Friday, April 22, 2011

Easter is coming

It is Good Friday.  The day I remember my Lord willingly went to the cross for my sins.  It's funny, to me, how the day is always overcast in my memories.  I always remember Good Fridays as rainy or threatening rain or dark clouds.  I don't know if it is truth, but it is my memory.  Today is a cloudy day.  I sit and reflect on this Lenten season and look at where I am in the love of my Lord.  I find myself square in the middle of His love.  And it is not my doing.  None of it.  In fact, if I were to rely on myself to be loved by Jesus, He wouldn't have me.  Right now, I'm not in love with His church.  I've returned to a church I went to when we first moved to this area.  It is a lovely church.  The minister is a Godly man, preaching the Word of God with as much candor as he can and keep people coming back.  It's ok with me.  I know the Truth of the Word of God is difficult.  It is exclusive and NOT tolerant.  I know it is hard to hear and convicting.  I like that about it.  I was raised a Dutch Calvinist and I know we are considered the "hardliners" of the christian denominations.  I was taught the basic beliefs and tenants of the faith when I was a tiny child.  And, my character type is such that I am VERY HAPPY when given a set of rules to adhere to .  And, I'm a traditionalist.  So, the church has been a tough place for me lately, but I'm working on it.  Anyway, I'm glad I'm going to this church.  And, I'm glad I found a church to attend BEFORE Easter.  I don't know why this feels so good to me, but it does.
 
I love going to church on Easter.  I think my favorite service of the whole year is an Easter Sunrise Service.  I've been to them many different places.  I've been to sunrise services on more beaches than I can think of.  I've been to a sunrise service on Diamond Head in Hawaii, I've been to a sunrise service in a volcano, I've been to sunrise services on boats, and I've been to many in lovely parks with mountains in the background.  There is nothing as beautiful, to me, as an Easter Sunrise Service.  I'm not going to one this year.  This church doesn't do sunrise service.  I'll be ok with that, but I'll miss it.  This year I'm focusing on being in the center of Christ's love, even though I've broken ALL the rules.  I've been mad at His church.  I've been unforgiving to His believers.  I've broken all His commands.  I've resented spending time in prayer.  And, I have chosen NOT to spend time in His Word.  I've learned a lot about love during this Lenten season.  I've shared my feelings about these things with my parents.  My parents, the teachers of all I know about the love of God.  The teachers of the faith.  The most faithful, believing people I know.  And, they were sad, of course, but they still love me.  They love me in my doubt.  They love me in my anger.  They love me in my rule breaking.

They show me how much God loves me.

I'm looking forward to being in church this Easter.  Being with other rule breakers, doubters and maybe even some haters.  We will all be there.  Smack in the center of the Love of Christ.  Even though we don't deserve it.  We believe.  We have faith.  Hallelujah, He is Risen.


13 comments:

  1. Amen sister! I love Easter sunrise service too! Wishing you a blessed Easter weekend.

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  2. You have a blessed Easter, as well Valerie.

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  3. you broke them all? i have been trying to do that for years...smiles. i hear you though, i can relate in many ways and i look forward to the easter service to celebrate well the reason for any other celebration we have...victory we live in. have a marvelous easter.

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  4. Thanks for adding my humble blog to your blogroll. *smiles back atcha.

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  5. I was thinking today that the rainy gloom was so appropriate today, Good Friday! I agree with you about the Easter Service. Christ's victory over death gives us hope we couldn't otherwise have. Enjoy the weekend!

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  6. Happygirl!

    Have a happy Easter! I hope we get some rain today here in Austin. It would be so great!

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  7. This is a beautiful testimony of faith! God bless you and I hope you really enjoyed Easter. And... wow... Sunrise service in a volcano?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!

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  8. Hi Kati, The volcano was inactive (extinct?) and thanks. I hope your Easter was blessed as well.

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  9. Thanks for so many of your kind words to me over at my place. So glad you've found a church, and I hope your celebration of Christ's resurrection was beautiful and sweet. I, too, have been mad at church and, yet, the church is the bride for whom Christ died. I've been ever-so-slowly learning that as we rub against one another's sharp edges in this place called church, God is growing us up into maturity. It's painful sometimes but beautiful when you get the chance to see the gospel put into action as we learn to extend and receive grace from one another. Blessings.

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  10. Thanks for this comment. It's the truth and I know it.

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  11. i have been following your blog. I love your candor. You write in such a simple, honest, and straightforward manner. I can relate to how you feel. I'm a Christian, I love Jesus, and He is amazing. He loves me in spite of my ugly feelings towards myself and others. I can be real with Him. He knows my heart. He knows I don't want to harbor offense and ugliness towards people and He knows the struggle. At the heart---of it---is my unworthiness but because of Him and Him alone--He makes me worthy A-S-T-O-U-N-D-I-N-G!!!! I saw the last part of the Passion of the Christ last Friday night. I couldn't watch it for the longest time---I just couldn't bear to see the torture Jesus went through for me. You can not watch this movie and be flippant about it...there's no way--- I realized what an utter sinner I was and how it should have been me on that cross. There is no way I could ever repay Him, nothing I can do except accept His free gift of salvation by faith. Humbling but bittersweet but powerful and amazing. Bless you sister.

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  12. I've got Dutch Calvinism all over my upbringing too :) I'm glad God directed your heart to Him instead of all the things that distract us from focusing on Jesus Christ.

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