Am I a good friend? I sit with my coffee cup warming my hands and wonder if I am a good friend to the people in my life. My struggle is with being myself to those around me and wanting to be liked. How are the two held in balance? I have no advice for myself.
I remember the golden rule. Be kind. Treat others as you would like to be treated. People like to be around cheerful people. What if I'm not cheerful this day. Am I fake if I put on a happy face? Maybe I should warn my friends, "I'm sad today." Then watch them back away.
A smile is contagious. Are tears contagious, too? What about truth? Do these pants look good on me? Or is saying nothing at all the better choice. "Words fitly spoken are like apples of gold in pitchers of silver." This is what the plaque over the buffet in the dining room said. Are the fit words flattery or truth or... what?
Am I a good friend? I've lost some friends this past year. I haven't been able to be who they wished me to be. I didn't measure up. On a good day I'll tell myself we just weren't a good fit. On a different day I'll blame them for their selfishness. On any other day I'll tell myself I failed. What makes a friend? Acceptance? Appreciation? Similar interests?
My coffee is cold now. I haven't found an answer.
I will continue to be the best me I can be and we will see if others are drawn to me. It's all I can do.
I remember the golden rule. Be kind. Treat others as you would like to be treated. People like to be around cheerful people. What if I'm not cheerful this day. Am I fake if I put on a happy face? Maybe I should warn my friends, "I'm sad today." Then watch them back away.
A smile is contagious. Are tears contagious, too? What about truth? Do these pants look good on me? Or is saying nothing at all the better choice. "Words fitly spoken are like apples of gold in pitchers of silver." This is what the plaque over the buffet in the dining room said. Are the fit words flattery or truth or... what?
Am I a good friend? I've lost some friends this past year. I haven't been able to be who they wished me to be. I didn't measure up. On a good day I'll tell myself we just weren't a good fit. On a different day I'll blame them for their selfishness. On any other day I'll tell myself I failed. What makes a friend? Acceptance? Appreciation? Similar interests?
My coffee is cold now. I haven't found an answer.
I will continue to be the best me I can be and we will see if others are drawn to me. It's all I can do.
Oh new theme! Very pretty... And your writing style is getting more and more literary, I like it!
ReplyDeleteI know it's not at all the same thing, but I really appreciate your friendship through the cyberwaves.
you know...if they are friends, you should not have to measure up to anything...that is the way i look at it...i think you can be a good friend...
ReplyDeleteif emily still off? have not seen her post up yet...
I always think that having true friends is something that isn't so much like work or something you don't have to work for. My best friend and I are in touch every day and we support each other, laugh and cry together and never find fault with the other.
ReplyDeleteI think I might have some things to say on this subject, but I need to think a little while about it. I'll be back. But--in the meantime--I'll say: you've been a good friend to me.
ReplyDeleteI haven't seen anything new from Em lately, either. I wrote this for imperfect prose, so I thought I'd add the link. :)
ReplyDeleteThanks, I was trying to write in a different style. Thanks for noticing. :)
ReplyDeleteHappygirl, you write so pretty! I think that frienship also has it's own time. Sometimes friends come and go and then they come again. I had a friend so close so close that it felt like having the best sister anyone could ever have. She put on a wall after I started a family. Maybe she felt we didn't have much in common. She wasn't married and didn't have a boyfriend. Many years have gone by and now she's married and has kids. Now I see how she's coming back. We never talked about it because nothing dramatic happened. Also, people sometimes get busy and don't have time for friends. When things settle down then they are ready to be friends again, I think. We sometimes take it too personally.
ReplyDeleteSo much to ponder. Good stuff!
ReplyDeleteI have become SO aware lately of how much I am NOT as good a friend as I want to be (or think I am) because I can get so overwhelmed with my own "stuff" that I am selfish & self-absorbed. I appreciate the reminder of the Golden Rule because it applies to everything and everyone. When my husband fell off the deep end with his drinking, what did I really appreciate that friends did for me? Grocery store runs, coming over to keep me company, calling to check on me every single day, inviting me for dinner every single night, that kind of regular presence meant SOOOO much to me in my darkest days (I need to do a post on this!!!)... but I don't do a good job of being that kind of presence for people every day. I have a long way to go!
I love this. It is disturbing when you get in your 30's and realize most friendships are superficial. I truly look to quality vs. quantity. That is the only way I can do it. They have to love all of me or none!
ReplyDeleteNow you have me thinking...I have a alot of friends but only a handful that are like family. This is a subject I think I will ponder all day. Love your writing.
ReplyDeleteI promised to come back, so here I am. I feel like I have things to say on this subject because, honestly, I don't know anyone who has a better set of friends than I. I've often thought: wow, I must really be a mess for the Lord to have placed so many amazing people in my life, to help me. And I AM a mess. (I'm realizing, even today: I'm more frail, physically, than I'd ever imagined.) I make it my business to be authentic. I'm not going to act like everything's hunky dory if it's not. Having said that, I've noticed that some people use "being real" as an excuse to be critical/honest in ways that don't involve kindness...to be mean...to complain incessantly. I think you're right on target when you express your desire to be your best self. I would never encourage you to be fake...only to be cautious in what (and, more importantly, HOW) you share. The other thing I would say is: don't forsake any existing friends who don't know Christ, but--when you're trying to form new and close relationships--make Christ your one requirement. It's not impossible to have close friendships with people outside the faith, but I do think it's more difficult to sustain them because non-Christians likely aren’t using the guidelines set forth in the Bible for behavior, conflict resolution, etc. Christians aren’t necessarily using those guidelines either, but I guess my point is to seek out Christians who possess fruits of the Spirit and seem to really strive in becoming more like Jesus. Best wishes in 2012 for great new friends!
ReplyDeleteFor what it's worth I've learned that relationships aren't supposed to be hard. You know what I mean? If a realationship/friendship feels like too much work, then let it go, it's not meant to be. A good friend gets you and you always pick up were you left off with no questions asked. I've had a very rocky relationship this past year and this is what I'm finally learning at 50...geesh! Take care and hoping your new year is wonderful!
ReplyDeleteI have lost some friends as well. But I have gained some also. I think that friendship takes constant nurturing. I only have so much energy for that. I like friends that know I am here and that don't have to be constantly "watered and fed".
ReplyDelete