Thursday, June 2, 2011

Happy Birthday to my son

Today I celebrate being a mom for 24 years.  Wow, how did this happen?  Time flies when you're having fun.  I have a wonderful son.  He is healthy, intelligent, creative and kind.  He lives with us, still, and this has been unexpected, on my part.  I couldn't move out of my parent's house fast enough.  I dreamed of moving out.  I almost had to move out in the middle of the night because my mom didn't want me to move.  He is happy living with us.  He helps around the house, when asked (3 or 4 times).  We don't really have too much to do with each other anymore.  Our relationship seems to have become a bit adversarial, but I'm working hard to change this.  I guess it's been hard to watch my hopes and dreams for him, die.  It's all my fault, of course.  I shouldn't have had expectations or dreams, for him.  But, I did.

My son doesn't have a very good job.  I mean, it's an OK job, for a college kid.  But my son isn't in college and he needs a better job.  Damn this economy.  All the jobs he should have seem to be taken by college graduates.  He didn't go to college.  School isn't his strong suit.  I keep hoping he'll give it another shot, but it's his life, not mine.  He's strongly dyslexic and that makes reading and writing quite a challenge for him.  He falls under the autism umbrella, but it's hard to pinpoint and name his issue.  I guess I've spent too much time of my life focusing on what my really great son can't do and not enough on what he can do.  I need to change.  I need to switch my perspective and look at the possibilities for him.

He's quite a gamer.  LOVES these video games.  I'm not a fan.  I've been encouraged by some of my blogging mama friends to give them a try.  I have.  But I'm not good at it.  And I really don't enjoy them.  But, I try.  I also try to enjoy the anime stuff he is interested in.  I've watched a couple movies, but I don't enjoy them either.  But I try.  I don't know what other interests he has.  And this is my fault, too.

I love my son.  I worry for his future.  I worry because I love him.  I want him to have a girlfriend.  I want him to have a job with benefits.  I want him to be able to live on his own.

I try not to get jealous when I read blogs about families with kids doing wonderful things and getting an education and getting great jobs and living their lives out there in the world.  I try.  But, sometimes I get jealous.  My son is really good at his job.  He takes care of school age children before and after school in a Rec and Parks program with the county.  I could NEVER do this job.  No way.  I don't know if he wants to do this for the rest of his life.  I kind of doubt it.  But, change doesn't come easy for him.  And, talking to us about what he wants doesn't come easy for him either.

I have a wonderful son.  He is so kind.  He is very gentle.  He is very polite.  He is a good guy.

Happy birthday to my wonderful son.  I've loved being your mom these past 24 years.

24 comments:

  1. 24 is very young and things could change for him. My aunt was worried about my cousin not having a good job. He liked guitars and plays in a band. He worked at a guitar place and my aunt wanted him to go to college. Not for him. Well it happens that his band is doing great and he keeps getting promoted at the guitar/instrument store. He's happy doing what he's doing and that's what's important.

    I know what you mean about having big dreams for your son.
    May oldest daughter said that she wanted to be a chef and there I was imagining my daughter a huge star on TV with a cooking show and writing books! Best sellers! ha!
    Then I told her, "great, you know that you can have a nice restaurant and be the chef/owner and then write books and you can get paid for that when you grow up" then she said "mama, I don't want a restaurant, I want a cart on the side of the road and I make little foods and the people who drive by stop and buy them."
    I was speechless. I totally saw her on the side of the road in the heat selling her "taquitos." My dream smashed!

    Then I realized that even at her young age, she was feeling the pressure of my dreams! I saw her face like "BACK OFF!" and then I let go. As long as she's happy. she can be selling her taquitos on the side of the road if that's what she wants.

    Another long comment happygirl. But I'm making up for all the days I didn't comment on your posts!

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  2. Happy birthday to your son!

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  3. happy birthday to your son...glad you tried playing the games with him...and the economy does suck right now, whew...hope he finds something he loves to do soon enough...

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  4. This just really moved me.  You are so self-aware.  We can't help but have our own dreams for our kids, but not all of us are able to keep the fact that the dreams are ours (not theirs) in focus.

    Happy 24 years to you both.

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  5. As I was reading what you wrote about your son, I was very touched. I saw him the way God see him, His (God's) son, your boy--God's boy. God has special plans for your son, a plan He ordained before the foundation of the world.  It's a wonderful thing to be a kind human being in this world, the world needs more kind and compassionate people. I loved what you said about focusing on what he can do.  I will be praying that the right opportunities and doors open for him.  If you as a parent have such hopes and dreams for your children, just imagine how the Lord feels about us.   

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  6. Mariza, I was very touched by your daughter's dream. Who knows what wonderful things can happen on a roadside taquito stand, especially when God is in it.  So cool.  I'd stop and buy from her just because I like how pure and simple and focused her dream is to her!! God bless you.

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  7. Happy Birthday to your sweet boy...how my heart connected on this one...our daughter is very dyslexic and it's such a difficult road to walk...praying for your mama's heart. Love, K

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  8. You could be writing about my nephew.  He is a great guy with a job in which he wears an orange apron (you know the place.)  He still lives at home, too, and doesn't have a girlfriend. Very handsome and sweet.  He's very nurturing, too.  I adore him.  So funny - when he was a teenager, he suggested that he come live with me - that we would make great "roomies."  I told him there would still be chores, only more so, if he was the only man around.  :)

    Your son sounds much the same - a sweet, nurturing young man.  I hope he has a happy birthday.

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  9. Annie Vincent!
    You are so sweet and so right. What a simple dream my daughter has. As an adult I'm thinking all these complicated thoughts about her future and at the same time as an adult I'm currently working on simplifying my life.. All she wants is a simple life.

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  10. Happy birthday to your son. I'm sure you are a great mom!

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  11. FlowerpowermommaJune 4, 2011 at 12:39 AM

    many things I identify with. Although my son had a college degree, and no job, thank you economy.    At least it's improved enough he now has interviews.  Gotta think the good thoughts as momma's.
    Blessings on your family. Parenting is a challenging job, especially being a parent to adult kids.
    Kudos to you for trying the games, they make me dizzy. Watching the movies.... you are doing great.

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  12. Happy birthday to your son and happy birth day to you! 

     I love how you celebrate your son so honestly My daughter has emotional challenges which  can make life very intense.  However, she is also an amazing little girl.  It can be so easy to let the challenges be my focus instead of the wonderful person she is and is becoming. 

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  13. it's so obvious reading this that you think the world of your boy and want only the best for him.  keep praying, mama -that's the best thing in the world you can do for him at this age/stage.  be thankful he HAS a job - that's something. :)

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  14. Thank you for this post-the honesty, the love. This was beautiful-from a momma's heart. I have a feeling he is blessed to have you as his mother-and that you are blessed to have him as your son. Thanks for sharing your heart.

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  15. Wow...when you posted on my blog the other week saying that you thought we may have a lot in common...you weren't kidding.  Slightly different situation, but I understand your feelings.  I also understand the love that you have for your son.  We not only have hopes and dreams for ourselves, but for our children.  Yet, just like all of our hopes and dreams don't come true...so times the ones we have for our children don't either.  God has a plan for us and He has a plan for our sons too!  God Bless you and your son!  I'm sure you are a wonderful mother and your son is great too!  Wish we were neighbors so we could sit on the couch and chat about it all over coffee, tea or a coke...whichever suits your fancy!  Thankful for the blog world...another way to share in someone's life and meet peeps in the same situations! :)

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  16. Hello,
    I just popped in to view your Blog for the the first time after seeing your post on Farm Girl Paints.  I  am a Marylander too! 
    I love your unique style of writing and your honesty.  This birthday tribute to your son is touching.   I can relate in many ways to your dissapointments and concerns about his future. 
     It is always better to look at the positive rather that the negative.  It will help to lift you up!  Keep up the good work! 
    Blessings on your day!
    Terry

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  17. Terry,
    So glad you popped in and read my blog. I'd love to have you follow so I
    can figure out which blogger you are. I'm so looking for a blogging friend
    to bounce blogging ideas off of.

    Happygirl

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  18.  I keep hoping the administration decides the economy is the most important issue.

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  19. Thanks MZ. I love that you read me.

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  20.  I think a girlfriend would change his life.  But, it would have to be a nice girl.

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  21.  I hope you stop by more often.  I feel you TerrieG

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  22.  Thank you for this.  This is how I want to have faith.  I love that you reached out to me.

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  23. And celebrating a 24th birthday, I am comment number 24! Sometimes happy-bappygirl children who are college graduates (and slightly older than 24, cough) move home to and to all appearances have lost their way.  I'm not sure there is a simple direct path anymore and I'm not even sure why that is, but it does seem to be the way.  And I love your honesty, always.

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