Skipping Easter

I'm not going to church for the Easter service for the first time in my life, ever.  I'm going to be traveling tomorrow.  I'll be flying home from Reno, NV, via San Diego, CA.  It feels weird to think I won't be attending church on Easter this year.  I mean, even marginal christians make it to church on Easter and Christmas.  Another odd thing about this event is that I haven't been all that good at attending church, period.  I'm still struggling with attending traditional church services.  I had to quit one church, because of the mean church ladies I was in a bible study with, but I found another church.  It's just hard to trust people with something as vulnerable as my faith.  I'm working on it.  And, it's coming along.  I am trying to attend more regularly.

This Easter I'll be on a plane.  I'll be thinking about how loved I am.  I'll be thinking that the love Jesus had for me is what held him on the cross.  Those nails were unnecessary.  I'll be thinking about how loved I am by my Lord.  I'll be contemplating the blessings I have in my life because I trust the promises of God.  I'll be dwelling on the hope I have because of the death and resurrection of Jesus.  And, I'll be listening to this song on my iPhone.  My dad used to sing this song at every Good Friday service or Easter service I attended when I was a kid.  Btw, this guy does a good job singing the song, but my dad ROCKED this song in the day.

He is risen, my friends.  He is risen, indeed.

251.  Beautiful drive in the mountains
252.  Being treated like royalty at Harrah's hotel in Reno
253.  Looking forward to getting to my home, seeing my son and my dog
254.  Chocolate
255.  Watching children hunt for Easter eggs
256.  Hearing the words, Easter eggs, Easter, Easter bunny and not "spring" eggs and "spring" bunny
257.  Hearing news anchors being appalled that the word Easter has become offensive to some
258.  Knowing the God I serve is big enough to withstand this insult

A day on Lake Tahoe

My husband and I took a cruise on Lake Tahoe today.  I took some pics today and made an attempt at photo blogging.  I don't have a cool camera, but I'm learning how to find the light.  I hope you enjoy this.

The lake was like glass, but it was foggy

Fortunately there was alcohol available

The fog began to lift

Emerald Bay

Historic home (I can never see this house from the scenic overview on the highway)

Now that the fog lifted you can see why they call it Emerald Bay

247.  A gorgeous day on the water

248.  Thinking about the end of my vacation and being ok with going home

249.  Remembering that this is the day we remember our lord died on the cross

250.  Knowing that Jesus knew everything there is to know about me and still died for me

I'm not equal to you

This week the talk has been all about equality.  No matter who we are, men, women, asian, black, white, hispanic, muslim, christian, jew, gay, straight, rich, poor, smart, stupid, ambitious, lazy, all I hear is that we are all equal. 

I don't buy it.

What does equal mean?  I certainly don't contribute as much to society as a Bill Gates or a Pierre & Pam Omidyar or a Billy Graham and on and on.  I certainly do contribute more than a Casey Anthony or a Jodi Arias.  I'm not as smart as Stephen Hawking or Paul Allen, but I am smart enough to stay out of debt, raise a family, and save for my retirement.  What does it mean to be equal?  I'm not as popular as Lady Gaga or Justin Bieber.  I'm not as pretty as Julia Roberts or Angelina Jolie.  Do I think I'm equal to any of those people?  I'm going to tell you, I don't.  And, I don't think you are either.

We look to the Declaration of  Independence to find the sentence we hang the hat of all this "equality" business.  "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness."  Does this mean that what everyone does with the potential of that Life, Liberty, etc. is equal?  I don't think so.

Here's what I do think.  God created every person with an equal purpose.  That purpose is to give God the glory in all we do!

We don't all produce the same results with our God-given lives.  We have each been given different talents, opportunities, and influences in our lives.  But here is where we have taken a wrong turn in our God-given lives.  We live as if we are each living an individual life.  We live as if what we do every day in every aspect of our lives does not effect anyone else.  We forget that we were created to live in community.  We put our individual desires above the desire to glorify God.  We put our individual desires above the command to love our neighbor as ourselves.

I am a christian.  I am  sinner.  Every day I choose to resist or give in to temptation.  When I give in to my sinful nature, I plead God's forgiveness.  My desire is not to be equal to my neighbor, but to love my neighbor as God loves me.  My desire is not to be equal, but to be a servant.  My desire is to be salt and light in a fallen world.

I won't be changing my fb photo to an equal sign.  During this holiest of weeks, I will be focusing on being forgiven and reconciled to my creator God through the life, suffering, bloodshed, and death of my savior, Jesus.  I pray, as I pray daily, for this nation and the desires of the hearts of the people of this nation.  I pray as Jesus prayed on the cross, "Father, forgive them.  For they know not what they are doing."

241.  Watching storm-clouds part and see the sun come shining through
242.  Bacon
243.  Time spent with old friends
244.  Hearing my husband say he is very happy in his marriage
245.  Practicing smiling at people
246.  Vacation

My happiness challenge

This is a challenge for me, not for you... unless you want to do it.  I listened to Shawn Achor's TED talk, here.  It moved me.  It confirmed all the suspicions I have about happiness being a choice I can make for myself.  First of all, this guy really does seem happy.  And, secondly, he appeals to my box checking nature by giving me a list of things to do to achieve happiness.  I'm challenging myself to give this project 21 days. 

Send an Appreciative Email:
Shawn suggests we search our address book and choose one of the members of our social support system (friends, co-workers, classmates, family members, teachers, neighbors) and take two minutes to write an email praising or thanking that person.  I'm planning to not only search my address book, but look at my fb friends (the ones I know irl) and send these messages.  I can absolutely see the way these emails would improve my happiness.  And, I can see they work for the recipients, as well.  I know it would be a bright spot in my day to receive an email thanking or praising me.  I can also see this is going to be one of the tougher boxes for me to check.  This is going to involve interaction.  This is not always my strong suit.  Wish me luck.   

Smiling Is Contagious:

Evidently luxury hotels know a lot about smiling=happier guests.  Many luxury hotels have a standard for their employees to smile at a person when they are walking around the hotel and come within 10 feet of a guest.  They are encouraged to say "hello" or some equivalent when the come within 5 feet of the guest.  When an employee smiles at a guest, the guest usually smiles back.  That smile is contagious.  Our brains perceive that smile as a feeling of happiness.  (evidently, you can cause this happiness response in your brain just by biting on a pen in your mouth.  the act of biting on a pen causes the corners of your mouth to turn up and your brain perceives this as a smile and feels happiness.  who knew?)

Give Thanks:
Gratitude is critical to happiness.  It shifts us from focusing on what is missing in our lives to focusing on all the blessings we DO have.  Shawn asks me to think of three things I am grateful for each day before I go to sleep.  This is another twofer in the challenge towards happiness.  I get to focus on gratitude while I think of the three things, AND I get to spend part of my day seeking out things I am grateful for while I move through my day.

Never Give Up On the Good Times:
Journal one positive thing that happened each day.  This is another twofer in the quest for happiness.  Each day I will have to notice a positive thing that happens to me.  Then, each evening, I will get to relive the positive thing that happened to me by having the opportunity to journal it.  Who knows?  Maybe I'll share some of the positive things that happen to me on my blog.  It's going to be a challenge for me to notice the positive.  I am super good at finding flaws.  I am not as good at noticing the positive.  This one will, most likely, make huge changes in me if I can do it for 21 days.  Fingers crossed.

Have Fun:
Shawn asks me to add 15 minutes of fun to my day.  This fun has to be active fun.  It has to involve movement.  Let's face it, it's exercise.  For 15 minutes each day I have to get up and move around.  I have to dance, or walk, or jump, or garden, or do yoga, or bike.  I have to train my body that movement=fun.  We all know how much I love exercise.  This is going to be a snap..., not.

Meditate:
Finally, I am asked to meditate each night before I go to sleep for two minutes.  Just focus on my breathing for two minutes.  Just focus on this one thing.  This is thought to help my brain calm down and move from multitasking to sleep.  Focusing on just one thing, for example my breathing, can slow the brain down and allow for better sleep.  Finally, a thing I think I can do without too much trouble.  Thankfully there is this one thing I know I can do.

This is a 21 day project.  I'm going to give it a go and see what results I find in myself.  I'm excited.  I'm going to be gentle with myself and not get too focused on box checking and get more focused on results.  I'm putting my happiness in my own hands.  Wish me luck.  :)

235.  Hot baths
236.  Giving myself permission to relax
237.  Night-time cold medicine
238.  Sunshine
239.  Learning that the absence of disease isn't health
240.  Getting ready to smile for no reason what-so-ever (yeah, I'm a little scared)

My solitude

I've been enjoying time on my own.  I've been enjoying my time and I've been feeling guilty about it at the same time.  I'm trying so hard not to allow those feelings of guilt about being on my own spoil the enjoyment of being quiet.

I'm on vacation.  I'm on vacation with my husband and my husband's good friend and former college roommate.  We are in Lake Tahoe.  The weather is gorgeous.  Spring has found Lake Tahoe, much to the dismay of the skiers.  It's been sunny every day and the temps are hanging around the 50's all day long.  My husband and his pal are still going skiing every day, even though the conditions are marginal.  This leaves me with time on my own, every day.  This is where I become torn.

I love having time on my own.  I love having hours of sitting in complete silence.  I love having time to read.  I love having time to go for a stroll to the lake and enjoying the sounds of the birds and the waves lapping on the beach.  Peace and quiet is so restorative to me.

When my husband returns from the slopes the first thing he asks me is, "whatcha do today?"  I always feel guilty when I answer, "nuthin'."  I guess I could say that I read part of my book or I took a short walk or I took a hot bath or I watched some of the Jodi Arias murder trial, but when I think about those things I don't think of any of them as accomplishments or under the category of "doing something."  I struggle.

I've been contemplating the last blog post I wrote and considering my thought process.  I have come very far in changing the negative thinking about myself.  I realize I am much too critical of myself.  I'm making strong efforts at focusing on the positive and strong aspects of myself.  I'm accepting my flaws.  I'm trying so hard to accept my body, as it is.  I read a post from Emily about writing a love letter to my body.  I debated with myself about writing such a letter.  I'm not ready, yet, but I'm working on it.

I watched a t.v. show called What Not to Wear.  There was a woman with a shape similar to mine on the show.  I noticed that her ankles were thinner than mine.  Of all the things to notice on this show... the woman's ankles.  I have a long way to go, but I'm trying.  I'm sitting here, drinking tea and munching on triple ginger snaps.  I have a long way to go, but I'll get there.

Another thing I noticed while contemplating the way I think, was that I considered being in the middle of a book a non-accomplishment and finishing a book the accomplishment.   For some reason I have this idea that the accomplishment is in the completion of the task and not in the enjoyment of the task.  I struggle to find my joy in the midst of the event.

So today I'll enjoy my solitude.  I'll enjoy my time watching a movie about a Russian love and tragedy, Anna Karenina.  I'll enjoy my book about a Swedish girl struggling with her life and love and solving mysteries in The Girl Who Played With Fire.  I'll drink tea and nibble on ginger snaps and write my blog.  I'll take a hot bath.  I'll enjoy the peace and quiet and beautiful scenery.

Today I'll learn to accept that I'm on vacation and I don't need to "accomplish" anything.  I can rest and relax.  I can be good with this, for today. 

Lake Tahoe (I took this pic)

226.  Movies in Redbox

227.  Hot tea

228.  Snow on mountaintops

229.  Clear blue sky

230.  Readers who think of messaging me when I don't write for a few days

231.  Breathing the thin air at high altitude

232.  The scent of pine in the air

233.  A comfortable condominium to vacation at

234.  Time away from my work and my home and the everyday stresses of life