My friend had the biggest smile and the strongest hope

Yesterday I went to the funeral of a friend.  In reality, she was much more than a friend.  She was a sister in Christ.  Actually, she was more than a sister in Christ.  She was my Titus 2 woman.  She was a woman I looked to for spiritual guidance.  Especially for spiritual guidance in my role as a wife and a mother.

Evidently I wasn't her only friend.  The church was packed.  The funeral was standing room only.

My husband and I looked at each other.  We didn't even have to say it.  We knew what we were each thinking.  There was no way either of us could fill a church with friends like that.  Linda was a special person.  Even the minister was struggling to keep it together as he read the verses from the bible that give us hope for eternity.  Even though he was full of the knowledge that our friend was in heaven with her king, the pain of losing her, as a friend on this earth, was too great.

You might think, "my, this woman must have been a perfect woman."  You may think she was goodness personified.  She wasn't, you know.  She was a normal, flawed human being.  She had struggles in her life.  I remember when my son was young, I went to her for support and sympathy.  So often we christians have a tendency to act as if we have it all together.  My friend, Linda, let me see her cracks.  She had been divorced and was now remarried.  She struggled with this.  She knew God hates divorce, but she knew God loved her.  So even though she had been through tough times in marriage, she could share with me how special and important the sacrament of marriage was to her.  I was at a difficult time in my marriage.  I had a husband that was working A LOT.  And added to the extra working hours was a 20 hour a week commute.  My son is severely dyslexic.  Schoolwork was such a struggle.  Needless to say, I found myself overwhelmed at times.

My friend was there for me.  She shared the tough times she had been through and how she had squeaked through them by hanging on to hope and praying.  She reminded me that God keeps his promises.  She reminded me that God will restore the days the locusts devour. (Joel 2:25)  (she had a sense of humor.  do you see how she compared children and needy husbands to locusts?)  There were two things my friend always had to give me, her smile and hope.  Her smile was the biggest and brightest anyone could have.  Her hope was firm and never-ending.  Her hope was in Jesus.

Our friendship was broken for a few years.  This is the weird thing about "church friends."  It seems that sometimes we can only be friends with people in certain arenas.  Linda was my church friend.  When I stopped going to the church she was going to, we lost touch.  If I saw her somewhere else in the community, we were always glad to see each other, but it wasn't the same.  She was busy and involved with her church and I wasn't a part of her church.  That's just how things go sometimes.  But, when I came back to her church, she was the gladdest to see me of all the people at that church.  She made me feel as if I had come home.

She was sick when we reconnected.  She was very sick and I think she knew she wasn't going to get better.  Cancer is such an ugly disease.  I hate cancer.  The treatment for cancer is almost worse than most other diseases you can get.  It's a violent treatment.  My friend never lost her smile or her hope.  She may have lost her appetite for food (I had to put something in this post about food or I just wouldn't feel right linking to Emily's blog), but she never lost that beautiful smile on her face.

She was taken home to our lord too soon.  She was only 69.  I know many of you reading this may think 69 is a good time to die.  It's not.  It's too soon.  This life on earth is a good one.  I know heaven is perfect, but this life with our loved ones is a good life.  I checked her facebook page.  My friend had 69 facebook friends.  That just shows what the caliber of a facebook friend is.  Linda had THOUSANDS of friends.  She had tens of THOUSANDS of friends.  So all you people with a thousand plus fb friends... well, let's just see how many of them crowd together to say farewell to you at the end of your life.

Thanks for letting me take a moment to share this tiny tribute to my friend.  I miss her.  I don't know why I thought she would just get better and we'd be together, like it was when I was younger.  I guess I knew she was very sick, but her hope in God's love made me have hope that God would give her more time with us.

I'm linking with Emily at Imperfect Prose on Thursday.

196.  Hope in the promises of God
197.  Friends (even church friends)
198.  Restored health (yay!)
199.  Eating food without fear (because that nasty virus is DEAD)
200.  Being reminded that smiling is a good thing to do
201.  Having my purse returned to me when I was forgetful enough to leave it behind (I was at a church, but still...)
202.  Signs of Spring EVERYWHERE

Hazardous workplace

This info came to me just 24 hours too late.  I guess my workplace is hazardous.  It wasn't necessary to bold the STOP EATING or Drinking portion of the email.  If there is nothing inside, there is much less that gets hurled out.  Yep, this is higher education.  :)

And, of course, prevention.  So important.

190.  Pepto Bismol
191.  Ginger ale
192.  Rice
193.  Paid sick days
194.  All the company this misery could ask for
195.  Knowing it will be over soon

Making my husband's dream come true

I just returned from a trip to NYC.

This trip to the city was just my husband and me.  Typically, I've only gone to the city with girlfriends.  It's tons of fun.  We've gone to shows and shopped and drank and laughed.  When I've gone with my husband, it's usually been with another couple and with our kids.  We've gone to places like the Statue of Liberty and the Empire State Building and Ellis Island.  This time it was just my husband and me.  Fun.

I enjoy going to the Big Apple.  I think, deep in my genes, I'm a city girl.  I was conceived and born in Chicago, but I never got to live much of my life in a city.  As soon as my parents could afford to buy a house, they moved to the suburbs of Chicago.  My dad was a city boy, but mom was a country girl.  They wanted their kiddos to have room to run and a yard to play.  As soon as I could, I moved out of mom and dad's house and got myself an apartment in the city.  But, then I fell in love and married my husband and he moved me to the lands of strip malls and whatever else you want to call the areas outside of all the naval bases in the country.  The bonus to giving up city life, was getting to live near the ocean.  This midwest girl discovered she loves the beach and the ocean.

I wanted my husband to have a good time, since this isn't his favorite kind of getaway.  He typically enjoys ski trips and going to the beach and more sporty types of trips.  Being in the city was definitely something he was doing for me.  (and, since he's already been on two ski weeks since the New Year, I deserved this trip)  My husband would do anything I wanted to do while we were there, but there was one thing he wanted to do.

He wanted to go to Times Square at 5:00 p.m. on Friday evening to watch the taping of Options Action on CNBC at the NASDAQ building.  He wanted to be in the window during the taping of the show and be on TV.  You see, all his friends watch Options Action on Friday night.  The folks on this show are their celebrities.  He's a super fan of Melissa Lee, Mike Khouw, Carter Braxton Worth, and Dan Nathan.  We got to the window by 5:00 p.m. and the show started.  My husband was loving it.  Then the the thing he wanted more than anything happened, the segment, Put Up or Shut Up started.  The stars of the show, Dan and Mike, sit near the window and the taping begins.  It was great.  The topic of this segment was Has Apple Found a Floor?  This couldn't have worked out better.  My husband buys and sells APPL calls regularly and this stock has been the cornerstone of his portfolio.  If you click on the link, you can see us peering into the window.

My husband was thrilled.  He was able to do EXACTLY the very thing that was his heart's desire.  He was a happy man.  I was so glad this worked out for him.    I didn't think things could have gone better, but I was wrong.  A couple minutes after the show finished taping, Carter Braxton Worth and Mike Khouw strolled out of the building.  I called out to them and asked if they would mind taking a picture with my husband.

Carter, Bill, and Mike

Bill was thrilled.  He even had the opportunity to chat with them.  In fact, he got to tell them the story of the day he retired and the connection it had to what AAPL did on Jan. 23rd, 2012.  I would tell you the whole story, but I'll spare you.  (I'm going to tell you, we were the ONLY people hanging around the window during the show.  so, I'm thinking the Options Action celebs are an acquired taste.)

Happy Girl and Dan

I was lucky enough to meet my favorite commentator, Dan Nathan.  I always want to hear what Dan would do when he makes an options trade.  Dan explains how he makes a trade that makes money.

There is nothing more satisfying than being able to make my husband happy.  I know I've said that you can't make someone else happy, but you can certainly help facilitate it.  There is just nothing like being in the right place at the right time, and we were.  Btw, my husband is still smiling.

Oh, we saw a couple Broadway Shows, too.  We saw Phantom of the Opera and Wicked.  They were very good.  We had a couple nice dinners and walked in Central Park.  It was a very nice trip.  I'm glad we did it.

186.  My husband's smile
187.  Knowing my dear friend is in heaven with Jesus (but I miss her)
188.  Being able to take a trip to a city now and again
189.  Crocuses blooming in my garden

Being nice, but...

Nice people do things that I don't usually do.

They smile to people when they meet them.  I have been trying to smile more.  However, smiling to people I don't know doesn't come naturally to me.  I'm an introvert, so I avoid interaction with people when I don't have to have it.  Once I know you, I'll smile when I see you, but I have to get to know you first.

Nice people ask other people how they are doing.  I usually don't do that unless I know you and I really care how you are doing.  I think the phrase is trite and most times I really don't want to know about someone's troubles or joys.  Of course, if I care about you, that's a different story.  Then I really do care how you are doing and I will listen.

Those nice people hand out compliments quite freely.  This is a wonderful trait to have.  It's tough for me to compliment people, unless I really mean it.  I may have difficulty with this trait because I didn't receive many compliments when I was growing up.  I was criticized much more than I was complimented.  For me, if I can keep from criticizing someone and say nothing at all, I'm improving my typical situation 100%.  Btw, I have a hard time accepting compliments, as well.  All in all, I think this is an exceptional trait to have.  I'm working on handing out more compliments.  People love them.

Nice people are good listeners.  I've got to say, I'm good at this.  Unfortunately I'm super good at this.  I listen so well to people that I remember what they say.  I've discovered most people don't mean most of what they say.  When I remember what people say and then they say or do something in complete contrast to what I heard them say when I was listening to them.  I lose trust in people when this happens.  Trust, in my world, is a critical attribute.  Once it is lost, it's hard to restore it.

When you are a nice person you are confident, but humble.  People like to be around confident people.  It makes them feel secure.  I'm pretty confident.  When I'm not confident about something, I'll tell you.  Then you will know I'm going to need some assistance.  People don't like to be around egotistic people.  They are annoying.  I struggle with my confidence in my point of view, not sounding egotistical.  When or if anyone would or could think of me as egotistical, it makes me laugh.  My sole desire in life would be to be invisible.  I never want people looking at me.

Nice people offer to help or give gifts once in a while.  I'm happy to offer to help, if I can.  I mean, if I'm not too busy and can really give the help cheerfully and not resentfully.  Also, I have to be able to help and not just say I will help.  I want to be useful when I give an offer to help.  As far as giving gifts... well, sure.  I mean, if I ask someone to go to the movies with me, I'll pay.  Or if I ask someone to go for a drink with me, I'll buy a drink for them, but I'm not going to buy all the drinks.  I don't want it to seem as if I'm buying friends.  And if I'm with someone who has their hand out for gifts and money from me, under the guise of friendship.  I don't think they are being very nice.

Being nice requires politeness.  I'm a polite person.  I have manners.  I offer a seat on a bus or train to someone older or pregnant.  I wasn't born in a barn.  I hold the door for people.  I think good manners make everyone more comfortable.  The one hitch to the politeness requirement for being a nice person is that cussing is not a "nice person" quality.  I have a tendency to cuss.  This will have to change if I'm ever going to be a nice person.

Nice people don't talk about people behind their backs.  Nice people aren't gossipers.  Oh My Goodness, it's going to be hard for me to be a nice person.  I mostly don't talk about people behind their backs, but I'm happy to listen to what others have to say.  Unfortunately, I'm the kind of person that will tell you to your face the thing most people are saying behind your back.  This little trait of mine may keep me out of the nice people club forever.  I don't think it should, but I think it may.  I've always been of the mind to say what I mean, when I'm talking to someone, but don't say it mean.  But, some people don't like to hear the truth.

The nice people don't return bad behavior with bad behavior.  They just don't get down in the mud with people.  If someone is rude to a nice person, a nice person does not respond rudely.  A nice person wouldn't go all Real Housewives on you and threaten to take you to court when they are upset with you.  A nice person would invite you over for tea and clear the air with a nice chat.  Nice people are mature.  Nice people treat people like grown-ups and don't talk down to them or coddle them.  I don't like to get down in the mud, but I've been pushed into that mud a time or two.  I try to stay above the fray.  It's tough and I've been told I've been too easy on people, but I think it's the right thing to do.

Nice people treat other people the way they would like people to treat them.  If you want people to treat you with respect, be respectful.  If you want people to be kind to you, be kind to them.  I think this is a trait I can get next to.  If this is the main trait of being a nice person, then I could consider myself a nice person.  I believe in treating people the way you would like to be treated.

180.  All the nice people out there in the world
181.  My small group bible study and their willingness to tell me when I'm off the mark and set me straight
182.  The guardian angel that kept me from hitting the guy skateboarding in the middle of the road last night at 9:30 p.m.
183.  People who remind me to smile
184.  Google maps (they are so good)
185.  Knowing it's going to rain while I'm in NYC, but being OK with that, 'cause I'm going to be in NYC   

Choose happiness

The pursuit of happiness is a right given to us Americans, by our Creator, annotated in the Declaration of Independence.  The second paragraph says, "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness."  That being said, you have the right to pursue happiness.  Being happy is optional.

Being happy is what I'm all about.  Maybe you noticed the name of my blog.  It's hard to be happy in all things at all times.  I can't even imagine that kind of bliss.  In fact, I'm going to go so far as to say that it is impossible to be happy all the time.  If you were never sad or mad or bored, how would you know when you were happy?  If the pursuit of happiness is a right, endowed to us by God, then why do we seem hell bent to throw happiness away at almost every opportunity?

Yesterday my pastor talked about giving away our happiness.  Of course, my ears perked up immediately.  After all, I'm all about the Happiness.  He was focusing on happiness within a family.  I agree with him on that point.  I think it is critical to be happy within ones own family.  After all, families are the ones who know us best.  Family is where we go to be rested and restored after being out in the workplace all day.  Family is (or should be) our soft place to fall.  Yet, because we know each other so well, we know how to hurt each other so well, too.  Because we spend so much time together, we develop expectations that are impossible to meet.  Every time you lay the blame for your situation at someone else's feet, you give away your happiness.  When the "someone" you choose to blame for your situation is a family member, you've allowed conflict to come into your home. 

The following is the passage from the bible that was used to illustrate this point.  One thing we can think about when reading these verses in the book of James, is that James was the younger brother of Jesus.  He was a member of Jesus' family.

James 4:1-3 says, "What causes fights and quarrels among you?  Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you?  You desire but do not have, so you kill.  You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight.  You do not have because you do not ask God.  When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures."

Another passage used to refine this point was the passage from Paul in Romans 7 where Paul says he does the things he doesn't want to do and then doesn't do the things he wants to do.  It's sounds a bit like Abbot and Costello's "Who's on first," but it is worth taking the time to read.

Romans 7:14-20, "We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin.  I do not understand what I do.  For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.  And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good.  As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me.  For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature.  For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out.  For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing.  Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it."

It seems as if we cannot win for losing, according to Paul.  But what if we could bat 500?  Seriously, a batting average of 500 is awesome.  What if, in an argument, you paused?  What if, when you start feeling frustrated with your spouse, child, mother, father, sibling..., you took a beat?  What if you said, "You know what part of the problem we're having here is?  Part of this problem is, I'm not getting what I want."

Wouldn't that be a stunner.

I know many of you are probably thinking that it isn't fair for the blame of a conflict to be laid at your own feet.  Well, life isn't fair, my friend.  And, we often, if not mostly, pull the fair card only when we don't get something we want.  We don't usually worry too much if someone else isn't getting what they want.

We are responsible for our own happiness.  When we abdicate that responsibility to someone else, we are throwing our happiness away.  Look back at the verses from James, "You do not have because you do not ask God.  When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives,..." 

Check your motives.  Do you want to be happy?  Don't allow your happiness to be another's responsibility.

174.  The feeling of anticipation (isn't that more than half the fun of any situation/)
175.  Chocolate
176.  Tulips (all the secretaries got a pot of tulips, but me.  I'm still good with it, 'cause I get to look at theirs)
177.  No traffic on the way to work because everyone else has this day off
178.  Finishing the curtains for my son's house
179.  Enjoying making my son's favorite dinner when he visits on Sundays