Saturday, January 29, 2011

Relationships - family

I'm thinking about the relationships in my life and the effect they have on my happiness journey.  Today I'm examining the relationships in my life that are the closest.

I have an amazing husband.  I can't possibly tell all there is to tell about him, but I can tell you that he loves me and I feel SO loved by this man.  I am able to share anything with him.  I am so glad for this trait of his.  At this time of my life I don't have very many girlfriends.  Now, I have a couple close friends, and I appreciate them so much.  But, they are busy people.  Most people at this stage of life are busy, hard-working people.  We don't have small children giving us the opportunity for play-dates or school activities.  It seems that I have been drawn to people that have jobs that send them on travel and aren't home all the time.  I'm not a big fan of talking on the phone and different time zones make it difficult.  Wow, I've digressed.  I was supposed to be talking about my husband.  I'm so blessed that my husband no longer has a job that involves travel.  You would think that means he is home a lot.  Well, he is home every night, but he it not home a lot.  You see, I am a dissertation widow.  My husband is working on his PhD.  I am a bit lonely, but I understand.  He usually gets home from the office about 9:00 p.m. and usually spends one day of the weekend writing.  I am so proud of him.  When he is home, he is there for me.  Today he is totally OK with me staying in jammies and chillin'.  It was a very rough week at the office, but I'm not going to talk about that.  He lets me talk to him about my insensitive boss, crazy church ladies, and any "out there" thing I need to talk about.  He allows me to decompress.  He encourages me in my eBay endeavors.  He tells me I'm a GREAT cook.  He loves the choices I've made in decorating our home.  He encourages me to go away with a girlfriend when the opportunity arises.  Sometimes I worry that he makes it all about me, but I know that is not true.  I'm blessed to be married 28 years.  (Ha, I just had to ask him how long we've been married, and he knew.)  One thing about appreciating him is that when he asks me for something, I'm so glad.  I like to be able to help him out.  (He has stopped asking for THAT, 'cause it's just NOT going to happen, ha.)  I know this kind of relationship is not something everyone has, and there were times earlier in my marriage that I didn't think I would have it, but I DO.  And I thank God every day.

We have a son.  Our son is 23 years old and he lives with us.  I love my son.  I know my son thinks I hate him, but I don't.  I'm not completely happy with where he is in his life right now, but I am not hopeless.  Our son did not continue his education after high school and does not have a full-time job, but he does work "almost" full-time.  It's certainly not a career path I would dream of for him, but it's a job.  Our son has a learning disability, so school was always difficult for him.  I think he could take college classes, but he is just not ready yet.  Right now he has taken my wet clothes to the laundromat to dry them.  Our dryer died today.  It's great that he will help out and contribute to our family.  It's not always a willing action, but it is something he will do if asked twice or three times.  I'm seeking to be a more positive person towards him.  I want him to know I believe in him.  I believe God has a plan for him.  I am so glad that he is a good man.  He is respectful to people.  He is a sober person.  Now, I HATE the video games and the whole "gaming" culture, but he loves it.  What 'cha gonna do?  btw, I am completely open to suggestions on this matter.

You know, when I see the feelings I have for my family in writing it makes me love them all the more.  As I've taken this time to write I think of the positive things about them.  When I just talk about them to others, I think I have more of a tendency to run them down and talk about their faults.  Hmmm.  I wonder why this is so?  I really don't know any of the folks who've commented or read this blog personally, so you don't even know who my husband and son are.  Yet I've stayed positive AND it makes me FEEL positively towards them RIGHT NOW.  I've heard that positive words can evoke positive feelings.  Well, let me tell does.


  1. fyi, on facebook notes I sometimes write what I call my " I married a good man" series.
    Little things he does that remind me I did marry a good man. It's most helpful when my focus isn't on the positive re: him. that's mainly why I started it. And to let our children know the good things too.
    also in about a week our 30 yr. old son will be moving home. He lost his job, and is running out of money trying to find another. This economy makes it hard. Along w/some choices he's made. Regardless, I know there will be times I'll need the reminder of his good characteristics too.
    At different times in our parenting I've repeated this to myself, " we have good kids. We don't know any parole officers due to them, they are healthy, and they are living."
    Because some days.... I need the reminder to look for the positive.
    thanks for your good examples today.

  2. smiles. love all the great words about your fam...on the video games...have you tried playing them with him? i know you hate it but...just a thought...

  3. Video games actually are great learning tools! Here is an excerpt from an unschooling site I read:

    What can video games teach?

    Problem solving, reading, research, numeracy (number concepts, 'math'), computer literacy/using the Internet, literature (plotlines, characters, context, setting, mood), music (some videogame music has actually been released on CD because the soundtracks are amazing), team work (many multiplayer games require working together to accomplish a task), patience and sticking to a task to reach a goal, strategy/planning, delayed gratification - if you go straight for that sack of gold that you can see straight ahead, you'll get killed BUT if you go around the other side and wait for the 'guard' to go past, you can grab it safely, art (the graphics and production values of videogames are usually very high quality). Often videogame playing will lead to interests (short or long term) in graphics, art, film production, creative writing (inventing story lines and characters), programming, special effects, music (sometimes DS will hear a new piece of music and say "that would be good for such-and-such type scene in thus-and-such type game"), languages, and other things. Some games either came from or spawned print forms that are related - manga, graphic novels, books, etc.

    And, coming back to it, I realized that in the 'delayed gratification' area I forgot budgeting - delaying purchasing some items in the game in order to get something else, planning purchases, figuring income, sometimes actually 'working' for the coin of the realm in order to purchase something - whether working entails beating a gym leader or crafting a potion or creating a t-shirt or buying an item at auction and selling it at a profit, whatever; etc."

    Something to think about :) You might enjoy the book Unconditional Parenting by Alfie Kohn...I know he's 23, but you'll always be his parent and can continue to read about it!

  4. @ Brian - Great idea! I have played some games with him. I'll give it another try.

    @ Sara - Thank you for the positive perspective. I pray every day for the positive aspects of gaming to wash over him. He is a good man.


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