastic.  Maybe.  I know I will have to pay a hefty deductible to get everything that needs to be fixed, fixed.  I struggle with the amount of the deductible and the cost of the work that needs to be done.  Btw, we can all thank Katrina for the change in the insurance standards and the amount of the deductibles now being 2-3% of your property value.  I know I will need to re-insulate my attic.  I know I will have to have the drywall replaced in my son's room.  Btw, drywalling is super messy.  I know I will have to have the carpet replaced in my son's room and probably the hallway.  I hope I can get it to match the carpet that won't be replaced.  I will paint, clean, get new drapes, get new light fixtures, redecorate... get back to normal.  And this is just INSIDE THE HOUSE.  Let's chat about my yard.  The tree guys we hired to remove the tree from the roof, dropped the tree on my deck.  I really hate that deck, but... another mess.  I have 20 trees either on the ground or leaning.  These have to be cut and removed.  Sorry husband, there is NO WAY we need that much fire wood.  All the trees on the ground came out of the ground.  The root balls are GIGANTIC.  I don't need ten new water features in my yard and I can tell you, dirt is expensive.

These are all the things I know.  I'm a smart cookie.  But, I have feelings.  And I hate my feelings right now.

I know, intellectually, my feelings do not control me.  My feelings are not facts.  My feelings are not reality.  However, my feelings are very strong.  I'm having difficulty overcoming my feelings.  I don't want to use food or alcohol or hostility to people around me to make myself feel better.  But, right now, I'm at a loss.   I didn't feel this way yesterday, but today I do.

Let me tell you a little story I feel may be contributing to my poor attitude.  Monday I went to work.  There was really nothing for me to do at home.  The tree guy was coming to remove the tree from the house, and my husband agreed to take the day (morning) off to be home for that.  Really, guys like cranes and ropes and chainsaws and those things really do nothing for me.  So, I went to work.  I drove through our neighborhood.  It's not easy to drive through my neighborhood.  There are trees leaning, branches piled up on the shoulders of the road, branches sticking out into the road.  It makes it hard to concentrate on driving because your eyes are drawn to the devastation all around you.  But, I get out to the main road and away from my neighborhood and things begin to look normal.  I get to my office, and it looks normal.  Sure, there is some damage and some of the lights are out, but it's not too bad.  So I work.  I focus on what feels normal to me.  Work.  Then my hairdresser calls and asks me if I would like to come in for color.  (she canceled me me on Friday, before the storm, to do her own hurricane prep)  I agree to come in.  I need the color.  While driving to her salon I notice all the devastation on Rt. 5, north of the college I work at.  There are areas with power lines on the ground.  So many trees are down, I can even begin to count them.  There are SMECO trucks everywhere.  I get to my friend's salon and things seem normal.  We chat.  We tell storm stories.  It all feels so removed from me, like the hurricane is something that happened to someone else, as I sit in the chair and she colors my hair.  We finish and I pay.  I now know things are NOT really normal, because I didn't even think to make my next appointment.  Normally, I would.  (maybe this misstep is more telling than I first thought)  I drive home.  I enter my neighborhood.  And I am shocked by the look of it.  I was just there this morning.  Nothing has changed.  Why am I shocked?  And this was just the first time I struggled through these feelings.  It keeps happening to me.  Every time I look around my yard or my street or my neighborhood, I'm shocked at the devastation.  It doesn't feel normal to me.

So, I know what my desire is.  My desire is to get back to normal.  My normal.  But it's a long way from now to normal.  The trick is to learn how to make the transition in the most healthy way.  *Sigh*  Now this is off my chest.  I know it sounds like a big whine.  (yeah, pass the cheese)  I needed to do this.  I don't feel like eating anymore.  I think this is good.  Thanks for letting me share.  It feels good to talk about it.  I may need to do this again.  :)

Alcohol is like love

I'm getting in a routine.  I know this sounds boring to many people, but to me, this is my HEAVEN.  I love knowing what is coming next.  I'm getting in the routine of going to the gym for lunch every day.  Today I had a headache.  All I wanted to do was bail on the gym and get a Happy Meal.  But, NO!!  I went to the gym.  I did it.  I spent 30 minutes on the treadmill and I did some weight work for lower body.  I am proud of myself.  I know I could do more.  I know I could work out harder.  To me, the ROUTINE of going to the gym, doing cardio and lifting weights makes me HAPPY.  I WOULD love to get in the routine of getting up at 6:00 a.m. and do some cardio before I get in the shower and get ready for work.  I haven't done that, yet.  I'm thinking about it.  I'm trying to OBSESS over it.  But it's so hard for me to do.

Another routine I would like to start is to go for a walk after I get home from work.  Currently I have a different routine.  The routine I have now is to get home from work and have a cocktail.  I need to stop this.  It is not healthy for me.  I used to jokingly say I needed to wash the taste of my office out of my mouth.  Hahahaha.  Who's hurting who?  This is not a positive thing to do.  I think I need to think of this "routine" as a self-destructive act.  Why should I let this job have one more second of my life than it is already taking?  Why should I allow this job to damage my health?  What I should do is steal from the job.  I should keep taking advantage of the gym.  I should take advantage of training.  I should take advantage of skill building.

I need to build new routines in my life, little by little.  I can do this.  I'll let you know when the early morning workouts kick in.  Keep your fingers crossed for me.

"Alcohol is like love. The first kiss is magic, the second is intimate, the third is routine. After that you take the girl's clothes off. "   Raymond Chandler