Monday, April 2, 2012

I can't be the only one who burps when they drink beer

Friday, after work, I had to have a drink with my boss and two other co-workers to "celebrate" the completion of three days of intensive meetings about master planning at the college I work at.  Why do I call it "celebrating" and not celebrating?  I'll tell you.  Nothing says, "I appreciate all your hard work these past two weeks" like staying an hour after quitting time on a Friday and drinking beer with your boss and two co-workers.  I'll tell you, I would have rather been allowed to leave an hour early.  Oh, did I tell you, I had to go out and buy the beer and snacks on my lunch hour.  Yippee!  I was tempted to use my boss's credit card to buy my lottery tickets, but I can't do something like that.  (but I thought about it and I did buy 10 tickets and I didn't win anything)

So, we are sitting outside on a Friday afternoon (evening, it's after 5 pm.) drinking Heineken and munching on Chex Mix.  (I'm fancy)  We chat about how great everything went this week.  We are super awesome hard workers.  (wow, this is SO much better than getting a raise)  We are a great TEAM!  And then the chat turns to personal stuff.  I hate talking to my work people about my personal stuff.  I just don't want them to know too much about me.  I don't like feeling judged if what I'm doing sounds stupid to them and I don't like being snubbed if what I'm doing sounds like I'm "showing off" or living beyond my means.  Seriously, you cannot win in these conversations.  Anyway, my boss said he was going to a club on Sunday to listen to a group called Asleep at the Wheel (free plug.  I was not paid for this link in any way) and suddenly I had to burp, but I didn't want to burp so I tried to hold it in, but it came out of my nose in a *snort*.

Now, as background info for all of you that have never met my boss, I'll give a quick description.  My boss:  stick in the mud, super up-tight, absolutely unaware of any popular culture, VERY east coast pseudo-intellectual, outdoorsy in a bird-hunting and fishing kind of way, and he sails.  Do you get the picture?

We're drinking Heineys, for pete's sake.  Anyway, my boss says to me, "so Happygirl, do you have something you want to say about this?"  I don't, so I look down at my feet.  He doesn't let this go.  "Come on, Happygirl, if you've got something to say, say it.  What, don't you think I go out once in a while?  Do you think I don't like to have fun on the weekends?"  Brother, I think, I don't care what you do on the weekends.  In fact, I don't even think about you on the weekends.  I don't say any of this.  Instead, I keep looking down.  Then I say, "I burped and it went up my nose."  Really?  You've never heard a lady try not to burp before?  I can't wait to get out of there.  Embarrassing.  This is why I don't like hanging with my boss and co-workers.  Nothing good can come from this.

Has this ever happened to any of you?

I'm driving home from work after this and I'm thinking to myself, "Crap, I'm an idiot."  I should have told him to give me a minute to say "excuse me" or something.  After all, I wasn't raised in a barn.  I do have manners.  He just jumped all over me and then I felt stupid.  Yep, this is what I do to myself on the drive home.  I rehash and rehash and wish I would have thought of something clever to day and, generally, feel bad about myself.

Does anyone else do this?

And then I start thinking that none of this would have happened (and we are talking about a burp going up my nose) if I hadn't had two beers.  If I'd only had one beer, everything would have been perfect.  It's all my fault.  I'm a burping fool because I had two Heinekens.  So now I'm blowing this whole thing up in my mind and thinking I drink too much.

I know this sounds super nutty and you don't have to admit it, but if you've ever blown a little burp incident all the way up into a full-blown, I need to get into recovery because I cannot control my bodily functions when I drink two beers scenario, please let me know.

My husband came home Saturday night.  I told him about this on Sunday.  He said, "What a jerk."  The end.  After considering this evaluation of the event I decided to agree with my husband.  My boss said a jerky thing instead of just ignoring the burp.  Seriously, has he never had a beer before?  Drinking beer = burping.  Natural function.  Get over it, already.

90.  Husband home again
91.  Chatting with my mom on the phone on the way to work
92.  Relaxing weekend and getting nothing of substance accomplished
93.  The return of Mad Men (I had to wait until my husband got home to watch the season premier)
94.  Roasted turnips
95.  Sleeping with the windows open at night


  1. at least you tried to hold it in and not spray him with exhaust and chex that would teach him...smiles.

  2. when I do things like this I over think it. A friend calls it "insanity" when we think and over think what we did and probably the other people are already at home sleeping and snoring not even thinking about us. why do we do this to ourselves? Next time don't hold it, just let it out, let it be free like the wind. It's just a burp, everyone does it.

  3. I thought he thought you were snorting at the thought of him going to a concert.  (I saw that group Asleep at the Wheel in concert once with Willie Nelson and Emmylou Harris.) 

    I'm glad you came clean about the burp - he sounds a little puffed up to me.  I'd have probably obsessed about it, too. 

    And seriously what's with the bosses thinking that employees want to drink with them on their own time?  That happened at that law firm I worked at once - they trotted out margaritas as some kind of reward after work.  Nothing like drinking tequila with a bunch of lawyers.  :)

  4. Heineken  - good call. 

  5. When folks drink together surely they can also burp together. You are entirely fine--and more than that, awesome. :)


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