I don't think I pray the right way.
In fact, I'm pretty sure I don't pray properly.
Prayer is a tough thing for me. If I think about it long enough, I'd have to say I've never been very good at prayer.
If I pray at all, it usually happens when I close my eyes to fall asleep. This is when all my biggest fears rise to the forefront of my consciousness. Then I go into begging mode. God, please do this... God, please do that... God, please don't let this happen. God, help me not to be afraid. I'm not sure this is the way we are supposed to pray.
I know Jesus gave us a model for prayer when he taught the disciples the Lord's Prayer in Matthew 6:9-13. I try to pray the model. I try to pray by recognizing who God is and all the power he has and that he is my creator. I try to pray by remembering that God is listening to me and just by the very act of prayer, I am honoring him. I try to remember to confess my sins. I know having unconfessed sin in my life can block my access to the almighty, but I don't always remember to do this. In fact, I almost never remember to do this. As far as asking for my daily bread, well... I usually ask for a whole lot more. I know asking for and receiving my daily bread, should be enough for me. I shouldn't be greedy and ask for more than I need each day, but I do. I'm worried about my future, sometimes. I'm worried about my son's future, almost all the time. So I pray for more than my daily bread. I pray for security. I think this is probably not what I should be praying for. I want security on this Earth. I know this is not what we are supposed to desire, but my flesh wants a house and food and clothing (btw, I'd like wifi, health care, and an occasional vacay, too). And I want it for the rest of my life. I pray to be a good person. I don't want to sin against God, but I do. And, when I pray not to sin, I'm already thinking, "you know, I'm gonna sin. I just know it." I pray for God to heal people. And then I sometimes couch it with, "guide the surgeon's hands."
This is the struggle. I want to pray the way Jesus wants me to pray, but I want to pray for the things I want, too. I want people I love to get better, not suffer, and all that good stuff. I want people I don't like to, well... I want them not to suffer either, but I'm not as emphatic.
As I consider my prayer efforts and whether or not I'm "doing it" right or not, I consider this; I'm praying. I believe God is hearing my prayer. I may not always believe he is answering my prayer, but I believe he hears it. I believe he forgives me of my sins when I remember to confess them. I believe he wants me to confess all my sins, but he knows how forgetful (and full of rationalizations) I am. As I consider what prayer is, I consider this; prayer is my opportunity to honor God. When I do it, I'm acting in faith. When I don't, I'm acting on my own.
I've got to tell you, it's tough being a Calvinist. There are so many "right ways" and "wrong ways." One Sunday I listened to a sermon that essentially said, if you don't end a prayer "In Jesus name, Amen," God will not hear your prayer. There must be something in the bible about praying in Jesus' name. Should I kneel? Should I raise my hands or fold them? Should my eyes be closed or can I keep them open? Between the actions of my body and the desires of my heart and the thoughts in my head, I find myself wondering how to pray.
I know prayer isn't like making an incantation or a recipe for success. I know if I don't do it right, God's will will still be done, on Earth as it is in Heaven. Maybe the adage, practice makes perfect, fits with prayer. Maybe the more often I pray, the better I'll get at it.
Linking with Emily at Imperfect Prose on Thursday. Our cue was Believe.
130. Accepting God's forgiveness and allowing myself to be forgiven
131. Getting a good night of sleep
132. Believing God is watching over my son, now that he lives on his own
133. Feeling the Holy Spirit drawing me back to attendance in a church on Sunday mornings
134. My health (I really need to stop taking this for granted and get a little exercise)
In fact, I'm pretty sure I don't pray properly.
Prayer is a tough thing for me. If I think about it long enough, I'd have to say I've never been very good at prayer.
If I pray at all, it usually happens when I close my eyes to fall asleep. This is when all my biggest fears rise to the forefront of my consciousness. Then I go into begging mode. God, please do this... God, please do that... God, please don't let this happen. God, help me not to be afraid. I'm not sure this is the way we are supposed to pray.
I know Jesus gave us a model for prayer when he taught the disciples the Lord's Prayer in Matthew 6:9-13. I try to pray the model. I try to pray by recognizing who God is and all the power he has and that he is my creator. I try to pray by remembering that God is listening to me and just by the very act of prayer, I am honoring him. I try to remember to confess my sins. I know having unconfessed sin in my life can block my access to the almighty, but I don't always remember to do this. In fact, I almost never remember to do this. As far as asking for my daily bread, well... I usually ask for a whole lot more. I know asking for and receiving my daily bread, should be enough for me. I shouldn't be greedy and ask for more than I need each day, but I do. I'm worried about my future, sometimes. I'm worried about my son's future, almost all the time. So I pray for more than my daily bread. I pray for security. I think this is probably not what I should be praying for. I want security on this Earth. I know this is not what we are supposed to desire, but my flesh wants a house and food and clothing (btw, I'd like wifi, health care, and an occasional vacay, too). And I want it for the rest of my life. I pray to be a good person. I don't want to sin against God, but I do. And, when I pray not to sin, I'm already thinking, "you know, I'm gonna sin. I just know it." I pray for God to heal people. And then I sometimes couch it with, "guide the surgeon's hands."
This is the struggle. I want to pray the way Jesus wants me to pray, but I want to pray for the things I want, too. I want people I love to get better, not suffer, and all that good stuff. I want people I don't like to, well... I want them not to suffer either, but I'm not as emphatic.
As I consider my prayer efforts and whether or not I'm "doing it" right or not, I consider this; I'm praying. I believe God is hearing my prayer. I may not always believe he is answering my prayer, but I believe he hears it. I believe he forgives me of my sins when I remember to confess them. I believe he wants me to confess all my sins, but he knows how forgetful (and full of rationalizations) I am. As I consider what prayer is, I consider this; prayer is my opportunity to honor God. When I do it, I'm acting in faith. When I don't, I'm acting on my own.
I've got to tell you, it's tough being a Calvinist. There are so many "right ways" and "wrong ways." One Sunday I listened to a sermon that essentially said, if you don't end a prayer "In Jesus name, Amen," God will not hear your prayer. There must be something in the bible about praying in Jesus' name. Should I kneel? Should I raise my hands or fold them? Should my eyes be closed or can I keep them open? Between the actions of my body and the desires of my heart and the thoughts in my head, I find myself wondering how to pray.
I know prayer isn't like making an incantation or a recipe for success. I know if I don't do it right, God's will will still be done, on Earth as it is in Heaven. Maybe the adage, practice makes perfect, fits with prayer. Maybe the more often I pray, the better I'll get at it.
Linking with Emily at Imperfect Prose on Thursday. Our cue was Believe.
130. Accepting God's forgiveness and allowing myself to be forgiven
131. Getting a good night of sleep
132. Believing God is watching over my son, now that he lives on his own
133. Feeling the Holy Spirit drawing me back to attendance in a church on Sunday mornings
134. My health (I really need to stop taking this for granted and get a little exercise)
