Happy Birthday to my son

Today I celebrate being a mom for 24 years.  Wow, how did this happen?  Time flies when you're having fun.  I have a wonderful son.  He is healthy, intelligent, creative and kind.  He lives with us, still, and this has been unexpected, on my part.  I couldn't move out of my parent's house fast enough.  I dreamed of moving out.  I almost had to move out in the middle of the night because my mom didn't want me to move.  He is happy living with us.  He helps around the house, when asked (3 or 4 times).  We don't really have too much to do with each other anymore.  Our relationship seems to have become a bit adversarial, but I'm working hard to change this.  I guess it's been hard to watch my hopes and dreams for him, die.  It's all my fault, of course.  I shouldn't have had expectations or dreams, for him.  But, I did.

My son doesn't have a very good job.  I mean, it's an OK job, for a college kid.  But my son isn't in college and he needs a better job.  Damn this economy.  All the jobs he should have seem to be taken by college graduates.  He didn't go to college.  School isn't his strong suit.  I keep hoping he'll give it another shot, but it's his life, not mine.  He's strongly dyslexic and that makes reading and writing quite a challenge for him.  He falls under the autism umbrella, but it's hard to pinpoint and name his issue.  I guess I've spent too much time of my life focusing on what my really great son can't do and not enough on what he can do.  I need to change.  I need to switch my perspective and look at the possibilities for him.

He's quite a gamer.  LOVES these video games.  I'm not a fan.  I've been encouraged by some of my blogging mama friends to give them a try.  I have.  But I'm not good at it.  And I really don't enjoy them.  But, I try.  I also try to enjoy the anime stuff he is interested in.  I've watched a couple movies, but I don't enjoy them either.  But I try.  I don't know what other interests he has.  And this is my fault, too.

I love my son.  I worry for his future.  I worry because I love him.  I want him to have a girlfriend.  I want him to have a job with benefits.  I want him to be able to live on his own.

I try not to get jealous when I read blogs about families with kids doing wonderful things and getting an education and getting great jobs and living their lives out there in the world.  I try.  But, sometimes I get jealous.  My son is really good at his job.  He takes care of school age children before and after school in a Rec and Parks program with the county.  I could NEVER do this job.  No way.  I don't know if he wants to do this for the rest of his life.  I kind of doubt it.  But, change doesn't come easy for him.  And, talking to us about what he wants doesn't come easy for him either.

I have a wonderful son.  He is so kind.  He is very gentle.  He is very polite.  He is a good guy.

Happy birthday to my wonderful son.  I've loved being your mom these past 24 years.