Some days I just wake up on the wrong side of the bed. Some days I just feel like everyone in my path is bothering me. Some days I just want to crawl back under the covers and start over. Today is one of those days. I need a do-over. I think this very bad horrible day may have started yesterday afternoon. I think it may have started when I began a project for my husband. I project I conceived in love, but soon took a dark turn. I know he wasn't angry or frustrated with me. But there was some frustration being vented and I was the only one in the room. :(
Anyway, this isn't the only factor contributing to my "bad day." My house is a mess. I still haven't sorted everything out from my vacation. I still have a few things strewn about my bedroom floor. I haven't finished all the laundry. I have a messy kitchen. I wanted to make pickles this weekend and I didn't get it done. I wanted to make charred tomato sauce, but I didn't get THAT done either. I did get a bushel of peaches in the freezer and I did make the memory book for my mil. (this was the cause for some of the frustration, but we will just leave this alone for now) For some reason clutter and mess in my house has a tendency to make me NUTS. For some reason I think I need to accomplish EVERY task I assign myself or else I'm a complete failure. I am very hard on myself and it effects how I feel in my body. I actually feel unsettled. I'm not doing my best at work, because I'm thinking about my messy house. I know, this does not sound normal. I'm a freak.
I don't enjoy feeling this way and I'm absolutely sure my co-workers and others I've made contact with today don't enjoy it. I wonder if any of these unsettled feelings have anything to do with Tamoxifen? You know, I'll bet they do. I'll bet a lot of this "uncomfortableness" I'm feeling has to do with side effects of Tamoxifen. I wish there was some sort of signal or pattern to the days when my lack of estrogen will make me act MEAN to anyone crossing me.
So, to any fb friends, bloggers or customer service personnel I may have been short or snarky to. I'm sorry. Just remember, God gives moms lots of estrogen so they can love those screaming, demanding, dirty little babies and think of them as cherubic darlings. I don't have any estrogen. I have to use my *sparkling* personality. (which today, was sorely lacking)
This has been a stream of consciousness emergency, if it had been an actual emergency you would have been instructed where to tune in your area for news and official information.