Whew, this has been a VERY long week. I want to thank all the readers of this tiny corner of the blogosphere for being so encouraging and supportive during this time of grief. My husband is home and life is returning to normal. Whatever that means. I am so glad to have him home. I really don't know what to say about any of the rest of it.
My mother-in-law has passed away. We weren't close. It just never happened. I tried, I'm sure she tried, but we were different. Or maybe we were too much alike. I just can't say. What I can say is this; my mother-in-law loved her children. She loved them more than ANYTHING in the WHOLE WORLD. And, you know what else, ... they knew it. She made sure they knew they were the MOST WONDERFUL PEOPLE in the world. I think this is why we were never close. You see, my husband married down, below his station. Of course, there was no way he could marry above himself because he was the MOST WONDERFUL PERSON in the world. No one would have been good enough for him. There it is.
Why couldn't I see this when I was a young bride and a young mother? Why couldn't I see this as a reflection of the relationship she had with HIM and not the relationship I thought she was building with me. I never saw this. Of course, when I was 25 or 30 or 35, it was all about me. Sometimes, even at the ripe old age of 5?, it still can be all about me, but not as much. I just didn't get it. I just saw my flaws. I was too fat. I was too lazy. I didn't have a full-time job, I was a stay-at-home mom, I didn't contribute to the marriage, I was too fat. This is all I ever saw about our relationship. Her disapproval and my flaws. So, my reaction was to back away, not like her, not like the relationship she had with my husband, etc., etc., etc. I was an immature little girl. And, she was, too. We never talked about it. We never really tried to find out who we were in this relationship. It just never happened.
I'm writing this out here in cyberspace to see these words in front of my eyes. This story is much deeper than can be told in one post. My husband and I have been married 28 years. My husband lived with his mother 'til he was 18. Of course I know my husband as well as his mother did. Of course I love my husband as well as his mother did. I just know and love him differently. And, I'm good enough. I'm pretty enough. I'm woman enough. I am enough for my husband.
My mother-in-law has passed away. I cannot mend or improve our relationship. It is what it was. It was cordial, it was detached, it was distant and sometimes it got a little ugly. However, my relationship with my husband is still in progress. I love him and I can still perform an act of love. My husband has asked me to copy pictures for the family. I can do this. I'm happy to do this. I can look at the pictures of her as a young woman and I wonder what she was thinking. Did she hope for a wife for her son? Did she hope his marriage would be long? Did she want grandchildren? I'll edit the pictures and make them as pretty as I can. I'll send them out to all the siblings and nieces and nephews and the grandchildren. I'll make every effort to bring some comfort to this sad time. This can be my act of love. It's not much, but it is something I can do. Maybe in the process I'll learn a little bit more about who she was and who I am.
My mother-in-law has passed away. We weren't close. It just never happened. I tried, I'm sure she tried, but we were different. Or maybe we were too much alike. I just can't say. What I can say is this; my mother-in-law loved her children. She loved them more than ANYTHING in the WHOLE WORLD. And, you know what else, ... they knew it. She made sure they knew they were the MOST WONDERFUL PEOPLE in the world. I think this is why we were never close. You see, my husband married down, below his station. Of course, there was no way he could marry above himself because he was the MOST WONDERFUL PERSON in the world. No one would have been good enough for him. There it is.
Why couldn't I see this when I was a young bride and a young mother? Why couldn't I see this as a reflection of the relationship she had with HIM and not the relationship I thought she was building with me. I never saw this. Of course, when I was 25 or 30 or 35, it was all about me. Sometimes, even at the ripe old age of 5?, it still can be all about me, but not as much. I just didn't get it. I just saw my flaws. I was too fat. I was too lazy. I didn't have a full-time job, I was a stay-at-home mom, I didn't contribute to the marriage, I was too fat. This is all I ever saw about our relationship. Her disapproval and my flaws. So, my reaction was to back away, not like her, not like the relationship she had with my husband, etc., etc., etc. I was an immature little girl. And, she was, too. We never talked about it. We never really tried to find out who we were in this relationship. It just never happened.
I'm writing this out here in cyberspace to see these words in front of my eyes. This story is much deeper than can be told in one post. My husband and I have been married 28 years. My husband lived with his mother 'til he was 18. Of course I know my husband as well as his mother did. Of course I love my husband as well as his mother did. I just know and love him differently. And, I'm good enough. I'm pretty enough. I'm woman enough. I am enough for my husband.
My mother-in-law has passed away. I cannot mend or improve our relationship. It is what it was. It was cordial, it was detached, it was distant and sometimes it got a little ugly. However, my relationship with my husband is still in progress. I love him and I can still perform an act of love. My husband has asked me to copy pictures for the family. I can do this. I'm happy to do this. I can look at the pictures of her as a young woman and I wonder what she was thinking. Did she hope for a wife for her son? Did she hope his marriage would be long? Did she want grandchildren? I'll edit the pictures and make them as pretty as I can. I'll send them out to all the siblings and nieces and nephews and the grandchildren. I'll make every effort to bring some comfort to this sad time. This can be my act of love. It's not much, but it is something I can do. Maybe in the process I'll learn a little bit more about who she was and who I am.
