How can a person take 20 steps forward and then take 25 steps backward? I don't know the answer to this one. It seems to happen to me more often than I'd like. Back in June I wrote a post outlining my reason for blogging and noting how far I'd come in my journey to be positive. But here I am again. I feel like I've done nothing but slide backwards. For example:
Four years ago I lost 40 some lbs. I got rid of all my "fat" clothes and told myself, never again. Never again will I need those clothes. So I got rid of them all. Now, *sigh* I need those clothes back. :(
I was feeling pretty good about myself in my job, but then... clunk. Yesterday I discovered I made a mistake at my job. And when I say "I discovered" I really mean, my boss discovered my mistake. My boss had sent me an email asking me to make flight reservations for him to go to Boston for a sailing regatta. For some reason, I didn't see the email. I didn't make flight reservations. I screwed up. The flight the others were using wasn't available for my boss. He wanted to travel with the others. I failed. I feel sick. I know everyone makes mistakes, but I feel just sick about it. I know I tell myself, "screw it, you don't need this job. Heck, they can fire me if they want." but right now, I just feel crappy about it. The really bad thing about dwelling on it is this... I'm making more mistakes. I can't focus. I know it's been crazy around this place. (btw, my school made the front page of yesterday's Washington Post... above the fold, mind you) I know I need to do my job better. I've been super tired. I'm so ready to go to bed when I get home from work. We are still working on fixing our house, so I can't go RIGHT to bed. I need to get things accomplished when I get home, but it is getting harder and harder to do. Right now, it feels like my job is just sucking the life out of me. So, what is happening with me?
Just so you know, my boss is OK with the mistake. He agrees, everyone makes mistakes. He wants me to get over this and move on. I know my job is not in jeopardy. But, to me, it feels like it is. It's a funny thing, what I KNOW in my head is not corresponding with what I FEEL in my gut.
The Bible study I just joined is studying spiritual warfare. I have a question. Is this the kind of thing that happens to you right after you find a place you believe you are going to be able to reconnect with the body of Christ and get back into the Bible? Am I under attack? Or is this just life?
Oh, and I would like a little cheese with my whine. Thanks for asking. :)
Four years ago I lost 40 some lbs. I got rid of all my "fat" clothes and told myself, never again. Never again will I need those clothes. So I got rid of them all. Now, *sigh* I need those clothes back. :(
I was feeling pretty good about myself in my job, but then... clunk. Yesterday I discovered I made a mistake at my job. And when I say "I discovered" I really mean, my boss discovered my mistake. My boss had sent me an email asking me to make flight reservations for him to go to Boston for a sailing regatta. For some reason, I didn't see the email. I didn't make flight reservations. I screwed up. The flight the others were using wasn't available for my boss. He wanted to travel with the others. I failed. I feel sick. I know everyone makes mistakes, but I feel just sick about it. I know I tell myself, "screw it, you don't need this job. Heck, they can fire me if they want." but right now, I just feel crappy about it. The really bad thing about dwelling on it is this... I'm making more mistakes. I can't focus. I know it's been crazy around this place. (btw, my school made the front page of yesterday's Washington Post... above the fold, mind you) I know I need to do my job better. I've been super tired. I'm so ready to go to bed when I get home from work. We are still working on fixing our house, so I can't go RIGHT to bed. I need to get things accomplished when I get home, but it is getting harder and harder to do. Right now, it feels like my job is just sucking the life out of me. So, what is happening with me?
Just so you know, my boss is OK with the mistake. He agrees, everyone makes mistakes. He wants me to get over this and move on. I know my job is not in jeopardy. But, to me, it feels like it is. It's a funny thing, what I KNOW in my head is not corresponding with what I FEEL in my gut.
The Bible study I just joined is studying spiritual warfare. I have a question. Is this the kind of thing that happens to you right after you find a place you believe you are going to be able to reconnect with the body of Christ and get back into the Bible? Am I under attack? Or is this just life?
Oh, and I would like a little cheese with my whine. Thanks for asking. :)
