It always comes back to the same Question. Am I Being Happy in my life? If I'm not, what is keeping me from it? Well, I think I'll tell you. It's my unforgiving spirit. There, I've said it. I've been doing the thing we all know will NOT work. I'm holding an unforgiving spirit against three women, I feel, have hurt me deeply. Here's the thing. They don't care that I've been hurt. They don't care that I'm mad about it. And, they don't care that I wish they'd eat worms and die. So, the only person being hurt in this whole situation is me. I'm taking the poison. I'm eating the worms. I'm dying a little bit every day. I hope writing this out helps me shed this psychological weight from my shoulders. We will see.
But, see, I'm not done yet. I want you to commiserate with me a bit. I want to tell you when I posted on facebook about my mother-in-law passing many of my "friends" sent well wishes. Some even sent actual sympathy cards to my home. These women... these bible study women... these christian sisters... crickets. Please don't comment on this. Don't spin me up. I'm venting, but I don't want confirmation. I'm just letting a bit of steam or bile or WHATEVER UGLY thing I have in me... OUT.
I've got to stop hoping they are hurting. I've got to stop wishing for something bad to happen to them. It's wrong. Very, very, very wrong. It's been going on too long. I wonder IF anything bad did happen to them, would I truly Be Happy? I don't think so. I think the Bible even says something about this. I don't know what it says, but I'm sure it says to wish others well, not harm. Btw, if you know verses about this, please share these.
Maybe this unforgiving spirit is why I'm so crabby when I get home from yoga? May there is something to this body, mind, spirit connection? Maybe I'm holding this bile in my hips? Who knows? I'm focusing of getting out of my comfort zone this week. I think this grudge I'm holding has become my comfort zone. I want OUT. I need to forgive and move on. I need to let this go. I've held this WAY too long.
Thanks for allowing me this space.
Namaste.
But, see, I'm not done yet. I want you to commiserate with me a bit. I want to tell you when I posted on facebook about my mother-in-law passing many of my "friends" sent well wishes. Some even sent actual sympathy cards to my home. These women... these bible study women... these christian sisters... crickets. Please don't comment on this. Don't spin me up. I'm venting, but I don't want confirmation. I'm just letting a bit of steam or bile or WHATEVER UGLY thing I have in me... OUT.
I've got to stop hoping they are hurting. I've got to stop wishing for something bad to happen to them. It's wrong. Very, very, very wrong. It's been going on too long. I wonder IF anything bad did happen to them, would I truly Be Happy? I don't think so. I think the Bible even says something about this. I don't know what it says, but I'm sure it says to wish others well, not harm. Btw, if you know verses about this, please share these.
Maybe this unforgiving spirit is why I'm so crabby when I get home from yoga? May there is something to this body, mind, spirit connection? Maybe I'm holding this bile in my hips? Who knows? I'm focusing of getting out of my comfort zone this week. I think this grudge I'm holding has become my comfort zone. I want OUT. I need to forgive and move on. I need to let this go. I've held this WAY too long.Thanks for allowing me this space.
Namaste.
