Things are changing around me. I know life is constantly changing. Nothing stays the same. You cannot step into the same river twice. "Change brings opportunity." "We all have big changes in our lives that are more or less a second chance." "If we don't change, we don't grow. If we don't grow, we aren't really living." "It's the most unhappy people who fear change." "Just when I think I have learned to live life, it changes." "Change is inevitable - except from a vending machine."
Thank you, old Native American, Nido Qubein, Harrison Ford, Gail Sheehy, Mignon McLaughlin, Hugh Prathner, and Robert C. Gallagher, for words of wisdom on change.
I especially enjoyed the one reminding me "It is the most unhappy people who fear change." Wow. Thanks for that! I admit it. I'm a bit scared of the changes happening in my life right now. Remember me, I'm the girl who likes a plan. Let me tell you, the plan has all gone to hell. I know, I know...Mentsch tracht, Gott lacht (man plans, God laughs). I trust God. I know God has the real plan for my life. Today, everything seems just out of my grasp. I can't put my fingers on the changes going on around me. I'm not in control. I've always known I'm not in control, but sometimes it feels like you have some control and then you start to believe you are in control and this is what has, kinda, happened to me in a lot of parts of my life.
This is over for me. I have no control. My son, although still living at home, is taking a class. In the past, this has not worked well for him, but he's giving it another try. I have to trust he will put forth effort this time. Trust. My husband is making decisions for his future. These plans include me, but he's in control of when he decides to do whatever it is he decides to do, not me. There will be change. It is inevitable. I need to trust my husband to do the right thing. I need to trust my son to do the right thing.
What is the Right Thing? I'll tell you what I think the right thing is. The right thing is what I want them to do. However, and this is hard to type, the right thing may NOT be the thing I want them to do. This is a scary thought. This is where trust comes in. I may think the right thing for my son is to work hard in his class and get an A. I'm encouraging him to go to class and do the work, but I can't do it for him. I wish I could, but I can't. I may think the right thing for my husband to do is to stay right where he is in his employment. Tough it out. However, my husband's plan for his future may be the best thing. I have to trust his good sense and knowledge of himself and the love he has for his family and keeping us secure. Trust.
Finally, I need to trust I am in God's will and in the middle of his plan. Yep, I said finally. Why this comes to me at last instead of first is part of my problem. For some reason, I have the idea that I am NOT in the middle of God's plan if I'm not in complete obedience to God. Well, I'm not completely obedient. I haven't been to church the past two Sundays. I don't read my bible every day. I don't confess my sins every day. I cuss. I break almost all the Commandments. I know God's love for me is big, but so are consequences of disobedience. I'm consequence phobic. I don't mind doing the crime, but I don't want to do the time. (Baretta, old tv show) Here's the other problem I have with trusting God's plan. Sometimes God's plan isn't even CLOSE to what I would like. Sometimes it's 180 degrees out. This scares me, too. Trust.
There is no way around trust. I have to trust people other than myself. I have to trust my husband. I have to trust my son. I have to trust God. I guess I'm lucky, even though I don't feel lucky just now. All the people I am being put in the position to trust, love me. They all love me a LOT. And, I love them. Now all I have to do is act like I love them and show them I trust them.
I trust you to make the best decision for our family, honey.
I trust you to do well and make an effort, sweetie.
I trust you, God. I really do.
Thank you, old Native American, Nido Qubein, Harrison Ford, Gail Sheehy, Mignon McLaughlin, Hugh Prathner, and Robert C. Gallagher, for words of wisdom on change.
I especially enjoyed the one reminding me "It is the most unhappy people who fear change." Wow. Thanks for that! I admit it. I'm a bit scared of the changes happening in my life right now. Remember me, I'm the girl who likes a plan. Let me tell you, the plan has all gone to hell. I know, I know...Mentsch tracht, Gott lacht (man plans, God laughs). I trust God. I know God has the real plan for my life. Today, everything seems just out of my grasp. I can't put my fingers on the changes going on around me. I'm not in control. I've always known I'm not in control, but sometimes it feels like you have some control and then you start to believe you are in control and this is what has, kinda, happened to me in a lot of parts of my life.
This is over for me. I have no control. My son, although still living at home, is taking a class. In the past, this has not worked well for him, but he's giving it another try. I have to trust he will put forth effort this time. Trust. My husband is making decisions for his future. These plans include me, but he's in control of when he decides to do whatever it is he decides to do, not me. There will be change. It is inevitable. I need to trust my husband to do the right thing. I need to trust my son to do the right thing.
What is the Right Thing? I'll tell you what I think the right thing is. The right thing is what I want them to do. However, and this is hard to type, the right thing may NOT be the thing I want them to do. This is a scary thought. This is where trust comes in. I may think the right thing for my son is to work hard in his class and get an A. I'm encouraging him to go to class and do the work, but I can't do it for him. I wish I could, but I can't. I may think the right thing for my husband to do is to stay right where he is in his employment. Tough it out. However, my husband's plan for his future may be the best thing. I have to trust his good sense and knowledge of himself and the love he has for his family and keeping us secure. Trust.
Finally, I need to trust I am in God's will and in the middle of his plan. Yep, I said finally. Why this comes to me at last instead of first is part of my problem. For some reason, I have the idea that I am NOT in the middle of God's plan if I'm not in complete obedience to God. Well, I'm not completely obedient. I haven't been to church the past two Sundays. I don't read my bible every day. I don't confess my sins every day. I cuss. I break almost all the Commandments. I know God's love for me is big, but so are consequences of disobedience. I'm consequence phobic. I don't mind doing the crime, but I don't want to do the time. (Baretta, old tv show) Here's the other problem I have with trusting God's plan. Sometimes God's plan isn't even CLOSE to what I would like. Sometimes it's 180 degrees out. This scares me, too. Trust.
There is no way around trust. I have to trust people other than myself. I have to trust my husband. I have to trust my son. I have to trust God. I guess I'm lucky, even though I don't feel lucky just now. All the people I am being put in the position to trust, love me. They all love me a LOT. And, I love them. Now all I have to do is act like I love them and show them I trust them.
I trust you to make the best decision for our family, honey.
I trust you to do well and make an effort, sweetie.
I trust you, God. I really do.
Oh change is so hard for me!! I know I have no control over what happens in my life but it's still so hard for me.
ReplyDeletehang in there. you're doing a great job communicating the angst and keeping the lines open. I love the fact that God is so very forgiving and patient with all of us. Yes, even you miss happy girl. He loves you soo much and desires for His desires to be ours. easy said, hard done. Trust is tricky.. there are many times I'm still in the kindergarten class for it, but gotta keep reminding myself God loves me. He's never ever failed me..and i'm sure He's not going to.
ReplyDeleteGive your momma an extra hug from me when u see her, thanks.
Wow- so perfectly stated.... I feel like I am contantly going over this same thing....
ReplyDelete-Shelly
Hi Shelly. Bill told me you were reading me. Thanks. :)
DeleteI want to accept that I have no control over anything. I want to accept that I'm clueless. Many times I think that I know everything and that I know what's best for me, but God is the only one who knows what's best! And I want to say that every time that I don't get what I want, I get something better. It might not seem like that in the beginning, it might seem like I'm getting something worse, but eventually, I realize that it was the best thing.
ReplyDeleteit is def hard to relinquish that control...i have struggled with that all my life...the times when i get it and do...great things happen...i dunno why that does not make it easier the next time you know...
ReplyDeleteYep, I feel this same way. Trust is a four letter word to me today (yes, I know that means I'm spelling it "trus") but that's about how messed up I am on this one today! Your words cut to the bone. I need to trust God and others more. Thanks for the loving kick in the pants! :)
ReplyDeleteWhat you describe, about not being in control - I'm living that - and it feels like when I'm on an inner tube at the beach, waiting for the wave - and I'm in control until the wave hits - then that feeling of being out of control, how it feels in the pit of your stomach, kind of like your flying in water and all you can do is have faith that you will not drown - holding on tight until that wave has run its course - I feel that way!
ReplyDeleteBTW - what is it with boys who don't want to do their work? 2 of 5 sons is that way - but now the soldier son, he works hard on his military classes.
I'm in that wave of no control with you!
i keep telling him this, every minute of the day, as though to convince myself: "i trust you Lord."
ReplyDeleteDoes anyone ever get to the point where we can totally trust God, I mean completely? It's tough isn't it? So glad you're working on it. I need to work harder in that area too.
ReplyDeleteOh boy do I know how you feel here. I have found I have to let people make their own choices whether they be wrong or right. I can give my opinion but they will resent me later if I always try to make the choices for them. Besides that it stunts their self esteem. I used to always want to make everyone's choices for them so they did the right things (in my eyes).
ReplyDeleteI've always known I'm not in control, but sometimes it feels like you have some control and then you start to believe you are in control and this is what has, kinda, happened to me in a lot of parts of my life
I do this too. Mostly because I want to feel safe and secure. If I can control something it makes me feel like I can handle the other things that won't go well. Praying for you friend! :D
I trust that my Higher Power will be there for me and give me the strength to make actions that are right. Trying to control others is like playing God--it doesn't work.
ReplyDelete