Tuesday, June 7, 2011

It isn't ironic

I've learned some things about myself since I've begun blogging with a purpose.  I say "with a purpose" because, technically, I started this blog in February 2010.  But I was terrible at it.  I would write, then I wouldn't write, then I'd think about writing, but I wouldn't write.  Finally, I'm not sure exactly what the impetus was, I think it may have been Farmgirl Paints leaving a comment on my blog saying something like, "oh, you don't blog anymore.  too bad."  I think that may have been the spark to get me going.  The other spark was my new relationship with tamoxifen and how I was going to cope with the side effects.  I mean, if I was going to get a divorce or fatally wound my husband, I wanted to see the trail leading up to this action.  (btw, I don't think I would harm my sweetie, but tamoxifen can cause depression and you never know what can come of depression)  Anyway, these are the things that pushed me to write regularly, but what have I learned about myself?

I think the first thing I've learned is the more I exercise the easier it is for me to exercise.  If I skip a few days or a week, sheesh, it's like pulling teeth to get me back in the gym.  And, I think I feel better about myself when I exercise.  Maybe it's just that I feel a bit stronger and a little bit more capable.  It's a good feeling.  I should exercise more.  I not only strengthens my body, it promotes a sense of positivity.

I learned I don't really like yoga.  I'm not good at it and it often made me feel sick to my stomach.  I don't know why, but any time I mentioned this to the instructors, they told my this was normal.  I don't think doing something that makes you feel sick to your stomach and the fact that feeling sick to your stomach is normal is a good thing for me to do.  I'll be passing on yoga for a while.  At least I gave it a good try.

I like meditation more than I thought I would.  I'm not going to be a person meditating for hours on end, but I stop and take 15 minutes and meditate during the day.  I'm really surprised about this.  Meditation never appealed to me, but, there you go.  Sometimes you can surprise yourself when you try something new.

Here's another surprising thing.  I wrote poetry.  I NEVER thought I would give this a try.  I know I'm not very good at it, but...  I still did it.  And a couple times some folks said they liked it.  Even my sweet husband enjoyed the poems I wrote for his mom.  I was surprised I could put feelings into words and have them make sense.  And even more surprising, the words have moved other people.

By blogging I have become a member of the blogging community.  Wow, there are A LOT of bloggers out there in cyberspace.  I have learned a lot by reading the blogs of others.  I, also, have received hope and encouragement from bloggers out there.  There is something anonymous about sitting behind a screen and typing.  I know you can't see me and I know I could really type just ANYTHING.  Would you know?  But the truth is, sitting behind this screen and writing is WAY more revealing than I thought it would be.  I'm chipping away at my tough exterior and allowing some of my creamy goodness to escape.  I know this doesn't sound good, but I'm struggling with the metaphor.  I'm peeling the onion I call Happy Girl.  And this is the best part, I'm learning things about myself and finding something good inside.  Ok, I'm thinking about going a little deeper here...

I talk to my mom on the phone almost every day, on the drive into work.  Lately I've been noticing the negative way she has of talking about herself and others.  Hmmm, maybe I got a bit of my negative POV from her?  Maybe.  I can tell you, my dad is able to turn any good thing on its head in a NY minute.  Not a lot of positivity there, either.  Hmmm... I'm thinking this may be genetic?  Anyway, by taking time every day to think about my blog and what I'll write about, I've been forcing myself to focus on the positive.  And, it changes the way I've been looking at the world.  This is a good thing.

I've told you before, my one girlfriend who reads this blog has asked me, "Do the people who read your blog know how ironic your name is?"  Maybe my name is becoming less ironic every day. 


16 comments:

  1. I'm glad you are focusing on the positive, happygirl - life goes much better like that, I think.  I took the Dale Carnegie course a few years ago, and one of the exercises was repeating over and over, "If you ACT enthusiastic, then you'll BE enthusiastic."  It seemed kind of dorky at the time to me, but I have found it to be true.  :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. I adore the saying "fake it till you make it".  That's me all over.  And one day I'll make it, or at least die knowing I gave it a very good shot!  I'm glad your name is getting less and less ironic by the day.  It's a great goal and I heard years and years ago that if you want to be something, stop saying you want to be it, and start saying you are it.  Instead of saying you want to be a writer, say you are a writer.  You are a happy girl, there's just some other stuff covering it up at the moment ;)

    ReplyDelete
  3. smiles. being real is refreshing...keep the name...i have learned much in this journey as well and it has been a pleasant surprise the friends i have made along the way...

    ReplyDelete
  4. Glad to be following you.  Thanks for your comments. I like the name. It makes me smile.

    ReplyDelete
  5. What's up with your friend? is she saying that you are not a happygirl? She doesn't know you like we do! You are a happygirl to me! You have a good sense of humor!

    ReplyDelete
  6. This is so sweet! So honestly syrupy feel-good sweet. And very happy.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Ouch.  Syrupy feel-good sweet.  You know what they say... The pendulum has to swing a bit too far the other way before you can find the mean.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I like your blog very much.  Thanks for reading and following.

    ReplyDelete
  9. So glad you're working on the positive outlook  And I'm glad blogging has been therapeutic for you.  I struggle with being negative at times so I can relate.  I keep thinking of my children and how my conversation is being soaked in by them.  Keep working on the relationship with your son.  It'll get better.  Have a happy day! 

    ReplyDelete
  10. I love this!  I think blogging has so many benefits!   And maybe the name of your blog is a goal and when you chose it you didn't even realize it! ha. :)

    ReplyDelete
  11. Love this!  Love how you are finding yourself in blogging - I feel the same way quite often!  It's great that your blog name is truly who you are becoming- that's one of the things that drew me to your blog, the fact that you were going to bring out the happygirl in you for all of us to see!  Look how far you've come!  Keep up the happy work! ☺

    ReplyDelete
  12. PS> Thanks for the nice comments on my art!  So happy you liked my work! ☺
    -Kaitlin @Homemaker Design

    ReplyDelete
  13. Blogging has surpised me too, and I think the amazing community has been the biggest shock, and the most wonderful.  Glad you're seeing new things about youself - even the happy in happygirl.

    ReplyDelete
  14. FlowerpowermommaJune 8, 2011 at 11:52 PM

    fyi...I like you...and your blog.

    ReplyDelete
  15. I enjoyed reading this. Thanks for sharing. I too have been amazed at what blogging has taught me. Never thought cyberspace could teach me so much about myself. So glad you are trying new things. And I had to giggle about the yoga-I don't think I would want to do something that made me sick to my stomach either. Doesn't sound too relaxing.

    ReplyDelete
  16. I smiled inside when your friend said "Do the people who read your blog know how ironic your name is?"  I know I smiled because the picture we present to the outside world can be different than our inside world.  A friend of mine said to me recently that he was a 7 layer chocolate cake, not a pizza.  Meaning he had depth and layers to his character to who he is and he wasn't spread out thin with surface offerings-not superficial.   I thought this was pretty perceptive of him and I think that's how I see myself.  I'm outgoing and friendly and never met a stranger but I am also introspective and quiet and can be quite reserved at times.  I have deep layers yet to be uncovered and explored by others, and that's how I think your blogging has been for you. Definitely a chance to peel back the layers. I enjoy your journey with you because your journey resonates with mine in many ways! Bless you.

    ReplyDelete

Comments from my readers bring sunshine to my day. They make me so happy.