Monday, June 13, 2011

It's not me, it's YOU

I've read a lot of blogs, books, articles and face book comments reminding me that "it's not you, it's ME."  I'm to take responsibility for the way I feel or react to words or actions of those people who interact with me, whether it is face to face or in writing.  Or, they say, my reaction to a person's actions or words are all about how I'm feeling or the state of emotion I happen to find myself in at the time.  Sure, I need to take responsibility for myself.  I'm a grown-up.  I know people can't make me FEEL anything I don't want to feel.  I know others can't make me DO anything I don't want to do.  But, come on, we all know there are hurtful, mean spirited people out there.  Hopefully they are few and far in between.  However, social networking, including face book, blogging, etc. has given some folks UNBELIEVABLE GALL.  I'll bet the same folks that slam you on fb or write scathing comments on your blog, wouldn't have the nerve to say any of it to your face.  I'm wondering if these same people would have then nerve to pick up the phone and say any of the same things over the phone?  I doubt it.  And, of course, there is always the possibility of drunk commenting.  It could happen.  (drinking and blogging is not a good combo)  It's funny, to me, that some bloggers out there think they should be protected from the pointed or disagreeing comments.  As a blogger, I know I'm putting myself out there.  I allow anonymous commenting.  I can take it.

I'm of the mind, it's not me, it's YOU.  I'm not responsible for your feelings about my blog or my face book status or my comment or, even, your displeasure with the way I live my life.  I'm responsible for being respectful of my readers, co-workers, friends, family and the human race, in general.  I don't have to agree with you.  I don't have to like you.  I don't have to tolerate you.  I do, however, need to treat you with respect and civility.  I'm glad to have the freedom and opportunity to share my feelings on different subjects on a blog and I feel fortunate to receive comments from encouraging and caring readers.  I think I would appreciate a dissenting comment.  I think a comment disagreeing with a point of view I hold would give me the opportunity to ponder another side of an issue.  My blogging intentions are not to teach anyone anything.  My intentions are to learn more about myself and focus on the positive.  I haven't had any issues, so don't worry about me.  I was thinking about how easily some folks get their noses pushed out of joint about comments on blogs or fb.  I guess I feel a little sorry for them.  Maybe they are young and immature?  Maybe they haven't had much life experience and have been sheltered in the life they live?  Maybe they just have very thin skin?

So, there you have it.  It's not me, it's you.


  1. Hello there,
    No drunk commenting here.  I found you through someone else's blog.  I'm sorry if you've been dissapointed in some bloggers.  But there are many, many good ones out there, I'd like to think I am one of them:) 
    I read your gratitude list and made me smile.  Especially about the washer and dryer.  After I married, we used a laundromat for 10 years, (had a baby in that time who had to travel there with the laundry baskets.)  I've been thanking God ever since for my own washer and dryer and it's been 20 years now.  I can't do a load without saying thanks.:)
    It is very nice to meet you!

  2. Good points, happy girl.  I have only had to address bad behavior on my blog once - and fortunately that guy quit coming to my blog.  I see him around the blogosphere though - he doesn't seem to act that way with anyone else. 

  3. Saw your comment at Nancy's (Alleged Mind) and thought I'd volunteer myself to be your blog friend. Not that I have much of an idea what I'm doing; I just started blogging in Nov. and am still trying to figure things out. I'm on facebook, too, so just send me a friend request. But be sure to attach a msg saying you're happygirl, b/c I don't normally accept friend requests from people I don't know in real life. Blessings to you...

  4. All of your comments to me have been kind and encouraging, and I hope you only get the same as well. :)

  5. i think there are just a lot of unhappy people out there and it comes through with all the social interaction we have now days. 

  6. oh heck no...people think they can write whatever they want and there is no accountability when it comes to social media and the web...its cute....not really...rather sad they have to build a persona beca ause they are uncomfortable with their own..

  7. Hi Happygirl,
    I read on your post that you are fine, that you have no issues. Do you mean that this hasn't happened to you, you are just speaking for other people who have had a bad experience, correct?
    I'm currently going through a stage where I think that if someone says hurtful things to me, it is totally about me. But maybe not in the way that some people think. I've been thinking about this A LOT lately.
    Like for example, we adopted both of our daughters, and a few years ago, when the adoptions were recent, whenever people made a comment like "do you think you love them as much as if they were ACTUALLY yours?" it was so hurtful to me! I would come home and be so mad and complain to my husband. But  my husband would say something like "people don't know, don't worry" and he didn't mind.
    I would come up with all kinds of "come backs" to "get those mean people." and then one day I was asked the same type of question and I felt NOTHING. I actually thought it was funny!
    How did that happen? I think that maybe it was my confidence I KNEW MY TRUTH. I didn't need to convince anyone that I love my daughters so much. I know my truth and that's it! and that's it with everything. If someone let's say calls me "dumb" I  know my truth! I know I'm not dumb, so that insult doesn't affect me.
    So now, if someone makes a comment and it hurts me or it offends me, I think to myself "OK Mariza, look into yourself and find why it hurts you so much." I don't need to focus on the other person because they really don't matter. They are a person who's just passing by in my life. I'm the one who has to live with myself every day for the rest of my life.
    I still get mad, it's hard to look inside of me, but I also kind of like it more because I feel more in control. This is totally my own personal opinion, of course. And I might change my mind, because I do change my mind sometimes. ha!

  8.  Mariza, A blogger I read posted this on her comment link, "Debate, questions, encouragement, sharing, and friendly banter are all
    encouraged. Trolling is NOT. Comments deemed offensive to the general
    readership will not be tolerated."  She writes a blog with volatile subject matter and she loves to take a radical position.  Then when comments contradict her opinion, she cries and gets offended.  REALLY?  Anyway, this was the impetus for my post. 

    I can't believe the insensitive things people say.  Your girls are gorgeous.  I'm glad you can deal with the pinheads.

  9. I am still amazed at how nice pretty much everyone I've "met" through blogging has been.  Perhaps, I've just been lucky.

  10. happygirl! which blog? I want to check it out and post a mean comment! I'M KIDDING! But I am curious. Ha!

  11. Me too, MZ.  But how could anyone not appreciate your wit and wisdom?  Not possible.

  12. Now THAT is the truth!

  13. So gland you stopped by, Kristin.  You have a lovely blog, too.

  14. This makes me so happy--especially given the content of your post Happy Girl! So nice when I see my blog friends placing nicely together on the internet! Seriously, though, I saw your comments at my place the other day and all I can say is, "We're all in this together." I've found most people (like Brandee!) truly are willing to be helpful, and the more you learn, the more you'll be able to help others.

    Social media presents new challenges to live out the principles of Christ's teachings, and sometimes we get it right and other times we have to practice the art of seeking forgiveness. All of it, though, seems like more opportunity to practice living the gospel, yes?

    Blessings to you both.

  15. lol.  you tell 'em!!!!!!  ;)  you typed what i think sometimes.  

  16. Valerie @ Chateau A La ModeJune 15, 2011 at 1:33 AM

    Thank goodness the majority of the blogging world are super kind and leave encouraging, positive comments.  Just remember your own advice.

  17. i, for one, am glad you blog.  i enjoy coming here.  just be you...


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