I'm in love with Doc Martin

I know...  This is nuts, isn't it...  I mean, really...  Who falls in love with a tv show.  Yeah, it's a tv show.
 
There must be something seriously wrong with me.  I am magnetically drawn to British television.  I don't know if it's the scenery or the accents or what, but I am drawn like a moth to a flame.  I can't help myself.  At first it was the presentation of Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice.  I wasn't too worried about this.  I mean, after all, what woman can't get next to Elizabeth Bennett.  And, Colin Firth was the quintessential Mr. Darcy.  I just thought I was addicted to period pieces.  I thought it was the way they presented the ENTIRE book in all it's glory.  No combined characters or abbreviated conversations.  I love this book and have read it more times than I like to admit.  Therefore, I chalked my being drawn to public television to this one event. 
 
And then there are the Masterpiece Mystery's of Agatha Christie.  I LOVE Miss Marple.  I ADORE Hercule Poirot.  Of course, I've read all Agatha's books as well.  And, I've read them more than once.  I know, I have a sickness.  I love the art deco theme of Poirot.  I love the village of St. Mary Mead.  I love the language.  There, I've said it.  I just love the way those English men and women speak.  Or, at least how they speak on the pbs series. 

Then, darn it, they came out with the entire Jane Austen series.  Really, were they just trying to suck me into the television opiate of the masses?  That darn pbs with their horrible telethons.  I have always loathed the way they schedule their best programming when they interrupt with the begging for money and the cheap tote bags.  But, the entire Jane Austen series.  I was drawn in.  Hook, Line, and Sinker.  Yeah, I was had.  Sure it was the condensed versions of the books, but it was beautiful.  The scenery was beautiful.  The costuming was gorgeous.  I was enthralled.

And now I've discovered Doc Martin.  Friday I was home recovering from my little test and I thought I'd watch something on Netfilx.  Do you know 20% of internet viewing these days is Netflix.  Yeah, unbelievable.  During a typical day on the internet 20% of the hits are on Netflix and 72% are porn hits.  I'm guessing the rest of the percentage leans more toward facebook than research for term papers.  Just sayin'.  Now I've digressed.  Back to Doc Martin.  Anyway, pbs has hooked me again.  I can't get enough of the haemophobic doctor.  I so wish I could tell people to "shut up" as often as he does.  I feel like I'm living vicariously through him.  So, this past weekend was a Doc Martin marathon.  Too much, really, but it was HOT here in the mid-Atlantic.  I mean, Monday was crazy hot.  I went to a picnic but I was sweating like a pig.  It was too hot to eat.  And there wasn't enough water to cool me off.  I asked my husband to take me home after two hours and he was MORE than ready.  Anyway, back to Doc Martin.  I'm living in picturesque Port Wenn in my mind.  I find myself horrified to look out my window and see where I actually am.  I'm dreaming of going home from work and watching more Doc Martin.  It's a sickness. 
 
Thanks pbs.  I'm hooked.  Who knows, I may be carrying a tote bag before too long.

 

Tamoxifen, the rest of the story

I'm just going to start with this, I HATE TAMOXIFEN.

Ok, now I've got that off my chest (haha, chest... tamoxifen... breast cancer).

I'll start with the positive.  I'm tolerating the side effects much better.  This is a plus.

Ok, one side effect of tamoxifen is endometrial cancer.  Obviously, this is one of the more serious side effects.  Ok, I'm going to make sure I don't have this side effect.  Today.  So, off to the doc to have my lady parts examined for endometrial cancer.  I hope I haven't offended any delicate sensibilities out there in blogland.  Btw, if you are the praying kind of person.  I'd love a word or two on my behalf.

This being said...  I hope everyone has a wonderful Memorial Day Weekend.  Fly the flag.  Thank a veteran.  If you're an American reader, be a proud American.  If you're a reader from another great country out there in blogland, thanks for reading and have a good weekend, as well.

Lasting Love

When did I change?
When did I learn I didn't have to be right?
Was it because I wasn't up to the fight?
Was I too tired?

When did he change?
When did he open his heart?
Who made the first start?
What took so long?

Am I still the girl he married?
Is he still the heart stealing man?
Are we the couple they said wouldn't last?
What made us stick it out?

I'm glad we pushed each other.
I'm glad we fought.
I'm glad we forgave.
Or were just too tired to hold the grudge.

I love his caring heart.
He loves my attention to detail.
I'm still me and he's still him.
And we are joined like the clasp of our hands.

Gratitude 101

Yesterday I got an email telling me the boy scout and the group working on his Eagle Project had just about finished and the project was looking very good.  This is good news and, of course, I will write a letter of thanks to this scout and copy his scout master.  I am grateful for the good work and the good news.  Of course.  I'm a nice person.  This is what nice people do.  Right?...  Right.

Grateful people do more than this.  A grateful person will hit reply-all on the email and thank the person sending the good news out to everyone.  A grateful person won't wait a week, or a day, or even an hour.  A person with true gratitude in their hearts will reply to this email IMMEDIATELY.  And, then sit down and get that thank you note out RIGHT AWAY.  Because, you can't say thank you too fast or too often.  It's a great way to be and I want to be this way.

I'm learning lessons in gratitude.  I wonder why this is such a challenge for me.  Well, it's not really a challenge, it's just not something I think to show IMMEDIATELY.  And, I've learned it is best to show gratitude immediately.  Don't get me wrong.  I say "thank you" when someone opens the door for me, pays for my lunch (haha), does me a favor.  I wasn't born in a barn.  Really.  Gratitude is more than saying "thank you."  Gratitude is a way of being.  You must have an Attitude of Gratitude.  This is something that can be developed.  This attitude of gratitude takes time and work.  I think some of us develop this attitude at an early age and God bless them.  They are so nice to be around.  Some never develop it.  We all know some individuals that exhibit a sense of entitlement.  It isn't attractive.

I am a person without a strong attitude of gratitude.  I'm going to go out on a limb and say I don't think I consider myself entitled, but I do have an unfortunate attitude of "if it's your job to do it, don't expect me to heap praise on you."  This is an unattractive quality.  See, you're getting to know me better every day.!.

So, how does one develop this gracious spirit?  I stumbled across some bloggers I LOVE and they had lists of items.  I mean these lists were in the four and five HUNDREDS.  LOTS of items in the list.  One day I asked what the list was and was told they were gratitude lists.  They got the idea from a book.  I need to read this book.  But, until then I've started the gratitude list.  I wanted to add to it every day, but I haven't.  And, the reason I haven't is because I don't look for the things I'm grateful for in my day to day life.  And I should.  There are TONS of things I'm grateful for.

Also, when one finds oneself sinking into the negative.  Alert!  Alert!  Alert!  This is a red flag.  You are not being grateful.  The focus is off.  You can pull out of this nose dive.  This is where a gratitude list will come in handy.  Think of four or five things you are grateful for.  Maybe a post-it on my computer screen would help at the office?  Maybe a note in the bathroom would help at home?  Until it becomes my nature, I have to use any tools I can find.

I must not compare myself, my husband, my son, my home, my job, anything... with anyone else.  This comparison does NOT lead me to an attitude of gratitude.  This leads to covetousness or jealousy or despair or fear.  Not to gratitude.  Being in my moment.  Living where I am, right now.  This leads to gratitude.

I'm going to continue with my Gratitude List and download Ann Voskamp's book to my kindle and move forward in gratitude.

Photo credit

Maranatha

Maranatha, is an Aramaic word that translates as:  Our Lord, come!  I'm sure many of you have heard of the prediction by Harold Camping for the end of the world tomorrow, May 21, 2011.  My understanding is he has figured out some biblical mathematical formula to confirm his prediction.  Also, there are facebook "Looting after the Rapture" events popping up.  As well as "Rapture Parties" and other similarly titled events.  Both these turn of events give me pause.

Mr. Camping, I hope, is trying to get the attention of believers and non-believers to the truth of the bible when it says Jesus will return.  I hope this is his goal.  I don't know.  Maybe he truly believes he knows the date and time of our Lord's return.  This "knowing" is not biblical, but on the other hand, a firm denial of this speculation is not biblical.  We are promised that no man knows when the Lord will return.  I've always felt comfort in this.  Don't get me wrong, tomorrow would be a GREAT day for the Lord to return.  I pray, often, for Him to not tarry long.  So, I guess we will see what tomorrow will bring.

As far as the parties and looting events planned for May 22, 2011.  These truly make me sad.  I know people are doing it as a joke and making light of the PREDICTION.  I know (or really really hope) this is a mocking of Mr. Camping and NOT a mocking of our Lord or His return.  The bible warns us of those mocking our Lord's return or His timing. 

I'm certainly not a bible scholar.  I usually don't use this blog to preach or get up on a soapbox.  I hope this didn't appear like that.  I do care about people.  I do want everyone to come to the saving grace of Jesus Christ.  I believe in the Great Commission and try to show my christian faith in my everyday life.  I pray this prediction brings people to an understanding of their need for a savior.  I pray they turn to God and repent of their sins.  I pray this every day, not just the day before The End Of The World.

Maranatha!  Our Lord, come!

Space Shuttle launch Atlantis

I was hoping to be able to see another launch while I was in FL on my vacation, but it was postponed.  So, I was looking through my backlog of pics and videos from past trips and I came across this.  This is a video of the final launch of the Space Shuttle Atlantis from May 14, 2010.  I am a huge fan of the space program, but, like the president of the United States of America, I won't be giving the program any money.  Sorry.  Like I said I had hoped to witness the final launch of the Endeavour , but it was postponed to May 16th and I was sitting at my desk at work.  I've been lucky enough to know a few shuttle astronauts personally and I can tell you they are the smartest, bravest and finest people I've ever met.  You can just tell they are special.  Enjoy the video.  I didn't shriek like a crazy woman this time (not my first launch, but I do get excited) and you can hear the other people gathered to watch.  It's really an event.  I believe there is only one launch left for NASA, so, if you have the opportunity don't let it slip away.

*George, if you ever look at my blog, this post is for you.  Sorry it took to long.  :)

*Emily, I know this isn't a typical prose, but I find it inspiring and would like to share.

Sometimes I think too much

Did I tell you I had a wonderful vacation.  Yes, it was very good.  Very relaxing.  All good.  I thought about a lot of things while on this vacation.  I guess that's what can happen when you have some unoccupied time on your hands.  I know I've already shared the concept of being more generous, and by starting by using some of that generosity on myself.  So, I won't rehash that thought.  Here's thought number two.

I am old.

My husband and I have been going on vacation to Daytona Beach since we were married.  You see, the first home we had together was in Jacksonville, FL.  It was easy to get to Daytona to "get away" once in a while.  We would have so much fun.  We'd play in the waves.  We'd play frisbee or catch on the beach.  We'd walk up and down the beach.  We'd ride bikes.  Fun fun fun.

Then we had a baby.  We would go to Daytona Beach because my mil lived in Ft. Lauderdale.  It was an easy trip for her to come up and visit.  We were living in Virginia Beach now.  We could drive down the coast and she would drive up the coast.  And, neutral territory, you know, just in case it was needed.  We would have so much fun with our son on the beach.  We'd play in the waves.  We'd swim in the pool.  We'd build sand castles.  We'd dig holes to China.  We'd fly kites on the beach.  We'd push the stroller up and down the beach.  We'd ride bikes together on the beach.  Fun fun fun.

Now we go to Daytona Beach, just the two of us again.  My husband plays in the waves.  My husband walks on the beach and drags me along, but we walk slowly because I'm tired.  No way will I ride a bike.  I'll sit here by the pool.  LOOK, there's a bar by the pool, let's go there!!  LOOK, the hotel has a Lazy River.  This is something right up my alley.  Where did all my energy go?  Let's take an afternoon nap, doesn't that sound fun.  Fun fun zzzzz.

Here's the third thought I had.  I want gastric bypass surgery.

I'm sick of dieting and I'm bad at it.  The more I think about food, the hungrier I feel.  I exercise, but it's more effective to consume fewer calories than burn them off.  I want the bypass and I want it NOW.  I think this may just be the thing that finally finishes this weight issue in my life for once and for all.  There.  I said it.  I've put it out into the world and there it is.  I told my workout buddy and she said, "No, don't do it.  Eat less carbs and more protein.  Eat more veggies.  Don't have those cocktails."  I need to talk to someone else.  She's no help.  I'll tell you, I've lost weight and worked out as hard as I could and I'm still too big.  And, I'm starving.  I think this is the answer.  Let the investigation begin.

Oh, yeah.  I'm tired.  I get back to work and the pile on my desk was HUGE and my inbox was JAMMED.  Welcome back.

On my way home from Daytona Beach

Not the best picture, but this is where I was... Daytona Beach.  It really is a great beach.  This was a great vacation.  Hubby and I threw this vacation together at the last minute after two KILLER work weeks.  We were both exhausted and we packed to leave home in two hours.  Needless to say, we forgot a lot of things.  So what, we had a great time.  We are both sunburned, but we are relaxed and recharged.

The last thing we did on our vacation was to attend a community theater play in DeLand, FL.  We did this last year.  I don't remember the play, but it was funny and then we went to this GREAT restaurant afterward.   Anyway, in my mind, my husband and I had the best time on this vacation, last year.  I felt like we really connected and had a wonderful time together.  So, of course, I wanted to recreate this experience.  Well, you can never go home, don't cha know.  I went on line and ordered tickets for the community theater play.  They were presenting Into The Woods.  Who doesn't love a Stephen Sondheim musical.  Click, I bought the tickets.  I hope you take the time to click the link.  Oh yeah, I bought the tickets.  Then ...  I noticed ... the play ... was ... Into The Woods, ... Jr.  Huh?  What does that mean?  So, I looked at the website more carefully.  This was an elementary school production of Into The Woods.  This was a production of Into The Woods with third, fourth and fifth grade actors and actresses.  Oh yeah.  I told my husband what I did.  (remember, I also booked the hotel room, on the beach, with the view of the hallway)  Do you want me to cancel the tickets?  My sweet man said, "Oh no.  Don't cancel.  We'll go and we will have a great time."  And we did.  The play was adorable.  We were the only members of the PACKED HOUSE not related to a member of the cast.  I laughed, I cried, I enjoyed myself so much.  If you ever have an opportunity to see kids perform, and you aren't related to ANY of them, do it.

So, we will finish driving home and wash our clothes and go back to work.  Vacation was too short.  It always is.  I can't wait until next year.

 

I want to say YES more often

It's amazing how a little free time can give one an opportunity to think and reflect.  I want to say YES to opportunities and people more often.  I am cheap with myself.  I say NO to myself much to much.  And, I'm starting to notice I don't like it.

I said NO to myself when I booked the hotel room we are staying in.  In a joking way I showed you the view we have from the window in our room.  See below.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining.  I'm having a wonderful time.  I'm just thinking I should say YES to people (like my husband and son and co-workers and friends and people in general) and say YES to myself.  I want to be that girl.  I want to be the generous girl.  I want to be known as a person with a generous spirit.  I think I would have an easier time being generous with others if I treated myself with the same generous spirit.  I don't know where this cheapness came from.  Maybe it came from my upbringing?  Maybe it's in my genes?  I don't know, but I want it OUT of me.  I'm ready to open my arms and allow myself to give and receive.  I think this is going to change my life.  If I would have said YES to myself this would have been the view from my hotel room.  See below.

I could go on and on about the deeper thinking involved in this peradigm shift, but I won't do this now.  The biggest thing I want to share is that this is NOT about greed or a desire to HAVE things.  This is about being generous with others and myself.  Thanks for letting me share.

Thanks for all the guesses on my vaca location.  Betty's A1A Cafe is indeed in Ormond Beach, FL.  I, however, am not staying in Ormond Beach.  But, I'm very close. 

I'm trying not to eat too much, but ...

Really, why do they make the food so good on vacation.  My husband and I split the oysters and pot stickers.  Ok, the oysters weren't that great.  They were small and waaaay over steamed.  See that little cup of yellow liquid.  That is melted butter.  Who puts melted butter on steamed oysters?  Nope.  I never heard of this.  Tobasco, yes.  Melted butter, no.

      

This sign is for my favorite restaurant near this lovely vacation spot.  I mean, who wouldn't miss "Meatloaf Monday?"  I was there for Meatloaf Monday, but I managed to skip the meatloaf.  Instead I chose...
 

THIS.  This is the CRAZY CEASAR SALAD.  It is delicious.  Romain lettuce, roasted garlic, roasted cherry tomatoes, roasted asparagus, fresh mozzarella, parmesan cheese, and a dozen steamed shrimp (big ones, such an oxymoron).
 

This is my husband's meal.  It is delicious, but it isn't as good as the salad.  It's haddock, scallops, shrimp, and fries.  He loved it.  I tasted it and he was right.  Delicious.  I just try to stay away from the fried.  Just sayin'.

Betty's is a great place to eat.  It's on the water, so the view is wonderful.  Betty is darling.  She will stop at your table and chat you up and down.  Fun.

Ok, this is a BIG hint.  I found Betty's A1A by googling the best restaurant in ...  Those googlers weren't wrong.  There you go Betty.  I told you I'd give you a mention on my blog.  :)

I'm having SUCH a good time, I almost forgot about you all

I am having a really good time.  I love it when I don't stress out about vacation.  Doesn't that sound like the craziest thing?  But, I've been known to do it.  This time I'm doing pretty darn well.  I've always had difficulty with Living In The Moment.  It's a terrible habit.  When I'm at work, I think about what I need to do at home.  When I'm home, I think about what I should be doing at work.  While I'm on vacation, I think about what I should be doing a work AND home.  Crazy!!!  This time I'm doing much better.  I'm focusing on my husband and how to have fun together. 

Now for pictures.

Yeah, I didn't stay home.  Can you tell which beach I visiting?

This my help you recognize the beach.  Or not.

And here's a pic of HappyGirl. 

To keep you all from becoming too jealous.  Here a pic of the view from my hotel room.  Yep, my room looks over the hallway.  Booyah!!!

Yep, that's my husband.  Don't be jealous.

Oh, and to help me relax and enjoy my vacation without worrying about home or work, I've been enjoying some of this.

Is this a GIANT glass or a tiny bottle?

I hope you can guess, but if you can't, come on back tomorrow and I'll have more pics and hints.  I'm having fun with this.  And, thanks for the well wishes for mother's day and my birthday.  Both were so much fun.  *my son remembered to call me.  :)

Where is HappyGirl?

I took some pics and I'm going to try to post them.  I took these pics in Instagram, so they are WAAAY too small.  But, it gives you some clue of what I'm doing.  So, get out your magnifying glass and check out the pics.

On the road

Can you see this landmark?

Still on the road

Yep, I took these pictures myself.  Evidently I have a long way to go in my adventures in photography.  So, I guess you will be joining me on two journeys.  As you see, I'm in my car.  Traveling.  I traveled for a long time.  I'm here now and I'll try to take some better pictures.  *I really don't think I can do worse.

Oh, and Happy Mother's Day to all my mom readers.  And, it's my birthday.

Vacation, all I ever wanted...

I don't know if the GoGo's song is JUST right for me, but I really need to be on vacation.  It feels like it's been a long stretch since I've had one.  Or, maybe I'm just tired of working and cleaning and selling coins on eBay.  I don't know what it is, but I need a vaca.  Seriously.  Here's what I'm going to do...
 
I'm not going to tell you where I'm going, 'cause maybe I'm staying home.  It's a secret.  What I am going to do is take some time to read a book.  I'm going to sleep late.  I'm going to just plain RELAX.  Right now I'm feeling stressed at work.  Stress to get all the work I need to have done at my office BEFORE I leave for vacation.  I don't know why I feel this way.  I mean, all the work will still be there when I get back.  I don't work the type of job that doesn't allow things to PILE UP.  Pile away.  It will all be here.

Here's what else I want to do.  I'd like to take some time to think about this blog and what I'm doing here and what I want to say.  I would like to practice taking pictures.  Maybe I could discover a hidden talent.  I doubt it, but I could try.   I want to recharge and refocus.  I feel like, lately, I've been doing lots of stuff for other people and not so much for myself.  And by that, I mean, I'm not taking good care of my body and mind.  I'm looking forward to the break in routine.  I need it and I'm going to enjoy it.

Maybe I'll play a little game with all my faithful readers and give you some hints to what I'm doing and where I am.  Would that be fun?  Hmmm...  I'll bet pictures would make that a lot more fun.  See you later.

I took an arrow in the chest

Metaphorically, thank goodness.  He'll never know the wrath I faced.  The anger for his actions.  He'll never know the words spoken to me in a tone of disappointment.  He won't ever hear the words spat at me and see the furrowed brow.  I looked around the room and I'm the only one here.  Sometimes when the arrows fly in a room full of people you can dodge them and avoid.  He'll never know how I felt to take one hard in the chest.  There was no one to hide behind.  There was no one to use as a shield.  I felt the blow and sighed.  I let my face belie the hurt I felt inside.  I let my face belie the confusion in my mind.  I cleared my throat.  I thanked and smiled and said I understood.  I watched his back as he cleared the door.  I smiled and yanked the arrow from my chest.  I looked around the room.  Still, just me.  I set the arrow on my desk.  This arrow was not meant for me.  It had his name on it, not mine.  But, he was not here to take the shot.  I was the only one in the room and the bow was cocked.  The arrow was ready to fly and it had to go.  I picked it up and tossed it in the trash.  I crafted the words to clear the air.  I drafted the bandages, the balm, the healing salve.  I hit send and sighed.  My wound will heal and he will never know the arrow I took was meant for him.

After all, it's only business.

Photo credit

Silver Star or the roller coaster of precious metals

The Silver Star is a roller coaster in Rust, Germany.  The precious metal market is a roller coaster the world has been riding these recent weeks.  Click, click, click... the ride has been going up the hill.  And now... WHEEEEE!!!  Silver is down $4.00 today.  You may or may not have followed my journey of selling my silver.  It certainly can be Mr. Toad's Wild Ride.  You may or may not know I convinced my father to open his safe after 20 years and let me sell his silver.  Anyway, it's all on me now.  I promised my dad I'd make him some money and now I must keep my word.  Because you may or may not know that keeping my word is one of my strong character traits.  So, tonight I will be busy photographing, describing, sorting, uploading and just plain DEALING with the silver coins my father has entrusted to me.  I'm feeling pressure to do well for my father and my husband.  It is the strangest thing.  This little hobby I've had, selling my clutter on eBay, has become important to two men who are so important to me.  I don't want to let them down.  I'm feeling pressure, also, because time may be short for the silver BOOM.  So, if you've been on the fence about this money making scheme, don't wait too much longer. 

I'm just sayin'.  Wheeeeeeee...

Silver Star Wikipedia

Osama Bin Laden has been killed

I can never say I'm happy for someone to die, but I can say I am not sad.  This man hated me and he never knew me.  He hated me and all Americans because we were Americans.  I was in NYC and visited the Statue of Liberty and had pictures taken in front of the World Trade Towers on Labor Day weekend 2001.  My husband worked at the Pentagon every Monday on every week of 2001.  I thanked God this tragedy happened on a Tuesday. When the hateful act of terrorism occurred on September 11, 2001 my country was attacked.  I can say, tonight I will sleep soundly knowing a true enemy of my country is dead.  It's funny, I was wondering, just this past Friday, if Osama Bin Laden was still alive.  Now I know, this enemy is dead.  I thank God for the special operations individuals who carried out this mission.  I thank God for this administration keeping the vigil and carrying through on this mission.  I will not celebrate, but I will pray for each and every victim of the tragedy of September 11, 2001.  Justice is served.

Sunday 160 - Sahara

Silent scraps of stone strewn

In silken swirls.

Swells of smidgen of sparkling

Silicon specks. 

Sown a significant stone's throw.

Seep seductively into my stilettos.

The picture is by Rosa Frei as featured today at One Shoot Sunday. And it was said in 160 characters for the Monkey.