Sunday, August 7, 2011

Find fault or fix it

I'm going to fix it.

"All blame is a waste of time.  No matter how much fault you find with another, and regardless of how much you blame him, it will not change you.  The only thing blame does is to keep the focus off you when you are looking for external reasons to explain your unhappiness or frustration.  You may succeed in making another feel guilty about something by blaming him, but you won't succeed in changing whatever it is about you that is making you unhappy." Dr. Wayne Dyer.

In order to be happy I need to stop blaming or fault finding.  It is essential.  The only person I can change is myself.  We all know this, but it is hard to do.  It is MUCH easier to shift the focus from myself and seek to place it on someone else.  And, doing this is a huge waste of time.

My dryer stopped working yesterday.  Who's fault is this?  Is it my fault?  I was the one using it when it broke.  Is it the manufacturer's fault?  Kenmore sold it to me and guaranteed it would work for a year.  It has worked for 12 years.  But now it isn't.  Is it China's fault for making inferior parts and selling them to Kenmore?  I could go on and on, yet my clothes are still wet.  My problem is not being solved.  I need to fix my dryer or hire someone to fix my dryer or buy a new dryer.  I can't expect the dryer to do anything about it.  I have to DO something.  (I'm going to buy a new dryer.  :))

My coworker with the printing problem had to put in a work order to the IT Help Desk.  His problem was causing him difficulty and he made a decision to take steps to get it fixed instead of blaming me.

I found a new venue for my meeting.  I took an action to fix the problem.

I will be cordial and polite to my sister-in-law.  I will accept any blame thrown my way and refrain from casting blame.  I will not hold resentments, because it wouldn't fix anything.  I can't make my husband treat his sister with grace and care, but I've encouraged him to do so.  I will do nothing to sabotage him in his efforts to be positive.

In the past, I have been attempting to make others feel guilty over a botched situation.  This is not who I choose to be any longer.  Guilt is not a currency I choose to deal in.  The shaming of others and accepting of blame is not how I choose to move through this life.  Guilt doesn't keep me warm at night or make my life happier.  The currencies I choose to use in this life are coin of the realm, time, energy, and happiness.  (there may be more, but I can't think of any just now)  I choose to stay positive and above the accusations.

I know I was raised with guilt and shame, but this does not mean I cannot change.  It will be difficult, but worth it.  When a problem situation arises I will first seek to fix it.  After it is fixed I will assess any changes I need to make in my future actions.  God grant me the serenity to change  the things I can...

Today I am married 29 years.  I guess I'm getting a dryer for an anniversary gift.  Yippee...


10 comments:

  1. happy anniversary! i hope you get a good dryer...smiles. you are spot on about guilt and blame...grew up in that enviro as well in some degree...and you are like the 3rd i have read today ttalking about it so it sounds like we are all in similar boats...

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  2. Happy Anniversary!!! :) :) :)

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  3. Happy Anniversary!

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  4. I talked about this very thing in therapy some years ago.  It's hard, but when you can put that aside and just live your life, your life is so much better.   Hugs and happy anniversary - enjoy that new appliance!  :) 

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  5.  I hope you came up with a similar solution to the fault finding in therapy.  I know it will be difficult, but I believe the results will be good.  I'll let you know.  btw, I got a dryer AND a washer.  Such a sexy gift.  ;)

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  6. happy anniversary! and congrats on the new appliances. 
    wow I like that last line in the quote too, shall do more pondering on it. thanks...

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  7. I think that taking responsibility for all your happenings in your life is a VERY empowering thing to do.... Because then you begin to shift to your thoughts to your most desired life - wonderful! 

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  8. Hope that you had a good anniversary.  I do my best not to find fault but being critical and judgmental are some defects of mine. Things to work on!

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  9. August 8th was my 40th wedding anniversary and I got a new sewer system under my house.  Happy Days!

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  10. finding_the_beautyOctober 25, 2011 at 9:54 PM

    Yes, yes, yes. Thanks for linking this so that I could read it. So good, happygirl!

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