Really, Aaron Hernandez. REALLY!

Wikipedia

Aaron Hernandez, you had a $40 million contract with the New England Patriots football team and you are 23 years old.

Now you are charged with first degree murder for shooting your friend?  really

You and a few of your other buddies pick up your friend (YOUR FRIEND!!!,... really?) at his house and take him to an industrial park.  Before your friend can even get out of the car, you shoot him 5 times.  Let's see how this would go...  bang bang bang... Bang        BANG.

Yeah, your friend is dead...  really.

And the reason you give for shooting and killing your friend was because he was talking with some other people you are "having problems" with.  Really?

After you shoot your friend, you go home and wave the gun around that you shot your friend with and instruct your girlfriend not to talk to the police and you let all your actions get recorded by the newly installed security system cameras you have in your mansion.   Yeah, the mansion you buy with some of that ridiculous NFL money you get for playing a game 5 months out of the year.  Really!?!

OH, and you ask the judge to give you bail because you are an upstanding citizen and not a flight risk.  REALLY!

And you don't think you give your people, your profession, and your generation a black eye.  Really. 

I guess we shouldn't be too shocked by the actions of this thug.  Since the Super Bowl game last February there have been 27 NFL players arrested for criminal activity.  These people are not role models for anyone but the gangster and criminal element of society.  The NFL is going the way of the NBA.  Thank goodness for hockey.  (yay BlackHawks!)

Feel free to exchange any New England 81 football jersey for any other player's jersey.  The NFL store isn't asking any questions.  But I have a question.  At this rate how are you going to find a player's jersey to wear that doesn't belong to a criminal?  Or, maybe this year the penal system will have a team with enough players to go to the Super Bowl.

Dreaming of my dream home

I'm sitting here gazing out at the ocean, watching the waves roll into the shore.  I think I could enjoy this view for the rest of my life.  The blue/green colors in the water sooth my soul.  The sound of the waves breaking on the shore lull me into a peaceful state of mind.  The white foam against the beige sand and the spray rising from a cresting wave reinforce the feeling of strength in mother nature.   I am drawn to the vastness of the sea intrigued to see what lies on the far side of the horizon.

I started writing this post while I was on vacation in Daytona Beach.  Unfortunately my internet connection was too poor to finish the post and get it on the blog at that time.  So now I'm sitting at my desk in my office.  The "window shaker" air conditioning unit is buzzing so loud I can barely hear myself think.  And all I can think about is the view from my hotel room at the beautiful Atlantic Ocean.

I can practically hear the ocean and smell the breeze.  This view restores my soul.

I've never felt this way before.  I lived most of my childhood in the same house in a southwest suburb of Chicago (yay BlackHawks!).  When I moved out of my parent's home I moved about 15 miles away to live just inside the city limits to work in the hospital I was born in.  Then I married my husband and moved into his house.  During my marriage we moved from place to place always finding a house we could easily resell.  If we were very lucky, we lived in Navy housing.  Every place we lived was a nice place, but I would never have called any of them my dream house.

I live in a lovely house.  You've seen a bit of the outside of my house if you read any of my Irene posts.  In fact, I have a much nicer deck on the house now.  Thanks to Irene.  Even though I have a lovely house, in a lovely neighborhood, I've never like living here in the mid-Atlantic region in the area I live.  It's fairly rural.  They say it's becoming a bedroom community of Washington DC.  However, I don't thing living 80+ miles from the city is very suburban.  AND, I live on a peninsula between the Patuxent River and the Potomac Rive.  Let's just say that water is very isolating.  You don't "accidentally" end up driving through my area.  If you are here, this is where you were going to or else you are SUPER lost.  Long story short... I don't live in my dream house.

Is Daytona Beach my dream location?  I don't know.  What I do know is that I like visiting there.  I like that it is somewhat urban.  It's not as urban as I would like, but there is a downtown area.  I found a building I would like to live in.  It's on the beach.  So, it's not in the downtown area of the city.  Oh, I think I should back up a minute here.  I've decided I don't want to live in a house anymore.  I'm ready for apartment living.  I know there are crazy high condo fees and I won't have my complete privacy.  I know there is a good chance I may see someone in the elevator and I'd have to say hello, but I think I can do that now.  Now you know, my dream house is an apartment, not a house.  Anyway, I found a building that is across the street of a grocery store, bank, and drug store.  Everything I would need on a day to day basis is withing walking distance.  I love that.  AND, it's on the beach.  I love that.

This is my new reality.  I sit at work and I daydream about my dream house.  I go on Trulia and look at pictures of apartments in the building I like.  I daydream of sitting on the balcony and gazing over the ocean.

I wonder if any of this will make the time I need to spend at work go by any faster?  I wonder if I'm just torturing myself?  It doesn't matter, because this is where I am in my life right now.  It sort of feels like waiting and hoping and dreaming.  I've never felt like this before.  Typically I'm the type of person that is satisfied just where I am, doing just what I need to do, but now I've found myself becoming a dreamer.  I can't decide if I like it or not.

313.  Lunch date with my son
314.  The bus family is rolling away from my area
315.  Daydreaming about my future
316.  Watermelon
317.  The quiet of a building empty of people who are burning "use or lose" leave
318.  Co-worker that is becoming more of a friend every day
319.  Window shopping for apartments on the internet

I'm baaaaack!

Hi.  Long time, no see.  I've missed everyone.

Where to begin?...

I guess I can start with why I haven't been writing.  The short answer is, I couldn't think of anything I wanted to share with everyone.  At first I wanted to say, I couldn't think of anything to write about, but that isn't true.  The fact of the matter is that there was so much stuff going on at work and in my head that I couldn't figure out what I wanted to share and what I didn't want to share.  So, I just stayed quiet.

If you've read any of my blog you know I'm a secretary.  And, if you've read any of my blog you know I tell everyone I get paid for blogging because I write my blog while I'm at work.  Well, work has been CRAZY lately.  The college I work at had a much smaller incoming freshman class than anticipated.  In fact, the number was only 2/3s of the expected accepted students.  The parents were not sending in the checks.  The kids decided to go somewhere else.  Our budget was screwed.  We lost 5% of our expected revenue or $3.5 million.  What does this mean, you may ask.  Well, the first thing it means is that jobs are on the line.  The easiest way to find money in a budget is to lay people off.

At the time this came to a crisis, I was having my own identity crisis.  I had been seriously contemplating quitting my job.  Seriously.  I'd even picked a date, June 28th, to be my last day.  But with this whole budget cutting, possible layoffs, where the heck are we gonna find $3.5 million looming overhead, I decided to wait and see what happened.  After all, one possibility being batted around was the offer of early retirements.  Wouldn't I feel like a total fool if I quit my job 3 weeks before the college offered early retirements and I stipend of $1000 for every year worked.  Yeah, I'd feel pretty stupid.  So I waited.

While I was waiting things went crazier and crazier around here.  First, my boss was promoted to a vice president position and the guy in the position he was promoted to, left the college (no scandal here).  Then, the president of the college quit.  He said this crisis was all his fault (he was correct) and asked that his contract not be renewed.  Next, they fired the vice president for admissions (no kidding).  She absolutely needed to go, too.  What a fiasco.  One of my favorite quotes the president and vice president of admissions used was that the college was located in a fairly rural area... did we move the college?  Didn't they notice all that farmland around them.  Lame.

Also, the state capital budget submission is due the end of the fiscal year (June).  This is a large endeavor and does take a good bit of time and organization.  On top of the submission, my boss left to go on a vacation on June 19th.  So, the submission had to be completed early.  Needless to say, June has been one busy month.

I know most of you won't care about the fate of one small college on the mid-Atlantic coast, but there you have it.  My job is a big part of my life and it takes up a lot of what I think about every day.  Sad to say, I could see this coming.  I had talked with my boss about this NEW vision for the college a year ago.  I'm not saying I'm psychic or anything, but we are not Harvard or Princeton down here.  Who are we kidding?

At this same time a position on campus became available.  Evidently this is a position the college decided to fill instead of cut.  (instead of layoffs and early retirement they have decided to leave vacant positions that are vacated at this time)  It pays better and is a better job.  I applied.

I feel like I have made a decision for my future employment and I'm feeling much more settled.  Whether or not I get the job I applied for doesn't matter.  I know what I want to do now and it feels great to leave the confusion and turmoil behind.  Once I make a decision I can make a plan.  When I have a plan, I can move ahead with confidence.  And here I am writing and sharing this with you.

Another reason I'm glad to be back on the blog is that I discovered that my blog has an impact on the lives of some of my readers.  Believe me, nobody was more surprised than me.  I visited one of my blog friends, Smooth Stones, in May.  She was visiting Annapolis and I drove up to the Ellicott City, MD area and met her and her family.  It was great.  I need to write about this.  She has a beautiful family and I was so proud that she was good with having me meet them.  I cannot express how special it made me feel.  Also, friends and family that read my blog have wondered what is going on with me and have asked me about it.  Seriously, mostly NO ONE I KNOW says anything to me about what I write while I'm writing, but when I stop, they come out of the woodwork.  And finally, I got an email from a reader and new follower.  She shared with me the impact that my blog I wrote about my 20-year prayer for my son had on her.  She told me that God touched her heart through my blog.  I know that God can use ANYTHING for his will and for good.  I mean, he used a stick in Moses' hand to part the Red Sea.  If God is using my blog for his good, I want to be available to be used by him.

Blogging isn't easy, but it's worth it.  It feels good to be here again.

305.  Air conditioning
306.  Readers that write encouraging and uplifting emails
307.  Blog friends
308.  Choices for employment
309.  Celebrating 59 years of marriage with my parents
310.  Growing in my faith in God
311.  Enjoying a feeling of peace in my soul
312.  Wondering if any of my readers are still out there and if they will notice I'm writing again, but if they don't, I'm ok with that  :)

56 things I've learned in my 56 years

Today is my 56th birthday.  I spent most of the day on the beach.  It was a great day.  I thought I'd share 56 things I've learned in my 56 years on this earth.  I hope you know most of these things.  I'm glad I can share these things with you and I look forward to learning more as I continue to live my life.

1. God is good, all the time.
2. I'm never going to be perfect. 
3. Marriage is tough, but it is worth the effort.
4. Being a mother is a tough job.
5. I made mistakes in my parenting, but I was always doing my best.
6. I am a child of the creator of the universe. 
7. Telling the truth is better than lying.  The truth will always come out.
8. My parents loved me more than I'll ever know.  Everything they did, even the things that hurt, they did because they loved me and were doing the best they could.
9. Saying "please" and "thank you" go a long way.
10. Worrying about things changes nothing.  Worrying just wastes time and keeps you from acting.
11. You cannot pray too much.
12. Church people are going to let you down.  Put your faith in God, not people, even good people.
13. Saving money for a rainy day is better than looking for a loan.
14. Accepting the way you look will allow you to have more vacation pictures with you in them. 
15. Trust your gut.  If it doesn't feel right, don't do it.
16. Every day is a new chance to do better. 
17. Say "no" when you really want to say no. 
18. Say "yes" to yourself.  Don't put yourself last on your to-do list.
19. Exercise gratitude.  Don't take your blessings for granted.
20. Smiles are contagious
21. It's easier to clean up messes right away than it is if you wait until later.
22. You can't hold a baby too much.
23. Be encouraging to a mom having a tough time with her toddler in a store.  Don't give her a hard time.
24. Be on time.  Making people wait for you is arrogant.
25. Remember that school teachers aren't always right and you know your child better than they do.
26. Some people cannot be taught.  They just refuse to learn.  I call them knuckleheads.
27. Don't carry a grudge.  Keeping hatred in your heart for someone is like drinking poison and expecting them to die. 
28. Get along with your neighbors. 
29. When people tell or show you who they are, believe them. 
30. If you can get a job you love, you'll never work a day in your life.
31. If you can't get the job you love, do a good job at the job you have while you are there.
32. Be kind to your parents.  Even when they get older and lose their health and mental faculties.
33. Walk as much has you can.
34. What goes around comes around.  Be kind to people.
35. When you have your health, you have an easier life.  Do what you can through diet and exercise to keep yourself healthy.
36. When things don't go your way, work on solving the problem, don't be a victim.
37. A good night's sleep is a way to solve many of life's problems.
38. Money and things do not bring happiness.
39. Happiness is multiplied when it is shared with others.
40. The only person you can change in this world is yourself.
41. No one can steal your joy.  You have to give it away.
42. Remember that your children don't live in the same world you grew up in.
43. If you buy a new shirt, throw an old shirt away.  This way you won't collect too much stuff.
44. Watching too much t.v. or playing video games too much is just keeping you from participating in life.
45. Nobody sinks into poverty by being generous.
46. Don't use God's name in vain.  
47. Words have power.  Be careful with what you say to others and what you say to yourself.
48. Drink water.
49. Tell the people you love that you love them.  Out loud!
50. Don't gossip or participate in gossip.  No good can come of this.
51. If it sounds too good to be true.  It most likely isn't true or good.
52. If you don't want EVERYBODY to know something, don't put it on facebook.
53. Be friends with your siblings.  It's the longest relationship you will have with anyone you know.
54. Pick your battles in life.  Pick them carefully and then, don't lose.
55. Pick up the check when you go out for a meal with your dad.
56. Troubles don't last.  And time is a great healer.

I'm linking over at Emily's at Imperfect Prose on Thursdays.


300.  Another birthday
301.  Being treated like a queen by my husband
302.  Birthday calls from all my family
303.  My son singing Happy Birthday to me over the phone
304.  The day isn't over yet so there is more fun to come

It was worth waiting 20 years for an answer to my prayer

1 Thessalonians 5:17 says, "pray without ceasing"

This is easier said than done.

I have a story of a 20-year old prayer that I have seen answered by God in the most amazing way.  I'm going to start by telling you that I've always believed that God answers prayer.  I've been taught that God answers all prayers.  I've been taught his answers can be "yes," "no," or "wait."  I'm going to tell you that when God answers a prayer with "wait" it can be a long wait.

I've shared the joy I've experienced watching my son take the huge step of living independently.  This, my friends, is the answer to a 20-year old prayer that I had no idea would be answered in the way it was.

I'm on vacation this week.  I'm in Daytona Beach, FL.  My husband and I drove down here to enjoy the sun, surf, and sand.  One of the pleasures of that 14 hour drive is the opportunity to talk with each other.  Sure, I do most of the talking.  Yet, I'm smart enough to know that if I allow my husband to take a turn at leading the conversation, I can learn a lot about him.  So, I let him talk.

And I listened.

My husband and I were chatting about the work that needs to be done on my son's house, the cost involved, and whether or not I'll be able to quit working in June.  This is important stuff in our lives.  It's also busy work.  It's the kind of work that can keep us so busy that we don't check into the deeper feelings we have about life.  And then he said this..., "you know honey, this whole thing with our son's house and my retirement and where we are in our lives right now is all divine intervention.  You know I couldn't have planned this all out.  Things just fell into place.  It has to be God directing this, because it turned out so perfectly."

Me, (silence with mouth agape).  When I was finally able to speak all I could say was, "yeah."

For 20 years I've been praying for my son.  When he was 3 years old I was told he had learning disabilities.  At this time they couldn't give his disability a name.  They called it everything from ADD to ADHD to aspergers to pervasive delay disorder to executive function disorder to depression to dyslexia.  I medicated him.  I gave him therapy.  I hired tutors.  I brought him to psychiatrists, to psychologists, to doctors, to therapists and specialists.  I wanted to fix my son.  And all the while I prayed to God to heal my son.

Elementary school was a nightmare.  My beautiful son couldn't read.  The school couldn't teach him.  We held him back in first grade.  At the end of second grade he still couldn't read.  I took him out of school and taught him to read at home.  And I prayed, "God heal my son."

We sent him back to school in sixth grade.  The school told me they would have to hold him back.  I fought back.  I made them put him in seventh grade.  I told them if he didn't move forward he would be 16 before he entered high school and the chances of getting him to go to high school at all would be slim.  They would be creating a high school drop out and I wasn't having it.  The school agreed and allowed him into the seventh grade.

Middle school was a challenge, but we lived.

High school was the nightmare that made elementary school look like a walk in the park.  And I continued praying, "God heal my son."

My son was not being healed.  In fact, all of the experts told me my son could not be healed from his disability.  It just was who he is.  We were told he would most likely live with us for his whole life.  We needed to accept this.  I continued to pray, "God heal my son."  I was losing hope.

He was in a youth group at a church, and they just didn't know what to do with him.  It broke my heart.  I didn't expect the people in a public high school to accept my son.  I knew life would be tough for him there, but I thought he would be safe in a church youth group.  I was wrong.  They just aren't equipped for special needs kids in churches.  But it broke my heart.  And I continued to pray, "God heal my son."

I'm going to have to tell you, I was getting angry with God.  Seriously, it was going on 15 years of praying this prayer.  My son was not getting better.  I was pretty sure my son was going to be living with us for the rest of his life.  We tried to have him take college classes at the community college.  This was a dismal failure.  He didn't go to class.  He didn't even take the books out of the shrink-wrap.  He just lived in the basement and lied to us about attending classes.  Not only did I think God was ignoring my prayer, but I thought he may have been making things in my son's life worse.

And I continued to pray, "God heal my son."

At this same time my husband was becoming increasingly unhappy at his job.  His company was not appreciating the work he was doing.  It was odd, because his work was bringing money into the company at a time when finding clients was becoming a tougher and tougher thing to do, but there you have it.  They didn't think the work he was bringing in was of the caliber they believed the company wanted to have done.  After a year of defending himself and his work, everything came to a climax with an Obama Chia Pet.  (God works in mysterious ways)  One day my husband went to a luncheon with a bunch of people from his office and a woman who had left the company.  It was a fine day in January.  They woman had received an Obama Chia Pet as a "white elephant" gift at a Christmas party.  She thought my husband would enjoy it.  After the lunch he carried it into his office and the janitor, a black man, saw him carrying it into his office.  The janitor was offended.  He wasn't a little offended.  He was SUPER offended.  In fact, he was unable to continue working that day because he was so offended.

Now, not only is my husband not doing the type of work his bosses believe the company should be doing, but he has offended the janitor by carrying an Obama Chia Pet into his office.  So what happens?  My husband's boss calls him into his office and asks him what he thinks they should do in response to the janitor in the office being SUPER offended.  One suggestion from the assistant office manager was for Sensitivity Training in the office.  My husband was incensed.  My husband is not a racist.  This Obama Chia Pet was an item sold in any Walmart in any city in this nation.  My husband did not create this object.  All he did was carry it into his office.  My husband didn't mince words.  He told his boss, in no uncertain words and with some pretty course language, that Sensitivity Training was not needed in the office.  In fact, if they needed to blame someone to save their butts, they could say they fired him because he was retiring.  They could have 2, 3 or 4 weeks notice, whatever they needed, but he was done.

I continued to pray, "God heal my son."  But, I quit going to church.  I continued to have hard feelings against God.  I was losing hope.  This, in no way, looked like I was being blessed or even looked after by God.  I was feeling abandoned by God.

In the year that followed we had to evict the crappy tenants we had living in our rental house.  I've written about that mess, here.  It wasn't easy to get them out, but we did.  Then we had to clean up the mess.  These tenants trashed the house.  They broke everything.  They lived in our house the way pigs live in a sty.  (there was no way anyone could see this as a way that God was answering my prayer)

It was a this time my husband believed the best thing we could do was to fix the house and offer to sell it to our son.  (who would think the answer to my prayer would come through my husband)

Together my husband and my son worked to fix the house.  Of course, my husband worked harder on the house than my son did, but he still did quite a bit of work.  They washed walls and ceilings.  They ripped out carpeting.  They painted and scraped and cleaned and replaced appliances and repaired plumbing and worked and worked and worked.  As my son worked on the house he began to get more and more on board with the idea of purchasing the house and living in it.  When we first approached him with the idea of living in the house and having roommates to assist him in paying the mortgage and utility bills,... He... Was... Terrified.  After putting sweat equity into the house, he was feeling much better about the whole thing.  In fact, he was seriously getting on board with the idea and even getting excited about it.

My son bought the house from us last December.  He moved into the house in February.  His first roommate moved in the house in March.  He now has three roommates and he is loving life.  He is feeling confident.  He is taking a college class at the community college.

My son is still dyslexic.  My son is still on the autism spectrum.  My son is living independently.  God heard my prayer.  God answered my prayer.  God may not have answered my prayer the way I thought it should be answered, but he answered it the way it needed to be answered.  If I can say anything about what I learned while waiting on God it is this... don't give up on God.  God is faithful.  God answers prayer.  And, God's time is not my time.

But, God is good.  All the time.

290.  The beach
291.  The ocean
292.  Feeling very small and insignificant when looking over the vastness of the ocean and yet knowing how special I am to the creator of that same ocean
293.  Seeing old friends
294.  Time alone and away from the typical stresses of life and reconnecting with my husband
295.  Resting
296.  Reading
297.  Taking the time to relive this story of answered prayer in my own mind
298.  Sleeping late
299.  Going on a sea cruise