Week 5 of yoga :(

I didn't do week 5.  I am a quitter.  I'm feeling pretty low about this.  I started out, as I start almost everything, with the best of intentions.  And then I quit.  I haven't done a yoga practice in a week.  I haven't meditated in two weeks.  I did do the three day fruit feast in week four, but... I still view myself as a quitter.

I have learned something in this 40 days of yoga.  I learned I don't like yoga very much.  It's MUCH harder than people say it is.  I really had a difficult time with it.  I may give it another shot, but not in the very near future.  I actually have a few days left before the program is over.  I do have an opportunity to take a yoga class or two.  I have another Wednesday night class available to attend.  And, then there is the Celebration on Friday.  I don't feel as if I deserve to go to the celebration.  I didn't do the program completely.  In fact, if you put my participation in the program into percentages, I was most likely under 50%.  I tried, but failed.

Now, I know in any program like this you get out of it what you put into it.  I have to say, I know MUCH more about yoga and meditation and myself than I knew before I started the 40 day program.  I learned things about myself that were a little hard to face.  I also got motivated.  During this program I worked a lot harder at clearing the clutter in my home.  I also went to the gym more regularly.  I was faithful in writing my blog.  And, I did look into my reactive ways of acting and thinking.  And, I learned I don't have to be that way.  I can take a breath.  I can stop and think.  It takes practice, but it can be done. 

You know, now that I'm thinking back on this, I did get something out of this program.  I believe it was in week two I was able to forgive a long held hurt and move forward.  And, I have felt a lot more comfortable about my job.  In fact, just last week I was asked to do something that is REALLY not my job to do.  And, I didn't know how to do it.  I was proud of myself for telling my boss I DIDN'T know how to do what he was asking, not because I'm not smart, but because it isn't my job to do that particular function of the job.  Instead of saying yes and making myself NUTS trying to figure out what to do.  No shame, just the facts.  So, maybe I got something out of yoga.  Certainly not the ability to do vinyasa  flow yoga, but to try something new.  Try something I'm not good at doing.  Take a risk.  But, I still think I'm a quitter.  Darn it.