It is Good Friday. The day I remember my Lord willingly went to the cross for my sins. It's funny, to me, how the day is always overcast in my memories. I always remember Good Fridays as rainy or threatening rain or dark clouds. I don't know if it is truth, but it is my memory. Today is a cloudy day. I sit and reflect on this Lenten season and look at where I am in the love of my Lord. I find myself square in the middle of His love. And it is not my doing. None of it. In fact, if I were to rely on myself to be loved by Jesus, He wouldn't have me. Right now, I'm not in love with His church. I've returned to a church I went to when we first moved to this area. It is a lovely church. The minister is a Godly man, preaching the Word of God with as much candor as he can and keep people coming back. It's ok with me. I know the Truth of the Word of God is difficult. It is exclusive and NOT tolerant. I know it is hard to hear and convicting. I like that about it. I was raised a Dutch Calvinist and I know we are considered the "hardliners" of the christian denominations. I was taught the basic beliefs and tenants of the faith when I was a tiny child. And, my character type is such that I am VERY HAPPY when given a set of rules to adhere to . And, I'm a traditionalist. So, the church has been a tough place for me lately, but I'm working on it. Anyway, I'm glad I'm going to this church. And, I'm glad I found a church to attend BEFORE Easter. I don't know why this feels so good to me, but it does.
I love going to church on Easter. I think my favorite service of the whole year is an Easter Sunrise Service. I've been to them many different places. I've been to sunrise services on more beaches than I can think of. I've been to a sunrise service on Diamond Head in Hawaii, I've been to a sunrise service in a volcano, I've been to sunrise services on boats, and I've been to many in lovely parks with mountains in the background. There is nothing as beautiful, to me, as an Easter Sunrise Service. I'm not going to one this year. This church doesn't do sunrise service. I'll be ok with that, but I'll miss it. This year I'm focusing on being in the center of Christ's love, even though I've broken ALL the rules. I've been mad at His church. I've been unforgiving to His believers. I've broken all His commands. I've resented spending time in prayer. And, I have chosen NOT to spend time in His Word. I've learned a lot about love during this Lenten season. I've shared my feelings about these things with my parents. My parents, the teachers of all I know about the love of God. The teachers of the faith. The most faithful, believing people I know. And, they were sad, of course, but they still love me. They love me in my doubt. They love me in my anger. They love me in my rule breaking.
They show me how much God loves me.
I'm looking forward to being in church this Easter. Being with other rule breakers, doubters and maybe even some haters. We will all be there. Smack in the center of the Love of Christ. Even though we don't deserve it. We believe. We have faith. Hallelujah, He is Risen.
I love going to church on Easter. I think my favorite service of the whole year is an Easter Sunrise Service. I've been to them many different places. I've been to sunrise services on more beaches than I can think of. I've been to a sunrise service on Diamond Head in Hawaii, I've been to a sunrise service in a volcano, I've been to sunrise services on boats, and I've been to many in lovely parks with mountains in the background. There is nothing as beautiful, to me, as an Easter Sunrise Service. I'm not going to one this year. This church doesn't do sunrise service. I'll be ok with that, but I'll miss it. This year I'm focusing on being in the center of Christ's love, even though I've broken ALL the rules. I've been mad at His church. I've been unforgiving to His believers. I've broken all His commands. I've resented spending time in prayer. And, I have chosen NOT to spend time in His Word. I've learned a lot about love during this Lenten season. I've shared my feelings about these things with my parents. My parents, the teachers of all I know about the love of God. The teachers of the faith. The most faithful, believing people I know. And, they were sad, of course, but they still love me. They love me in my doubt. They love me in my anger. They love me in my rule breaking.
They show me how much God loves me.
I'm looking forward to being in church this Easter. Being with other rule breakers, doubters and maybe even some haters. We will all be there. Smack in the center of the Love of Christ. Even though we don't deserve it. We believe. We have faith. Hallelujah, He is Risen.
