Sad Mac

jodygifford.blogspot.com

The rainbow wheel spins as thoughts back up in my brain.

Freeze.  Pause.  Jaw clenches.

Tapping keys with a purpose (of busting through the board).

Words get short.  Frustrations flare.

No love is lost when the faithful friend is dying.

Sure we’ve shared secrets and smiles and songs, but I long

For a MacBook Pro.


Nothing is more frustrating than a failing laptop, is there?
I'm linking with G-Man with my 55 this morning

491.  Yeah, I'm getting a pro
492.  Leaving anxiety behind
493.  Clearing stuff and feeling 10 lbs lighter
494.  Getting ready for company (yay entertaining)
495.  Farmers market
496.  Going out to a movie and dinner with a friend
497.  Waking up and realizing it was a nightmare
498.  Getting my confidence back
499.  Friday!  (not as exciting as it used to be)
500.  1st Friday!  (I adore the celebrating)

There is no sense in nonsense

Ok, I'm ready to write about the ...rest of the story of my "retirement."

I thought it may take me a few days to find the humor in this and I was right.  You've heard that no news travels faster than bad news.  This was true for me.  A week ago on Tuesday my phone and email blew up!

Evidently the college had begun to hire for my old position.  And, surprise, surprise, they had upgraded the position and given the position a raise.

I wasn't surprised at all.  I knew they wouldn't be able to hire someone qualified if they had kept the position the same as when I was in it.  This is why I was asking for a raise.

Sure it hurt that I had been lied to.  I had been in the job 11 years.  I thought I deserved to be treated with respect.  I guess I was wrong about that.

I got over this pretty quickly.  I mean, my old boss, Mr. Nonconfrontational, showed his true colors.  If he had been any kind of a man or manager, he would had spoken to me directly and just told me the truth.  I knew what the truth of the situation was.  It wasn't that I was a bad employee.  It wasn't that I wasn't doing my job.  The truth of the situation was that I had pushed them too hard.  I asked for the position to be upgraded and a substantial raise.  If they would have done this for me, then they would have been opening the door for EVERYONE to ask for raises.  And, they would have been able to say, "You gave Happygirl an upgrade and a raise.  Why not me?"  They weren't gonna have THAT.  And the easiest way not to have THAT was to close the door I had opened when I turned in my letter of resignation.  So they did.

Ok, I get that there is not much humor in this portion of the story.  Let's see if this next bit contains anything that'll make me smile.

The new guy that was promoted to be my boss (get that!  he had been promoted.  he had been a co-worker, now he was my boss.  gee, you think he'd want to share  some of the blessings that had gone around his way.  I guess when you "get yours" you don't have to care about anyone else.) is retired Navy (albeit a blackshoe or surface guy).

It was inevitable that I would run into this guy in the commissary.  (a commissary is the grocery store on a navy base, fyi)  This happened last Saturday.  It was everything you might have expected it to be.  We were both surprised to see each other, although he looked much more uncomfortable than I felt.  He asked me how retirement was treating me and I said I was well.  I congratulated him on getting my old position upgraded.  He hemmed and hawed and eventually said that he had told me he would get the position upgraded.  I said, "yeah, but not for me."  He responded with an uncomfortable sheepish look.  And, oh yeah, he told me that EVERYBODY on campus wanted my old job.  I told him that of course they would.  It's the easiest job on campus.  I mean, heck, I was capable of doing it.  Then I let him off the hook and told him he could keep all the crappy things that they were saying about me behind my back, behind my back.  Good luck and yada yada yada.

Are you laughing?  Yeah, I'm not laughing that much either.

The bottom line is this.  They did me a favor by not offering me the upgraded position.  First of all, they didn't raise the pay to as much as I had asked for.  (really?)  Secondly, if they would have raised the pay enough, I would have accepted the upgrade and raise and stayed.  And, this would still have been the character of the people I was working with 40 hours a week.  These would have been the people I was sharing the best part of my day with.  This is who was getting the best of my energy and intellect.

Enough with this nonsense.

Btw, now that I work for myself, I ADORE my new boss.

484.  On line yard sales on facebook (I finally found something useful on fb!!)
485.  Working with people I love
486.  Reading
487.  Finding my footing in my new normal
488.  Chuckling at Samsung's smartwatch (really, who likes this thing?)
489.  Finding my "happy" again
490.  Smiling a lot more 

No laughing aloud allowed

I have never felt like a stranger in my own home.  Even now, that I'm home all day and not spending 10 hours away from the house five days a week, I belong in this house.  It is my home.

I'll tell you a funny story.  My husband has been super supportive of me quitting my job and being home, with him, all day.  SUPER supportive.  You may remember that he quit his job back in February of 2012.  He doesn't have to go to work, EVER!  In the past year and a half he has gotten pretty used to having the house all to himself.  He liked it.  I think, while he was here all on his own and I was at work all day, he thought the house was his.  He had a routine.  He told me I'd develop a routine, now that I'm home all day, (but it better darn well fit into his routine).  He didn't really say that last bit out loud, but his actions and words to me around the house this past week have, sort of, indicated to me that this is how it's gonna work.

I don't really know my husband's routine and I haven't developed a routine yet, so we're just stumbling around trying not to piss each other off.  So far, so (pretty) good.  From what I can tell, the three tvs in the house are his.  There is a tv on each floor of the house.  While the market is open, the channels are all turned to CNBC.  After all, everything you need to know about what is happening in the world can be discovered on CNBC.  AND, now that neither one of us has a job providing outside income, we need to make our own money.  CNBC has all the information.  All tvs, while my husband is in the room, will be programmed to CNBC.

I do admit to enjoying watching CNBC, sometimes.  And, sometimes, I admit to enjoying Real Housewives of whatever city they happen to be filming this time.  And, just about ALL THE TIME, I enjoy watch those crazy housewives sit on two couches with Andy Cohen inbetween them and listen to them fight and watch them cry.  It is confrontation at its best.

Since I am now home all day, I was given some spoken expectations and I've been catching on to some of the unspoken expectations.  One of the spoken expectations, (and this is the funny part of this story, gee, it took me forever to get here and I've gone off on a horrible CNBC vs. RHOC trail to get here) is that I'm not allowed to laugh too loud.  Really, he said these words to me.  He told me he doesn't want me laughing too loud about anything.  Nope, no laughing.  If I find something funny during the day, I better keep it to myself.  He told me he doesn't want to have to tear himself away from working on his paper or paying bills or making a stock trade or whatever he happens to be doing at the time of my outburst of laughter to come to where ever in the house I happen to be to learn what it is I'm laughing about.  OoooooKay... whatever you say.

Seriously, even he can't believe he said this, out loud, to me.

I'm telling just about everyone I meet that this is what he told me.  I love it.  He believes this statement should be recorded in the husband annals of Things Husbands Should Never Say to Their Wives.  I'm sure it would be right up there with, "those pants make your butt look fat." 

I"m going to get used to the spoken expectations of life here in my own home.  I'm sure I'll even learn to tread the minefield of unspoken expectations.  I'll find my routine.  I'll even learn to fit into the thing my husband calls his routine.

I'll watch CNBC and look for the next BIG thing.  (why, oh why didn't I buy Tesla?  but, really, who'da thought those electric cars would end up being sexier than a Jaguar?)  After all, neither one of us is old enough to start drawing money out of our retirement accounts and we've both gotten quite attached to eating every day.  :)

476.  Having someone to run boring errand with, if I ask very nicely
477.  Green juice while watching Squawk on the Street
478.  The love of an old dog
479.  My son telling me he misses living with me (shocker)
480.  Saving LOTS of money on gas
481.  No phones ringing
482.  Discovering what I really like to do
483.  Did I say, getting up without an alarm... I love this part of it

Don't let the door...

I'm ready to tell the story of how I discovered I no longer had a job.

I am much more into to the idea of not having a job to go to each and every morning than I was last week. In fact, Monday mornings when you do not have to go into work are WONDERFUL. REALLY GOOD.

I thought I would find humor in the unceremonious way my resignation was accepted and the last day of my employment after being with the organization for 11 years. I haven't totally grasped the humor of it, but there have been some moments that made me chuckle.

Let's begin the story last Monday, August 19th. I was a bit late for work that morning, as I knew my boss was taking leave that day to assist his school-teacher wife in her move back into her classroom. I was doing my job and culling through his emails. I saw one email with the subject line of my name. My old boss was asking my new boss to meet with him to discuss me. A short time later my old boss's secretary called to set up a meeting. I told her it would have to happen the next day, so we set it up for Tuesday, August 20 at 9:00 a.m. Awesome. It appeared that a decision was going to finally be made. Part of the back story is from this blog, Why I'm still working.  This portion, in particular, sums up where I stood, employment wise, at this moment.

On Wednesday, July 31st  I carried my letter of resignation UPSTAIRS to my old boss.  I now work down in the basement and my new boss had not been hired yet.  Anyway, the date I put on the letter as my last day was August 8, 2013.  I was DONE!  When my old boss took the letter he was not happy.  He asked if this had anything to do with the fact that I had asked for a raise in January, written up a new PD and duty list in March, and he had said he would move forward on this and then had done nothing at all.  (oh, did I tell you he got a $100k raise in his new position? awesome.)  I said yes.  Yes it did.
He asked me if I would wait a couple days and he would go to HR and see what he could do about my raise.  Fine, I said.  So I waited...  A week later I'm told that HR told them they could not reassign my position in a way that would allow me to get a raise.  BUT..., would I continue working for 3 or 4 more weeks until the NEW HR director they just hired is on board and in place.  Looking at my job description and seeing about my raise would be the first thing this person will do.  My NEW boss said he would make this his TOP priority.

At 9:00 a.m. on Tuesday, August 20th my boss went upstairs to the meeting about me.  He returned at 9:35 a.m.  He didn't look at me.  He didn't speak to me.  He hurried into his office and got on the phone.  He managed to spend the 25 minutes he was stuck in the office with me talking on the phone and then left, at 10, for a 2-hour walk around the campus.  He used the entire two hours.  He returned and told me he was going to lunch.

Really?  He wasn't going to say ANYTHING to me about the meeting about ME?

As he was walking out the door, I called him back.  I asked him what was the result of the meeting that morning?  What had they decided to do about ME?  He got a funny look on his face and told me that he and I had a meeting scheduled in HR at 3:00 p.m., and it wasn't going to be a good meeting.

Really?  Not a good meeting?  What was going to happen?  Were they going to FIRE me?  I mean, that wouldn't be bad.  I was ready to go.  If they fired me I would be able to collect unemployment for 99 weeks.  I'd be good with that.  So I asked, what's going to happen at 3 o'clock?

He told me since I had submitted a letter of resignation, they were accepting my resignation at 3 o'clock.  They wanted me off campus immediately.

Really?  It was noon and they wanted me to keep working until 3 and then they wanted me to leave.  Huh?  I began to clean out my inbox and download all my personal files to my flashdrive and began to clean out my desk.  Then my phone rings... it's my boss... he's decided to tell me I can clean out my desk and leave now.  There's no need to wait until 3.

No kidding there's no need to wait until 3.  I'm outta here.  I told my boss that this was not a bad thing, for me.  I had put in my letter of resignation weeks ago.  I wanted to leave.  I was only here because I was doing a favor for him.  He had ASKED me to stay a few more weeks.  He was working on getting me a raise.  (evidently, he didn't work very hard at it.)

I packed up my stuff in a box and I carried it out to my car.  On the way to my car, I passed my old boss (the new CFO of the college) on the path.  I said "good-bye" to him.  He said "good-bye" to me.  It was 1:00 p.m.  It wasn't the end of the day.  I was carrying a box.  He knew what was happening.  Neither he, nor my current boss thanked me for 11 years of service.  Nothing.  I don't expect my phone to ring and be invited out for lunch either.  This was an incredible display of classlessness on the part of the upper administration of the college.  I shouldn't have expected anything more.

The thing that has made me chuckle in this whole evolution occurred last Friday.  On Friday evening my husband carried the mail into the house.  Included in the mail was a manilla envelope with a DVD of the movie Office Space in it.  No note.  Just the DVD.  (I had loaned the DVD to my old boss when he moved my office into the basement.  He, of course, didn't understand why I would make a reference to this movie.  I asked him if he had ever seen the movie.  He, of course, confused it with the tv show The Office.  I told him that Office Space is a classic comedy about business management and the corporate working world.  I have no doubt that he did not watch the movie.  But at least he had enough class to ask his secretary to mail it back to me and not steal it from me.  He's AWESOME!  not).

I am able to laugh about this.  Now, does anyone want to take any bets on whether or not I get a good-bye lunch?  Hahahaha

 

467.  Levis 505s for $10 for my son (I have to hem them)
468.  Time to hem the jeans
469.  Neighborhood picnic (fun to catch up with neighbors I don't see very often)
470.  A new goal (earn enough $$ by selling stuff to buy a new laptop)
471.  Friends that are truly happy for my new state of unemployment
472.  Advice to take it slow and not commit to anything for a month or two
473.  Feeling absolutely great about this decision
474.  Happy that I have enough to do to occupy my time and not have to "twiddle my thumbs" while my husband works
475.  My son's resume is being forwarded for a part-time IT position  (please pray God's will be done on this.  my will is that he gets the job.)

Hiding from truth

I keep myself safe in the world of my own design
Erasing people who disagree
Keeping me the way I want to see and be
I become a person who is desirable
Only by me
Not she
 I won’t give truth entrée
I’ll run away, hide behind a tree
Beneath a blanket I call safety

I'm linking with G-Man with my 55 this morning

I like to face the truth, no matter how ugly, in my life.  Some people don't.  They fascinate me.

461.  Friday, but it seems the same as Thursday and Saturday when one doesn't have a job

462.  Lattes on a weekday

463.  Sleeping late

464.  Sleeping well

465.  Encouragement

466.  The offer of new employment