It's over. Amen. My mother-in-law has been laid to rest. We all survived.
Actually, we more than survived. It was a lovely service. The service was performed "family style," meaning, there was no minister or priest or official officiator of any sort. The service was held in the house and hymns were sung, poems read, memories spoken and bible verses recited. It was lovely. It was informal. Grandchildren performed the music. My husband and his sisters were surrounded in love. My husband took xanax. It helped. It helped just enough. He was calm and collected and able to participate fully in the service. In fact, I was moved by his eulogy for his mom. He listed the guidelines his mother set for her children to live by. There were about a dozen of them and I won't name them all, but... the last and most important was "Be nice to your mother." My husband was very nice to his mother. When I met him, this was one of his handsomest traits.
The difficulties between my husband and his sister were resolved. I'm sure we won't be spending summer vacations together, but he will certainly keep in touch with her and be a good brother to her. I'm glad. I think it is wonderful to have family you are so close to you want to spend your vacation time with them. I think it's more common to have family you enjoy spending a holiday dinner with once a year. I'm ok with this. My sister-in-law asked me how she could develop a better relationship with me. She said something to me about my husband mentioning difficulties she and I had had early in my marriage to her brother. Yeah, I remember difficulties, but I've put them well behind me. I've long decided not to dwell on the past. I have also decided not to place myself in a situation that I've learned can go horribly wrong. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. I told her my feelings on creating a good relationship between she and I would hinge completely on the relationship she develops with her brother. At this point in time, this is what I can commit to do.
I learned so much about myself through this experience. I don't need to have my way. I can let things go and let someone else have control of a situation and be completely relaxed with this. I'm very happy this is part of who I am. I'm happy to find this is part of my being. Of course, not everything I discovered about myself was so positive. I discovered that I have to talk about things. And by things, I mean people. And by people, I mean people I'm angry at. I need to talk about them and run them down and dwell on whatever negative thing they have done or said to me. This is a very unattractive quality I have found in myself. I'm going to need to learn a better way to process my negative thoughts about other people. Hearing myself say them out loud may do a lot to help me feel better about myself, but it is a hurtful thing to do to the individual I have an issue with. I guess I'm a chicken when it comes to confrontation. I like to avoid confronting the person, if possible. However, if I am faced with confrontation, I can deal with it.
So, I'll share just a couple more things before I put this scene from the movie of my life in the can. You may remember I was to get a new dryer to replace the dryer that had broken on my anniversary. Well, not only did I get a new dryer, but I got a new washing machine, as well. And not just any washer. I got a new High Efficiency Washing Machine. I haven't used it yet, because it was delivered and installed JUST before we left for Indiana, but my son used it. And, he said it is magnificent. I believe this new appliance will need a post all to it's own. So, be on the lookout. Secondly, I decided to get a root canal just before traveling to Indiana. I had been trying to ignore a toothache for about a week. On Monday it became impossible to ignore. Long story short, my tooth still hurt throughout this week in Indiana. This is the first time I've ever had pain AFTER a root canal (and I've had 6 root canals in my dental history). So with some antibiotics and tylenol I have survived the visit. By the skin of my teeth (haha) and not always with the cheerful smile on my face (but, after all, I just had a root canal). All's well that ends well. Tomorrow I leave for home and my own dentist. I'll wash all my clothes in a BRAND NEW High Efficiency Washing Machine. And, I'll move forward with renewed hope for the future with my extended family. We survived the memorial service and celebration of my mother-in-law's life as an intact and loving family.
Life is very good, indeed.
Actually, we more than survived. It was a lovely service. The service was performed "family style," meaning, there was no minister or priest or official officiator of any sort. The service was held in the house and hymns were sung, poems read, memories spoken and bible verses recited. It was lovely. It was informal. Grandchildren performed the music. My husband and his sisters were surrounded in love. My husband took xanax. It helped. It helped just enough. He was calm and collected and able to participate fully in the service. In fact, I was moved by his eulogy for his mom. He listed the guidelines his mother set for her children to live by. There were about a dozen of them and I won't name them all, but... the last and most important was "Be nice to your mother." My husband was very nice to his mother. When I met him, this was one of his handsomest traits.
The difficulties between my husband and his sister were resolved. I'm sure we won't be spending summer vacations together, but he will certainly keep in touch with her and be a good brother to her. I'm glad. I think it is wonderful to have family you are so close to you want to spend your vacation time with them. I think it's more common to have family you enjoy spending a holiday dinner with once a year. I'm ok with this. My sister-in-law asked me how she could develop a better relationship with me. She said something to me about my husband mentioning difficulties she and I had had early in my marriage to her brother. Yeah, I remember difficulties, but I've put them well behind me. I've long decided not to dwell on the past. I have also decided not to place myself in a situation that I've learned can go horribly wrong. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. I told her my feelings on creating a good relationship between she and I would hinge completely on the relationship she develops with her brother. At this point in time, this is what I can commit to do.
I learned so much about myself through this experience. I don't need to have my way. I can let things go and let someone else have control of a situation and be completely relaxed with this. I'm very happy this is part of who I am. I'm happy to find this is part of my being. Of course, not everything I discovered about myself was so positive. I discovered that I have to talk about things. And by things, I mean people. And by people, I mean people I'm angry at. I need to talk about them and run them down and dwell on whatever negative thing they have done or said to me. This is a very unattractive quality I have found in myself. I'm going to need to learn a better way to process my negative thoughts about other people. Hearing myself say them out loud may do a lot to help me feel better about myself, but it is a hurtful thing to do to the individual I have an issue with. I guess I'm a chicken when it comes to confrontation. I like to avoid confronting the person, if possible. However, if I am faced with confrontation, I can deal with it.
So, I'll share just a couple more things before I put this scene from the movie of my life in the can. You may remember I was to get a new dryer to replace the dryer that had broken on my anniversary. Well, not only did I get a new dryer, but I got a new washing machine, as well. And not just any washer. I got a new High Efficiency Washing Machine. I haven't used it yet, because it was delivered and installed JUST before we left for Indiana, but my son used it. And, he said it is magnificent. I believe this new appliance will need a post all to it's own. So, be on the lookout. Secondly, I decided to get a root canal just before traveling to Indiana. I had been trying to ignore a toothache for about a week. On Monday it became impossible to ignore. Long story short, my tooth still hurt throughout this week in Indiana. This is the first time I've ever had pain AFTER a root canal (and I've had 6 root canals in my dental history). So with some antibiotics and tylenol I have survived the visit. By the skin of my teeth (haha) and not always with the cheerful smile on my face (but, after all, I just had a root canal). All's well that ends well. Tomorrow I leave for home and my own dentist. I'll wash all my clothes in a BRAND NEW High Efficiency Washing Machine. And, I'll move forward with renewed hope for the future with my extended family. We survived the memorial service and celebration of my mother-in-law's life as an intact and loving family.
Life is very good, indeed.
