Monday, October 7, 2013

Finding my way in this new land

I have to admit, I'm lost.

I haven't found a routine or schedule or goal or whatever motivates one when they don't have a job outside the home and they don't have children to care for.

I used to think I was a "self starter," but now I'm not so sure.  It's funny (read, kinda sad) that I let little things stop me in my tracks.  The first thing I allowed to keep me from jumping into my new way of life was the hurt I felt from the way I was "let go" from my job.  It took me almost three weeks to pick myself up and dust myself off.  Now that I've got a bit of distance and I've let go of any ownership I felt about my work I can look at things objectively.  The first thing I've come to accept is that they fired me.

There, I said it.  Out loud.  On the internet (so it's out there forever).  Those people (jerks) that I worked for for 11 years, fired me.  Yeah, they did me dirty.

Ok, now I can move on.  But then..., my computer broke.  Seriously, I can't do anything without my laptop.  Here I am finally blogging again.  AND, I'm blogging on my brand new MacBook Air.  Yeah, I thought I was going to get a Pro, but I decided to go with the Air.  It cost less and it has everything I need.  I LOVE IT.  It is light as a feather.  Seriously.  I can take this thing EVERYWHERE.  I'm going to have to get some kind of sleeve or protector for it.  Since I CAN take it everywhere, I DO take it everywhere.  I've banged it against the car door more than once.  I don't want to break it.

I still haven't taken all my files off my old MacBook yet.  That bad boy is still sitting in the front hall.  Maybe I'll finally get to that little chore today.

Then, sadly, two of my former co-workers (ones that I truly liked, but cannot call friends because, well, are we ever REALLY friends with co-workers?  after all, we only know each other because we work together and when we don't work together anymore we don't really have time or opportunity to see each other.) have had tragedies occur in their lives.  One of them had a mini stroke (she's only 35 years old!) and the other lost her 22 year old son (she discovered he had passed away when she got home from work).  These two events stopped me dead in my tracks.  All I could do, that felt productive, was to pray (and, unfortunately, worry).  These things give me opportunity to reevaluate the way I look at the difficulties I have in my life. 

I have the opportunity to get a little perspective.

I'm out of work..., but I can look for a job and maybe even find one.
My son is out of work..., but he is still capable of working and he's looking for a job.  (at least that is what he tells me.)
My husband doesn't have job..., but he is on the last chapter of his dissertation and, fingers crossed, will finish in November.
My mother is losing her mind..., but she is 80 years old, still has her physical health, and her condition is not as difficult at this time as it will become.
My father is has become very bitter..., and become the best example of what I NEVER want to become.
My favorite millennial blogger has become a mommy blogger instead of being the voice of her generation (of the entitled)..., but I can find a more uplifting blog to read. 

I'm still searching for a routine.  I long for a schedule in my life.  I need to find some discipline and get myself together.  I know I can do it.

And I will.  But not until after my back feels better.  (I fell down the stairs the other day.)

501.  New laptop
502.  Heating pad
503.  My health
504.  My son's health
505.  My husband's health
506.  My father's health
507.  My mother's health
508.  Time in prayer
509.  Time in God's word
510.  Hope


  1. I can identify with losing your job. I lost mine and took a 'transfer' to another job with the same local government entity - and I wanted to leave the new job five minutes after I started! I spent the next two or three years asking God if I could leave yet. Had I accomplished what He took me there to do? He didn't answer yes until one day - through my sweetheart - it was obvious that there were other things He had planned for me to do. I so understand your words. And I'm praying for you to find that place of balance. And joy. Again.

  2. mmm i am sorry on your co-workers...those things def can stop you in your tracks...i am sure the prayer helped...booyah on the new computer...that is awesome...i miss a mac but being away from it for a couple years i wuld have to relearn how to use

  3. Glad you are back! I missed you and your refreshingly direct outlook! Hope your back gets better real soon!

  4. Wow. There is so much here. A new season. Always the hard and the good. Let me know about the routine thing. It is one of the areas of frustration in my life. Right now it's get up early and go to bed late. The form inbetween is messy.

  5. Glad to meet you honey! I am in the group with you. You have a lot on your plate right now and I will put you and your family in my prayers. Congrats on the new lap top!

    I know it is not funny about you falling down the stairs but it made me giggle because it reminded me... I fall going upstairs! And I passed it onto my daughter. Try explaining that one!
    Love & hugs,

  6. welcome back. even if you're confused and hurting. I missed you.

  7. So sorry to hear about what happened. I'm sure things will eventually
    improve. Anyway, I love the Mac Air. Aside from the fact that it's
    light, it's really got a long battery life, which is exactly what I
    need since I'm always on the road. How much did it cost you?

    Remsen @


Comments from my readers bring sunshine to my day. They make me so happy.