Not my best week

This has been a tough week for me.  It started off with me alone.  My husband went on a weekend adventure to AC with his buddies to play in a poker tournament.  I was lonely last weekend.  I don't know how come I've grown so attached to him of late.  Immediately after we married my husband and I left for our honeymoon.  This is normal.  Most newly married couples go on a honeymoon just after they marry.  Our trip was just a bit different.  We married in Chicago, honeymooned in Knoxville, TN and visited the World's Fair.  Do they even have those anymore?  I haven't heard of them lately.  We chose the World's Fair because it was something to do on the way from Chicago to Jacksonville, FL.  I was being whisked away from my home in Chicago to live in Jacksonville, FL.  This is where my husband was stationed.  He was in an S3 squadron called The Maulers.

You can ask me anything you'd like about that World's Fair.  I don't remember anything.  Oh, maybe I remember the China exhibit a bit.  I think they brought the terra cotta army.  But I could be wrong about this.  All I could think about was, "I'm married, and my husband is going out to sea for nine months when we get to Jacksonville."  I didn't really know anyone in Jacksonville.  I'd met a few of the wives in the squadron, but not many.  And, they had kids.  I didn't.

We made it to Jacksonville a week after our wedding day.  The next day, he left.  The end of my honeymoon was the beginning of my life as a navy wife.  This was the beginning of my life being married and on my own.  And, I was good at it.

So, a week after we kissed and said "I do," we kissed and said "good bye."  I adjusted very well to navy life.  I loved the freedom of being married, but on my own.  And, for the next 16 years of marriage I was on my own, off and on.  Sometimes it was harder to have him home than it was to have him gone.

Now, I don't like him gone.  I miss him.  So, that is how this week began.  And, I had a crummy migraine to match my crummy mood.  And, the migraine lasted for three days.  I had to take Monday off work because of it.  I didn't want to do this, but I didn't have a choice.  Ouch.  I'm going to blame this headache on Tamoxifen, just because I hate Tamoxifen and blame all evil in the world on Tamoxifen, but... it may have been the heat.  Who knows?

Anyway, the week didn't start out well.  Then I wrote the post about money.  I'm thinking, I shouldn't have done that.  This post fell flat.  Seriously.  I lost 20 fb friends.  Seriously.  I don't know why I let things like fb and whether or not my posts resonate with people effect how I feel about myself, but sometimes I do.  Btw, I'm going to blame this on Tamoxifen, too.  Anyway, I was kind of proud of the money post.  Yet, hardly anyone else seemed to "like" it.  Maybe I'm out of style.  Maybe I'm behind the times.  Maybe I'm just DOING IT wrong, when it comes to money.  Any of the ways you look at it...  I started feeling down.

So, I gave myself a little pity party yesterday and tried to get over it.  I'm almost over it.

This weekend I will freeze tomatoes for winter use.  I will freeze peaches for winter sunshine.  I will make pickles.  And, I'm going to load up my eBay page with items to sell.  I'm going to get back to myself and do what makes me feel good about myself.  Maybe I'll take a few pics and share them with you.  Maybe.

The Sunsphere

R-E-$-P-E-C-T

How do you 'respect' money???

This was a question put to me on fb in response to a comment I made on this particular status:   "The answer to true wealth and abundance isn't hard work, as if it was we would all be rich already"

I commented that it would helpful to respect money.  Now, I know true wealth and abundance isn't all about money.  This was just one comment made in a discussion about making money, acquiring wealth, and just generally, getting more money in your life. There are christian colleges online which offer degrees for that! The poster then responded with the question at the beginning of this post.  How do you respect money?
  
I guess I shouldn't be surprised at the question.  I see dollar bills crumpled on the floor in my son's bedroom.  I keep a piggy bank in my laundry room to collect the coins accumulating on the bottom of my washer.  I LOVE vacuuming the couch and finding all the coins in the cushions.  If I see a penny on the ground, I pick it up.  BONUS!!!

How do I respect money?
  
First of all, I take care of my money.  I keep my bills in my wallet neatly and arranged in denominations.  I keep my coins in a change-purse.  I empty the change-purse into a box on my dresser at night.  (my husband empties his pocket-change into this same box)  You may think this sounds compulsive, but I know how much money I have in my wallet.  I know how much money I'm carrying.  If you don't care for the ACTUAL bills and coins, do you know how much money you have on you at any given time? 

Additionally, I think about money in a positive way.  Please don't confuse this with the worship of money.  I don't worship money, I respect it.  Money is a tool.  A very useful tool.  And, it's a tool EVERYONE uses.  (Ok, I've heard about the moneyless blogger who lives in a cave and doesn't have any use for money.  I don't want to live like him.)  So, what do I mean by respecting money by thinking of it in a positive way?  
Here are some common disrespectful thoughts about money:

• Money - root of all evil
• Money - easy come, easy go
• Rich people - greedy, selfish and unscrupulous
• Poverty is virtuous
• Having money will make me (see above *Rich people)

I believe the opposite of these disrespectful thoughts about money.  The first thought, money, the root of all evil, is a misquote from The Bible.  It is the LOVE of money at the root of all evil, not the money itself.  Money is not easy to get.  Most of us have to work for it.  Is money easy to spend?  Sure, but who is in control of this?  I am.  I decide how easily my money goes.  I do not think people are greedy, selfish and unscrupulous because they have money.  I think people have those traits because this is who they are, with or without money.  Just as there are generous, philanthropic, law-abiding poor (or middle-class) people, there are generous, philanthropic, law-abiding rich people.  Poverty is not a virtue.  I'm not sure where this thought comes from, but I'm guessing it may be from The Bible as well.  I remember a parable about the Widow's Mite.  I don't believe Jesus was lauding her poverty, I believe he was lauding her generous spirit.  Having money will not change my personality.  It will not change my personality any more than losing or gaining weight changes a person's personality.  You are who you are.  Money will change your opportunities, not you.

Respecting money goes hand in hand with the respect you have for yourself and your loved ones.  Taking care of your physical money can be equated to caring for your physical body.  Don't overspend or overeat.  Don't exercise to body failure or spend money until it is all gone.  Don't leave it crumpled on the floor or falling out of your pants pocket.  Keep it safe, as you would keep your physical body safe.  Knowing how much money you have can be equated with knowing where your children are going when they leave the house.  (or at least knowing how many children you have. :))

Respecting money also requires saving money for the future.  You plan to care for your children until they are grown and ready to care for themselves, right?  You don't just birth them and say, "that's it, you're on their own now."  No, you plan for their future care and maybe even their education.  If you respect yourself, you will pay yourself first.  This is called saving.

Finally, respecting money also involves being generous with money.  Money likes to work for people.  Be generous with your money, just as you are generous with your time, energy, smiles, and advise.  Don't be afraid of giving to the less fortunate.  Money circulates.  When you give to those in need, money will find it's way back to you. 

I'm not going to elaborate on investing and making your money work for you in this post.  I think if the question is, "How do you respect money?" you may not be ready for investment advise.  Take care of your money, let it go out once in a while, know how much you have, don't waste or lose it.  This is my definition of having respect for money.

News flash!!!  My husband called me just as I was about to submit this post to tell me a story about my son and his character.  My son went to a neighborhood pizza restaurant for lunch, today, with some of his buddies.  They went into the backroom arcade area to play games and my son found a great deal of money stacked on the air hockey table.  It was several thousand dollars.  He gathered the money and carried ALL OF IT to the manager's office.  The manager, surprised and sheepishly, said this money was all the receipts from yesterday's business.  Even though my son is not yet what the world considers "successful" when it comes to money, my son has integrity and honesty regarding money.  I believe these character traits will serve him well in life. 

Evidently, money knows when you're talking about her.   :)

My great expectations

I have great expectations.  Yes I do.  I'm learning to stop having them, but it's a hard habit to give up.  I've been working on this part of my personality.  It's something I've been hurt by more than once.  My great expectations of others doing what they say they will do.  Or people doing the "right thing."  Since I am such a beautiful princess it's taking me a long time to learn this new trick.

Maybe my great expectations are similar to projection?  I just assume if someone says they will do something or follow through on some action, they will do what they say.  I don't assume they are lying to me.  And this is where I often run into trouble.  There are a lot of people out there telling me what I want to hear.  Just saying the "right thing."  In the minds of these people, this is not considered a lie.  They are just appeasing me.  They are getting me off their back, so to speak.

I'm sitting here thinking about how and why this has been my experience.  The folks coming to my mind are people like:  my son, fellow committee members, members of a bible study, and "friends."

Ok, my son does this to me to get me off his back, period.  He will look me straight in the face and lie to me.  Even when the lie is so obvious.  I've come to learn it is more of a "f-off" than a deception.  I'm learning to avoid being lied to, by him, by not confronting him on just about everything.  Instead, if it is important to me, I ask my husband to speak with him.  For some reason my son can hear things from him in a different way.  I'm hoping, in time, my son will learn to hear me differently.  I think, to my son, my voice immediately sounds like a nag or accusation to him.  I'm trying to be more positive and look for successes in his life.  I'm trying to say the positive things out loud.  For now, I've been much more successful in avoiding the negative by saying nothing at all.  If you look at this mathematically, I'm making a 100% improvement.  However, I'm seeking a greater improvement.

Now, the expectations I have for fellow committee members (on the HOA).  Hmmm.  How shall I begin?  My expectations have been for these folks to do the action items they are assigned at each meeting.  These are my spoken expectations.  I also have unspoken expectation, but I am smart enough to know these will not be met.  One of my unspoken expectations is for the president of the board to have an agenda for each monthly meeting.  This has never happened.  This WILL never happen.  However, my spoken expectation is for action items to be completed in the month between meetings.  I am building some very solid resentments in this area against some people serving on the board.  This is my problem.  I'm thinking, as I write, about how to remedy this problem.  I think people run (board members are elected by the neighborhood) for a position on the board for different reasons.  Some run to improve the neighborhood.  Some enjoy service.  Some want to preside over a "kingdom."  Some do it to see how popular they are.  Some do it to be compensated their HOA fees.  See, all different reasons.  When I first came to the board, I thought it was JUST to improve the neighborhood.  Now I know better.  When I think of the different reasons to be on an HOA board, I can see why action items can slide WAY DOWN the priority list for these people.  I may not be happy about it, but I can now understand it.

The expectations for members of a bible study or any other social/study club are similar to the above.  And my take away from the bad experience is this; people will tell you what you want to hear.  Even if they are Christians and not supposed to lie to your face.  When members say a study is going to begin on Sept. 16th, I have learned it was my bad for thinking this would be the date the study would begin.  I had agreed to continue in a study with women, some of whom were downright difficult, because I had "done the math" and figured I would have to endure only three lessons.  Because my home was the study venue, I didn't want to leave them in a lurch.  However, in their "kindness" toward me, they postponed the beginning of the study so I would not miss ANY of it.  *thanks*  I guess I brought this great expectation on myself.  *shame on me*  I should have told them I no longer felt comfortable with this group.

Now, the great expectation I have for friends.  Here's the thing.  I think I use the word friends too loosely.  I should be using the word acquaintances.  These are the folks happy to be my friend when I'm available to them, agree with them, or do what they would like me to do.  They don't have any use for me when I have my own desires or opinions.  
 
My take-away from this exercise is to not have any expectations of others.  If they do what they say they will do, great.  If they don't do what they say they will do, fine.  If I REALLY need to have follow-through on a task I need to be willing to do it myself.  Since dependability is my middle name this is a tough lesson for me to learn.  And, even as I think about it right now, maybe I have my own issues.  Maybe I take things too literally?  Maybe this is my personality type struggle?  I've learned the only person I can change is myself.  Let the growth begin.

You Might Be From Chicago If

I got this email from my brother-in-law who lives in Aurora, IL.  I usually delete his emails immediately, because he only sends forwards.  I can't stand forwards.  But the subject line caught my attention because I Am From Chicago.

By the way... all the items listed below are true.

1. The "living room" is called the "front room."
2. You don't pronounce the "s" at the end of Illinois. You become irate at people who do.
3. You measure distance in minutes (especially "from the city"). And you swear everything is pretty much 1/2 hour away.
4. You have no problem spelling or pronouncing "Des Plaines."
5. You go to visit friends or family down south and laugh when they complain about the traffic.
6. You understand that no person from Chicago can be a Cub fan AND a White Sox fan.
7. It's "Kitty corner" not "Katty corner."
8. You know the difference between The Loop and Downtown
9. You eat your pizza in squares, not triangles, and you never refer to it as "pie"
10. You own celery salt
11. You understand that the primary is the official local election.
12. You have drunk green beer on St. Paddy's Day
13. Stores don't have sacks, they have bags.
14. You end your sentences with an unnecessary preposition. Example: "Where's my coat at?" or "Can I go with?"
15. Your idea of a great tenderloin is when the meat is twice as big as the bun, "everything" is on it and a slice of dill pickle is on the side.
16. You carry jumper cables in your car.
17. You drink "pop."
18. You understand that I-290, I-90, I-94, and I-294 are all different roads.
19. You know the names of the interstates: Stevenson, Kennedy,Eisenhower,Dan Ryan, and the Edens
20. But you call the interstates "expressways."
21. You refer to anything south of I-80 as "Southern or Central Illinois."
22. You refer to Lake Michigan as "The Lake."
23. You refer to Chicago as "The City"
24. "The Super Bowl" refers to one specific game in January 1986.
25. You have two favorite football teams: The Bears, and anyone who beats the Packers.
26. You buy "The Trib" and not the Tribune.
27. You know that despite being on the lake, there is no such place as the Waterfront.
28. You think 45 degrees is great weather to wash your car.
29. You picnic or ride your bike in the "forest preserve"
30. You cried when Bozo was canceled on WGN.
31.You know what goes on a Chicago style hot dog.
32. You know what Chicago Style Pizza REALLY is.
33. You know why they call Chicago "The Windy City."
34. You understand what "lake-effect" means
35. You know the difference between Amtrak and Metra, and know which station they end up at.
37. You have ridden the "L."
38. You think your next-door neighbor is a cousin to Tony Soprano.
39. You can distinguish between the following area codes: 847,630,773,708,312, & 815.
40. You have at some time in your life, used your furniture or a friend's body to guard your parking spot in winter
41. You respond to the question "Where are you from" with a "side." Example: "West Side," "South Side" or "North Side."
42. You know the phone number to Empire Carpet!
43. You know what a garache-key is!

If you have any questions regarding the above list, do not hesitate to ask me about it in the comments or email.  I'm happy to share my Chicagoness with you.

Three blogs I love

I would like to share three blogs I love.  These are blogs the make me smile when my dashboard tells me they've posted a new post.  They are popular.  Super popular.  So, I'm sure many of you have heard of them before.  But, in case you haven't.  Please, to enjoy.

Walk Slowly, Live Wildly, by Sara Janssen

This is how Sara describes herself:  Daughter of the Almighty. Wife. Mama. Sister. Friend. Traveler. Unschooler. Photographer. Tea drinker. Reader. Knowledge seeker. Google lover. Kitchen dweller. Hooper. Dreamer. Leader. Homebirther. Breastfeeder. Lover of life.

The Janssen's are a family on the move.  When I found this blog they were traveling the country in an RV.  Sara introduced me to green smoothies and encourages me in minimalism.  She takes pretty pics and seems to be a very grounded young mom of two.  I believe she is preparing to go back out on the road.  If you've never checked out Sara's blog you are in for a treat.

whatever, by Meg Duerksen

 Meg named her blog after the verse in Philippians 4:8, Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.  It's not the flippant, "whatever" you get from your kid.  Meg has five children.  5!  This is one full house.  Meg blogs about her life, but it's not just a mommy blog.  She sews.  She's stylish.  She's an advocate for Africa.  And she lives a REAL life.  Oh yeah, she takes pretty pictures, too.  If you check out Meg's blog you are in for a treat.  She has posts like this.

 Farmgirl Paints, by Becky Strahle

This is how Becky describe herself:  My life's journey so far has led me to marry my high school sweetheart. We've been married for 18 years, have 2 beautiful little girls and a furry creature named Fergie. My painting style is very simple, colorful and almost childlike. I grew up in rural Illinois hence, "Farmgirl Paints". I get my creative inspiration from God. It is only through His giftings that I have any ability whatsoever

Becky writes about her family, her faith and takes pretty pictures.  I love the way she sounds so mid-west to me and makes me feel like we are friends even though we've never met.  I have to share this, Becky is the blogger that spurred my to blogging regularly.  She left a comment on my blog saying it was too bad I wasn't still blogging.  It changed the way I felt about writing.  She is an artist and crafter and I LOVE seeing what she's going to be up to next.  She's moving to my area of the country.  So, maybe I'll get to meet her some time.

You may notice all three of these bloggers are women.  All are moms.  All are Christians.  And they all take pretty pictures.  I guess I didn't give you a large variety, but they are three of my favorites.  I hope you like them, too.

And, I didn't win the trip to North Carolina.  I came in second.  I'm ok with this.  :)