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Monday, July 18, 2011

OK, I'm totally blowing it today

Some days I just wake up on the wrong side of the bed.  Some days I just feel like everyone in my path is bothering me.  Some days I just want to crawl back under the covers and start over.  Today is one of those days.  I need a do-over.  I think this very bad horrible day may have started yesterday afternoon.  I think it may have started when I began a project for my husband.  I project I conceived in love, but soon took a dark turn.  I know he wasn't angry or frustrated with me.  But there was some frustration being vented and I was the only one in the room.  :(

Anyway, this isn't the only factor contributing to my "bad day."  My house is a mess.  I still haven't sorted everything out from my vacation.  I still have a few things strewn about my bedroom floor.  I haven't finished all the laundry.  I have a messy kitchen.  I wanted to make pickles this weekend and I didn't get it done.  I wanted to make charred tomato sauce, but I didn't get THAT done either.  I did get a bushel of peaches in the freezer and I did make the memory book for my mil.  (this was the cause for some of the frustration, but we will just leave this alone for now)  For some reason clutter and mess in my house has a tendency to make me NUTS.  For some reason I think I need to accomplish EVERY task I assign myself or else I'm a complete failure.  I am very hard on myself and it effects how I feel in my body.  I actually feel unsettled.  I'm not doing my best at work, because I'm thinking about my messy house.  I know, this does not sound normal.  I'm a freak.

I don't enjoy feeling this way and I'm absolutely sure my co-workers and others I've made contact with today don't enjoy it.  I wonder if any of these unsettled feelings have anything to do with Tamoxifen?  You know, I'll bet they do.  I'll bet a lot of this "uncomfortableness" I'm feeling has to do with side effects of Tamoxifen.  I wish there was some sort of signal or pattern to the days when my lack of estrogen will make me act MEAN to anyone crossing me.

So, to any fb friends, bloggers or customer service personnel I may have been short or snarky to.  I'm sorry.  Just remember, God gives moms lots of estrogen so they can love those screaming, demanding, dirty little babies and think of them as cherubic darlings.  I don't have any estrogen.  I have to use my *sparkling* personality.  (which today, was sorely lacking)

This has been a stream of consciousness emergency, if it had been an actual emergency you would have been instructed where to tune in your area for news and official information.

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16 comments:

  1. LynnJuly 18, 2011 at 3:14 PM

    You are being very hard on yourself, happygirl.  That tidying will work itself out.  And all that peach and mil love projects sound pretty time consuming.  I'll bet that Tamoxifen has a lot to do with how you are feeling. 

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  2. cheryl @ finding the beautyJuly 18, 2011 at 3:21 PM

    You are totally not a freak. I get that way if my house feels out of whack. I think that's completely normal. Or maybe we're both just freaks.
    I know we aren't in the same stage in life, but I hope this post is helpful.
    http://wimberlys.blogspot.com/2011/02/one-of-those-days.html

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  3. happygirlJuly 18, 2011 at 4:03 PM

    Thanks.  I guess it's the weird feeling I have in my body (kinda like my skin isn't my own) that really makes it hard to cope.  I wish my dinner table looked like the one in your post.  It NEVER did.  And it STILL doesn't.  :)

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  4. happygirlJuly 18, 2011 at 4:03 PM

    I needed this.  :)

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  5. smoothstonesJuly 18, 2011 at 4:14 PM

    You should come check out my house. It would make you feel so much more on top of things. Want me to take you some pictures?

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  6. TerrieGJuly 18, 2011 at 5:22 PM

    Freak, party of 2 your reservation is ready!  Must be the week?  Had a weekend that sounded just like this.  Unfortunately...it was the first 3 days of our vacation.  NOTHING has gone right...so snarky it is.  Trying real hard not to take it out on family....let's just say...there have been tears on my part.  Looking forward to a better 3 days!  Hoping yours is better soon...and I think that we are both too hard on ourselves.  I know that is what my family tells me.  Gotta love them!  Hugs to you!

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  7. happygirlJuly 18, 2011 at 6:03 PM

    I hope the next 3 days are SO much better.  Just knowing you're on vacay, I'm praying for stress-free FUN.

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  8. happygirlJuly 18, 2011 at 6:06 PM

    Ok ok everyone.  I'm not fishing here.  I'm just stating the facts as they are at this moment.  We all know we women can be hard on ourselves.  That's a given.  Thanks for all the well wishes, but this kinda makes me sound like I was fishing, when what I'm doing is confessing.

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  9. terriegJuly 18, 2011 at 7:44 PM

    Me too!  I'm trying to adjust my expectations...let's just say I have a blog draft in the makings! :)  Story @ 11  :)

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  10. brianJuly 18, 2011 at 10:29 PM

    sorry you had a bad day...i hope that it has gotten better...mine was a bit brutal too...but getting better by the minute...

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  11. FlowerpowermommaJuly 19, 2011 at 12:37 AM

    I identify with the clutter-and-mess-crazy syndrome. I can get rather gritchy when it gets out of hand. My boss doesn't share that syndrome. In fact hers seems to be  she functions better in chaos. ack!!!! This is another reason I work part-time. : )
    Here's hoping those bits of chaos will stop 'hollering' at you and give you the peace you deserve.

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  12. happygirlJuly 19, 2011 at 8:59 AM

    Gritchy.  What a wonderful word.  :)

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  13. happygirlJuly 19, 2011 at 8:59 AM

     :)

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  14. happygirlJuly 19, 2011 at 9:01 AM

    Oh, I never compare myself to others.  I know I'm a freak.  It's just sometimes my own freakiness gets me down.

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  15. BevJuly 19, 2011 at 3:04 PM

    ah, true confession time...good for the soul, cleansing...
    we all have days like this, TRUST ME on that one...i don't have any estrogen either...
    xo

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  16. Annie VincentJuly 19, 2011 at 10:28 PM

    Anything I say here  can and will be used against me in a court of blogging, so I plead the 5th.  Gritchy is a great new word, by the way.    Live long and prosper!  :)  

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