Thursday, December 1, 2011

"I wish my husband didn't have to go to work. EVER"

I recently saw a fb status saying "I wish my husband didn't have to go to work.  EVER."  The posting of this status was quickly followed by dozens of likes and dozens of comments stating how much these commenting wives wanted their husbands home with them all day.  How they LOVE to be together.  How they NEED to talk to them and be with them.  <3

After a few minutes of laughing out loud, I took a breath and thought about the feelings and thoughts behind these "likes" and comments. 

Did these women really want their husband home with them so they could spend all day together, doing things together?  Or, was it the desire for their husband to be home and to do their work FOR them?  These posting, liking, commenting women were all stay at home moms with small children.  These are women who had made a conscience choice to quit their jobs and stay home with their children.  Don't get me wrong, I think being a SAHM is a wonderful thing to do.  If your family can afford to do it or if you can adjust to living within the means of a one income family, I think it is the best thing you can do for your family.  I also think, having made this decision, being a SAHM is a job.  Part of the job is being the support the working spouse needs to continue to go back into the working world day after day.  It doesn't mean your spouse works for you.  What happened to the Proverbs 31 woman?

I know my mom thought I had it easy while I was home with my child.  And, I did.  I had a washer and dryer in my house.  I had a dishwasher and a microwave oven.  I had a VHS with as many Disney tapes as any child could view.  I could afford to call long distance to my mom whenever I needed her.  Compared to the 1950's and 1960's when my mother was home with my brothers and me, you bet I had it easier.

Now I'm looking at these women posting their status on facebook and having their status liked and commented on within a split second of posting.  Are they on facebook ALL THE TIME?  It makes me wonder.  Where is the time spent playing with children?  Where is the time spent reading to children?  Cooking for them?  Oh, and pouring a can of soup over rice isn't really cooking.  Washing their clothes?  Cleaning up after them?  How do they have time to be on facebook so much?  Btw, the status poster also commented that she and her husband emailed and called each other many times during the work day.  So,it seems, neither of them are putting in a full day of work.     

I saw a magnet on my mom's refrigerator.  It said "Retirement, twice the husband, half the money."

This ^ is my future.  I'm not saying I'm not looking forward to being retired.  'cause I am.  I'm not saying I'm not looking forward to being with my husband ALL DAY.  'cause I am.  I guess I'm saying, I may end up being on facebook a lot more.  ;)
 
   

17 comments:

  1. Well, you stepped on my toes a bit with this one. I love having my husband home both because I love spending time with him AND because I love having his help with the children. SAHM hours are pretty long ones. As in 24/7. When you fall in bed to sleep, you're on call, so you don't sleep deeply: especially when the children are really small. I guess you know that. I should probably spend less time on the Internet than I do; I admit freely: I value the distraction, at times...also the interaction with other adults. It's hard to remember, sometimes, that I'm a real someone: even if I'm no longer so much using my degrees.

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  2. haha...my wife and i are home together twice a week while the boys are at school....smiles.

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  3. My husband is home a lot, because he works from home. I wouldn't be posting that as my status. Just saying.

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  4. That FB takes so much time! I used to have an account on FB and I decided to cancel it because I became addicted to it! And I didn't even have that many friends. Most of my good friends don't have a FB account and I just communicate with them the old fashion way (email, phone and in person). Being with the husband all day. I'm not that type of person. I like my time alone with my girls and also alone alone, when my girls are having quiet time. I do like having my husband home, but I like it when he has his thing to do and I have mine. Then, at night we can chat about our day.

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  5. You know, I often wonder at how much time full-time moms seem to spend on the Internet. I often feel excluded from facebook conversations because so many of them are trading cute-kid stories or mothering advice. And my initial reaction was to think that there's no place for me in social-media-world, and that's ok because I don't have that much free time anyway! But I've changed my attitude a bit as I've followed my friends' lives. Now, I've decided that it has to do with lifestyle. Social media comes in bits and pieces - you can do 2 minutes on facebook or read 1 blog, then get back to something else. And that's probably what a full-time mother's schedule is like - the timing and style of the daily rhythm is particularly suited to the lifestyle of a mother. Not so much to a programme manager like me. About having the husband home... well, I gotta admit that I struggle a little with those comments, too, but for different reasons than you. I feel there's a sense of entitlement in those comments, and I don't have a husband at all, much less one who spends all his time with me! But that's between me and God, and not between me and my friends, right?

    Oops, this was a long comment! sorry

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  6. I think a little distance is good.  My dad had a long illness and recovery several years ago and my boyfriend and I went to visit.  I said to mom, "Do you want to go join the boys in the back yard?"  She said, "No!!!  I just want to talk to you.  I'm with him all the time right now."  They had a delightful romance and were married 60 years before he died, but I think they found that a little distance didn't hurt. 

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  7. As someone who has had her husband work from the home, let me tell you, there are different challenges faced when you are with your husband all day...the grass is always greener.

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  8.  Such a love story.  Thanks for sharing this with me.

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  9.  I hear you and I hear the entitlement, too. 

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  10.  I can't imagine how much time they spend on their computers.  Makes me sad.

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  11. I don't want to hurt your feelings.  I think SAHM is a tough job.  But working outside the home is tough, too.  It's called teamwork.  I can't imagine you wishing your husband was home all day and not working.  I mean, someone has to make some money.  :)

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  12. Working outside the home IS tough. I've done it. The SAHM gig gets harder the more children one adds to the family. Don't misunderstand: I've chosen each child and been blessed by each child. I don't think it's appropriate to whine about the amount of work when one has chosen SAHM, but I will tell you, I have an 11yo, a 2yo, a 1yo, and I'm 6 wks pregnant. I'm exhausted and slightly sensitive. I don't want to talk about the Proverbs 31 woman. I want to talk about hiring someone to clean my house. I am thankful for my husband's job, which he's had for a little over a year. There are times I'm glad he's at the office. But the job before this was a work-at-home job, and I enjoyed that most of the time.  He was quite busy and, for the most part, unavailable during the day. But he spent two less hours away from us, and we were able to have lunch together. I liked it.

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  13. You forgot to mention some of the SAHM's incessant Farmville playing.  When I was raisin' kids there was no internet in the home and there was lots of activities and time outside.  I got the 30 some photo albums to prove it.  :)  I've limited my online time to 2-3 days a week only!!  I write my blog posts in one day and schedule the rest!  I rarely even check my facebook anymore and I've been enjoying it so much more.  

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  14. As a teacher I get to experience both sides - working mom in the school year and SAHM during the summer.  My summers feel like a breeze!  Being a working mother has a lot of challenges.  Especially when it is a job that comes home with you (not just teaching, but any job that comes home with you).  I not only have my child, but a whole class of other children during the day that are like "my children" and who each have parents that each have their own expectations.  I enjoy being a working mother, but it is a whole different world than my wonderful time in the summer.

    I agree with the ideas of "entitlement" that I hear from others.  I also hear others talk/complain about how it is a job that is 24/7, well dad can still help out at night.  Just because you are a SAHM doesn't mean that you are the only one responsible of the children 24/7.  These responsibilities should be shared.

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  15. Umm...this seemed a wee bit judgemental.  I will admit that excessive internet usage is a problem, but not one that is solely limited to SAHMs or even the younger generation.  Internet usage seems to have evolved much faster than the etiquette surrounding it has.  And as with any new development, it can take awhile for people to recognize issues and correct behaviours.  My internet and facebook usage has definitely changed over the years and for the better.  

     But I think many SAHMs use facebook and blogs to combat the increasing feeling of isolation.  It's becoming rarer to know our neighbours and keep in contact with them.  During the winter(I live in Canada), my real-time interaction with even close friends in my neighbourhood can be severely limited.  Facebook(and blogging) has definitely helped me feel more connected.   Although I have had times where my priorities were severely out of whack, more recently if my housework isn't getting done, it's because of chronic illness/pain/fatigue, not time spent on facebook. 

     I do wish I could work with my husband as some of our colleagues do.  Being part of a missions organization, we see couples that are able to serve together.  I have to admit I've been rather jealous at times of them.   We tend to skype chat while he's at work because we've found it an unobtrusive way to keep in touch during the day.  It's been invaluable for short questions that need answering, sharing amusing anecdotes or asking for prayer.  It doesn't distract him from his job and I feel less isolated. 

     Yes, my generation has entitlement issues.  Yes, facebook can be addictive and priorities can get out of whack.  But please don't slam all mamas that use facebook. 

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