Thursday, May 24, 2012

Five more ways to facebook like a grownup

I told you I'd post five more tips later this week.  Here it is, later this week and here are five more tips on facebooking like a grownup.

Number 6.  Hide from friends in Facebook Chat
There's bound to be a few people you'd rather not chat with on Facebook.  Appearing to be offline to certain friends is simple.  Just click on that person's name in the chat window, as if you were about to start a chat, click the gear icon for options and select go off-line.  Viola, you are invisible.

What Number 6 should really sayStay offline for Facebook Chat – all the time!
Never, and I mean NEVER allow yourself to be seen on Facebook Chat.  There is a huge difference between the voyeurism you desired when accepting friends and actually interacting with them on Facebook Chat.  Those old high schoolmates you haven't seen in 20 or 30 years... yeah, you're going to vividly remember why you haven't kept in touch.

Number 7.  Pre-approve all tags
First of all, you know what tagging is, right?  Tagging is when you are linked to friends pictures and other things.  You can set your Facebook account to require pre-approval before any tagged content appears on your timeline.  Select "Privacy Settings" from the drop-down menu on the top-right of your Facebook page. Next to "Timeline and Tagging," click on "Edit Settings."  Look down for "Review posts friends tag you in before they appear on your Timeline" and "Review tags friends add to your own posts on Facebook" and set these both to "on."

What Number 7 should say (because most of you don't even know what tagging is).  Don't 'like' your own status update
This doesn't happen often, but it happens more often than it should.  This happens when the poster is extremely pleased with the status or comment they have posted.  When you 'like' yourself, it's a bit like..., well..., showing everybody how MUCH you like yourself.  This isn't something anyone wants to see.

Number 8.  Hide annoying content from your newsfeed
You can control what appears on your news feed.  From the homepage, click on the pencil icon that appears when you hover over "News Feed," and select "Edit settings."  You can hide posts coming into your news feed from certain people, certain apps and certain pages.
This is what Number 8 should really say.  Don't link Facebook to your Twitter account
First of all, it will make all your "friends" hate you.  If they wanted to see the blow by blow of your day through your Twitter musings, they'd follow your tweets.  Secondly, they won't follow your tweets.  Your real friends are adults and they have no idea how to use Twitter or set up an account.

Number 9.  Create a secret group
You can create a secret Facebook group that only you, and the friends you choose, can view. It's a way to share content with a select few.  To start your secret group, click "More" next to the "Groups" area on your homepage.  Select "Create Group" on the next page that loads.  Once you've named your group, choose an icon from the drop-down menu, add friends and then check the "secret" option.

I was just kidding with ^, here is the real Number 9.  Get it into your head that your child is not special
Please don't post daily pics of the darling.  We know what a baby looks like.  Please don't post every drawing or chicken scratch they have produce in school or unschool or art class.  We don't need to hear about how miraculously intelligent you believe your spawn to be.  These comments are just making the rest of us hate you.  There will be much rejoicing when we see their names printed in the police ledger of the local paper.

Number 10.  Upload images in high quality
Facebook's default photo upload functionality is not high resolution.  If you want to ensure your images are the best quality possible, always check the "High Quality" box as you upload.  It will take a little longer, but the better images should be worth the wait.

Seriously?  Again with the pictures?  The real Number 10.  Don't friend your Facebook friends' kids
I'm not giving you this tip because it will inhibit your behavior on Facebook.  I'm not giving you this tip because you will have to edit your status updates and mind your manners with the comments.  I'm giving you this tip because all eaters under 25 are, most likely, idiots.  You are a grown-up (remember?).  You are NOT friends with your friends' kids.  No way, no how.

Good luck playing on the Facebook and having your day sucked away.  Enjoy everyone of your friends' vaca pictures and all their political rantings (after all, it is an election year).  I hope some of these tips will afford you an even more enjoyable Facebook experience.  (btw, remember to click on those ads.  my son just bought 100 shares of FB)

280.  Taking a nap after work
281.  Hearing about an answered prayer
282.  A little lime in my green juice
283.  Getting caught up with my work


  1. haha the stock has been tanking...i find that rather funny actually...still avoiding it like the plague...

  2. One of my friend's daughters friended me on facebook - she was 17 or so at the time.  I ended up hiding her posts because she is perfectly annoying.  :)  And I've always closed myself off to chat.  

  3. These are some good tips. I really like number 7-the first one. I didn't know you could pre-approve tags, that's good to know!

  4. I'm glad there was something for everyone.  :)

  5. I had to quit FB because I became addicted to it. I wasn't strong enough to set limits, I had to pull it like a band-aid.

  6. I do all sorts of those things, but especially keeping myself offline for chat.

  7. The REAL Number Six pretty much covers why I'm not on fb!


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