A Dozen Habits for a Happy Relationship

I found this little gem (12 Habits of a Happy relationship) on the internets (I know there is only one.  I was just trying to be funny.) the other day.  These were little reminders of what can make a happy relationship and they were attached to some gorgeous pics.  I thought I'd share them along with some of the things I've learned along the way of my almost (tomorrow!) 31 years of marriage.
 

#12 Settle disputes peacefully 
Speak nicely to each other.  I know when emotions are running high, usually in frustration, voices can become raised in anger.  That a tough enough thing to deal with.  What can make it worse is name calling (usually body part or animal names).  Try super hard not to do that.  If you don't like being yelled at or called names, most likely your spouse doesn't like it either.  And if children are present, it can be even worse.  Breathe before you speak.  Breathe deeply and slowly.  It'll be worth it.

#11 Spend quality time together  
Make time to be with each other.  Find time to date each other every week.  This doesn't have to be a "going out" date (but that would be nice).  Carve out time each week to check in with each other and find out how your spouse is doing.  If you get a response that is short and terse, you aren't spending enough quality time together. 

#10 Appreciate and Help each other Grow
Be your spouse's biggest encourager.  The world is far to eager to tell each of us that we aren't good enough or we will fail.  Be your spouse's cheerleader in whatever they are doing to improve themselves.  I know whenever I go on another diet I appreciate my spouse's words of encouragement much more than if he would say, "Oh, ANOTHER diet."  Nobody knows my failures better than I do.  I don't need to hear about them from my honey. 

#9 Live with Integrity
Tell each other the truth.  Lies are so damaging and trust is so hard to rebuild.  Be respectful.  Be kind.  Be that person that can be counted on.  Don't let your spouse down, if at all possible. 

#8 Be Loyal and Devoted 
Be faithful.  Be faithful when you are together and when you are apart.  Honor your committment to each other.  My husband and I were separated so much in our marriage.  There is nothing attractive about jealousy.  The love I felt from my husband by his faithfulness was the love that sustained me while I was on my own. 

#7 Love and Respect each Other as Individuals
You are responsible for your own happiness.  Nobody can make you happy.  If I have learned nothing else by writing this blog, it is that I am as happy as I decide to be.  I have learned that my happiness never comes at the expense of someone else.  If I hurt someone in order to pursue my happiness, I'm actually being selfish and I will not be happy.

#6 Lend Support during the Good Times and Bad
There will be Better and there will be Worse.  I've learned two things that have helped me to understand and to be there for my spouse in both of these situations.  What I learned was this; bad times don't last and good times don't last, either. 

#5 Understand: Every Relationship is Different
Nobody really knows what goes on behind closed doors.  Also, everybody lies.  I'm sorry to be the one to tell you this, but they do.  There is nothing wrong with picking up good ideas from marriages you admire, but don't compare your marriage to another couple's marriage.  Appreciate your marriage and make it the best it can be. 

#4 An Emphasis on Communication and Listening
Unspoken expectations are disasters waiting to happen.  Don't expect your spouse to be a mind reader.  Ask for what you want.  And remember, just because you ask doesn't mean you will get what you want, but you have a much better chance than if you say nothing at all.  So often we think our "soul mates" should just know what to do for us.  That is disappointment waiting to happen.

#3 Turn Negatives into Positives
Be a team.  There are going to be problems that arise almost every day.  Work together to turn those difficulties into successes.  The bible say that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.  If you believe you can persevere, you can turn things around.

#2 Work on Thoughtfulness Every Day
Take time each day to put your spouse first.  Take time each day to say to yourself, what can I do to make my love happy?  Being thoughtful can be a learned activity.  It is so easy to be self-involved.  Making the effort to put someone else first is an act of love. 

#1 Realistic Expectations
Marriage is real life.  There are going to be good days and bad days.  There are going to be days when you don't feel the passion.  There are going to be days you do!  When my husband and I married we had one expectation for each other and that was that we didn't ever want to be divorced.  My husband came from divorce and I came from a long marriage.  Together we took the realities and ideals we had about what marriage could be and made them our marriage.  We made it our real life.

351.  My husband
352.  My son
353.  My marriage
354.  My relationship with God
355.  My savior, Jesus Christ
356.  My access to God's word
357.  My opportunity to communicate to God through prayer
358.  My husband's faith in God and me when my faith in God and me gets shakey
359.  The gift of enough tenderness of heart to have gratitude for all the blessings I've been given
360.  The desire to know God better

A dangerous blog

"Our blog is currently invite only. If you would like to read the blog, you may message us your email address.  We will allow readership on a case-by-case basis. Once we leave our current location, the blog will be made public, but right now, for the safety of our family, it is a private blog." 

I wonder what they are writing that puts them in such danger?
Linking with G-Man for a Friday Flash 55

346.  Friday
347.  The weekend
348.  Not working
349.  Laughter
350.  Coffee in bed on Saturday mornings

Why I'm still working

I had put a countdown clock app on my iPhone.  The title of my countdown clock was "I Quit."  I was totally and completely ready to quit my job and I had decided that June 30, 2013 was going to be the day.

I'm still working.  Even I need to take a minute to sort out why I'm still working.

If I think about it, it all started back in April.  In April the college I work at discovered the new student enrollment for fall '13 semester was going to be 1/3 less than they had budgeted for.  Another way to say this is, they were $3.5 million short.  There was PANDEMONIUM.  What were they going to do?  Where were they going to find the money?  Why did this happen?  Were they going to have layoffs?  Were they going to ask for early retirements?  So many questions...

I stayed through all this HOOPLA because of one thing.  If there were going to be offers of early retirements there were going to be cash bonuses to take the early retirement.  I thought it would be silly to miss the opportunity to get a bonus and just take the early retirement.  So I waited...  The early retirement thing did not pan out.  Bummer.

While I was waiting to see if the bonuses panned out, a better job opened up and I was qualified for it.  So I applied.  This job paid a 1/3 more than I am making now and it had fewer responsibilities.  My fingers were crossed.  If I could make more money, I'd have an easier time getting up for work in the morning.  After all, isn't money the reason we go to work?  I told my boss I was applying for the job and I asked for a reference.  I figured a reference from my boss (who had just been promoted to CFO of the college and was in the capacity of Acting President) would carry a little weight.  So I waited...  I waited quite a while (more than 2 weeks) and then discovered they didn't even offer me an interview.  Evidently, in their eyes, I was not qualified for the job.  I WAS PRETTY DARN ANGRY.  In fact, I was so irritated that I sat down and wrote my letter of resignation.  I wrote it.  I printed it.  I signed it.  And, I carried it upstairs and handed it to my old boss.

Ok, I need to take a couple minutes to update you on a few things that were going on at the same time all this waiting and whatnot was going on.  First, they fired the president of the college.  And then they fired the VP for Admissions at the college.  Who else was going to fall under the axe?  Also, I told you my boss had been promoted, so I don't currently have a boss.  We are in the interviewing process for finding my boss, but they haven't hired anyone yet.  Oh, and btw, one of the candidates for my new boss is a co-worker of mine who is extremely qualified.  But, no, they didn't just want to promote him.  They wanted to spend thousands of dollars to fly in possible candidates from hither and yon.  Then, they hired my co-worker.  I have a new boss.  Finally, while this was all going on, they asked me to move out of my office and move into the basement.  (sounds a lot like Office Space, doesn't it?)  They told me this on a Friday and my move date was the following Wednesday.  Awesome.

That's why I had to say I carried my letter of resignation UPSTAIRS to my old boss.  I now work down in the basement and my new boss had not been hired yet.  Anyway, the date I put on the letter as my last day was August 8, 2013.  I was DONE!  When my old boss took the letter he was not happy.  He asked if this had anything to do with the fact that I had asked for a raise in January, written up a new PD and duty list in March, and he had said he would move forward on this and then had done nothing at all.  (oh, did I tell you he got a $100k raise in his new position? awesome.)  I said yes.  Yes it did.

He asked me if I would wait a couple days and he would go to HR and see what he could do about my raise.  Fine, I said.  So I waited...  A week later I'm told that HR told them they could not reassign my position in a way that would allow me to get a raise.  BUT..., would I continue working for 3 or 4 more weeks until the NEW HR director they just hired is on board and in place.  Looking at my job description and seeing about my raise would be the first thing this person will do.  My NEW boss said he would make this his TOP priority.

Too late to make a long story short.  This is why I'm still at work.  I can tell you this whole evolution has been quite a roller coaster.  I have been left exhausted and wrung completely out with all this rigamarole.  The only good thing I can say about this is that either way it goes, whether I stay and have a raise or a quit and stay at home, I will get exactly what I want.

I think I'm in a very good place... even if it is the basement.

337.  I like my new boss
338.  It's super air conditioned in the basement.  I'm wearing a sweater
339.  Being in the basement helps me focus on the positive
340.  My favorite blogger is blogging again
341.  Tomatoes are EVERYWHERE
342.  BLTs
343.  Surprisingly balmy weather for the end of July and beginning of August
344.  Dreaming of traveling to Prince Edward Island (and seeing where Anne of Green Gables lives)
345.  Smiling just a little more

Love is a four letter word

Love warms my lips,
The four-letter-word,
The word I hesitate to use,
It makes me vulnerable,
It means I care,
It makes all of the other words moot
To speak it is to admit it.
To speak it is to strip naked - bare my heart - mean it - beg reciprocation -
Ten thousand angels are at my beck and call;  they guard my way.
I rejoice out loud 
Soft eyes wide-open, accepting my love as flowers accept sunshine
Leaves stir in the breeze and welcome me to rest in their shade.
It is music to me
Beginning
Blooming
Bubbling
and Bold

326.  Warm banana bread
327.  Rain cooling the roof of my house
328.  Being free
329.  Working hard and getting things accomplished
330.  New office mates and looking forward to seeing them tomorrow
331.  Watching tv and just chilling
332.  Having confidence that what comes around, goes around
333.  A comfortable bed
334.  My dog (even though he smells pretty bad)
335.  Not smelling like insect repellent and campfires
336.  Cool breezes

Earning my pay next week

It's going to be a busy week.  My work is wildly busy lately.  My old boss is now the acting president of the college I work at.  Oh yeah, and on July 1 he took over the position of CFO of the college.  So he is doing both of those things.  And, oh yeah, he didn't appoint an acting AVP (the position I support) so he's doing this job, too.

Nuts.

This week I'm bringing in four candidates for the AVP position.  There will be four days of interviewing this week.  I am supporting all the interviews and responsible for gathering all the recommendations and compiling them for review.

Oh yeah, they are moving my office this week.  I just found out last Friday.  I have to pack up the offices on Monday and Tuesday because the movers are coming to move everything on Wednesday.

Double nuts.

If this isn't enough, I need to schedule three full days of meetings with faculty, staff, and students from all over campus to meet with contracted evaluators from a national organization for campus facilities.  We are paying big money for this evaluation, so if it isn't complete, I'm wasting the college's money.

My week is nuttier than squirrel poop.

By the way, I haven't heard anything about the position I applied for.  I've been told that the search committee for that position is meeting next week.  Fingers crossed that the interview for the position isn't going to be scheduled for this week as well.

And, how's this for weird coincidence?  If, by chance, I get the new position I will find myself sitting in the exact same place I'm sitting right now.  (luckily I get to coordinate the moves)

Maybe I can get Sleeping Beauty to skip a nap or two and give me a hand.  (haha)

320.  Lazy Sunday afternoon
321.  Catching up on blogs I've been missing
322.  Hearing a great sermon in church this morning
323.  Spending quality time with my husband
324.  Fresh peaches
325.  Confident I can do the work I have ahead of me this week