I read Ann Voskamp's blog today. It's about praying to be like Jesus. It's about wondering if a comfortable Christian can really be like Jesus. I know I can't. I am the rich young ruler. I remember reading this story, as a child, and thinking "Thank goodness I'm not rich. I'll never be in this position." Now I find myself in exactly this position. If Jesus would ask me to give away all my money, I think I could do this. I find myself thinking of living in a monastery or whatever the equivalent for woman is. I can imagine having no possessions and sleeping in a cell (like a nun). I can imagine working all day for no money, but having simple meals to eat. These imaginings make me laugh. If you ate dinner with me sometime, or if we went out for drinks, you would have heard me say, out loud, "I could go to prison. I wouldn't mind three squares a day and an hour for exercise. I would read and study and rest." However, I couldn't take the roughness of the people in the Big House. I'm a weeny. I would be afraid. The only thing I've got going for me is the fact that I don't smoke. I could buy cigarettes and pay for my protection. Wow, I've digressed. Ann never goes off on tangents like this.
But if He asked me to walk (live) side by side with the poor, this would be a different story. I don't think I could do it. I've seen poor. I've gone on mission trips. I've been to Haiti. I don't think I could live that life. I'm spoiled. I do as much as I can to alleviate myself of thinking about this.
One of the things I do to divert my thoughts from thinking about myself as a selfish person is financially supporting a child through Compassion International. I support a little girl from Columbia. Karen. I hardly ever write to her. I'm a crummy Compassion supporter. I need to do better. When she writes to me it's always the same thing. Thank you. Do you have a family? What do you do in your day? etc. I always answer the questions when I write, but I guess I don't write often enough for her to remember the answers to these questions in the months between my letters. Another thing I do is send money to Care Net Pregnancy Care Center. I used to do more. I used to send money AND volunteer. But, when I started working full-time, the volunteering fell off my list of things I want to do. I also give money to church, when I attend. Since church attendance has become less frequent, I no longer consider myself a tither. I should feel more shame than I do. I rationalize this behavior by telling myself the church isn't doing what it should with "my" money. I can make better choices.
Why have I titled this post Gratitude 201. What makes this an higher level post. Well, a couple of things. First of all, starting a gratitude list is WAY easier than continuing a gratitude list. Writing on it EVERY day. Thinking of all the blessings and ways I've been blessed every day. This is harder to do than say. I've been making an effort. Effort isn't really enough. What changes a selfish person into a grateful person is the WORK. The actual writing of the list, DAILY. The thinking of the blessings. The remembering of the good and kind actions I've been the recipient of. This is the work that changes my thinking.
Secondly, focusing on the blessings I have reminds me of others living without. Without money, shelter, food, comfort, security, ... I'm hoping the focus on gratitude will start my path on being compassionate. This will be a tougher nut for me to crack. Don't get me wrong, I care about people. Some people. But I can give myself some healthy rationalizations about this, too. Here are a few of mine. "Welfare is a way of life for some people." "The money I send to Africa/wherever goes to the war-lords/criminals and funds them to buy more weapons and enslave and persecute more people." "The bible tells us the poor will be with us always." I could go on. These are the rationalizations I want to change about myself. I'm doing the work.
The bottom line is that I am not poor. I need to rethink my rationalizations and see if they really hold water. I need to find the people willing to do the hard work and live and walk alongside the world's poor. I need to give them support. Financially and with serious prayer. Especially since I'm not ready to do that yet. I need to keep doing the work of becoming a truly grateful person.
If you are reading this on your computer or laptop or smartphone at home, you aren't poor either. People who throw the "I'm poor" phrase around so freely, especially when they are EASILY within the richest 15% of the world, should stop it. It is ungrateful.
But if He asked me to walk (live) side by side with the poor, this would be a different story. I don't think I could do it. I've seen poor. I've gone on mission trips. I've been to Haiti. I don't think I could live that life. I'm spoiled. I do as much as I can to alleviate myself of thinking about this.
One of the things I do to divert my thoughts from thinking about myself as a selfish person is financially supporting a child through Compassion International. I support a little girl from Columbia. Karen. I hardly ever write to her. I'm a crummy Compassion supporter. I need to do better. When she writes to me it's always the same thing. Thank you. Do you have a family? What do you do in your day? etc. I always answer the questions when I write, but I guess I don't write often enough for her to remember the answers to these questions in the months between my letters. Another thing I do is send money to Care Net Pregnancy Care Center. I used to do more. I used to send money AND volunteer. But, when I started working full-time, the volunteering fell off my list of things I want to do. I also give money to church, when I attend. Since church attendance has become less frequent, I no longer consider myself a tither. I should feel more shame than I do. I rationalize this behavior by telling myself the church isn't doing what it should with "my" money. I can make better choices.
Why have I titled this post Gratitude 201. What makes this an higher level post. Well, a couple of things. First of all, starting a gratitude list is WAY easier than continuing a gratitude list. Writing on it EVERY day. Thinking of all the blessings and ways I've been blessed every day. This is harder to do than say. I've been making an effort. Effort isn't really enough. What changes a selfish person into a grateful person is the WORK. The actual writing of the list, DAILY. The thinking of the blessings. The remembering of the good and kind actions I've been the recipient of. This is the work that changes my thinking.
Secondly, focusing on the blessings I have reminds me of others living without. Without money, shelter, food, comfort, security, ... I'm hoping the focus on gratitude will start my path on being compassionate. This will be a tougher nut for me to crack. Don't get me wrong, I care about people. Some people. But I can give myself some healthy rationalizations about this, too. Here are a few of mine. "Welfare is a way of life for some people." "The money I send to Africa/wherever goes to the war-lords/criminals and funds them to buy more weapons and enslave and persecute more people." "The bible tells us the poor will be with us always." I could go on. These are the rationalizations I want to change about myself. I'm doing the work.
The bottom line is that I am not poor. I need to rethink my rationalizations and see if they really hold water. I need to find the people willing to do the hard work and live and walk alongside the world's poor. I need to give them support. Financially and with serious prayer. Especially since I'm not ready to do that yet. I need to keep doing the work of becoming a truly grateful person.
If you are reading this on your computer or laptop or smartphone at home, you aren't poor either. People who throw the "I'm poor" phrase around so freely, especially when they are EASILY within the richest 15% of the world, should stop it. It is ungrateful.
