I'm taking a moment to focus on the stumbling blocks to my happiness. I thought they may be interesting to you, too. I found them here.
Linking with G-Man for a Friday Flash 55
421. Yay, yay FRIDAY 422. A co-worker said I looked happier lately. She thought it might be because I have a new boss. Maybe? 423. One day closer to having my husband home 424. I blogged for 5 days in a row 425. One day closer to having an unpleasant co-worker leave (who knows, maybe that's how they will think of me one day. :P)
I haven't written about Tamoxifen for a long long time. Maybe the reason I've been silent on the subject is because of what I learned from Mr. Rabbit. (you know, Thumper's dad. you remember, in Bambi.) Anyway, Mr. Rabbit told Thumper one morning, and then Mrs. Rabbit reminded Thumper later that same day when Thumper was telling everyone he didn't think Bambi walked all that well, "if you can't say something nice... don't say nothing at all."
I haven't got anything nice to say about Tamoxifen today. So, (following my movie quote theme) I'm going to quote the beautiful Clairee Belcher in Steel Magnolias when she said, "if you don't have anything nice to say about anybody, come sit by me!"
Please sit right down and join me.
I'll start with telling you that I AM TIRED. I haven't slept a full night through in more than two and a half years. I am sure that by now I have a serious sleep debt. My energy level is super low. It has come to a point where the effort of sitting erect for nine hours, five days a week is exhausting to me. Who would have thought that sitting in a chair can become exhausting?
I am so tired that the thought of doing any exercise at all seems completely out of the question. Everyone tells me that if I do some exercise it will improve my energy level, but where does one find the energy to exercise when they are so tired? This is what is known as a Catch 22 (another movie reference).
One of the reasons I can't sleep is the horrible terrible really bad night sweats. (trust me, there are no movie references about this. even the scariest horror movie would not mention the dreaded night sweats.) The tremendous variation in comfort, going from boiling hot to freezing cold is a rude awakening that happens at least once a night. And, the fact that this has been going on for two and a half years... my mattress is shot. There is no point in purchasing a new mattress since I have two and a half more years to be on the stuff. Dang Tamoxifen!!
Another reason Tamoxifen sucks was reinforced at my house last night. Every night, or pretty much every night, at 9:00 p.m. I have a hot flash. I'm not exactly sure why it is called a flash? It isn't over in a flash. It usually takes a good 45 minutes to an hour to recover from a particularly strong hot flash. This isn't too bad, if I'm home alone, or even with my husband (because after my bout with menopause and the first two and a half years of Tamoxifen, he is used to the dreaded hot flash. he gives me room.). In this case I typically strip out of my shirt and either go outside or stand in front of the open freezer, whichever is cooler. Last night I couldn't do either... my son was over. Last night my son was visiting and he wanted my attention. He wanted me to look at a Walking Dead video game on YouTube. He knows I am a WD fan and typically I would enjoy this. Simultaneously, my husband was texting me and asking me to find the link for my blog about WWII love to share with his cousin. All I had was my phone and blogger reader makes searching for a blog post in the detail portion of blogger nearly impossible. Add that to my frustration of being a sweaty mess and feeling like I may burst into flames at any second and my son giving me crap for not looking at his YouTube video, well... I spoke with a tone in my voice.
The tone was an unpleasant tone. I even texted my husband with an unpleasant tone. Everyone (my son and my husband and since my husband was on the texting end of my unpleasant tone, he was affected at a lesser degree.) thought I was angry when the truth of the matter was that I was EXTREMELY uncomfortable.
My son was hurt.
I told him I was having a hot flash and I was uncomfortable. He asked me what a hot flash was. I told him to come near me. He did. He sat next to me on the couch and said, "wow, you're hot." (not in a good way) I agreed. I said I was hot and I would appreciate it if he would open a window. He did. He asked if it was better. It wasn't, but I said it was. This went on for about 15 minutes. I told him it was going to be a while until I felt better. He said he was leaving and going back to his house. I hope when the day comes, and I really hope that day comes for him, that he has to be comforting and tolerant of a woman in the throws of a hot flash, he will remember this moment. He probably won't.
Tamoxifen sucks.
Enjoy the movie scene of Catch 22.
410. Tamoxifen is, so far, keeping me from breast cancer 411. I haven't had any of the very scarey side effects of Tamoxifen 412. I got to use both affect and effect in this blog post and I used them correctly 413. Thinking about the movie Steel Magnolias always makes me smile 414. I have a new book to read on my kindle 415. AAPL has been up HARD this week 416. Another beautiful fall-like day in mid August 417. Talking to my husband on the phone this morning (I woke him up) 418. Crepe myrtles blooming everywhere 419. Finding my boss's iPad mini for him (he's grateful to me, that's a good thing) 420. Tomorrow is Friday
I am SUPER excited to see the new movie about Steve Jobs. Jobs looks like it may end up being a good one. I thought the guy they chose to play Jobs was a good choice. He had the look. I didn't think much of him, personally. I mean, all I really new about him was that he was Demi Moore's husband after she divorced Bruce Willis and she was 20 years older than him. My intimate knowledge of Ashton Kutcher was pretty limited. Oh yeah, I knew he played a kid on That 70's Show, but I really never watched the show. I think I saw him in a couple silly movies, but he didn't really impress me. Sure, he's a good looking guy, but who isn't a good looking guy in Hollywood.
And then I saw this.
Really, watch it. It's not what you think. It's thoughtful. I hope more than a few young people in the audience heard him.
He told the audience, which consisted of teen pop stars and teen girls, and other teen people and teen aficionados, about the three most important things he learned before he changed his name from Chris to Ashton. Before he became famous. Before he became a celebrity.
If I hadn't seen him interviewed on CNBC the other day, I wouldn't have thought he had this in him. But I did see the CNBC interview and I did learn that Mr. Kutcher is a smart businessman. Really, everything you need to know is on CNBC. You should watch it some time. It's really not boring.
Anyway... This is the crux of what he said.
First, he learned that opportunity looks a lot like hard work. He said he was never better than any job he ever had. He began working with his dad at the age of 13 (probably the age of many members of the audience) by carrying shingle up on the roof. Every job he ever had was a stepping stone to the next job and he never quit a job without having another job. Yep, he said this in front of the world and all the entitled in it. Opportunity looks a lot like hard work.
Secondly, he said, “The sexiest thing in the entire world is being really smart.” As soon as he said the word "sexy" the crowd (teenage girls) went wild. He told them that the world is telling you that you aren't smart. The world is telling you that you need their product or their clothes or their perfume or their shoes to be sexy. He told them not to buy into that "crap"! He told them to Be Smart, Be Thoughtful, and Be Generous. Oh, the world would be such a better place if people thought this way. (sadly, he's in the business of selling sex to the masses. I wonder how he puts this together in his mind?)
Finally, he told the crowd that something he learned while making the Steve Jobs film was that, “Everything around us that we call life was made up of people that are no smarter than you.” He encouraged the kids to build their own life, not to just live a life. Take charge of your own life, don't just follow the crowd.
If just one of these ideas sinks into the minds of any of the people that have heard this speech (and it's a whole lot, 'cause this video has gone viral) it will improve their lives. I hope. I pray. We will see.
401. Fall-like days in August 402. A son that come over to visit while my husband is out of town 403. Learning to be generous because I married a generous man 404. Good books 405. Buying a book that will allow 3 people in Africa to have clean drinking water 406. Leftovers 407. Enough work to help the day go by 408. Freedom from a lingering migraine 409. Finding my stride with my new boss
My husband is out of town for the week. He's visiting his family in the mid-West. His nephew is getting married. It's his second marriage, so we didn't think it was necessary for me to use vacation time and go along with him. He decided to drive. It's 1000 miles. Since it's a long drive he decided to incorporate a visit to his aunt's lake house and visit his aunt and his cousins. It's on the way and he loves it there. He spent much of his youth visiting his aunt and uncle and cousins at that house in the summers. It feels like home to him.
While he's gone I have to take care of the dog and the house and do the chores he typically does. One of those chores is taking out the garbage. This is an opportunity to put things into the garbage that often get taken out when the regular garbage taker outer takes out the garbage. This is what I hear at these auspicious times. "Hey!!! Why are you throwing THIS away?" Yeah, when the regular garbage taker outer isn't here, I don't have to hear that.
So I'm taking advantage of this time.
Since I'm telling you all of this I thought I would share a little something something I found on the internet about decluttering. This is from a post from Colleen Madsen of 365 Less Things. (the comments are mine) 1. Stop the Flow of Stuff Coming In. Decluttering is
a waste of time if you simply replace the old stuff with new. Determine today to buy less. Trust me, you won’t regret it. You've seen the TV show Hoarders, haven't you?
2. Declutter at Least One Item a Day. Decluttering
does not have to be a mad frenzy that disrupts your entire household. She says one item a day. I like to use the biblical number of perfection and throw out seven items each day. You can do what you like, but throwing things away is a good thing.
3. Declutter the Easy Stuff First. There is no need
to make things difficult by trying to declutter the hardest things
first. Yep, baby steps. Start with the things that are cluttering up the inside of your drawers before you start getting rid of the furniture.
4. Put a Disposal Plan in Place. Make a plan for your junk. eBay, Freecycle, Craigslist, and our local thrift store are my favorite disposal options.
5. Decide to Not Keep Things out of Guilt or Obligation.
Your home should only contain the things you love or use. You don't have to keep that ugly painting your sister-in-law gave you as a wedding gift. Seriously, throw that kind of stuff away.
6. Do Not Be Afraid to Let Go. The urge to hold on
to items you think you might need someday can be eliminated simply by
being realistic about what need really is. When you think about it (or watch Hoaders) and you think you may use something you find in your closet or garage or junk room (oh please, if you have a junk room you are in desperate need of this blog post) throw it out. That's what stores are for. Stores are for buying things you need, right now. Not later.
7. Gifts Do Not Have to be Material. Give clutter-free gifts. Encourage people to follow this concept when buying gifts for
you. Cash is a great gift. And if you are cleaning out a drawer and you find cash, put it in your wallet.
8. Do Not Over-Equip Your Home. You don't need enough kitchenware and bedding to supply the 7th fleet. Buy what you need. Not more.
9. Do Not Declutter Things that are not Yours Without the Owner’s Permission.
Everyone should have a choice about their own belongings, even small
children. Honor them by allowing them to choose. You can encourage
hoarding tendencies in others by ripping things away from them before
they are ready to let go. (actually, this surprised me. I'm sharing it with you even though I'm tossing stuff while my husband is away. I can't imagine asking him about every little thing. that being said, I would never toss something that I knew was dear to him without asking.)
10. Do Not Waste Your Life on Clutter. Don't let your stuff control your life. Your stuff has needs. It needs to be cleaned, fixed, insured, moved, etc., etc. Spend you life with the people you love. Spend your life doing what you love to do. Get rid of things that are barriers between you and your life.
Otakon (OH-tÉ™-kon) is an annual three day anime convention held during July/August at the Baltimore Convention Center in Baltimore, Maryland's Inner Harbor district. The convention focuses on East Asian popular culture (primarily anime, manga, music, and cinema) and its fandom. (definition from Wikipedia)
My son is a fan.
My husband is a great guy. My son had been planning to go to this convention for a year. He was planning to go with a buddy. Said buddy got married this past year. Buddy's wife said, "no way are you going to that convention and blowing $400 like you did last year." I had given my son 2 nights in a Baltimore hotel for this convention for his birthday gift. Going alone didn't sound like that much fun, but he really wanted to go. My husband, being the great guy that he is, went with him. Throughout the weekend I received pics of the GREAT TIME they were having. I texted my husband and asked him if he saw anyone there his age or older. By the end of Saturday he texted me back and said YES! He had seen three people his age or older.
It was a HUGE crowd and there were lots and lots of people in costumes. Evidently this convention is a very big deal. Here are a few of the pics that were sent to me over the course of the weekend.
I'm really glad I didn't have to go. This doesn't even look like a little bit of fun to me.
35,000 people in attendance
My guys
381. Weekend on my own 382. Girlfriend time (she came over for dinner and a movie) 383. Thai restaurants that deliver 384. The ability to make my son so happy 385. My husband 386. The desire to clean out a closet 387. The energy to get some of the closet cleaned 388. A better attitude about my job 389. Still being ok with whatever my job turns out to be 390. Coffee
