Friday, September 23, 2011

I need focus

My mind is so scattered at this time.  I'm pulled between the restoration of my home, an additional 5 lbs and lack of exercise, an additional hot flash added to my day (thanks Tamoxifen), and my performance at my job.  I need to find focus and perspective.  Instead, my reaction seems to be inaction.  Not good.

My thoughts on this are swirling around.  I'm going to take a few moments and seek some clarity as I strive to untangle the mess in my head.

First of all, I'm tired.  I've been struggling to get up in the morning and make it to work on time.  *job performance suffering*  My desire is to go to bed earlier, but when I do that, I find I'm laying in bed, staring at the ceiling and watching the clock.  *frustrating*  I've begun taking Tylenol PM and it helps.  A little.

Solutions?  I'm thinking if I restart my exercise routine I will feel more tired at night and fall asleep quicker and sleep sounder.

Problem.  I'm not exercising now and getting started is the toughest part.  Ok, ok... I hear you.  Just do it.

So, if I'm looking at this stream of consciousness correctly, exercise may be a key.  Regular exercise may help me lose the weight.  Regular exercise may make me more tired and a better sleeper.  Thus allowing me to get up on time in the morning and make it to work on time.  Ergo, my job performance gets better.

I'm thinking I may need to ask for some encouragement in the motivation department.  I'm thinking about doing a challenge.  I'm still investigating exactly what a blog challenge is and how I could integrate one into my blog and real life.  So far, I think I may do something with exercise and gratitude.  I know gratitude would certainly help me with my "poor me" attitude, in regard to my house and mess.  I need shake this off.  I think some of my insomnia may have to do with the worry of fixing things and the costs involved.  Sometimes I feel overwhelmed.  I know people get sick of hearing about it, so I try not to talk about it too much.  Sometimes I think it's the biggest thing in my life.  But, when I stop to think about it, it isn't.  I still go to work.  I'm still a wife.  I'm still a mother.  It isn't the BIGGEST thing in my life.  It's just the messiest.  *and I've mentioned, I don't do well in mess*

Comments and suggestions are welcome.  Seriously.  I'm open.

*sigh*  None of this will help with the hot flash, however.  My new normal is at 7:30 a.m. and 9:00 p.m. I feel the heat.  Yuk.  Thanks Tamoxifen.


  1. you can do it! think of how much better you will feel all around...if you need let meknow and i will yell like a drill sergeant...anything to help...smiles.

  2. I want to hear Brian yell.  :)  Do you have an iPod?  Knowing I get to listen to great music makes me want to walk.  That's all I am doing right now, but if you stick with it, it does work.

  3. Girl, you're gonna laugh, but get yourself a hula hoop.  It's fantastic exercise, and it's impossible to take much seriously when you're hooping.  You can even get hula hoop exercise dvds, but I just watch trashy tv while I do mine.

  4.  I've got one.  It weighs 4 lbs and I can't keep it up.  I'll work on it and let you know.

  5.  Walking is something I KNOW I can do.

  6. Oh my word. We need to motivate one another. I've felt drugged all day (cloud-headish), and I haven't taken a thing but Tylenol. Blah.

  7. OK, so I'm not into medication at all, and want to be able discipline myself into healthy habits. BUT... this last time coming to the UK the jet lag was really bad and that combined with the nervousness I felt about my new home and work and stuff meant I was not managing to sleep at night, and my dad gave me a bottle of melatonin. (I guess you get it at health food stores?) I was shocked that it worked! It didn't have any weird drowsy effects and I didn't feel medicated, but I did get a good night's sleep. So definitely exercise and all that is good, but melatonin is also good. I've definitely felt the way you describe here... a lot. For what it's worth :)

  8. I used to have the same thing happen--wake up at 3 AM and not be able to sleep.  Tired in the morning.  My solution was to retire eventually.  Until then,  it was hell. 

  9. Take the time and be easy on yourself. Sometimes all you need is a day out to just chill and forget about life! Works well for me :)


  10. Melatonin.  I thought this was the chemical in your skin that darkened when exposed to sun.  I'm going to look for it.  I wonder if it will give me a tan, too?

  11.  I can't retire.  I need my job to pay for all the work to fix my house.  So, I'm HAPPY I still have my job. 

    Seriously, don't tempt me Syd.

  12. OK, so as I understand it there is:
    melatonin=herbal relaxation ingestable
    melanin=skin colour
    But I get them so so confused, so I may have just recommended you in fact colour your skin or take cancer. Sorry!!!

  13. Just checked the bottle. It says "Melatonin 1 - Herbal Supplement"

  14.  I asked a few others about the melatonin and all assured me that, yes, it helps with relaxation and sleep.  I'm off to the herbalist to get me some.  Thank you.


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