The day you have to say good-bye to your dog

It's a much more difficult day than you ever thought it would be.

This is the same dog that has been trying to kill me by tripping me on the stairs.  This is the same dog that emits odor that can clear a room.  This dog has been constantly under foot.  But, even I loved this dog.

I remember the day my husband and son convinced me to get a dog.  I finally said, "sure, we can have a dog, but it has to be a Jack Russell Terrier."  I said that because the show, Frazier, was very popular and it had a cute dog on it.  I thought that dog would be difficult to find.  They found a dog and bought it and brought it home within four hours.

Then we had a dog.  (this was the first and only dog I have ever had in my whole life.)

Jack Russell's aren't the calmest of dogs.  This dog kept us prisoners in our own home for years.  The second our dog, Chet (the jet), would hear someone walking towards the door he would anticipate that door opening and streak out the door and run.  And run and run and run.  That dog could run.  One day my husband was chatting with a neighbor.  The neighbor, Warren, said that one day he saw a deer running through the back yard.  Right on the heels of the deer was Chet.  Warren asked my husband what he thought that Chet would do with that deer when he caught it?  Chet had no fear.  None.  He was a little dog with the soul of a lion.

Another trait of the Jack Russell is their ability to jump.  Chet could jump.  Until recently, there was never a time we could have a guest in our home that Chet wouldn't jump and jump and jump.  We just couldn't train it out of him.

Chet was pretty bright, for a dog.  He could do tricks to earn his dinner.  He could sit up and stay.  He could play dead after you said "bang".  And he could roll over.  He wasn't much of a fetcher.  He would chase the ball, get it, but he'd never bring it back.  That's just the kind of dog he was.

When I think back of all the things I loved about Chet, I smile.  I remember that pink spot on his nose from where he wore the black off from pushing the basketball around and around the yard.  I remember having to thaw meet in the microwave instead of on the counter.  I didn't have to turn the microwave on, I just had to have it behind a locked door because Chet would jump up on the counter and eat the thawing meat right out of the package.  I remember learning not to leave the leftover Thanksgiving turkey carcass on the counter because Chet would jump up and grab it for an after dinner snack.  I remember the look of pride in his eyes when he would drop off a dead bird on my doorstep (ducks included).  I remember how my husband would give him a voice and tell me all the things that Chet was thinking.  I remember how my son would smile and feel the love of a dog when finding friends at school was tougher than it should have been.

And now there is a tiny grave in the back yard.  I know I'll feel better about this in the days to come.  I know it was his time and we didn't steal one day of his life by making this decision.  He died with dignity.  But, I'll miss him.  (and there are a lot of people that will be surprised by that)

Jack (my son) and Chet

Bill (my husband), Jack, and Chet  (last pic of Chet)

552.  I can exhale
553.  We could hug each other and support each other over the loss of this pet
554.  I know my son and husband will find joy in life again
555.  Rotisserie chickens will always remind me of Chet
556.  Tomorrow will be a better day

For better or worse, but not for lunch

There is a saying (and I think there are even books with the title) I married you for better or worse, but not for lunch.  This is something I've heard said in my association with my friends that are reaching retirement age.

Retirement, they say, can be rough on a marriage.

In my experience... they are right.

I remember back, waaaaay back (in December 2011), I saw a facebook status of a young mother claiming she wished her husband didn't have to go to work, EVER!  I took a few rough comments on this blog post, as well as getting blocked on facebook by the woman that posted the facebook status.  Well, let me tell you, it's not as great as you think it will be. 

First of all, believe it or not, your spouse is living their own life.  They are not hanging on a hook waiting to see what you would like them to do.  I only mention this because I think this would have been news to the woman that posted the facebook status. 

In my experience my husband left his job a year and a half before I lost my job.  He no longer calls himself a retired person.  He now calls himself a full-time student.  Anyway, the point is that he was home, by himself, quite a while before I was home, all day, with him.  He had settled into a nice little routine.  When I started being home, all day, with him he didn't adjust to the disruption of his schedule very well.  Sure, the first few weeks were fine.  I'd even go so far as to call them fun.  I applied for unemployment.  He didn't think I would qualify.  I did qualify.  He was surprised.  That gave us something to talk about for a week or two.  We interacted.  He spent a little time with me.

Then..., he wanted to get back to his routine.  And..., he wanted me to get a routine.

And I didn't have one yet.

On Monday my husband told me my vacation was OVER and I needed to start DOING something.  Hilarious.  He said a bunch of other equally hilarious things that weren't very nice, but meant to motivate me.

I think he forgot that, just like him, I'm living my own life.  Unfortunately for him, my life includes spending time blogging, reading blogs, working on the bible study I'm putting together for my small group, and... sometimes watching Real Housewives.  I think it was the housewives that put him over the edge.  I try to watch more CNBC than Housewives, but sometimes I just gotta have me some Housewives.  The other thing, I think, he has an issue with is my development of a sedentary lifestyle.  He wants me to exercise.  So, as I said on Monday, I broke through that barrier and started walking around the neighborhood.  It's a start.

For better or worse, I love my husband.  We will learn to spend our days together in the same house.  I know we can do it.  I don't need to talk to him all day.  I don't need him to help me do the things I need to do each week, like look for a job.  I don't need him to shame me into exercising.  My friends that have retired have told me that it's important to watch out for weight gain.  Being home all day can allow someone to be a little too close to the refrigerator.  Dangerous.

So, for better or worse, I will learn to be home all day with my husband.  I will look for two jobs each week, and I will go for walks around the neighborhood 4 (or 3) times each week.  I can do this thing.

For better or worse

547.  Working in the garden
548.  Going to lunch with a friend
549.  Hot tea when I feel the sniffles coming on
550.  Having a husband who loves me enough to accept me for who I am
551.  Looking forward to trick or treaters

Breaking through my barriers

I was going to write "fears" instead of barriers.  I think the two things I finally did today weren't things I was afraid of doing, rather, they were things I'd used as barriers to keep from moving forward in this new stage of my life.  Maybe now that I've done each of these things once, I'll have an easier time doing them again and again.

The first thing I did for the first time today was to apply for work through the MWE job search site.  I've mentioned before that since I am collecting unemployment benefits I need to apply for at least two jobs each week.  Up until today I did this the "old fashioned" way.  I looked for jobs in the local on-line newspaper or I asked people I knew about possible employment opportunities.  Those were working just fine for me.  But on Friday I received a letter from the DLLR informing me I was required to attend a seminar for the JobSource program this week.  I knew the state wanted me to use their job service to hunt for work.  It allows them to keep track of how I'm looking for work and not just relying on me to keep my own records.  So, today I updated my resume' and applied for work through the website.  I applied for two jobs.  Check.

The second thing I did today was to go for a walk around the neighborhood during working hours.  I had delayed this endeavor for more than a couple reasons.  I had excuse after excuse after excuse.  I'm lazy.  I'm fat.  I don't have good music on my phone.  I couldn't find my earbuds.  I didn't want to see anyone from the neighborhood.  My feet hurt.  It's cold.  It's hot.  It's windy.  It's not.  Yeah, I had a few excuses.  Today my husband shamed me into going for the walk.  And I lived.  And I DID see people from the neighborhood.  And the music on my phone was crappy.  And it did hurt.  But it was a nice day and, who knows, maybe it will be good for me.  Check check.

And, more importantly, maybe I'll do theses things again tomorrow.

541.  A nice neighborhood for walking just outside my front door
542.  Friendly neighbors
543.  A perfect fall day
544.  The feeling of accomplishment
545.  My son got a new roommate
546.  Looking forward to my bible study small group

No laughing aloud allowed

I have never felt like a stranger in my own home.  Even now, that I'm home all day and not spending 10 hours away from the house five days a week, I belong in this house.  It is my home.

I'll tell you a funny story.  My husband has been super supportive of me quitting my job and being home, with him, all day.  SUPER supportive.  You may remember that he quit his job back in February of 2012.  He doesn't have to go to work, EVER!  In the past year and a half he has gotten pretty used to having the house all to himself.  He liked it.  I think, while he was here all on his own and I was at work all day, he thought the house was his.  He had a routine.  He told me I'd develop a routine, now that I'm home all day, (but it better darn well fit into his routine).  He didn't really say that last bit out loud, but his actions and words to me around the house this past week have, sort of, indicated to me that this is how it's gonna work.

I don't really know my husband's routine and I haven't developed a routine yet, so we're just stumbling around trying not to piss each other off.  So far, so (pretty) good.  From what I can tell, the three tvs in the house are his.  There is a tv on each floor of the house.  While the market is open, the channels are all turned to CNBC.  After all, everything you need to know about what is happening in the world can be discovered on CNBC.  AND, now that neither one of us has a job providing outside income, we need to make our own money.  CNBC has all the information.  All tvs, while my husband is in the room, will be programmed to CNBC.

I do admit to enjoying watching CNBC, sometimes.  And, sometimes, I admit to enjoying Real Housewives of whatever city they happen to be filming this time.  And, just about ALL THE TIME, I enjoy watch those crazy housewives sit on two couches with Andy Cohen inbetween them and listen to them fight and watch them cry.  It is confrontation at its best.

Since I am now home all day, I was given some spoken expectations and I've been catching on to some of the unspoken expectations.  One of the spoken expectations, (and this is the funny part of this story, gee, it took me forever to get here and I've gone off on a horrible CNBC vs. RHOC trail to get here) is that I'm not allowed to laugh too loud.  Really, he said these words to me.  He told me he doesn't want me laughing too loud about anything.  Nope, no laughing.  If I find something funny during the day, I better keep it to myself.  He told me he doesn't want to have to tear himself away from working on his paper or paying bills or making a stock trade or whatever he happens to be doing at the time of my outburst of laughter to come to where ever in the house I happen to be to learn what it is I'm laughing about.  OoooooKay... whatever you say.

Seriously, even he can't believe he said this, out loud, to me.

I'm telling just about everyone I meet that this is what he told me.  I love it.  He believes this statement should be recorded in the husband annals of Things Husbands Should Never Say to Their Wives.  I'm sure it would be right up there with, "those pants make your butt look fat." 

I"m going to get used to the spoken expectations of life here in my own home.  I'm sure I'll even learn to tread the minefield of unspoken expectations.  I'll find my routine.  I'll even learn to fit into the thing my husband calls his routine.

I'll watch CNBC and look for the next BIG thing.  (why, oh why didn't I buy Tesla?  but, really, who'da thought those electric cars would end up being sexier than a Jaguar?)  After all, neither one of us is old enough to start drawing money out of our retirement accounts and we've both gotten quite attached to eating every day.  :)

476.  Having someone to run boring errand with, if I ask very nicely
477.  Green juice while watching Squawk on the Street
478.  The love of an old dog
479.  My son telling me he misses living with me (shocker)
480.  Saving LOTS of money on gas
481.  No phones ringing
482.  Discovering what I really like to do
483.  Did I say, getting up without an alarm... I love this part of it

Day 2 of life as I now know it

Don't be afraid.  I won't be chronicling my life day-by-day from this time forward.  I am quite sure I will settle into a boring existence that will be of little interest to anyone but myself.  But for now, I need to take a moment to examine my feelings (haha, I don't believe that will take very long), my plans and hopes for this new way of living day-to-day.

Yesterday was a day of decompression.  I spent the day recovering from being unceremoniously dismissed and treated as dangerous person (story still to come).  Tequila was involved.  My husband assured me that, even though my dismissal was done with a heavy hand, these people did me a favor.  I was done with them and the thought of being lured back with money was repulsive, even to me.  So, that was yesterday.

Today I awoke, without the assistance of an alarm clock, at 8:30 a.m.  LOVE IT!  I hadn't slept well the past two nights, so I was very tired.  At about 10:30 last night a GIANT thunderstorm blew through.  There was lightening and thunder and rain... you know, a thunderstorm.  This did not help me fall asleep.  However, the little oblong ambien pill did just fine.  Twenty minutes later I was dead to the world.  Sadly, I snored during the early portion of my slumber thus keeping the husband awake.  (I'm sorry)  So, this was his excuse for sleeping until 10:00 a.m.  Since I don't really know what he typically does all day (being I was typically at work and I just have to take his word for it) I'll take responsibility for the late awakening and subsequent late start to his day.  (yeah, sure... fool me once)

I was pretty happy with myself.  I got up and took a shower and brushed my teeth (it doesn't seem necessary to spell all of this out, but yesterday wasn't a great day for me and today is starting off much better).  I got dressed and started reading blogs and updated my fb status.  Yeah, I'm feeling pretty good.  I typically play with my laptop while I sit on my bed.  Since my husband was still sleeping and he has taken over the bedroom we have set up as an "office" room, I decided to move my laptop to the kitchen table.  After all, if I'm going to blog, sell on Craig's list and eBay and fb, I'm going to need a place to work.

I completely get that this house has been his domain for the last year and a half.  I am the intruder.  So far, he's allowed me to move about the house fairly freely.  I have been warned that I am not allowed to laugh too loudly.  He does not want to be alerted that I think something is funny that he doesn't know about and then has to run down from his office area to see what is so funny.  I will do my best to comply with this request.  (he cracks me up.  no worries, I covered my mouth so my chuckle sound waves would not escape)

This morning, after carrying my laptop down to the kitchen table and setting up my little work space, I went to the coffee machine and pressed the button to initiate the warm-up process.  I returned to my laptop to await the warming of the coffee machine.  No worries.  I know how to make coffee.  While I was typing away on this blog post my husband came down from the bedroom. He was dressed and ready to begin his day.  He let the dog out.  Evidently his morning routine is to come down from the bedroom, let the dog out, warm up the coffee machine, put food in the dog's bowl, let the dog back in, make coffee.  I didn't know anything about this routine.

Everything was going well with his morning routine until he pressed the button to warm the coffee machine.  This button is the same button that needs to be pressed... again... to begin the coffee making process.  The machine sprung to life.  My husband jumped back and said something I won't type here.  Fortunately, no coffee had been inserted, so there was no waste or water spraying on him.  He disagrees, but I claim that he raised his voice to me and recommended that I not screw with his routine.  We are going to be together 24 hours a day and we aren't on vacation.  I'm pretty sure I'm going to screw with his routine.

After a bit of discussion we decided the routine was going to have to be screwed with.  Yes, there will definitely have to be some screwing inserted into the routine.  Literally.  (after all, it's good for his health. :))

451.  A good night's sleep
452.  Acceptance of my situation
453.  A delicious latte in the morning
454.  The kernel of a plan for my new way of life forming in my mind
455.  Time spent in prayer before I started my day (I would like to make this a daily habit)
456.  Grateful that I sleep in a house and not outside during stormy weather
457.  The ability to disagree without be disagreeable
458.  My husband's wisdom of all things employment related
459.  Old co-worker checking up on me
460.  Sister-in-law reading my blog and assuring me that it wasn't just me that gets treated poorly

Otakon, 20th anniversary!

Otakon (OH-tə-kon) is an annual three day anime convention held during July/August at the Baltimore Convention Center in Baltimore, Maryland's Inner Harbor district. The convention focuses on East Asian popular culture (primarily anime, manga, music, and cinema) and its fandom. (definition from Wikipedia)

My son is a fan.

My husband is a great guy.  My son had been planning to go to this convention for a year.  He was planning to go with a buddy.  Said buddy got married this past year.  Buddy's wife said, "no way are you going to that convention and blowing $400 like you did last year."  I had given my son 2 nights in a Baltimore hotel for this convention for his birthday gift.  Going alone didn't sound like that much fun, but he really wanted to go.  My husband, being the great guy that he is, went with him.  Throughout the weekend I received pics of the GREAT TIME they were having.  I texted my husband and asked him if he saw anyone there his age or older.  By the end of Saturday he texted me back and said YES!  He had seen three people his age or older.

It was a HUGE crowd and there were lots and lots of people in costumes.  Evidently this convention is a very big deal.  Here are a few of the pics that were sent to me over the course of the weekend.

I'm really glad I didn't have to go.  This doesn't even look like a little bit of fun to me.

35,000 people in attendance

My guys

381.  Weekend on my own 
382.  Girlfriend time (she came over for dinner and a movie)
383.  Thai restaurants that deliver
384.  The ability to make my son so happy
385.  My husband
386.  The desire to clean out a closet
387.  The energy to get some of the closet cleaned
388.  A better attitude about my job
389.  Still being ok with whatever my job turns out to be
390.  Coffee

A Dozen Habits for a Happy Relationship

I found this little gem (12 Habits of a Happy relationship) on the internets (I know there is only one.  I was just trying to be funny.) the other day.  These were little reminders of what can make a happy relationship and they were attached to some gorgeous pics.  I thought I'd share them along with some of the things I've learned along the way of my almost (tomorrow!) 31 years of marriage.
 

#12 Settle disputes peacefully 
Speak nicely to each other.  I know when emotions are running high, usually in frustration, voices can become raised in anger.  That a tough enough thing to deal with.  What can make it worse is name calling (usually body part or animal names).  Try super hard not to do that.  If you don't like being yelled at or called names, most likely your spouse doesn't like it either.  And if children are present, it can be even worse.  Breathe before you speak.  Breathe deeply and slowly.  It'll be worth it.

#11 Spend quality time together  
Make time to be with each other.  Find time to date each other every week.  This doesn't have to be a "going out" date (but that would be nice).  Carve out time each week to check in with each other and find out how your spouse is doing.  If you get a response that is short and terse, you aren't spending enough quality time together. 

#10 Appreciate and Help each other Grow
Be your spouse's biggest encourager.  The world is far to eager to tell each of us that we aren't good enough or we will fail.  Be your spouse's cheerleader in whatever they are doing to improve themselves.  I know whenever I go on another diet I appreciate my spouse's words of encouragement much more than if he would say, "Oh, ANOTHER diet."  Nobody knows my failures better than I do.  I don't need to hear about them from my honey. 

#9 Live with Integrity
Tell each other the truth.  Lies are so damaging and trust is so hard to rebuild.  Be respectful.  Be kind.  Be that person that can be counted on.  Don't let your spouse down, if at all possible. 

#8 Be Loyal and Devoted 
Be faithful.  Be faithful when you are together and when you are apart.  Honor your committment to each other.  My husband and I were separated so much in our marriage.  There is nothing attractive about jealousy.  The love I felt from my husband by his faithfulness was the love that sustained me while I was on my own. 

#7 Love and Respect each Other as Individuals
You are responsible for your own happiness.  Nobody can make you happy.  If I have learned nothing else by writing this blog, it is that I am as happy as I decide to be.  I have learned that my happiness never comes at the expense of someone else.  If I hurt someone in order to pursue my happiness, I'm actually being selfish and I will not be happy.

#6 Lend Support during the Good Times and Bad
There will be Better and there will be Worse.  I've learned two things that have helped me to understand and to be there for my spouse in both of these situations.  What I learned was this; bad times don't last and good times don't last, either. 

#5 Understand: Every Relationship is Different
Nobody really knows what goes on behind closed doors.  Also, everybody lies.  I'm sorry to be the one to tell you this, but they do.  There is nothing wrong with picking up good ideas from marriages you admire, but don't compare your marriage to another couple's marriage.  Appreciate your marriage and make it the best it can be. 

#4 An Emphasis on Communication and Listening
Unspoken expectations are disasters waiting to happen.  Don't expect your spouse to be a mind reader.  Ask for what you want.  And remember, just because you ask doesn't mean you will get what you want, but you have a much better chance than if you say nothing at all.  So often we think our "soul mates" should just know what to do for us.  That is disappointment waiting to happen.

#3 Turn Negatives into Positives
Be a team.  There are going to be problems that arise almost every day.  Work together to turn those difficulties into successes.  The bible say that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.  If you believe you can persevere, you can turn things around.

#2 Work on Thoughtfulness Every Day
Take time each day to put your spouse first.  Take time each day to say to yourself, what can I do to make my love happy?  Being thoughtful can be a learned activity.  It is so easy to be self-involved.  Making the effort to put someone else first is an act of love. 

#1 Realistic Expectations
Marriage is real life.  There are going to be good days and bad days.  There are going to be days when you don't feel the passion.  There are going to be days you do!  When my husband and I married we had one expectation for each other and that was that we didn't ever want to be divorced.  My husband came from divorce and I came from a long marriage.  Together we took the realities and ideals we had about what marriage could be and made them our marriage.  We made it our real life.

351.  My husband
352.  My son
353.  My marriage
354.  My relationship with God
355.  My savior, Jesus Christ
356.  My access to God's word
357.  My opportunity to communicate to God through prayer
358.  My husband's faith in God and me when my faith in God and me gets shakey
359.  The gift of enough tenderness of heart to have gratitude for all the blessings I've been given
360.  The desire to know God better

It was worth waiting 20 years for an answer to my prayer

1 Thessalonians 5:17 says, "pray without ceasing"

This is easier said than done.

I have a story of a 20-year old prayer that I have seen answered by God in the most amazing way.  I'm going to start by telling you that I've always believed that God answers prayer.  I've been taught that God answers all prayers.  I've been taught his answers can be "yes," "no," or "wait."  I'm going to tell you that when God answers a prayer with "wait" it can be a long wait.

I've shared the joy I've experienced watching my son take the huge step of living independently.  This, my friends, is the answer to a 20-year old prayer that I had no idea would be answered in the way it was.

I'm on vacation this week.  I'm in Daytona Beach, FL.  My husband and I drove down here to enjoy the sun, surf, and sand.  One of the pleasures of that 14 hour drive is the opportunity to talk with each other.  Sure, I do most of the talking.  Yet, I'm smart enough to know that if I allow my husband to take a turn at leading the conversation, I can learn a lot about him.  So, I let him talk.

And I listened.

My husband and I were chatting about the work that needs to be done on my son's house, the cost involved, and whether or not I'll be able to quit working in June.  This is important stuff in our lives.  It's also busy work.  It's the kind of work that can keep us so busy that we don't check into the deeper feelings we have about life.  And then he said this..., "you know honey, this whole thing with our son's house and my retirement and where we are in our lives right now is all divine intervention.  You know I couldn't have planned this all out.  Things just fell into place.  It has to be God directing this, because it turned out so perfectly."

Me, (silence with mouth agape).  When I was finally able to speak all I could say was, "yeah."

For 20 years I've been praying for my son.  When he was 3 years old I was told he had learning disabilities.  At this time they couldn't give his disability a name.  They called it everything from ADD to ADHD to aspergers to pervasive delay disorder to executive function disorder to depression to dyslexia.  I medicated him.  I gave him therapy.  I hired tutors.  I brought him to psychiatrists, to psychologists, to doctors, to therapists and specialists.  I wanted to fix my son.  And all the while I prayed to God to heal my son.

Elementary school was a nightmare.  My beautiful son couldn't read.  The school couldn't teach him.  We held him back in first grade.  At the end of second grade he still couldn't read.  I took him out of school and taught him to read at home.  And I prayed, "God heal my son."

We sent him back to school in sixth grade.  The school told me they would have to hold him back.  I fought back.  I made them put him in seventh grade.  I told them if he didn't move forward he would be 16 before he entered high school and the chances of getting him to go to high school at all would be slim.  They would be creating a high school drop out and I wasn't having it.  The school agreed and allowed him into the seventh grade.

Middle school was a challenge, but we lived.

High school was the nightmare that made elementary school look like a walk in the park.  And I continued praying, "God heal my son."

My son was not being healed.  In fact, all of the experts told me my son could not be healed from his disability.  It just was who he is.  We were told he would most likely live with us for his whole life.  We needed to accept this.  I continued to pray, "God heal my son."  I was losing hope.

He was in a youth group at a church, and they just didn't know what to do with him.  It broke my heart.  I didn't expect the people in a public high school to accept my son.  I knew life would be tough for him there, but I thought he would be safe in a church youth group.  I was wrong.  They just aren't equipped for special needs kids in churches.  But it broke my heart.  And I continued to pray, "God heal my son."

I'm going to have to tell you, I was getting angry with God.  Seriously, it was going on 15 years of praying this prayer.  My son was not getting better.  I was pretty sure my son was going to be living with us for the rest of his life.  We tried to have him take college classes at the community college.  This was a dismal failure.  He didn't go to class.  He didn't even take the books out of the shrink-wrap.  He just lived in the basement and lied to us about attending classes.  Not only did I think God was ignoring my prayer, but I thought he may have been making things in my son's life worse.

And I continued to pray, "God heal my son."

At this same time my husband was becoming increasingly unhappy at his job.  His company was not appreciating the work he was doing.  It was odd, because his work was bringing money into the company at a time when finding clients was becoming a tougher and tougher thing to do, but there you have it.  They didn't think the work he was bringing in was of the caliber they believed the company wanted to have done.  After a year of defending himself and his work, everything came to a climax with an Obama Chia Pet.  (God works in mysterious ways)  One day my husband went to a luncheon with a bunch of people from his office and a woman who had left the company.  It was a fine day in January.  They woman had received an Obama Chia Pet as a "white elephant" gift at a Christmas party.  She thought my husband would enjoy it.  After the lunch he carried it into his office and the janitor, a black man, saw him carrying it into his office.  The janitor was offended.  He wasn't a little offended.  He was SUPER offended.  In fact, he was unable to continue working that day because he was so offended.

Now, not only is my husband not doing the type of work his bosses believe the company should be doing, but he has offended the janitor by carrying an Obama Chia Pet into his office.  So what happens?  My husband's boss calls him into his office and asks him what he thinks they should do in response to the janitor in the office being SUPER offended.  One suggestion from the assistant office manager was for Sensitivity Training in the office.  My husband was incensed.  My husband is not a racist.  This Obama Chia Pet was an item sold in any Walmart in any city in this nation.  My husband did not create this object.  All he did was carry it into his office.  My husband didn't mince words.  He told his boss, in no uncertain words and with some pretty course language, that Sensitivity Training was not needed in the office.  In fact, if they needed to blame someone to save their butts, they could say they fired him because he was retiring.  They could have 2, 3 or 4 weeks notice, whatever they needed, but he was done.

I continued to pray, "God heal my son."  But, I quit going to church.  I continued to have hard feelings against God.  I was losing hope.  This, in no way, looked like I was being blessed or even looked after by God.  I was feeling abandoned by God.

In the year that followed we had to evict the crappy tenants we had living in our rental house.  I've written about that mess, here.  It wasn't easy to get them out, but we did.  Then we had to clean up the mess.  These tenants trashed the house.  They broke everything.  They lived in our house the way pigs live in a sty.  (there was no way anyone could see this as a way that God was answering my prayer)

It was a this time my husband believed the best thing we could do was to fix the house and offer to sell it to our son.  (who would think the answer to my prayer would come through my husband)

Together my husband and my son worked to fix the house.  Of course, my husband worked harder on the house than my son did, but he still did quite a bit of work.  They washed walls and ceilings.  They ripped out carpeting.  They painted and scraped and cleaned and replaced appliances and repaired plumbing and worked and worked and worked.  As my son worked on the house he began to get more and more on board with the idea of purchasing the house and living in it.  When we first approached him with the idea of living in the house and having roommates to assist him in paying the mortgage and utility bills,... He... Was... Terrified.  After putting sweat equity into the house, he was feeling much better about the whole thing.  In fact, he was seriously getting on board with the idea and even getting excited about it.

My son bought the house from us last December.  He moved into the house in February.  His first roommate moved in the house in March.  He now has three roommates and he is loving life.  He is feeling confident.  He is taking a college class at the community college.

My son is still dyslexic.  My son is still on the autism spectrum.  My son is living independently.  God heard my prayer.  God answered my prayer.  God may not have answered my prayer the way I thought it should be answered, but he answered it the way it needed to be answered.  If I can say anything about what I learned while waiting on God it is this... don't give up on God.  God is faithful.  God answers prayer.  And, God's time is not my time.

But, God is good.  All the time.

290.  The beach
291.  The ocean
292.  Feeling very small and insignificant when looking over the vastness of the ocean and yet knowing how special I am to the creator of that same ocean
293.  Seeing old friends
294.  Time alone and away from the typical stresses of life and reconnecting with my husband
295.  Resting
296.  Reading
297.  Taking the time to relive this story of answered prayer in my own mind
298.  Sleeping late
299.  Going on a sea cruise

Making my husband's dream come true

I just returned from a trip to NYC.

This trip to the city was just my husband and me.  Typically, I've only gone to the city with girlfriends.  It's tons of fun.  We've gone to shows and shopped and drank and laughed.  When I've gone with my husband, it's usually been with another couple and with our kids.  We've gone to places like the Statue of Liberty and the Empire State Building and Ellis Island.  This time it was just my husband and me.  Fun.

I enjoy going to the Big Apple.  I think, deep in my genes, I'm a city girl.  I was conceived and born in Chicago, but I never got to live much of my life in a city.  As soon as my parents could afford to buy a house, they moved to the suburbs of Chicago.  My dad was a city boy, but mom was a country girl.  They wanted their kiddos to have room to run and a yard to play.  As soon as I could, I moved out of mom and dad's house and got myself an apartment in the city.  But, then I fell in love and married my husband and he moved me to the lands of strip malls and whatever else you want to call the areas outside of all the naval bases in the country.  The bonus to giving up city life, was getting to live near the ocean.  This midwest girl discovered she loves the beach and the ocean.

I wanted my husband to have a good time, since this isn't his favorite kind of getaway.  He typically enjoys ski trips and going to the beach and more sporty types of trips.  Being in the city was definitely something he was doing for me.  (and, since he's already been on two ski weeks since the New Year, I deserved this trip)  My husband would do anything I wanted to do while we were there, but there was one thing he wanted to do.

He wanted to go to Times Square at 5:00 p.m. on Friday evening to watch the taping of Options Action on CNBC at the NASDAQ building.  He wanted to be in the window during the taping of the show and be on TV.  You see, all his friends watch Options Action on Friday night.  The folks on this show are their celebrities.  He's a super fan of Melissa Lee, Mike Khouw, Carter Braxton Worth, and Dan Nathan.  We got to the window by 5:00 p.m. and the show started.  My husband was loving it.  Then the the thing he wanted more than anything happened, the segment, Put Up or Shut Up started.  The stars of the show, Dan and Mike, sit near the window and the taping begins.  It was great.  The topic of this segment was Has Apple Found a Floor?  This couldn't have worked out better.  My husband buys and sells APPL calls regularly and this stock has been the cornerstone of his portfolio.  If you click on the link, you can see us peering into the window.

My husband was thrilled.  He was able to do EXACTLY the very thing that was his heart's desire.  He was a happy man.  I was so glad this worked out for him.    I didn't think things could have gone better, but I was wrong.  A couple minutes after the show finished taping, Carter Braxton Worth and Mike Khouw strolled out of the building.  I called out to them and asked if they would mind taking a picture with my husband.

Carter, Bill, and Mike

Bill was thrilled.  He even had the opportunity to chat with them.  In fact, he got to tell them the story of the day he retired and the connection it had to what AAPL did on Jan. 23rd, 2012.  I would tell you the whole story, but I'll spare you.  (I'm going to tell you, we were the ONLY people hanging around the window during the show.  so, I'm thinking the Options Action celebs are an acquired taste.)

Happy Girl and Dan

I was lucky enough to meet my favorite commentator, Dan Nathan.  I always want to hear what Dan would do when he makes an options trade.  Dan explains how he makes a trade that makes money.

There is nothing more satisfying than being able to make my husband happy.  I know I've said that you can't make someone else happy, but you can certainly help facilitate it.  There is just nothing like being in the right place at the right time, and we were.  Btw, my husband is still smiling.

Oh, we saw a couple Broadway Shows, too.  We saw Phantom of the Opera and Wicked.  They were very good.  We had a couple nice dinners and walked in Central Park.  It was a very nice trip.  I'm glad we did it.

186.  My husband's smile
187.  Knowing my dear friend is in heaven with Jesus (but I miss her)
188.  Being able to take a trip to a city now and again
189.  Crocuses blooming in my garden

I've discovered I'm not all that happy on my own

There has been a lot of work going on at the house that used to be our rental property and has now been purchased by our son.  I still haven't got all the pics ready to show, so this post won't be about the work.  This post is about me.  (seriously, isn't blogging the most self-indulgent thing EVER!)

I've been lonely.  My husband has been working for a solid seven weeks.  He works six days a week and he works 12 hour days.  On Sunday he stays home, but he lays on the couch and watches football through his eyelids.  He's exhausted.  I let him lay there and I try not to talk to him too much.

I completely understand his dedication to getting this work done.  Heck, the reward is having our 25 year old son move out of our house.  I mean, if that isn't incentive, what is?  AND..., there was also that thing about electing Obama for a second term and allowing him to raise taxes, as needed.  We wanted to pay our capital gains tax with a known number and not whatever our president decides he needs from us.

So, I've been quiet.  I haven't mentioned to my husband that I've missed spending time with him, but I have.  I was home by myself during my entire break.  I got some serious alone time in.  I'm an introvert, and I get recharged by alone time, but after a week and a half there was still no one to spend my renewed energy on.  I didn't really get any serious work done while I was off.  In the past I've cleaned closets and stuff like that, but this year... nothing.  I would have liked to spend a day going into the city with him and seeing a show or going to a nice restaurant, but I kept quiet.  I had dinner ready, most of the time, when he got home from working at the house.  He usually wasn't very hungry because he had a late lunch.  He would take his helpers out to lunch every day.  You see, he hired a woman to clean the house and promised her an hourly rate.  As a bonus, he got the woman's husband (who is retired, like my husband and very handy in the home repair department, like my husband is) as a toss in.  Bonus!  They've become very good friends through this whole project.  I'm glad.

The drawback to all this is just one thing.  While my husband spent a LARGE part of his day away from me and working, he was also using up all the words he usually speaks in a day.  When he got home, he was pretty much done for the day.  So it was quiet at my house.  Don't get me wrong, I don't need to talk a lot, but I do need to talk more than I was getting to talk.  There is just something about a conversation, even if it is about nothing very important, that feels good.  Talking with my husband connects me to him.  I was missing that connection.  Now that the project is drawing to an end, he's getting read to go on a skiing vacation.  I think I'm really going to miss him while he's gone.  But, it's only for a week.

I need to develop more relationships in my life.  I have friends, but all my friends still work.  When they get home at the end of the day, they are tired.  Just like I'm tired.

I think we are going to need a weekend together to reconnect.  We need to spend some time not talking about our son or the house or my job.  We need to spend some time dreaming about our future together and just enjoying each other's company.  Yeah, we need to do something like that.  

In a way, this has been quite a good learning experience for me.  I learned that I'm not all that happy when left on my own.  Even an introvert needs to spend some time with people.

60.  Leftovers (I don't have to cook after a tough day at the office)
61.  Leftover cookies from a stolen from a VP's meeting
62.  Cold coffee
63.  My bed (I hear it calling my name right now)
64.  The friends I have
65.  My brothers (I even like talking to them)
66.  Free car washes with a fill-up
67.  Post-its (I don't think I could function at work without them)
68.  5:00 p.m. 
69.  Only two stop lights on my entire drive home from work

Prayer is what makes it a wonderful life

Sometimes prayers get answered in such unexpected ways.

My son is buying a house.  He is buying our house.  This is the house I wrote about a while back.  This house had been a rental property of ours.  The last tenants we had in this house were members of the 47% Mitt Romney spoke about.

"There are 47 percent of the people who will vote for the president no matter what. All right, there are 47 percent who are with him, who are dependent upon government, who believe that they are victims, who believe the government has a responsibility to care for them, who believe that they are entitled to health care, to food, to housing, to you-name-it -- that that's an entitlement. And the government should give it to them. And they will vote for this president no matter what. ... These are people who pay no income tax. ... [M]y job is not to worry about those people. I'll never convince them they should take personal responsibility and care for their lives."  (and btw, the fact checker at CBS says Romney was right on the money when it comes to the percentage of folks paying no income tax)

If you recall, I said of the four people living in the house; the baby, the grandmother, the father and the uncle, the baby was the breadwinner of the family.  And that's the way the 47% roll.

And, if you recall, I mentioned they lived like animals.  (I'll let you pick which animal, but you cannot choose homo sapien.)  Everything in the house was broken.  Cardboard was taped over broken windows.  The stove was non-functioning and the refrigerator was full of rotting fast food in bags and styrofoam containers.  I could go on and on, but it's Christmas and I don't want to kill any sugar-plum buzzes going on out there.

Ever since we got the very bad tenants evicted from our house my son and my husband have been cleaning and painting and ripping out horrible, very stinky carpeting and replacing windows and tiling bathrooms and fixing plumbing and repairing kitchen cabinetry and replacing light fixtures.  They have been working so hard.  My son is learning how to be a homeowner in one super-crash course of home repair.

My son is becoming a man.  I've prayed for my son ever since the day he was born.  Every mother prays for their children.  But I'm now beginning to see a glimmer of an answer to prayer I had given up on God answering.  Seeing my son move toward independent living and being a homeowner is something I didn't think I would get to see.  Motivation and being a self-starter has never been his strong suit.  For some reason, and I'm not exactly sure what it is, there seems to be a huge number of adults falling into a condition I call "extended adolescence."  My son is 25, so I don't see him on the older end of this condition, because I've seen it in adults even older than he, but he has this condition, nevertheless.

I've watched the way my husband and son interact.  I've watched their relationship grow.  I think I've seen my husband become the father he wished he had.  I've seen him display patience and love and respect to my son and really show him what being a man is all about.  I've developed a stronger appreciation of the gifts of kindness and gentleness and sweetness he possesses.  I'm appreciating what he is and not focusing so much on what he is not.  My husband and I are growing as parents.

Yet, God is good and God does answer prayers.  He uses his own good time and you have to keep your eyes open.  You aren't going to be seeing me sitting back and putting my feet up and relaxing in this answer to prayer.  I'm going to keep on praying for him and for his success in living this life here on earth.  I certainly don't know what the future holds for him, but I do know he is on his way and held safely in God's hands.

I think back to the movie, It's a Wonderful Life and the scene with George's friends and family praying for him.  We hear the prayers being lifted to heaven.  I feel the power of those prayers and I believe in the power of prayer for my son, as well.

The prayer scene at the beginning of the movie.

Mr. Emil Gower: I owe everything to George Bailey. Help him, dear Father.
Giuseppe Martini: Joseph, Jesus and Mary. Help my friend, Mr. Bailey.
Ma Bailey: Help my son, George, tonight.
Bert: He never thinks about himself, God, that's why he's in trouble.
Ernie Bishop: George is a good guy. Give him a break, God.
Mary: I love him, dear Lord. Watch over him tonight.
Janie Bailey: Please, God, something's the matter with Daddy.
Zuzu Bailey: Please bring Daddy back.    

I know there was a time when I doubted God listened to my prayers.  I wondered what the point of praying was if there were no answers forthcoming.  I believed my prayers for my son were noble and should be on the top of God's list.  I was impatient.  Now I see how God used my prayers to change me and my vision of my son.  God gives us the opportunity to pray so he can use those prayers to change us.  He's not a vending machine.  No prayer is more noble than the next, but all prayer changes us to be more of what God wants us to be.

726.  Christmas movies
727.  Courage to ask for a raise (you can pray about that for me if you like)
728.  Seeing answer to a long time prayer
729.  Seeing prayers answered quickly
730.  Getting Christmas cards from old friends
731.  Poinsettias
732.  Cars with reindeer antlers on them
733.  The blessing of not having to enter the house until all the work in it is complete.  My son wants me to have the Big Reveal

Linking with Emily at Imperfect Prose on Thursday.

I'd love a little cheese with my whine

Any kind of cheese.  Seriously.  I'm hungry.

I started WW on line last week.  I lost a pound and a half.  (can you believe I'm measuring by half pounds?  nuts.)  I was so hungry and that was it.  One and a half pounds.  Pitiful.

Our tenant was supposed to be out of the house yesterday.  She's still in the house.  She asked us to do her a favor and give her more time.  Why wouldn't I do her a favor?  Let's see...  Maybe I won't do you a favor because you haven't paid up all the rent you owe me.  Maybe I won't do you a favor because you've never paid me back for the DOZENS of times I've paid MetCom to turn your water back on because you didn't pay your bill.  Maybe I won't do you a favor because you have completely trashed my house.  You've made those houses on Hoarders look good to me.  You've used the back yard of my house like a city dump.  You've been storing trash in the garage.  And, I don't think you've done the dishes in a year.  So, why wouldn't I do you a favor?  You've certainly done so much for me.

Stress.  Stress.  Stress.

So now I have to go to court and have you evicted.  Btw, you want to hear how great eviction works out for the evil landlord?  I've got to go to court and file the paperwork to get you out.  Then the court assigns me a day to come back to court (read, take a day off of work) to say, "Judge, I want my tenant out of my house.  They have stopped paying rent to me."  Then, at the convenience of the county police department, an officer with an eviction notice will stop by the house and let them know they have 48 hours to leave the premises.  (I'm betting they don't answer the door.  just guessing, but what do you think.)  This may take a while.  Finally, they will accept the eviction notice and have 48 hours to clear out their stuff.

What does this mean to the evil landlord?  They aren't going to take their stuff.  Their stuff is mostly garbage.  Now the county will take their stuff and haul it out to the curb.  (I'm guessing there won't be anyone that wants to touch their stuff, but we will see.)  Guess what?  If, by some chance someone hauls the crap out to the curb, I have 48 hours to get the crap off the curb or the State Highway Association will give me a hefty citation for littering.  (I am not even kidding about this.)

Do we want to start a pool to find out when those deadbeats will be out of my house and I can start making them a distant memory?  Thanksgiving?  Christmas?  Martin Luther King Jr.'s birthday?

Stress.  Stress.  Stress.

To relax, we thought we would watch some football last night.  During the game, I have to hear the political campaign commercials.  One particularly annoying commercial is Obama's "47%" commercial.  It uses the sound bite of Romney in a closed-door conversation with donors saying he isn't worried about the 47% of Americans that receive entitlements, they aren't going to vote for him, anyway.  This is played with images of working people, mostly white people, insinuating that Romney does not care about working people.  It made me sick.  It made my husband's blood pressure rise.  So much for a relaxing evening watching the game.

The stress of this situation is spilling into all areas of our lives.  I'm a stress eater and I'm on a diet.  We went out to dinner Saturday night with another couple.  Two of us (not me) got our dinner (after a considerable wait).  FORTY minutes later, the other two of us got our dinner.  During those 40 minutes of waiting I complained about the bad service to our dining companions.  I was told there was nothing we could do and just enjoy the conversation.  I tried, but evidently I was unable to put on my "happy face."  I apologized for my bad attitude and made an effort to enjoy the meal.  I wasn't successful.  I was hungry.  (btw, my husband called the restaurant when we got home and asked to speak to the manager.  he told him what happened and the manager asked him what the problem was.  evidently serving the diners at a table in two shifts is perfectly acceptable service.  who knew?)

My husband was mad at me.  I was mad at the restaurant.  We are not having a good time at our house.

If you are inclined to pray, we'd love some prayer over this situation.  And if not the situation, please pray for our attitudes.  Also, we are both huge fans of imported brie cheese.  We like most cheese, but I'd say brie is our favorite.  Just sayin'.  :)

605.  Forgiveness
606.  Friends
607.  A sense of humor (I know there is one in here somewhere)
608.  Salad
609.  Hey, I lost a pound and a half.

30 years

Thirty years ago I was 25 years old and I was getting married.

We got married at four in the afternoon and it started pouring rain just after we said, "I do" to each other.

The reception was in my parent's backyard.  300 people.  Thank goodness we had a tent.

It rained so hard.  It rained for an hour.  There was a river running through the middle of the tent.

Men rolled up their pant-legs and women took off their shoes.  My father said "F**k the rain."  I'd never heard him say that word before.

I was smiling.  I was happy.  I was turning a page in my life.  I was stepping into a new chapter and I was doing this with the man I loved.

My brother held a sheet of plastic over the bartender as he served drinks.

Everyone laughed and drank and danced.  No one went home.  Then the rain stopped and the sun shone and the water flowed away.

We all ate the food and took more pictures and drank more wine and danced more dances.

This was the first day of 30 years together.

A friend asked me if I remembered all the fights and tough times and hardships.  I guess, if I think very hard, I can remember, but it isn't what I find the easiest thing to remember.  The things that come to mind the quickest and strongest is the fun we've had.  The joy we've shared.  The successes we've had, individually and together.  These are the things I can remember.  I'm so glad.  I am blessed.

This morning it rained so hard my windshield wipers couldn't keep up with the rain.  My garage flooded.  And I remembered that 30 years ago it rained so hard on my wedding day.  And I was smiling.


Linking with Emily at Imperfect Prose answering the question, what does it mean to be blessed?

495.  Being married to my friend
496.  Smiling in the rain
497.  Celebrating our marriage
498.  Realizing the blessing of a long marriage

A letter to my 32 year old self

Hi Sweetie,

Welcome to Monterey, CA.  You are going to have a blast here.  Thank you, Navy, for putting us up in this rockin' duplex at the top of the hill in La Mesa.  (fyi, boy this website makes it look so much different than it did when I lived there.  if you look at the map, my house was on revere rd.)  This is such a cute little (read, tiny) house.  I think it's great that you fit all our furniture in this house and I really don't care that you're using our kitchen table as an end table in the front room.  I think it looks just great like this.  We will eat in the kitchen on a tiny plastic table with our son, sitting in his high chair.  This is going to work out just great.  The kitchen is so little, you'll be able to wash the floor in five minutes with a cup of water.  You will LOVE it.

It's great to be here at Post Graduate school.  I'm happy the husband decided to get a master degree and not go to war with all his friends.  I know this is the kiss of death for his naval career, but you'll be glad to have him here with you and our 2 year old son.  It's cool to see old friends from Italy here, too.  It's too bad we will only be here a year and a half, but this is better than never have gotten to live here at all.

I know it was a bummer to get Bell's Palsy right after you got here.  I know it was a shame you had to miss your brother's wedding in Chicago.  Being sick and in pain isn't fun.  Good thing the pain only lasted for a month.  The five more months of paralysis sucked, but you'll get better and you'll hardly remember how crummy it was.  Good for you to get out and still make an effort to meet new people and start an Avon business with your face half frozen.  Wasn't it amazing to see how much of that stuff you sold.  You really put forth a lot of effort.  Good for you for not being so self-conscious and vain that you thought all that people cared about was how your face looked or how short your hair was.  Good for you for acting like an adult.  After all, you are 32 years old and the mom of a two year old.  It's good that you are able to get out and meet people and make friends.  You are doing the right thing by not waiting for your husband to get home and entertain you or take your child off your hands.  He's busy and he has homework.  Getting a master's degree in a year and a half is hard work.  This hard work is something he will be able to take with him when he leaves the navy.  You will be able to look back at this time of your life and remember how good it feels to be a strong woman.

You are going to love that you were supportive of your husband and his schoolwork.  It's great that he bought an Apple 2E computer.  It was worth all the money.  I know you had to eat popcorn and hot dogs for a month to make the payments for that computer and the Volvo.  (I'll bet you didn't know you were going to drive that Volvo for 17 years.)  But it was worth it to make sacrifices for your future.  It's good that you were able to put off your immediate gratification to save for your son's future and the future of your family.  (and, you learned to appreciate Apple and it's founder Steve Jobs.  that is really going to pay off in the future.)  You know, your husband is going to appreciate you typing all his papers for class.  Isn't it amazing that back then we wrote our papers in longhand and had to have someone read that chicken scratch and type it up!  I'm glad you put forth the effort to do this for your husband.  He's going to remember things like this when you need to take time for yourself.

Finally, I know that the earthquake you experienced was a terrible thing.  I know you were scared out of your mind because husband and son were away from the house.  I know those 15 seconds were the longest 15 seconds of your life, but you endured.  I know that seeing your husband come home on his bike and wondering what all the fuss was about was the happiest moment of your life.  And, I know that giving away any extra blankets or food or kitchen equipment or money or whatever you could give to help those who had more damage than your family never caused you to bat an eye or feel a pang of resentment.  I want you to know, that when that phone rang, and it was your mother, and you got the opportunity to tell her you were all ok and then the phone died and didn't start working again for a week, yeah, that was God.  (amazing how we managed before cell phones and email and the internet)  You are never going to forget that moment.  You know what you're going to remember the most?  You're going to remember getting all the families on the street together to bar-b-que, because none of us had electric or gas for a week.  You're going to remember, because you gave up most of your summer to do the HUGE vacation bible school music and program, so many of the families in the neighborhood knew you and were happy to help your family just the way you were happy to help their families.  You're going to remember how much this time in your life felt like community and the best way navy families support each other.

You will remember your time in Monterey, CA so fondly.  You are always going to wish you could go back.  But you know, you can never go home.  If you do get a chance to go back, just know, things have changed.  You will have changed, too.  Have fun at Cannery Row.  Enjoy the Monterey Bay Aquarium and watch the otters play.  Go down to Carmel by the Sea and Big Sur.  Check out the Dennis the Menace park and remember how much fun your little one had there.  Go down to Fisherman's Wharf and feed the sea lions.  Yeah, do all those things and remember that you didn't miss a beat while you were there.  You had the time of your young life.  I'm proud of you for being the strong, adult, navy wife you were back then.  You did yourself and your family proud.

Love,
Your 55 year old self

471.  Having the time to remember a fun time in my past
472.  Learning from different people with different points of view in my small group bible study
473.  Listening and being able to accept their positions without feeling like I have to change their opinions
474.  Realizing that this is emotional growth for me
475.  Seeing emotional growth in my son, too (or maybe I'm seeing him through more grown-up eyes)

Let's hear it for the dads

I hope everybody, who can, calls their dad and wishes him a Happy Father's Day.  Dads are great.  Dads are even greater when moms let them be dads and do dad kind of things.  I love to see dads out there playing and running and climbing and just plain doing stuff with their kids.  It's great to see kids outside, helping with chores like washing the car and yard work with their dad.  Somehow, the feminist movement may have empowered moms to go to work and take authority in the family, but dad (if he is in the picture) still gets stuck with the yard work.  I'm praying that all the sah moms I see on fb, letting their kids play video games and watch tv all day, will allow the dad of the family to play with the kids.  Dads teach kids things moms just can't.  They talk differently to their kids.  They come at life from a different angle.  There is no way mom can be the dad to a kid.  When I watch my husband teaching my son how to change the oil in the car or rotate the tires, I get a warm feeling in my heart.  I don't know if my son will ever take it upon himself to do these things, but my husband can sleep well at night knowing he put for the effort taught him how to do it.

I remember when our son left home and moved across the country (and then came back).  My husband got a bit misty, and what he said was, "I haven't prepared him well enough."  Since my son came home, my husband has gone above and beyond to prepare him for life.  My husband is my son's father and friend.  Dads can teach sons how men are with each other.  Dads can teach daughters how special they are.  Parenting is hard work.  It's so sad that the family structure is breaking so often in this country.  It's sad that our expectations of what a family should be is so unrealistic that people would rather throw it away than stay in the struggle.  Happy Father's Day to all the dads.  Keep it up dads!  Keep taking care of the kids and keep loving the moms (preferably the mom you had the kids with).  You are more than an open wallet.  You are the dad, and that's a very important job.

363.  My dad
364.  My husband
365.  My marriage
366.  The value my parents taught me to put on family
367.  Staying in the struggle of being married when it got hard ('cause sometimes marriage gets hard to do) and sticking it through to the good times ('cause the good times come when you keep loving and letting them know you do)

I have to share this new Coke commercial.  I know, I know, it's a commercial, but it's really well done.  It's very uplifting.  There is good in the world, and sometimes it gets caught on camera.  :)

A mother's prayer for her child, by Tina Fey

Thank you, Tina Fey, for putting into words the thing we moms secretly pray for our daughters.

First, Lord: No tattoos. May neither Chinese symbol for truth nor Winnie-the-Pooh holding the FSU logo stain her tender haunches.

May she be Beautiful but not Damaged, for it’s the Damage that draws the creepy soccer coach’s eye, not the Beauty.

When the Crystal Meth is offered, may she remember the parents who cut her grapes in half And stick with Beer.

Guide her, protect her when crossing the street, stepping onto boats, swimming in the ocean, swimming in pools, walking near pools, standing on the subway platform, crossing 86th Street, stepping off of boats, using mall restrooms, getting on and off escalators, driving on country roads while arguing, leaning on large windows, walking in parking lots, riding Ferris wheels, roller-coasters, log flumes, or anything called “Hell Drop,” “Tower of Torture,” or “The Death Spiral Rock ‘N Zero G Roll featuring Aerosmith,” and standing on any kind of balcony ever, anywhere, at any age.

Lead her away from Acting but not all the way to Finance. Something where she can make her own hours but still feel intellectually fulfilled and get outside sometimes And not have to wear high heels. What would that be, Lord? Architecture? Midwifery? Golf course design? I’m asking You, because if I knew, I’d be doing it, Youdammit.

May she play the Drums to the fiery rhythm of her Own Heart with the sinewy strength of her Own Arms, so she need Not Lie With Drummers.

Grant her a Rough Patch from twelve to seventeen.Let her draw horses and be interested in Barbies for much too long, For childhood is short – a Tiger Flower blooming Magenta for one day – And adulthood is long and dry-humping in cars will wait.

O Lord, break the Internet forever, that she may be spared the misspelled invective of her peers And the online marketing campaign for Rape Hostel V: Girls Just Wanna Get Stabbed.
And when she one day turns on me and calls me a Bitch in front of Hollister, Give me the strength, Lord, to yank her directly into a cab in front of her friends, For I will not have that Shit. I will not have it.

And should she choose to be a Mother one day, be my eyes, Lord, that I may see her, lying on a blanket on the floor at 4:50 A.M., all-at-once exhausted, bored, and in love with the little creature whose poop is leaking up its back. “My mother did this for me once,” she will realize as she cleans feces off her baby’s neck. “My mother did this for me.” And the delayed gratitude will wash over her as it does each generation and she will make a Mental Note to call me. And she will forget. But I’ll know, because I peeped it with Your God eyes.

Amen.

Tina Fey, Bossy Pants 

Continuing 1000 gratitudes
240.  My son (without whom I wouldn't be a mom)
241.  Ok, my husband, too (I needed him to make me a mom, too)
242.  Spf 50 waterproof suntan lotion
243.  Teaching my son to make pasta and sauce over the cell phone 
244.  Walking on the beach
245.  My mom (without her, I wouldn't be me)